by S S Bazinet
“No, it’s not you. I should have let you know I was here, but—”
When Annabel hesitated, Elise pitched in. “I think Annabel is trying to say that she wanted to give you and your fiancé some space.”
Annabel’s face brightened. “Elise is right. I didn’t want to spoil your time with . . . with—”
Arel scowled back. “Claire, her name is Claire.”
Annabel blinked a few times as if she was distancing herself from the name. She finally smiled. “How is Claire?”
“She’s fine.”
“Is something wrong, Arel?” Elise asked. “You look upset.”
Arel instantly resented her observation. Even if he was distressed, he was also angry that his mood was so transparent. He had to start behaving like the adult that Claire wanted him to be. “Claire’s fine, and I’m fine, is that understood? In fact, we’re more than fine. Claire is teaching me about doing something productive with my life.”
Annabel studied her slippers again. “That’s nice.”
Arel got to his feet and threw his shoulders back. “Nice? The woman I’m engaged to is one of the most dedicated people on this planet! Hopefully, I’ll be able to follow in her footsteps!”
Elise frowned. “Why are you shouting at us?”
“I’m sorry. I just get passionate about Claire.” He turned to Annabel. “I hope you have a pleasant visit. If you want to see me, you know where I live.”
Elise came over, almost reached out to him and then put her hands behind her back. “Arel, you’re so flushed. Are you running a fever again?”
Arel did feel overly warm, but he couldn’t be bothered by a fever, he kept having flashes of Claire’s face. When she’d talked about his deficiencies, she looked at him with pity and disdain. Was he driving away the woman he loved? “No fever, I’m just being self-indulgent,” he insisted.
“Self-indulgent? What do you mean?” Elise asked.
Arel knew exactly what Claire would want him to say. “Don’t you understand? We’re all wasting our lives, listening to loud music and laughing when we should be—” Before he could finish his sentence, he ran out of breath and mopped his forehead with his handkerchief. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t feel very well.”
Annabel came over and took Arel’s arm to steady him. As she held him in place, she looked at Elise. “Call Michael. Ask him to come over.”
When Arel heard Michael’s name, he jerked away. “Michael? He’s always wasting time tending to roses! He should be out feeding the hungry.”
Elise came forward with hands on hips. “Listen you, I don’t know what your problem is but don’t talk like that about Michael. He doesn’t just take care of roses. If it weren’t for him and Carey, I’d still be bitter and lost.”
Annabel intervened. “Elise, don’t upset yourself, please. When Arel is like this, he’s not rational.”
Arel glared back. The fever Elise mentioned was escalating. “I am rational. With Claire’s help, I’m finally making sense.”
Elise picked up Freddie and went to the door. “So glad to hear it, Arel. Now if you don’t mind, Annabel and I would like to be left to a frivolous pursuit called lunch.”
* * * * *
Elise watched Arel as he headed for home, then closed the door. When she turned back to Annabel, she realized that she was more upset than she’d been in weeks. “What is the matter with that man?”
Annabel sighed. “William warned me that this would happen. It’s one of the reasons that I didn’t want Arel to know I was here. I feel helpless to offer him any advice.”
Elise cuddled Freddie, then put him down. As she watched the puppy hunt out a bit of biscuit, she frowned. “It’s just that I’ve never seen this side of Arel. When we dated, he was so sweet.”
“It’s Claire. She can bring out the worst in a person.”
Elise let out a huff of disapproval. “Not according to Arel. He just told us that she’s one of the best things to come along since oxygen.”
“He’s been completely smitten since they met.”
“All I know is that he was very rude.”
“After I spent time with Claire, I was so depressed that I had to go to bed.”
“Goodness, and I thought I was bad.”
“Claire seems to have a knack for making you feel inadequate, especially if you suffer from any form of low self-esteem or self-doubt.”
A tapping sound sent Freddie running for the door. Elise frowned and followed him. “Maybe Arel didn’t make it home. I’ve never seen anyone who could look so flushed so quickly.”
Annabel hurried to the door and picked up Freddie. “I hope he’s okay.”
Elise tried to appear as calm as possible, but her short discussion with Annabel made her stomach feel queasy. It felt even worse when she answered the door and saw Arel again. He started apologizing immediately.
“Elise and Annabel, I’m so sorry. By the time I got home, I realized how badly I’d behaved.”
Elise opened the door a little wider. “Do you want to come in?”
Arel shook his head. “Thank you, but after my performance, I just had to try to make amends.”
Annabel stepped forward. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Arel gave her and Elise an awkward look of contrition. “I was completely out of line. I guess I was in a bit of a state after Claire pointed out my many deficiencies. Instead of being accountable, I took my problems out on you two.”
Elise sighed. “And Michael too.”
Arel nodded. “Yes, poor Michael. Like Claire said, I act like a child. But the good news is that I’m going to change.”
“What do you mean?” Annabel asked.
Arel tried to straighten up, but his face remained drawn and anxious. “Claire is taking me under her wing. She said that she’ll make a new man out of me.”
“I kind of like the man you are,” Elise said quietly.
Arel gave her a look of surprise. “That’s kind of you, but I hope I haven’t ruined your afternoon.”
