by Alexia Purdy
She snatched the bag from my fingers before grabbing my hand and tugging me up the steps to the gazebo’s benches. Instead of siting on one of them, she sat us right in the middle of the hexagon, on the floor, where she had spread a worn but clean flannel blanket.
“I brought us my favorite lemonade! The lemons are grown right here in the garden. Best lemonade in town. Janis taught me exactly how she makes it, but it tastes better when she does it.” She grinned, handing me a glass to hold while she poured out icy lemonade from a thermos.
I thanked her and sipped it, enjoying its sweet yet sharp taste. “Wow, that’s good. She definitely should set up a store and sell it. She’s missing out on a huge opportunity just giving it away.”
Star stopped what she was doing, a look of horror on her face.
“I’m kidding! It’s really good.” I grinned sheepishly as she threw me a glare. I sipped more just to get away from those sharp eyes.
“Okay, let’s eat!” She had the food spread out onto the plates they’d given me along with chopsticks. Everything was steaming hot and smelled amazing. She dug into the noodles, ravenous from the busy morning. I did the same, plucking a piece of chicken from my plate.
After a few minutes of stuffing our faces, I leaned back, washing down the food with the lemonade.
“Gideon?”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure thing, go for it.” Feeling full, I shifted to lie on my side, my head cradled in my hand.
“Have you ever killed anyone?”
I looked up at her, bewildered by the question. Not that I was afraid to answer her, it just felt out of place. “Um, you sure you want to know?”
She nodded. “Yes. I’m curious… how did it make you feel?”
I sat up again and looked at her, trying to get a read of her thoughts. Was she asking me to know what it felt like, or was she planning to kill someone and wanted to know how damning it would be?
“Well, to answer your first question, yes, I’ve killed. It felt like nothing I’d ever experienced before. It felt odd, as though it weren’t real, and it wasn’t me who pulled the trigger. When it happened, I didn’t feel much. You could say I was numb or in shock, maybe, but I didn’t really allow myself to think much of it. The nights were the worst. When I tried to rest, it all came rushing back, the horror of what I’d done, the faces of those people. Thoughts of who they were, how they lived, who they loved. It would haunt me. It haunts me still.”
She considered my answers, running them through her mind and processing her own thoughts. I wondered what was inside there; so many things I wanted to know. I hoped with all my soul that she would let me in one day and show me everything she cared for, loved, and treasured. I would do the same for her.
“If you could take it back, would you?” She studied my reaction, and I wondered what she was looking for.
“No, I wouldn’t,” I answered.
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open in an expression of surprise.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because if I hadn’t done those things, if I hadn’t done anything I’d ever done in my past, I wouldn’t be here, right now, in this moment. I would be dead, for each situation I was thrown into was one of life or death. I chose my life, and I would always choose mine if it was between me and those who wanted to kill me.”
“What about for someone you love? Would you die for them?”
I watched her expectant eyes, wondering if this inquisition would be a deal breaker for us. So far, there was no judgement or hatred behind her eyes, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t sway the way she felt in the future.
I hesitated, feeling self-conscious for the first time in ages. Licking my lips, I knew that if I lost her because of my past, it would be devastating.
“I would die for someone I loved. Like you, Star.” I kept my eyes focused on her as she listened.
She sat pensively for a few moments after I told her this. I forced myself to breathe, listening to the bird calls echoing through the dome of the greenhouse. I’d never felt such a peaceful yet lonely place. I could see why a person with too many dark demons simmering beneath their skin would come here for a slice of serenity. It was all so calming and soothing. No wonder Star loved it.
“I would too,” she finally answered. I looked up to find her smiling brightly at me.
“What would you do?”
“I would die for someone I loved, and I would kill for someone I loved too.”
I gave her an affirmative nod, relieved to hear her thoughts. I didn’t know what else to say but enjoyed her company, even in silence. She began to clear the food, closing the boxes back up and tossing them into the bag they’d come in. Setting her thermos to the side, she walked over to a trash bin and dumped the bag. I was on my feet when she returned to find me holding out a huge flower of some type, whose name evaded me. It’s large, brilliant orange-red petals swayed like a gown she might have worn.
“For you, Star-girl.” I handed it to her and watched her sniff its aroma before slipping it into her hair, tucking it into the strands until it stayed securely.
“Thank you. I love it.” Her hazel eyes flashed in my direction as her lips teased a smile. She was still in her work coveralls, but I’d never seen anyone who looked as amazing as her. I stepped forward, cupping her chin with my hand and looking into her hooded eyes.
“Star?”
“Yes, Gideon?” She was so close, the scent of the flower floated around us. Her soft lips beckoned me, and I couldn’t resist anymore. I pressed my lips to hers, the heat of her kiss igniting my heart like never before. She returned my kiss, parting her mouth as our lips grew hungrier, desperate for more. I held her tightly, but she suddenly pulled away.
“I don’t want to dirty your nice shirt.”
