Global Warming Fun 5: It’s a Dry Heat

by Gary J. Davies

PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY APPROACH THE AIRFIELD. THE FLYING CARS DON'T PHYSICALLY NEED AN AIRPORT BUT THEY ARE REGULATED TO USE THIS ONE."

  "SOUNDS LIKE AN IMPRACTICALLY LONG COMMUTE," said Ed. "BUT AS YOU HAVE POINTED OUT HUMANS ARE NOT ALWAYS LOGICAL AND PRACTICAL."

  After eating a brief dinner together in their rooms Mary went back to sleep while Ed worried about her. Daily she was definitely slowing down and getting weaker. Even simply riding within the comfort of Mack was becoming too much for her. This trip had been a huge mistake; he should have kept her home at Giants' Rest. In a few more days however, after spending a few days on the coast and resting among the redwoods, they would head home where she could recuperate.

  Would she be able to recuperate? Even before this trip she had been getting steadily weaker. Ed didn't want to think about it. She would get stronger; she had to! Leaving Mack to watch over Mary, Ed headed to the lounge on the ground floor, where the others were hopefully discussing things other than Mary.

  "Mary and I need to get to the big trees and the ocean and soon finish our vacation." Ed announced. "Not that we don't love it here in California, of course."

  "Yes, we've been talking about it," said Snake. "With one long day of driving we can be in the midst of the redwoods, if Mary's up to it."

  "I think that will work," said Ed. "She can nap most of the way, especially if the ride is smooth and relatively straight."

  "Will your jant friends allow it?" asked Snake. "Have you spoken with them lately?"

  "There are jant colonies throughout the North," said Ken. "Perhaps you could come to some sort of accommodation with them and avoid further trouble."

  "It's worth a try," said Doll.

  "We need the intelligence," added Mara. "They doubtless already know where we are. Ken has persuaded us that there is nothing to lose by trying. I don't want to wake up some morning covered in a gazillion jants."

  "I also don't want to piss them off even more," said Ed, "but I suppose you're right. OK, just let me sit here undisturbed for a while and I'll do what I can."

  Ed closed his eyes and reached outwards mentally. There were hundreds of nearby humans and small animals with emotions that obscured his telepathic search but he was used to blocking out and seeing past such interference. Yes, there was a large jant colony less than a mile distant that soon became aware of his probing.

  Of course these local jants at first had no idea who he was. Ed waited patiently for them to access distant colonies and for them to reallocate their cognitive resources for human contact with the Hive Collective. "HELLO JANT CLAN LEADER ED RUMSFELD," came the clear thought from them at last. "WE EXPECTED TO NEXT CONTACT YOU IN MENDOCINO."

  "SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU," said Ed. "I REALIZE THAT YOU EXPEND SIGNIFICANT RESOURCES TO CONVERSE WITH ME." He knew that many millions of jants were involved in the conversation, though it probably didn't disrupt jant physical activities very much. Individual jants supported colony cognition without disturbing the hard-wired chemically driven activities necessary for colony survival that were ingrained in their ant bodies through tens of millions of years of evolution.

  "HAVE YOU BEEN RECONSIDERING YOUR OPPOSITION TO US?" they asked.

  "YES I AM TRYING TO," said Ed. "IT IS HIGHLY ADVISABLE THAT JANTS AND HUMANS ACCOMMODATE EACH OTHER AND LIVE IN HARMONY."

  "COOPERATION IMPROVES EFFICIENCY," the jants agreed. "YET MANY HUMANS STILL REFUSE COOPERATION. WORLD-WIDE MANY JANTS AND JANT COLONIES ARE DAILY ATTACKED BY HUMANS. SELECTIVE CONTROL OF HUMANS IS REQUIRED BY US TO HELP HUMANS ACHIEVE SATISFACTORY TREATY COMPLIANCE."

  "YOUR CONTROL OF HUMANS IS UNSATISFACTORY AND HIGHLY REPUGNANT TO US," said Ed. "A BETTER WAY IS NECESSARY."

  "THE TREATY SAYS THAT HUMANS ARE TO AID JANT SURVIVAL IN ALL HUMAN ENVIRONMENTS SUCH AS IN THE DESERTS TO THE SOUTH. THIS HAS NOT BEEN DONE. IT IS A SEVERE TREATY VIOLATION THAT CAN NOT BE TOLERATED."

  "YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE HUMANS MORE AWARE OF THE VIOLATION SO THAT IT COULD BE ADDRESSED BY US," countered Ed. "THE LEADERS OF THE STORMTROOPER CONFEDERACY NOW CONCEDE THAT JANTS WILL BE ALLOWED TO LIVE IN THEIR LANDS BUT ONLY ON THE CONDITION THAT JANT CONTROL OF HUMANS IN CALIFORNIA USING TICKS IS STOPPED. JANTS WILL BE TOLERATED AND AIDED ONLY IF JANT CONTROL OF HUMANS THROUGH TICKS IS STOPPED."

  There was a pause as hundreds of interconnected hive-minds collectively considered what Ed had told them. "YOUR SOLUTION IS GENERALLY ACCEPTABLE," they at last said. "BUT CAN HUMANS ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU SUGGEST? WE HAVE SERIOUS DOUBTS."

  Ed discussed it with Snake and the others and ordered a mug of beer before replying. "SNAKE PLEDGES THAT WITHIN ONE YEAR HE CAN CHANGE HUMAN PRACTICES IN HIS CONFEDERACY TO COMPLY. HE NOTES HOWEVER THAT INDIVIDUAL HUMANS ARE VERY HARD TO CONTROL AND WILL OCCASIONALLY BREAK THIS AGREEMENT EVEN WITH STRINGENT HUMAN ENFORCEMENT."

  There was a pause of several seconds before the jants responded. "WE WILL KEEP THE AGREEMENT IN PROPORTION TO YOUR KEEPING OF THE AGREEMENT," the jants at last pronounced.

  That sounds fair, Ed felt. "DISCUSSIONS SUCH AS THIS IS HOW OUR PROBLEMS SHOULD BE ADDRESSED," he concluded. "OUR TREATIES MUST BE MAINTAINED BUT THAT REQUIRES CONTINUED HARD WORK, UNDERSTANDING, AND ADJUSTMENTS FROM BOTH HUMANS AND JANTS. THIS AGREEMENT WILL SAVE MANY JANT AND HUMAN LIVES. BUT WHAT OF MARY AND ME? WILL WE SURVIVE OUR VACATION?"

  "WE DO NOT CURRENTLY ANTICIPATE A NEED FOR YOUR TERMINATION BY US IN THE NEAR FUTURE," they answered.

  "SWELL," said Ed.

  "Does this mean we're safe from Scar?" Doll asked, after Ed opened his eyes, chugged down his waiting mug of beer, and explained the agreement.

  "Damned if I know for sure," admitted Ed. “Termination of Mary and myself is not anticipated soon, whatever that means. I took that to be good news. But they did somehow know that we were supposed to be in Mendocino. There might be an information leak someplace in our crew. Maybe Scar will show up yet.”

  "Good; I still want to kill that bastard," said Snake. "Haven't had me a good knife fight in months."

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