NEVER BEEN A LOVED ONE

by Ramamurthy, Sivaranjini

  “Close your eyes tight and don’t open it, until I say,” CK stressed his words and kept her foot on his lap.

  “But what are you going to do? asked Sara, puzzled.

  “At least now listen to my words,” urged CK. Sara closed her eyes. He held an ant, looked at Sara’s closed eyes and then brought it close to her wound. When the ant bit her wound, Sara twitched and pulled his arm shouting in pain. He cut its body, leaving its head holding the wound tight.

  “I am doing the stitches. I have seen it in a film. Just bear the pain for some more minutes,” he said, rushing up his words looking at Sara.

  “No, no no it’s paining a lot,” shouted Sara nodding her head, tears welling up in her eyes.

  “It will heal you soon.” CK looked at her pink, terrified face. “Trust me,” he added, looking deep into her eyes. Those words made her close her eyes, holding his arm tight. With each ant, Sara was bobbing in pain, squeezing his arm. He made it as fast as he could. Feeling the tears rolling down in his arm, he felt even more painful than her. “That’s it, it’s over,” he patted her and wiped her tears as tears welled up in his eyes.

  There was a moment of silence between them except that Sara was weeping, holding his arm tight. Why do I suffer more when she is in pain? What is happening to me? I didn’t know I was this caring until I showed it to her, he thought as he rubbed her shoulder. She too has her flaws like black gums, thin wrists and many more but even then she appears like the most beautiful woman in the world through my eyes. He looked at her leaning on his arms. It is because of the comfort zone she gives me even in this uncomfortable forest. Being with her gives me a different feeling, which I have never felt with any other woman I have crossed in my life. I think I found my love. I know I am thinking way too fast, but I am sure she is the one I have been waiting for so long. I know she likes me, but I don’t know whether she loves me. But I am confident that I can make her feel the same way as I do by showing my love towards her. CK came out of his thoughts when Sara relieved his hand suddenly.

  He saw her tucking her hair behind her ears with her trembling hands looking away realizing she was holding his arm tight.

  “Do you feel better now?” CK asked, trying to express his care. Sara nodded yes facing down.

  “We shall stay here and then start our journey tomorrow.” He uttered.

  “What? The whole night? She shouted, looking at him with a bulged eye.

  “We have no other choice. It’s not safe for us to travel at night.”

  “But it’s bright, look at the full moon.” She pointed at the moon.

  “You were not able to see the quicksand even in sunlight and you are talking about the moonlight.” CK smiled.

  “Don’t talk about it,” Sara rushed up her words as she nodded her head. She faced down with a long face. “I thought we will find a way out by the end of the day.”

  “Don’t lose hope, if it’s not today it’s tomorrow. Every great struggle will result in great happiness at the end.” He assured her. She didn’t react. He held her hand and she looked at him. “We don’t know what will happen next, life can change in a second. You were the one who said it.” He looked deep into her eyes. Sara nodded yes, smiling.

  “Come on, obviously you should be having some idea about tenting, say it,” he said as he got-up.

  “You are asking as if I visit here often,” smirked Sara, smiling. “But I do know,” she offered, sticking her tongue out.

  “You have seen it on Discovery?” CK teased her. Sara nodded yes, they both burst out in laughter. “Doesn’t your TV have any another channel?” He laughed.

  “Intelligent people will only watch Discovery,” she raised up her collar.

  “Yeah, yeah, intelligent people will hurt their leg jumping on sharp stones.”

  “Ah! That’s excitement! It’s another department!”

  “Okay intelligent madam. What should I do now to make a tent?”

  “Yeah, there it is,” Sara pointed at something. CK saw something fiber-like twirled around the trees.

  “Yes madam,” he obliged and walked towards the tree. She kept laughing. He cut it and brought it with the help of a sharp stone. “And, what next madam?”

  “Enough,” she smiled.

  “Oh is it enough?”

  “I meant enough of madam.”

  “Okay madam,” he smiled.

  “Okay sir the next one is…”

  “No, no, no, request accepted no more, madam.” They both burst out in laughter.

