Out of the Shallows

by Samantha Young

  “You are so whipped,” Beck muttered, reaching for a glass of cold orange juice.

  Unamused, I glared at him. “Jake’s dating me. I’m freaking awesome. I love him and he’s getting it regularly and it is mind-blowing. Even if he is whipped, he’s sitting a lot prettier than you right now.”

  Jake and Claudia burst out laughing and Beck smirked, his eyes filled with mirth as they met Jake’s. Jake pulled my chair closer and I turned to find his face inches from mine. His eyes danced happily. “You’re wrong. You’re not freaking awesome. You’re freaking phenomenal.” He brushed his nose alongside mine. “About that getting-it-regularly thing,” he whispered against my mouth, “I miss you.”

  I missed him too. We hadn’t slept together since we’d gotten to Barcelona. Three nights might not sound like a lot but they were a lot after having slept with each other every single night in the past few weeks.

  “You know what I’m thinking,” Claudia said loudly, bringing our attention back to her. She was smiling at Beck. “I’m thinking you and I should spend the day together. Leave these two to be all icky and in love. I could do with a breather. It’s nauseating.”

  I knew she was teasing but that sounded like an amazing idea.

  Beck grinned back at her. “You’re on.”

  “I’m good with that,” Jake murmured in my ear.

  A shiver rippled down my spine and I felt my body respond to the promise in his voice.

  Suffice it to say, we shoveled down a light breakfast with Claudia and Beck and said a hasty goodbye. Jake practically dragged me by the hand all the way back to the hotel. When the elevator doors shut, he was on me, pressing me against the wall, kissing me voraciously, like he couldn’t get enough.

  I panted as he hurried out of the elevator and along the corridor to my room. We got the door clicked open and shut and Jake yanked off my tank top and quickly pulled his own shirt off. I unbuttoned my shorts and shimmied out of them as Jake divested his jeans and then I was in his arms again, sprawling over him as he took us to the nearest bed.

  Jake groaned as my searching hands found him hot and hard. He kissed me as I touched him, sliding his hands around to unclip my bra. He pulled back as it fell away from my chest and he whispered, smirking, “We have such good friends.”

  I laughed in agreement, the sound soon swallowed up in his hot, deep kiss.

  “I told you, I’m not going.” I shook my head stubbornly and stared at the posters and street art lining the sidewalk.

  Jake laughed. “It’s not in use. They don’t do that anymore.”

  “I’m not going to La Monumental and that’s that.” I shot him a warning look and he gave a huff of incredulous laughter but shut up.

  It was day five. Claudia had left us an hour ago to go see Dustin again and Beck had decided to give Jake and I some alone time. Honestly, I think he was just sick of our honeymoon phase. While Beck was happily wandering the streets of Barcelona by himself—or not by himself, as I knew how easy it was for him to pick up random girls on his travels—Jake and I wandered the streets of Barcelona in the opposite direction.

  We’d wandered about half an hour northeast of the hotel and were closing in on the famous bullring, La Monumental. Jake was right. The bullring hadn’t been used as such since 2011 after Catalonia banned bullfighting, but still, I hated the idea of it all and wasn’t interested in seeing the place.

  “You are so obstinate,” Jake said, throwing me a small smile so I’d know he wasn’t irritated.

  “You bet your ass I am.” I flashed him a cheeky grin. “Good luck with that, by the way.”

  “You’re lucky I like my women stubborn.”

  “Your women?” I snorted. “Am I part of your harem?”

  He pulled a face. “What? You thought you were the only one who appreciates all my fineness?”

  “Are you taking lessons from Matt on how to talk to women now?” I chuckled, taking a hold of his hand to move him away from the touristy stuff for sale on the sidewalks.

  “I think his technique is flawless,” Jake replied deadpan. “Every day my man crush grows stronger.”

  Remembering Beck’s reaction to Matt’s “technique” with Claudia, I winced. “I think he might be in trouble with Beck when we get back to Edinburgh. That guy is… I have no words. He’s so overprotective and possessive. Such an oblivious tool.”

