A Touch Bittersweet

by Carter Ashby

  “Maggie.”

  “We could just spend time together. We don’t have to, you know, go straight to bed or anything. We can just hang out someplace all alone, just the two of us. And talk. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yeah,” he said, more air than voice.

  “And maybe, you know, we could hold each other while we talk. Clothes on, of course. It wouldn’t have to turn into sex. Just two friends holding each other. You’d like that, too, wouldn’t you?”

  “Mmm…”

  “So how about we go for that walk?”

  There wasn’t a single thought left in his brain. His whole world was Maggie. He existed within whatever spell she’d just cast over him. He knew there was some reason he should object. Some reason he should step away from her.

  She linked her fingers with his and started walking, pulling him toward the back door of the barn. Lots of places for them to walk on this property. Down by the creek there was a trail that spanned a few miles over onto the neighboring land. They could walk and talk the whole time. Or go off the path and hide behind some trees and…and hold each other, like she’d said.

  She walked ahead of him, still pulling him. He didn’t resist until they made it out the door. What if this was okay? What if they were meant to be together? Maybe their lives would seamlessly merge. Maybe the family would be happy for them. Maybe he could walk with her today and find a soft patch of grass to lie down in and bring her with him. Maybe he could kiss her, roll her beneath him, and press his body against hers.

  Good sense rushed back to him all at once. Something he’d said a moment ago. About her not knowing him.

  He stopped, pulling her to a stop.

  She kept hold of his hand as she turned to face him. “Come on.”

  “I’m here for my mom,” he said. “And then I’m gone.”

  Her smile died. “I understand.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yeah. It’s okay. Let’s have what we can have. It doesn’t have to be love. It doesn’t have to be forever.”

  “Maggie, you’re a mother.”

  She dropped his hand, and her expression changed completely. “Yeah? So?”

  “So…you need someone who’s a good person. And who’s going to be around for you and your kids.”

  “How about you let me worry about what’s good for me and my kids.” Her eyes were bright with a different kind of fire, now.

  “I didn’t mean… I’m just saying, I’m not worth the potential pain this could cause.”

  She folded her arms over her chest and arched a brow.

  “I just don’t want it to affect the kids.” He thought she would appreciate his putting their needs ahead of his own.

  He was wrong.

  She marched up to him, glared at him, and said, “You did it. I’m no longer interested in spending time with you right now. So if that’s what you were trying to accomplish, great work.”

  She strode past him, toward the barn.

  He hadn’t wanted this at all. “Maggie, I was just trying to give us some perspective.”

  In the barn she turned on him. “You don’t get to lecture me on how to be a good mom and what my kids need. No. Way.”

  “I was just thinking about how this could affect everyone.”

  “This,” she said, gesturing between them, “is not an invitation to collaborate. My kids and my choices as a parent are not open for discussion. I’ll date, Logan. If not you, then someone else, because I’m…fucking lonely! And when I date, I’ll be doing it for me, and I’ll set the rules. If things go well and I want to invite another person into my life with my kids, then I will be the one to open those conversations. But you don’t stand there and tell me you don’t want to spend time with me for the good of my kids. That is not okay.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it like that.”

  “Well, you should have. Or just told the truth. You’re too afraid of the consequences to your own heart to take any risks with me. That’s fine. But don’t act like you’re making some selfless sacrifice.”

  “Maggie, I do care about you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You don’t want to be hurt.”

  “It’s both, okay?”

  “Okay. Fine. Then just say that. But don’t go criticizing me as a mother.”

  “I wasn’t. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  She glared at him for a long moment before shaking her head, turning, and walking away.

  Logan turned and walked the other way.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  MAGGIE WAS ABLE to close on her house four days after the auction. She walked out of the Recorder’s office, deed and keys in hand.

  She had tears in her eyes, so she didn’t immediately recognize David. He was leaning against the hood of his car, apparently waiting on her. “You’re a homeowner?” he asked.

  “Free and clear,” she said, laughing. “Well, a house owner, anyway. It’s not going to be a home for a while.”

  “May I drive you over?”

  “You can follow me. Logan’s meeting me. He’s going to mow while I start cleaning out the inside.”

  Logan had apologized to her, briefly, the day after their argument. She’d accepted because she didn’t want any more tension between them. And because she wanted his friendship. She wanted so much more than that, but he was absolutely right. It wasn’t a good idea. And his comment about doing what was best for her kids had been the bucket of ice-water she’d needed.

  She’d been more assertive with him than she should have been. She’d tried to seduce him. Not anymore. It was straight business from here on out. As long as he didn’t do anything sexy. Like talk to her. Or smile.

  Maggie drove to the house with David close behind. Logan’s truck was already in front of the house. He was offloading Frank’s push-mower. She could see the weed trimmer in the back. Maggie pulled into her driveway and got out.

  “All done?” Logan asked as he pushed the mower up the driveway.

  “Got the deed. And the keys.”