  Soon CK made two hanging beds with the help of tree sticks and the strong fiber thanks to Sara. He held his hip and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She kept admiring him the way he tries to comfort her, lost in her thoughts.

  “It’s time to sleep,” shouted CK, with stretched out hands turning to Sara. She flinched and smiled, looking at him and the hanging bed. She then clapped her hands hard and he bowed his head smiling. “Don’t sleep for 16 hours,” he said, walking towards her.

  “I can’t assure it. I am feeling so tired and I have covered a distance, which I have never covered all my life,” she held her painful knees.

  “Okay, no problem. Then tomorrow we no need to make a new bed, we will stay here in this dark forest itself.”

  “No! I’ll wake up soon!” CK smiled and saw his wet dress on the inskirt beside her. Seeing it, he felt as if the cold breeze of the forest was healing the hot scar within him. Today our clothes are united soon our heart will be thought CK, picking it up.

  “No!” shouted Sara trying to reach his hand.

  “What? I am just going to dry it,” he said holding it.

  “Uh, I’ll do it, give it to me,” Sara rushed up her words.

  “What are you blabbering? You are not even able to stand.”

  “Yes and you are having my clothes,” She stammered.

  “Why shouldn’t I dry it?”

  “No, no, it’s not like that…” Sara flipped and squeezed her hand, turning around she saw her wet saree on the other side. “Dry this first. It’s your favorite saree. It will get spoilt if it is wet.” She stretched the saree before him. He stood blank. Sara smiled tight lipped.

  “Whatever,” he said, dropping the wet cloth on the bark and he took the saree. He walked away and squeezed the saree. He then looked at Sara. She smiled at him. She is hiding something , he thought. He acted as if he didn’t notice her. He saw her through the corner of his eye pulling out her inner wear wrapped inside the inskirt with her eyes glued at him. Oh how foolish I am, I forgot about it. How embarrassed she would have felt , he thought, controlling his smile.

  CK stretched the saree and put it on the branches of the tree. Mom I don’t know where my life is taking me, but I only know that you will always be beside me, protecting me, trying to give me happiness. You have succeeded mom, I am happy being next to her. Thanks for sending her into my life mom, I love you mom , he thought, brushing his hand on the saree. He saw Sara leaning on the bark looking at him with her sleepy eyes. Soon when CK came back drying out the rest of the clothes, Sara fell asleep. He stood still, feeling the cold breeze smiling and admiring the sleeping beauty in moonlight. You are fast in everything. You made me fall in love with you fast, you changed my life fast and now you even sleep fast, he thought, lifting her up in his arms. Every day I’ll fall asleep, tired of thinking that I don’t even own one person in this crowded world but today I know I have you in my life . He held her and walked towards the hanging bed.

  CK made Sara lie on the bed. He covered her body with her shawl. She curled up, holding his hand. He looked at her face. I want you to hold my hands forever and ever baby , he whispered, brushing her hair. I don’t know whether I’ll be a perfect boyfriend, but I know for sure I will never put you in a situation where you miss your father because I know the pain of having never been a loved one. In the process of healing your wound I believe my wound will also be healed. I don’t know when I will speak out my heart, but I hope it will happen soon . Slowly
Sara relieved his hand. He then made fire to be safe using her technique, lay on his bed and kept looking at her and soon he fell asleep.

  He shrank his eyes and tossed his body feeling the heat of the sunlight. CK was wondering where he was, feeling the pain all over his body as if someone had beat him so hard last night. After trying so hard, he opened his eyes and saw Sara sleeping. Seeing her, he rose up as if he was charged with the terrific hijack flashing up in his mind. He turned all around looking at the dense forest worrying how to get out of it. He got a glimpse of her turning towards him. He saw her sleeping peacefully in her own world like a cute little pussy cat.