I laughed, pulling her closer again and wrapping my arms around her svelte body. “I want your kind of dirty,” I teased.
She gasped, feigning shock. “You’re dangerous, you know that?” She narrowed her eyes as she pressed closer to me. All my senses sparked with her proximity, craving her more and more.
“Am I? I don’t see how. You’re the one with all the weapons,” I said dreamily.
“I have no weapons,” she said, looking at me through her long lashes.
“You have the most powerful weapon in the world. I hope you don’t use it against me.”
Curious, she peered at me, perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“You have my heart in your hand, Star. That’s most dangerous weapon in the world, and I’ve given it to you.”
She flicked her eyes back and forth, a smile growing on her face. She pressed her lips to mine once more. I knew right then I would always love her. I needed her more than breath, and I’d fight to keep her safe. I knew she’d been hurt before, but I would never allow that to happen again. I hoped she knew I was in it all the way to the end of this adventure, no matter what.
Chapter Seventeen
Star
The roar of water filled my head as I blinked in the darkness. The pleasant scent of damp moss filled me up like an old friend. I was back in my cavern room high above the Glass Sky City, my sanctuary and home.
I turned in bed, coming face to face with a sleeping Gideon. He was shirtless, with my blanket draped over his lower body. It covered my middle just enough, but the heat from his body kept me warm against the cool cavern air. A soft glow of a light seeping in from a crack in the rocks far above lit the room with a dim, warm glow. I studied his face and wondered briefly what he was doing in my room, in my private space I’d shared with no one but Clyde since Megan had died.
I closed my eyes, banishing their faces from my mind.
My memory of the night before quickly returned. Gideon had told me about the danger he’d been in while rescuing me from Farlan. I’d known only a small piece of it; the risks he had taken had shocked me.
He was full of secrets as deep as the ones I h
eld inside. Somehow, we reflected one another. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. He’d caught me off-guard, sneaking into my heart and head without effort.
Lying next to him was sweet ecstasy. I didn’t want to move from my spot for risk of waking him. I wished we could be like that forever, but forever was a silly notion.
I focused my eyes back onto his face, finding him watching me quietly in the dim light. A smile formed on his lips, which I returned immediately. In the silence, I was utterly losing myself in his gorgeous dark eyes. I could fall fathoms deep into them and never want to resurface.
“Hello, Star-girl,” he whispered. I grinned at this, enjoying the term of endearment which used to dig at me. It no longer annoyed me; now, I wanted to hear him say it. It sounded safe in his mouth.
“Hi,” I answered, snuggling into his neck. “Good morning.”
“Is it morning already?” He flicked his wrist and checked his watch for the time. It lit up immediately. My eyes widened as I sat up in shock.
“Where did you get that?”
“The watch?”
“Yes.”
“This was from your father.”
“My father? When did you see him?”
“Not recently. It was a long time ago.”
“Tell me,” I insisted. “Please?”
Gideon took me in with a reserved expression as he carefully chose his words.
“He gave me this watch three years ago, but I last saw him about six months ago.”
“What?” How was that possible? All the way back then? “You’ve known each other longer?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Were you already working for Farlan?” I asked.
“Yes. I was already working for Farlan as well.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it. “So… when did you work for my father?”
“I began working in your father’s factory when I was ten. He took me under his wing, gave me a place to stay before I got my own residence. He’s the one who got me involved in the rebellion. Only we weren’t called the rebellion yet. Farlan hadn’t infiltrated Petra’s defenses, but there were rumors of a powerful group forming. The government was corrupt and complacent, and we knew that the right person could fairly easily take it down.”
We shifted in the bed, sitting up. He inhaled deeply, running his hands through his dark locks. He looked refreshed. Happy, even. It lifted my spirits to be with him.
“Okay, you worked for my father first then for Farlan? How is it that I never met you before? I spent most of my hours at the factory.”
He looked dreamily into my eyes, tilting his head as his gaze lingered. Oh, how he made me blush without a word. I had to look away before my cheeks began burning.
“Oh, you met me a couple times when we were much younger, but you wouldn’t really remember me. I was always good at blending into the background. You never noticed us underlings. I think you avoided associating with the lowly workers.”
I flinched, embarrassed at my past behavior. Had I been so self-involved to not notice someone like Gideon?
“I guess I wasn’t so forthcoming to others when I worked at the factory; always so involved in my own projects. I avoided people like the plague and thought my work was far more important than the assembly line part of the factory. I should’ve paid more attention.”
“It’s all right. People change. You were really distracted most of the time with all these ideas you’d declare to your father. It’s no wonder you didn’t see the people around you.”
I lifted a brow. “You saw me present ideas to my father?” I racked my brain for a memory of his face but couldn’t recall any.
“I was often sitting in his office taking notes on projects and other things for him. You would interrupt, not even noticing me in the corner, and blurt out your ideas to him. I’d write notes on what you said too, for your father to read later.” He reached out and curled a long strand of reddish-brown hair in his fingers. “I loved being able to watch you without inhibitions. You really never noticed me.”