Before Elise could say anything, Arel had already turned and started down the stairs. Again, her stomach tightened, this time in a painful way. All her anger faded as she thought about Arel’s fretful, apologetic face. “Annabel, I’m worried about him. Do you think he’s going to be alright?”
Annabel hugged Freddie. “I don’t know. When I talk to William, I’ll ask him what he thinks about the situation.”
Twenty-Nine
WILLIAM WALKED AROUND Annabel’s studio and realized how much he missed her. He’d talked to her earlier, and she seemed to be getting along quite well. Her only concern was Arel. The man was obviously floundering. William tried to be sympathetic, but admitted that he didn’t know how to help. What he didn’t tell Annabel is that he didn’t know how to help himself either.
Anxiety and dread continued to fester in his gut. It was a painful reminder that he was resisting what Raphael called his inner child. William found the concept annoying to say the least. Didn’t Raphael recognize a simple fact? William had grown up. He was an adult who was in pain, and he couldn’t shake it.
Annabel’s room was a distraction. He smiled briefly as his gaze traveled over the cheerful, seafoam green walls and white cupboards. He would have chosen earth tones or neutral colors, but he had to admit Annabel’s color scheme lifted his spirits. Her choice in wall art was a different story.
Recently, she’d purchased large, whimsical metal fish. Each of the three pieces boasted a bold, primary color. One was red. One was yellow, and one was blue. The oversized fish looked like they were swimming on the seafoam walls. But they weren’t the only artwork that Annabel had delighted in. William had to take a couple of steps back when he looked at a lively unicorn with a rainbow-colored mane. With horn thrust forward, it looked like it was galloping straight towards him. He quickly shifted his attention to a three foot yellow sunflower and took a breath.
For William, the room was a sensory overload. Maybe that was the
reason he decided to spend time there. It was a perfect place for him to practice focus, to strengthen his control over unwanted emotions. If he could maintain a composed attitude in Annabel’s studio, he was definitely mastering some aspect of himself.
He also enjoyed looking at Annabel’s works in progress. With her absence, he could take his time and contemplate what his wife was all about. Since she’d become a human, she was discovering her place in the world. Currently, her sculpting endeavors were varied. There was a mouse for Arel that made William smile. It was quite large, with a head that was off center. It had an overly long tail and its tiny feet looked too small to support it. Arel would surely faint dead away if he had to display it in his home.
Annabel was also working on another horse for him. She told him that it was going to be more realistic than the last. It was smaller than Arel’s mouse. That was good. If he was forced to put it on one of his library shelves, it wouldn’t be too prominent.
He picked up the small, clay figure and studied it, trying to see it as Annabel did. It did have four legs of sorts, but they were varied in thickness. The head had the general shape of a horse’s head, but the ears were much too big.
“What was she thinking when she fashioned this?” he mused.
“She was thinking about you.”
William turned and looked at Raphael. The tall, youthful angel was wearing jeans and a white sweater. His handsome features would make him the perfect sculptor’s model.
“How can you say Annabel was thinking of me? I have nothing in common with this misshapen object.”
Raphael walked over and glanced around Annabel’s work table. “William, I’m surprised. With your abilities, I wouldn’t think you’d be stuck on the outer form.”
William blinked back, letting the angel’s words sink in. “Go on.”
“Look at the horse with your inner eye, the one that goes beyond the physical.”
William almost did as he was told, but stopped himself in time. In his present condition, he had to be very careful. He didn’t dare “go within.” What if he activated another memory?
Instead, he allowed himself to simply hold the clay horse and tune into its energy. He immediately felt Annabel’s sweet nature, her desire to enjoy life without cares or worries. Not to take things so seriously. He felt her desire to play . . . with him.
He immediately replaced the clay figure on the table. “I think I better get out of here before my senses have a meltdown.”
Raphael followed him out into the hall. “Annabel still has so much of her angelic nature.”
William turned. “In what way?”
“Humans don’t think so, but our essence is about appreciating all the varied and delightful forms of creation. I guess in very simple terms, it’s about having fun.”
“Fun? Ever since I got angelic blood, I’ve been battling for my life and sanity.”
“Believe me, William, angelic blood has nothing to do with destroying anyone. However, it does act as an agent of change. If you resist that change—”
“You die! That’s what happens. Michael had to bring Arel back to life after his heart attack. And Arel had to storm heaven to get me back.”
“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
“You’re sorry? What good does that do when I’m headed towards my grave again?”
* * * * *
Peggy, Carol, Annabel and Elise sat at a sunny table, each sipping their beverage. The coffee house wasn’t as busy as usual, and they’d found seating in a corner booth. Peggy enjoyed having some time away from home. Tim was watching little Sara while she got out with her friends. She smiled at Annabel. “I was happily surprised when you called and said you were visiting Chicago. Did you come on a sudden whim?”
Annabel smiled back. “Yes, I realized I needed a change. Happily, without much effort, everything fell into place.”
Carol played with her napkin, folding it this way and that. “In the past, when I was going through some rough times, I would have flown off somewhere if it hadn’t been for our little boy. Motherhood doesn’t give you that option.”