  Jake cleared his throat. “Actually…”

  I stopped in the middle of the street, tugging on his hand so he’d stop avoiding eye contact. “Actually?”

  He shrugged. “Nothing. I just… I think Beck is more aware of how he feels for Claudia than you realize. He’s got his demons. But he cares about her and I think he’s maybe coming around.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Do you know something, Jacob Caplin?”

  “Charley, I love you, but there are some things I can’t tell you.”

  Nosy and curious and desperate to give my friend what she wanted, it didn’t sit well with me that Jake may be holding the answers and the key to Claudia’s future happiness. However, I understood. “Girl code,” I grumbled, “but for boys.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Ah, I get it.” I snuggled into his side. “Maybe, just in case, though, we should set them up for dinner alone tonight? I know Claudia had a fantastic day with him yesterday.”

  “Why don’t we just let them sort themselves out? They did that favor for us.”

  I frowned. “Stop being right. It’s throwing me off balance.”

  He laughed, pulling me close, and we walked back to the hotel in perfect contentment.

  We were waiting for the elevator when I caught sight of a familiar figure out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see Claudia striding into reception and my breath was knocked out of me by her appearance.

  Her eyes were bloodshot. She had no color in her cheeks. Worse… There was something so desolate in her expression that I felt panicked. “Claudia!” I called out, my voice trembling.

  She glanced over at me in surprise, her feet abruptly stopping their momentum.

  And then suddenly, she rushed toward me, her face crumpling as she impacted with me. I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed into my neck. My arms tightened as I looked over her head at Jake. We exchanged worried looks and a silent message that we needed to get Claudia somewhere private.

  I got her into the elevator, Jake shadowing us protectively. I tried to ask what was wrong but she just kept crying these deep, shuddering, heartbreaking sobs.

  Jake let us into our room and I settled her on a chair, crouching in front of her.

  “Claudia, please talk to me,” I begged.

  She hiccupped as she tried to control the tears. I waited patiently for her to pull herself together enough to look at me. Jake handed her tissues and she blotted at her face, fingers shaking.

  “Dustin…” her voice cracked, “after being so cool and excited about us… he told me today he can’t do it.” Her tears fell silently now. “He doesn’t want the responsibility of being a dad and he thinks anything else is just confusing. He thinks it’s best we don’t see each other again.”

  SON OF A BITCH!

  Fury shot into my blood and it took a huge amount of self-control not to march out of that room and go and hunt down the weak piece of shit.

  Another man. Another parent… rejecting her. I hated them so much for doing this to her.

  “Claud,” I whispered, reaching for her hand, “I am so sorry.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t be. I should’ve known. I got my hopes up and I should have known.” She started crying again and I reached forward, pulling her into my arms.

  “Ssh,” I attempted to soothe her. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We love you, babe. You don’t need them.”

  Her arms tightened around me. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” she sobbed.

  Jake’s expression looked as murderous as I was sure mine was. He stepped forward and I read his body language. I gently eased C
laudia out of my arms and Jake took my place. Claudia clung even harder to him, soaking his T-shirt with her tears.

  He stroked her hair in comfort. “We’ll get you out of here,” he promised.

  My parents were surprisingly okay with my announcement that I’d be missing out a few days of school to drive across six states with Jake, Beck, and Claudia. It helped that the LSATs had passed. I wasn’t sure how it went. One minute I was sure I’d done okay, the next I was filled with doubt.

  That was kind of a theme for my life right now.

  Anyway, I’d have accompanied Beck on this quest to find peace over his father’s death even if my mom and dad had been against it. A promise was a promise and my friend needed me. My parents… they actually understood, however, and even if they had reservations over Jake’s presence, they didn’t bring it up.

  That’s how, almost two weeks after Beck arrived on our doorstep, I found myself in Jake’s dad’s borrowed SUV with the aforementioned. I was nervous. Beyond nervous, especially after Jake’s cold attitude toward me last time I’d seen him. However, I was determined to mask my nerves with cool silence and the occasional smart-ass remark.