  “How could you make me smile even when you’re asleep?” whispered CK, smiling. And I couldn’t stop myself from admiring you even in this chaos , thought CK walking towards her with his eyes glued on her. “You are the one I was waiting for so long, I can’t wait here after. I’ll figure our way out fast and end this chaos and then I will confess my love towards you to end the chaos, which has prevailed within ourselves for so many years,” whispered CK tucking her strand of hair lying in her eyes, behind her ear. Sara opened her eyes and stared at him, feeling his hands. Oh my god, did she hear me? Should I confess now? What should I do now ? Different questions popped in his mind and he stepped back frightened. “What?” Sara shouted, clueless.

  “What?” He asked in a low voice smiling without knowing what to say.

  “Why did you wake me up so early?” She closed her eyes curling and covering up herself with the shawl from the bright sunlight. He held his chest with a hand and breathed a huge sigh of relief realizing she didn’t hear it.

  “Yeah, we have come for picnic to the forest to sleep well.”

  “Do you know how much my body is aching?” She asked, tossing this side and that side.

  “If it is aching so much even for that thin body, imagine about mine,” he said, stepping towards her. “Come on, we should figure our way out by today.” He pulled away her shawl.

  “Okay, just give me five more minutes,” said Sara fighting for the shawl. Seeing her pleading CK couldn’t force her.

  “Okay, I’ll go figure out which side we should start searching our way out.” He left the shawl, looking around the dense forest.

  “Take your own time.” Sara continued sleeping on her stomach, covering herself inside the shawl with her hand, waving, peeping out. Hearing her voice, CK smiled looking at her. He then turned all around wearing the mini backpack confused where to start. He then took a deep breath and walked forward. He was walking very slow, turning all around, making sure he leaves a footprint to keep track of himself. After a few minutes, he stepped back in shock. He then looked keen at what he saw. His heartbeat raised realizing what he thought was right. It is a footprint of an animal crossing from this side to the other. The next second his body began to tremble hearing something through the bushes. He stood breathless.

  He then slowly moved his eyeball to look through the bushes with his heart banging against his chest. He saw something moving fast, Oh my god, oh my god , thought CK trying hard to gulp down his fear. He then got a glimpse of a rabbit ear. He confirmed it, kneeling down, wiping his sweat. He then breathed a huge sigh of relief getting backup. But what if it would have been some dangerous animal? These are not the footprints of a rabbit. What if it would have been my last moment? Oh my god would some animal have attacked Sara? He had a shortness of breath walking fast in the opposite direction. “No, nothing would have happened to Sara, we have made fire there so no animal will get near it,” whispered CK, tapping his chest with a hand. But your life is not guaranteed in this forest , warned his mind. Yes, it’s true. I’m going to confess my love so at least my soul will not wander. I’m going to face it. I know she loves me but what if doesn’t ?

  At the max she will scold me, but she can’t run away from me here in this forest , said CK, smiling, looking at a butterfly flying across his face. Okay, if I catch the butterfly I am going to propose her soon, else after this chaos decided CK, ending his confusion. His many attempts went in vain but his heart wanted him to propose soon, which made him chase the butterfly for so long. His legs made a sudden break and his mouth opened wide by seeing the place where the butterfly has led to. It was a beautiful natural butterfly garden with flowers and butterflies all over. He turned all around smelling the scent of the flowers with a big smile on his face, feeling fresh after so long. I thought to catch a butterfly, but I have found a world of butterflies. This is a very good sign. I am going to propose to her right now, here. She could never say no in this place , shouted CK, jumping with stretched out hands between the butterflies feeling one among them.

  I can’t wait a second , thought CK, rushing to Sara. Am I really going to propose? But, I don’t have a ring or anything. No don’t think anything, just go with the flow. She is so practical, she will only expect a lovable heart. Just pour out your heart. With different thoughts popping up in his mind, he kept running. Hearing his footsteps, Sara woke up startled. CK stumbled to stand holding the hanging bed.

  “What?” She shouted anxiously.

  “Close your eyes,” he said, breathing heavily.

  “Is anything wrong?” She asked. He nodded his head and kept repeating, “Just close your eyes.” He then lifted her, closing her eyes with his hand. She kept on questioning him but CK didn’t listen to her and he also walked fast without thinking anything knowing if he let the moment pass, he wouldn’t gather up the courage again as he did now. They reached the place and he took a deep breath and slowly pulled back his hand. Sara kept staring at him as he panted. She then flinched, feeling something on her cheek.