“I was so blind,” I groaned, rubbing my face hard. I wanted to shake off the past like a coat of nails. “I should’ve looked around more often. I would’ve liked you.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I think people meet at the perfect moment. You might not have liked me back then.” Gideon smiled, tapping his watch. “But as I was saying, your father chose me for a mission to infiltrate the Insurgents, back when they were a small movement, just barely on the government’s radar. He gave me the watch to record everything I saw and heard. It does a lot more than that, but I’ve never had to use its every function.”
“So that’s what he did with it,” I muttered softly. “It’s a model I worked on and gave to him to consider for production. When I developed all the functions on it, I never thought it’d end up with you. It was a refined prototype, but he never brought it up again. I guess I just thought he’d forgotten about it.”
“Oh, no, he didn’t. He thought I could use it. He was right. This thing has been more useful than anything I’ve ever owned.” Gideon examined it more closely, a goofy smile on his face.
“Really?” I asked, surprised. “I put so many functions into it, I thought it would be too overwhelming to use, but, wow, looks like it worked out well for you. Who knew?”
“Your father showed me how to use all of the functions. I had to memorize them because any cheat sheets were prohibited. He didn’t want the information about it to leak and get stolen.”
A small smile lined my lips. My father had appreciated my work and even put it in the hands of someone who would one day save my life. To know he had valued my ideas made me miss him even more.
“Gideon?” I asked.
“Yes?” He grabbed his shirt and tugged it on, glancing back my way as he smoothed it down.
“How did you rise in rank so quickly? In Farlan’s group?”
He cleared his throat, breathing in deeply as he scratched his head. He gathered his thoughts together, like leaves scattered across a lawn.
“I worked hard, did whatever it took to gain favor. Remember when I told you I had to become everything I hated? It took everything out of me to get to the rank of commander. I’m afraid that sometimes I felt my old life existed only in some alternate world, because my new one was filled with darkness. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was a kind of hell.”
He stared off into the distance, memories of the past on the verge of overwhelming him. I hated to see such pain surface on his face.
“I’m not a good person, Star. And I’m not proud of who I’ve become, but I did what I had to do to survive and gather intel on Farlan.”
“I understand. I just want to know why he chose you for this mission. You’re so young. I’m sure there were others, older and more experienced.”
He glanced my way, his eyes dark and neutral. Sometimes he was an easy person to read. Other times, it was nearly impossible to pin him down. In that moment, it felt like he’d again carefully constructed a wall around himself, blocking all emotions.
“Your father chose me to infiltrate Farlan’s regime because I was the only one who volunteered.”
My eyes widened, full of confusion. “Wh—what? You volunteered? Why would you do that?”
He tensed and looked away. What could have possibly pushed him to volunteer for such a vile mission? Why would my father do that to him?
“Because I knew someone like you would never consider loving someone like me, a lowly, orphaned factory worker. You never noticed me when you came through, hurrying to your father’s office on the second floor. I knew I’d have to do something extraordinary—something unforgettable—to capture your attention.”
“You didn’t have to do that for me. I never would have asked you to accept it.” I shook my head, feeling like this was all my fault.
“Yes, I did have to. It wouldn’t have mattered what you thought back then. I wasn’t some lord or gentl
eman loaded with money and attending coupling balls to find a refined bride. I lived off meager wages and wore secondhand clothes. I repaired my shoes until they fell apart. Being orphaned when I was ten years old, I was used to fighting for everything I wanted. You wouldn’t have taken notice of my paltry offerings.”
Again, I hung my head down, closing my eyes as tears gathered in the corners of them. “I—I’m so sorry, Gideon. You’re right. I wouldn’t have given you a moment’s notice. I was so blind. I never noticed anyone I didn’t think could offer me what I wanted. It’s all my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Star. It was my destiny to decide. I always knew that. It was I who accepted. I knew what it would take to rise through the ranks until I was Farlan’s right-hand man. I knew what kind of life that would be before I took the mission. The information I’ve extracted and provided to the rebellion is more than enough to destroy Farlan for good. I have no regrets.”
“How long have you been part of the Insurgents?”
“Too long.” His eyes glazed over as he calculated the years in his head. I almost told him to not tell me. Did I really want to know?
“Tell me,” I begged softly. I held my breath while his gaze never wavered from me. His face tensed.
“I’ve been covert for five years. Since I was fifteen.”
I lowered my head, covering my face with my hands. “That’s so long.”
“I was fourteen when I first saw you, Star. I think you may have been about eleven or twelve? I knew you weren’t one of those android girls. You were so real. Animated. I knew there would be far too many guys to compete for your heart one day. I wanted a new life right then and there so I could return and ask for your hand.”
I looked away. He had left because he couldn’t offer me anything. I hadn’t even known who he was when he’d given up everything to climb the ranks in Farlan’s group. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
“Gideon, you shouldn’t have gone to such lengths to win a girl’s hand. You could’ve died. I’m not worth that.”