  Claudia and I had gotten the shuttle from Purdue to O’Hare and Jake had picked us up from there. Beck had gotten out and helped us with our bags and then promptly sat in the back with Claudia, leaving me to haul my ass up into the passenger seat beside Jake.

  Awkward didn’t even cover it. I said hello and was surprised to get a perfectly nice greeting back. However, silence fell almost immediately between us. Claudia and Beck spoke quietly in the back and every time I looked in the rearview mirror, they were sitting close, heads together. Beck seemed better than he had before. Claudia had been chatting to him almost every day and now that he had focus, something to do, he was coping with his father’s death better than any of us could’ve expected.

  It helped that Claudia was in his life now. I knew it did.

  I had to wonder about that—about Claudia’s intentions. It was such a delicate subject I hadn’t wanted to bring it up in case we started arguing about it. Yet, I was curious to know what their behavior with one another meant. Had Claudia decided to give him a shot?

  I mused over this in silence as Jake drove us down the I-80W. We’d driven through Illinois. Much of the snow that had fallen a few days ago had been cleared and was disappearing, so we made good time. We’d been driving for about three hours when we hit Davenport, Iowa.

  “Pee break?” Jake asked.

  “Yes, please,” Claudia said. “I didn’t want to be a total girl and ask but my bladder has been ready to burst for the last half hour.”

  I glanced back at her. “That’s because you drank almost two bottles of water.”

  “It’s warm in here.” She shrugged.

  I eyed Beck and the fact that his left side was glued to her right. Of course she was warm back there.

  “I was thinking we could stop for something to eat in Des Moines and then stop somewhere near Lincoln for a motel,” Jake suggested.

  I nodded. “You’re driving so you should decide. That’s a while to be behind the wheel.”

  He shrugged now. “About eight and a half, nine hours in total.”

  “We can stop before then.”

  “Well, we left Chicago at eight o’clock. It’s just coming up for eleven now. We’ll get to Des Moines about one thirty. Break for an hour. We should get to Lincoln by five. I’m cool with that.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Beck agreed.

  I was concerned Jake was going to be exhausted constantly on this trip. “I can take over driving if you want.”

  He surprised me by shooting me a small smile before turning his attention back to the road. Where had the moody, snappy version of Jake gone? “No worries. Beck’s on my dad’s insurance. He and I will alternate days.”

  Jake pulled over at a gas station in Davenport and we got out to see to our needs. Afterwards, as Claudia and I were washing our hands in perhaps the world’s nicest gas station bathroom, she said, “You need to start talking to Jake or this road trip is going to be beyond awkward.”

  I grinned at her. “I thought you were too busy cozying up with Beck to notice what was going on in the front seat.”

  She made a face. “No. You and Jake are acting like there’s a plate of soundproof glass between you. I was hoping you could at least try to get along.”

  “We’ve been perfectly pleasant with one another. We’re not going to whisper in each other’s ears and brush one another’s hands and press up against each other like you and Beck—all of which is questionable behavior and note that I am keeping my nose out of it.”

  Claudia snorted. “That’s you keeping your nose out of it?”

  I rounded my eyes in mock innocence. “What? I didn’t ask one question about you and Beck and whether this means you’re going to start seeing each other…”

  Her answer was to punch me in the arm like a five-year-old and prance out on a huff. I think I struck a nerve.

  Smirking, I followed her out and into the gas station where we bought some snacks to tide us over until we hit Des Moines.

  Keeping Claudia’s comment in mind, I attempted to make small talk with my ex-boyfriend as we got the show back on the road.

  “It was good of your dad to let you borrow his car.”

  “It’s safer than most vehicles we could’ve afforded to rent. Dad’s borrowing mom’s while we’ve got this.”

  I opened a bag of potato chips and offered them to him. He took some, eating one-handed. “How are they? Your family?”