Annabel looked down. “I don’t think I’ll have to worry about children. William was sort of open to the idea for a while, but he’s having his doubts.”
Elise gave Annabel a sympathetic sigh. “Once I overheard Arel talking about me. He was sure I wasn’t mother material. He was probably right.”
Peggy frowned back. “Arel doesn’t know what’s right for another person. He barely knows how to keep his own life on track.”
“That’s for sure,” Annabel said. “He stopped over at Elise’s house, and he was very upset.”
Elise joined in. “He told us that Claire is . . . how did he put it? Something about Claire making a new man out of him.”
Annabel crossed her arms. “It’s scary. He doesn’t seem to know how to think on his own since he met her.”
“What do you mean?” Peggy asked.
“From what Carey told me, he’s thinking of getting rid of all his possessions, even selling his house,” Annabel said. “Then he and Claire could go off to some foreign country and help the poor. And all that would be fine if Arel wanted that type of life, but he’s only doing it for Claire.”
Peggy let out a snort of disapproval. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. After all that we’ve gone through with him, trying to build up his self-confidence. Now, he’s letting some woman dictate how he should live his life.”
Carol put her napkin aside and clasped her hands. “I agree with Peggy. I’m very disappointed. After all his preaching about believing in ourselves, he sounds like he’s doing the exact opposite.”
Elise picked up some crumbs from the table and put them on her saucer. “I know I’m the outsider here. And I know I was terrible when I was dating Arel, but this Claire sounds worse than me, if that’s possible.”
Peggy smiled at her. “You were pretty bad, but at least you weren’t trying to brainwash him.”
“Looking back on what I did, I know I had big trust issues,” Elise said. “It was hard for me to think somebody could be that nice. Now, I hate to see him look so lost.”
Carol shook her head. “Can you see Arel in some third world country, trying to cope? He can barely handle Carey’s sloppy eating habits.”
Peggy slumped back. “Unfortunately, I can see him there. Arel would push himself until he dropped if he had to. It’s the way he is.”
Carol snatched up her napkin again. “You’re right. He still doesn’t seem to know how to give himself a break.”
Elise sipped her tea. “Well, he’s wrong if he thinks that self-sacrifice is the way to go. When I was younger, I thought I needed to take care of everyone but myself. And you saw how I ended up. I hated life.”
Annabel reached out and patted Elise’s hand. “I’m sorry, Elise. But look at you now. You inspire me. You’ve been so sweet and helpful.”
“I’ve been lucky. Michael and Carey showed me a way to value myself again. And I guess once you like yourself, it’s easy to be nice.”
Annabel smiled. “You’ve made me realize that it’s okay to laugh and have fun. After living with William and everything being so serious, I almost forgot those things.”
Carol looked around the table expectantly. “Does anyone have any ideas about helping Arel?”
“We’ve tried to help before,” Peggy said, “and where did it get us? Maybe Arel has to do what he has to do.”
Carol’s expression went sullen. “Just give up on him? Is that it?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m out of ideas,” Peggy said.
Elise laughed. “The outlandish writer in me has a thought. I could storm his house and kidnap him!”
“And then what would you do once you had him?” Annabel asked. “He’s a lot like William. Very stubborn.”
“Not just stubborn,” Peggy said, “once Arel gets an idea in his head, he’s usually hell bent on holding on to that idea.”
Elise sat
back. “I see. So he’d probably start telling me how noble Claire is, and how shallow I am. Then I’d lose patience, and my mean streak might be resurrected very quickly.”
Annabel gave Elise a pleading look. “Please, Elise, no more mean streaks, just keep doing what you’re doing and let’s keep having fun.”
“I agree,” Carol said. “As for Arel, let’s just hope he comes to his senses.”
Thirty
AREL HAD TRIED his best to understand how to proceed with his life. He thought about Claire’s advice for hours on end. It didn’t resolve anything. That’s why he asked to meet Michael at the park. “Sorry, Michael, but I didn’t want any interruptions while we’re discussing some important matters.”
“When you talk about interruptions, who do you have in mind?” Michael asked.
Arel fidgeted, picking at a bit of peeling paint on the bench seat. “That’s not important. What’s important is one’s life and how a person is supposed to make choices. For instance, how does a person know when they’re not living up to their potential?”
“Perhaps you could give me an example of what you’re getting at.”
“Okay, I didn’t want to get personal, but if you insist—”
“Certainly, I have no problem with a personal question.”
Arel avoided looking at Michael and scratched harder at the chipping paint. “Remember, you asked for it, so here goes. Claire said that you should be out in the world, doing more with your life. Instead, you’re wasting time just helping me. What would you say to that?”
Michael smiled. “I’d say that Claire has every right to her opinion.”
“But is she right?”
“If that’s the way she feels, it’s the right opinion for her.”
“But how do you feel, Michael? Do you think you’re being negligent?”
“No, I don’t, but that doesn’t make Claire wrong. It just means we each have an opinion. However, that said, let me make a comment. Our relationship isn’t unique, Arel. Everyone in this world has a connection to the Divine part of themselves. And if they desire, they can strengthen that connection in a way that will be beneficial.”