  He parked the mower and moved toward her, smiling, damn him. He flipped his ball cap backward so he could look over the papers she was stupidly shoving at him. Not like he needed to see them. He wasn’t looking for proof or anything. It actually felt more like she was a kid holding up a spelling test she’d gotten an A on. “This is amazing, Maggie. Congratulations.”

  “I’m so excited.”

  David, who had parked on the side of the road in front of her mailbox, came toward them. He whistled as he came up beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. “That’s…a lot of work, right there.”

  “Yes,” she answered. “You ready to get those perfectly manicured hands dirty?”

  “No, but I’d be more than happy to hire a crew for you. My treat.”

  “Nope,” she said. “I’ll accept your time, but not your money, sir.” She took her papers back from Logan and put them in her car, grateful for the opportunity to get out from under David’s arm. She could tell Logan was uncomfortable by the way he took a step backward and made his expression go blank.

  “You may change your mind once we see inside,” David said, placing a hand on her back, guiding her toward the house.

  Logan headed back to his truck and retrieved a gas can to fuel up the mower.

  She could see clearly that he intended to get straight to work on the yard. And though she was thrilled to have David at her side, she wanted Logan to be the first person in the door—besides her. She said, “Logan, you wanna see inside, first? I’m just as likely to need protecting from snakes in there as I am out here.”

  “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” David asked with a laugh.

  “I did not mean you. You’re a gentleman.”

  “Most of the time.”

  She didn’t want to flirt with him in front of Logan. Or at all, for that matter. “Logan? Wanna check it out?”

  He squinted up at the sky. There’d been some clouds roll
ing in. The temperature dropping slightly. “I wanna go ahead and get on this. I’ll check it out in a while.”

  Her disappointment was irrelevant. So what if she’d wanted him to be the first one to explore her new house with her? It didn’t really matter. And David was her friend. He wanted to support her, so what was wrong with that?

  She unlocked the front door, prepared for anything except for it falling completely off its hinge. It landed with a thunk on the carpeted living room floor, a cloud of dust rising up around it. Maggie turned to look at Logan, who was in the yard, staring with his mouth open. “How are your carpentry skills?” she asked.

  He just kept staring.

  Giggling, she walked on her door into the house. David followed carefully. The stairs to the second floor were right off the entryway. She noticed the sound of the mower powering on in the background.

  Before the stairs, there was a door on the left, leading into the main bedroom…the one she’d peered into last week with Logan. She already knew it was filled to the brim with junk. So she took the stairs, carefully at first. There were four bedrooms upstairs. One for each kid. She would probably keep Levi with her for a bit longer, but eventually, he would want his own room.

  The rooms weren’t in too bad of shape. There were a few pieces of broken-down furniture and some detritus from the former residents, but nowhere near as bad as downstairs. The bathroom was miraculously clean. “How is this bathroom so perfect?” she wondered aloud.

  “Nice to see that something is. Maggie, this place is going to take a lot of work.”

  “Yeah, I know, David.”

  “I’ve got the perfect contractors. Let me get them in here and get this place in living condition. If you don’t want to accept the gift, let me cut you a deal.”

  She turned and looked up at him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, David. I appreciate the offer. It’s very kind. But this is my house, now. This is my work. I love doing this sort of thing. And I need it, right now. With Ellie and the move…this is my project. My creative outlet. So thank you, again. But no thank you.”

  He smiled a little sadly. They were standing in the doorway of the fancy bathroom with not much space between them. “You’re letting Logan help you.”

  “He wants to work. I’ll let you work, if you want to do this.”

  “These carpets are disgusting.”

  She shrugged and tried to get past him out of the bathroom. He caught her around the waist and brought her close. “David,” she said, pushing his hand away from her. He didn’t try anything else.

  Once again, it was difficult to force herself to look into his eyes, but she managed it.

  He wore hope in his eyes, so obvious you’d have to be a complete idiot to miss it. “Honey, I just wanna help.”

  “Do you? Is that what you want?”

  “Josh was my best friend all the way through college. I know we kind of lost touch there in the years after he joined the Air Force, but…I still think of you as family. If I can help you, it makes me feel like I’m helping him.”

  She studied him, searching for the truth. Or rather, the lie. But he seemed truly sincere. So she smiled. “You know what? I think he’d just be happy knowing we’d reconnected. Your friendship was so important to him. And I’m grateful to have it. But seriously, if you’re not going to roll up your sleeves, then you may as well go. Because I’m fixing to start bagging up trash.”

  He smiled, leaned in, and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. “I’ll bring you some lunch later. How about that?”

  “That would be awesome.”

  “Subs okay?”

  “Perfect.”

  “Text me what you and Logan want, and I’ll be back around noon.”

  She hugged him then, more because he’d included Logan than anything else.

  After he left, she went to her car to get a mask and some trash bags. She couldn’t do a whole lot until the dumpster arrived tomorrow, but she could at least get the small things consolidated. She worked for an hour when she noticed the lawn mower wasn’t running anymore.