  He finished munching and shot me a quizzical look. “They’re fine but isn’t that the question I should be asking you?”

  “I believe you’ve already asked that question.”

  “I did. Two months ago.”

  I shot him a droll look. “Let’s just say not much has changed.”

  “I wouldn’t know. You never told me how things were to begin with.”

  I sighed. Apparently Jake and I couldn’t do small talk. Hoping a little music might quell the tense silence, I reached over to turn on the radio. Unfortunately, Jake had the exact same idea. Our fingers brushed and a frisson of electricity sparked between us. We snapped our arms back at the contact, and I hurriedly glanced out the window, willing the heat coursing through me to cool.

  Just like that, my whole body was aware of him. I was aware of every time his hands shifted on the wheel, every little sound he made, or when he’d look into the rearview mirror to answer a question from Claudia or Beck. That awareness had me stealing glances at him. Little glances, little stolen snapshots of his enviously long eyelashes, of the two little freckles on his left earlobe, of his large, masculine hands, of the slightly fuller lower lip that had fascinated me since we were sixteen…

  I was flooded by memories.

  Those memories hurt all over.

  Clenching my hands into fists in case they reached out to involuntarily touch him, I tried to remember a time when Jake wasn’t a part of me, but the memories of when he was were just too overwhelming.

  They won and I lost. But I’d gotten really good at pretending that wasn’t true.

  There were no words to describe how happy I was to get out of the car when we reached Des Moines. Beck was in the mood for lunch at IHOP, so Jake used his dad’s GPS to find us the nearest one. It took us off our main route, but as soon as Beck mentioned it, I couldn’t stop picturing pancakes, waffles, scrambled egg, bacon, and maple syrup.

  But mostly, I was just glad to be leaving the world of awkward silence, stifling tension, and unspoken words.

  The four of us slid into a booth and, after we ordered, I remembered the last time the four of us dined out on a trip together.

  Things had been so different back then. Hard to believe it was only a little over seven months ago.

  “Okay, let’s play a game.” Claudia grinned at Beck and Jake across the table. I noted the mischievous twinkle in her green eyes.


  “Do we have to?” I asked.

  “Yes, Grumpy Betsy, we do.”

  I snorted. “Grumpy Betsy?”

  Claudia waved off my teasing. “Never mind. Anyway, Beck and I play this game all the time.”

  “Maybe IHOP isn’t an appropriate place for a game you and Beck play,” Jake offered slyly.

  I laughed because he’d beaten me to it.

  Our eyes met, his smiling into mine like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

  “Get your minds out of the gutter,” Claudia scolded. “It’s not like that. The game is you choose a couple, or two friends or whatever, who are eating out together and you have a conversation for them. We’ll show you.” She glanced around the room and then surreptitiously pointed. “There.” She gestured to a young couple who sat with their elbows on the table, leaning a little across the distance so they could speak in lowered voices. “Beck.”

  He looked at the couple and smiled. “Baby, you smell better than apple pie and taste better than maple syrup.”

  I groaned but grinned.

  Claudia gave an exaggerated sigh of happiness as the girl tilted her head to the side, causing her hair to fall away from her neck. “It’s my new perfume. It’s called Eau de IHOP.”

  We laughed and Claudia nudged me. “Your turn. You and Jake.”

  And that’s when I understood her plan with this stupid game. “I don’t know.”

  “Ah, c’mon, it’ll pass the time,” Jake encouraged. He pointed across the restaurant to an elderly couple. Although it was cold outside, it wasn’t freezing, but both were wearing layer upon layer. The woman, wearing an ugly multicolored hat, was eating quietly, while her husband ate and tried to read the newspaper. His face was bent low over the paper as he chewed.

  The woman looked at him over her spectacles and started to speak.

  I smiled. “Could you get any closer to that paper? Are there naked women in it or something?” I filled in for her.

  As the man replied, Jake said, “If there were, I wouldn’t know it. Last time I saw a naked woman, I’d just helped oust the Nazis from Holland.”