  She saw a butterfly moving. Her eyes lightened up and she became motionless. She could feel the happiness spreading through the veins with each step of the butterfly. She smiled at CK. The butterfly flew away.

  “Hey, stop!” Sara shouted, turning to the other side while her hand chased it. Her hands rushed to her wide-open mouth as her eyes popped out. She gazed the beautiful place inch by inch, inhaling the scent of the flowers around. “It’s amazing!” She exclaimed, getting down from his arms with her eyes glued at the garden.

  “Hey!” He shouted, looking at her leg trying to stop her. But she didn’t listen. She walked to the center, mesmerized and she stretched out her hand. Soon butterflies sat all over her and she became one among them. CK watched her like magic.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this?” Sara asked with a smile.

  “Then how could I have seen this smile?” He replied, admiring his fairy.

  “Yes, this place is superb! It’s really a big surprise.” She twirled around with hands stretched out, enjoying butterflies flying all over her. “I love these butterflies and I love these flowers. I just love this place!” She shouted. I love you , he thought, admiring his love twirling happily in between the butterflies like one among them. “And I also-” Sara stuttered, facing CK. Oh my god, is she going to propose me ? He wondered as his heartbeat raised up. “Love being with you. You make me feel comfortable and happy even in this chaos,” said Sara, looking deep into CK’s eyes. There was a moment of silence between them. He recalled what he heard was right. I was so wrong. Girls do confess their feelings. She has feelings for you. So come on, this is the right time to speak out your heart , he thought, gathering up courage tapping his feet.

  “It’s not only you. I felt some connection from the very first moment I saw you wearing my mom’s saree,” he tried hard to gather words. She walked towards him, puzzled. “I didn’t know what it was, but as days moved on with you-” he stopped, gulping down his fear. Sara moved her eyes left and right, shrinking her forehead. “I realized it is-” he continued, bending down. Sara rushed and closed his mouth, pulling him behind the tree. CK tried to let go asking, “What is it.”

  “Shush!” Sara bent towards him, resting his shoulder on the bark of the tree. CK could feel her warm breath and he saw her lips very close. Is she going to kiss and confess her love ? He wonder
ed. He looked at her lips moving towards him.

  But Sara peeped and breathed a huge sigh of relief. CK was puzzled hearing something through the bushes. He then saw the monkey. They smiled seeing each other but soon Sara’s smile vanished and fear took over her face. He saw her eyes turn red. He peeped and saw the Black Panther holding the monkey in its mouth. Seeing it, he hid behind the tree pulling Sara. She buried her face in his chest, shivering. He stood breathless, panting. They both held each other tight, shivering and breathing heavily hearing the panther moving through the bushes. He peeped slowly and saw the panther running far away from them. He then breathed a sigh of relief rubbing Sara’s arm, which had goose bumps. She looked at him with dilated pupils.

  “It’s gone!” CK murmured, nodding his head. Sara peeped and brushed her hands through her face, breathing heavily, trying to realize the fact that they are safe.

  “Come, we have to leave this place soon.” Sara started running and pulled his hand. “But-” he dragged. Sara was not in a state to listen anything. They both ran as fast as they could. Oh my god, why should it happen now. Only now I gathered up my courage to speak out my heart. But it’s okay, she would have understood what I was about to say. We are safe now which is even more important right now. Thank God , thought CK, running behind Sara and convincing himself as usual. They both slowed down only after seeing their hanging beds. He felt safe as if they were back home since they were safe here the whole night. He turned to Sara who was still frightened.

  “We are safe now,” he said, holding her hand. She faked a smile, thinking deeply. “Look at your legs, you are not able to walk let alone run.” He looked at her leg to divert her as usual.

  “Yes,” she agreed, with her hands rushing to her wide opened mouth, bending down. “I don’t feel the pain, you have done wonders,” Sara smiled.

  “Yeah, I know I do wonders.” CK lifted up his collars.

  “Yes, like taking me to a place so that I would become prey to the panther!” Sara was furious at him.