  “Doesn’t smell too bad,” Logan said.

  He stood in the doorway, drenched in sweat and covered in grass clippings. His thumbs were hooked into the pockets of his jeans as he stood hipshot and surveyed the house.

  “Not too bad at all,” Maggie said. She stood from where she’d been kneeling to bag up some old VHS tapes and DVDs. “You want the tour?”

  “Sure.”

  She walked him around. She’d checked out the basement after David had left. She took Logan there, first. He inspected the walls, including a vertical crack near one of the windows.

  “Looks like it’s been sealed,” Maggie said.

  “Rain’s coming in the next few days. Be a good test. Are you wanting to finish out the basement?”

  “I don’t know. We got plenty of space upstairs. I don’t think it’s a priority.”

  They went back upstairs and up to the second floor. She showed him the weirdly clean bathroom. He checked the water flow and drains. Frowned as though he didn’t trust how good of shape it was in.

  “Dumpster’s coming tomorrow,” she said as they made their way back downstairs.

  “I’ll be here, if you want the help.”

  “If you don’t mind clean-up. Josh always had me do that part. He liked installing things. He never wanted to do the demo and clean-up. Kind of like David. He offered to hire people.”

  “Mm-hmm.” He was back to surveying the room. His cap was backward again, now that he was indoors.

  “Do you think I should let him?”

  “Let who do what?”

  She leaned against a wall and shook her head at him. “Let David hire a crew to do the cleanup.”

  “It’s none of my business, Maggie.”

  “Okay. So maybe I will.”

  He shrugged. His back was to her. For some reason he was really interested in the bannister.

  “You think he’ll expect me to sleep with him.”

  “Yup.”

  She laughed. “He’s a good person.”

  “A good person who wants to fuck you.”

  “He does not. He hasn’t even asked me on a date.”

  Logan turned to face her. “The hell are you talking about? He’s taken you on, like, six dates this week.”

  “We’re just hanging out.”

  “Sure you are.”

  She couldn’t keep from laughing. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Why? Because I tell it like it is?”

  “Because you’re jealous. What right do you have to be jealous?”

  “I’m not jealous.”

  “Sure you aren’t.”

  “I just don’t like his tactics, is all. I don’t respect his moves. He should just be honest with you.”

  “He’s been very real and honest with me. You’re the one not being honest.”

  He closed the distance between them faster than she was prepared for. She backed up against the wall, overjoyed at this new development. Angry Logan was super sexy.

  “If he was being honest, he’d say, Maggie, I just wanna fuck you. Instead he’s acting like a sleazy salesman trying to trick you into catching feelings for him.”

  “Why do you think it’s okay to use that kind of language with me?”

  He must have felt convicted. He took a step back and looked down at his boots. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Really. But I’m not wrong about him.”

  “What do you want, Logan?”

  He stared at her, eyes wide.

  “Just say what you want. If you’re so into honesty, it shouldn’t be that difficult.”

  “I don’t want anything.”

  “Nothing? Not even something you think you shouldn’t want?”

  “I want to not be in this conversation right now… Is that what you’re looking for?”

  She dropped her head back and laughed in frustration. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Yeah, well, so are you if you
think he’s not trying to get you into bed.”

  “I wouldn’t care if he was. He’s welcome to try. Maybe I’ll even let him succeed.”

  “Fine with me. I don’t care.”

  “Good.”

  “Great.” He went back outside. A few minutes later, she heard the lawn mower start back up. It looked like he’d finished the front and side yards, and now he had to do the back.

  Maggie took a moment to catch her breath and calm down.

  Times like these she was thankful for her sense of humor. Logan had definitely become a frustrating complication in her life, but at least he was kind of funny about it. Acting like a jealous teenager. Making himself unnecessarily miserable, and trying to drag her down with him.

  She shook her head and went back to work bagging up garbage.

  CHAPTER SIX

  FRIDAY WAS LOGAN’S day to take Ellie to her radiation therapy. He and his siblings had agreed they should each do it at least once so they could understand the process and see the effects firsthand. He’d taken her to her first treatment a couple of weeks ago. She was considerably more frail, now.

  “You know, school starts next week,” she said as they drove toward the hospital.

  Logan wasn’t sure what this had to do with him, but she seemed to enjoy talking about normal, everyday things. “Cool. Kids excited?”

  “Everyone except Nate, I think.”

  “He’s old enough to know the whole thing’s a waste of time.”

  “Oh, you stop. Don’t go saying stuff like that to him.”

  “Why not? Kid’s gonna figure it out eventually.”

  “Just because you dropped out, don’t go trying to talk everyone else into it.”

  “I didn’t drop out. I graduated early.”

  “But then you didn’t even go to college.”

  “I joined the Army. When was I gonna go to college?”

  “After you got back.”

  “I joined during the Bush administration… I was pretty sure I wasn’t coming back.”

  “But then you did and you could have gone to college.”

  “Or…I could have worked on my buddy’s ranch in the most beautiful countryside God ever created.”