NEVER BEEN A LOVED ONE

by Ramamurthy, Sivaranjini

  He broke the silence, “I’ve never walked this much in my life,” he stated, breathing heavily.

  “Me too…” She held her hip bending her neck back, closing her eyes and mouth tight.

  “Is it paining a lot? Should we take rest for a while?” asked CK.

  “No, it’s getting late.” She held her forehead with a hand, looking at the sun, which was about to set.

  “Okay, speak something and walk so you won’t feel the pain.” I’d like to carry you in my arms, I can’t see you suffering.

  “What to speak? You start.”

  This is a good chance, ask her whether she is single , warned his mind. “Ha!” he said thinking, Come on, come on, ask her.

  “What?” Sara pushed away the branches of the plants on the way walking ahead.

  “Do you exercise regularly?” He thought, Oh shit, I never say what I plan but anyways it wouldn’t be nice to start with that.

  “Since I asked you that question, you are asking me the same?’ asked Sara smiling at CK.

  “No, not like that, you look size-zero and you asked me whether I exercise so I thought you are fond of exercise,” CK rushed up his words.

  “I am not size-zero, actually I am underweight.” She stuck her tongue out. “But it’s nice to hear that comment from a handsome guy,” she blushed. Oh my god, she said I’m handsome. I know it but still hearing from her makes me fly . Their eyes were interlocked, Sara turned away suddenly realizing that she said it.

  “Actually, I have never went to the gym.” She continued. CK kept smiling seeing her hiding her blush. “I have even tried to put on weight, but I gave up realizing that first I should accept the way I am only then others can.” She added, facing down.

  “But don’t you think physical beauty is also important?” CK asked, being confused whether he mistook the way she looked at his arms.

  “Yeah it is but it varies through the eyes of the person, each one is unique. The real beauty lies with the confidence we carry ourselves as we are.” Sara walked ahead. Yep, she would surely like me, I am confident, now it’s time to shoot that question, he thought as he walked just behind her.

  “Your boyfriend doesn’t insist you put on weight?” He asked.

  “Boyfriend?” Sara laughed and turned back. “Did I tell you I have one?” She asked, smiling at him.

  “So, you don’t have one?” He asked with a heavy heartbeat rushing up his words, expecting the answer to be no.

  “No.” She looked puzzled.

  As soon as Sara turned front, CK jumped raising his hands up as if he won the match. She turned back suddenly hearing the noise and she looked at him amused.

  “Argh! Insect, some insect…” He rubbed his shoulder. Sara stood blank.

  “Come on, how can a size-zero girl be without boyfriend? Did you have a break up?” He tried to divert her.

  “If I don’t have a boyfriend does it mean I am not beautiful? I know I am.”

  “Hey relax, I didn’t mean it that way,” he offered as he walked beside her.

  Sara nodded her head saying, “I know what you meant. I studied in a girl’s school so when I went to college, boys were aliens for me. I had crushes, but I didn’t make any move, so nothing worked out so obviously I never fell in love.” Thanks to your parents for joining you in that school and thank god for the bad luck of those crushes . CK came out of his thoughts hearing Sara’s words, “Hurry up, it’s going to rain.” He looked up at the dark clouds.

  “Yeah, we-” He moved his head all around searching for Sara. He turned left and right in search of her with his mouth wide open. He froze and his heart missed a beat when he realized she was missing.

  THE STRUGGLE

  CK was taken by shock, hearing Sara’s trembling voice, “Hey.”

  He saw her head on the ground with her body stuck inside, waving her hand with a terrified face. He was stunned to see her, everything went out of focus except her bobbing. His heart beat raised up and his legs automatically rushed towards her, but stepped back realizing she was stuck in quicksand. She was fighting to get out, but the more she tried the more she sank. He went dropped on his knees blank, as she kept crying out for help. He crawled around, tears welling up in his eyes breathing heavily. To make the situation worse, it started to drizzle. Raindrops joined the sweat on his forehead and rolled down his cheeks along with his tears. His heart was banging against his chest, as he stretched out his trembling hand shouting, “Sara!”

  Sara tried to reach his hand crying aloud, “CK!” But, even her lengthy hands couldn’t reach him, he then tried with his shirt, but nothing worked out. Seeing her sinking, he felt as if his soul was moving out of his body. Why is it only me? CK shouted against the thunder holding his hair and closing his eyes tight without knowing what to do.

  CK’s mind flashed his friend’s words, “Love is like quicksand. The more you try to forget her, the more you remember her.” He opened his eyes suddenly and recapping his friend’s words he thought, Oh my god, she shouldn’t move!

  “Sara! Don’t move! Don’t move!” He shouted, but she was not in a state to listen to him. “SARAAAA!” he shouted with all his energy, which made her look at his eyes. “Don’t move!” He stressed his words, moving his palm up and down in the air. “The more you try to move, the more you sink,” he stated, holding back his tears. Sara nodded yes as if she remembered something. “Trust me, I will save you,” he said, looking deep into her eyes.

  He brushed his hands through his face and looked around for something that could reach her. He got a glimpse of a long stick. He then turned and confirmed it was long, focusing at it. “Just stay still—there is a long stick. I will get it.” CK ran fast, grabbed it and rushed to Sara. He threw the stick in the quicksand. Sara moved a little and held it. He pulled the stick with all his force. He saw her getting closer. She smiled at him seeing his palm stretched almost near her but soon the smile vanished as soon as the stick broke when she tried to hold his hand.

  CK rushed to hold her hand but she was pulled back in and she started bobbing. He was clueless.

  “Relax! Relax! He saw a branch of a tree close to the quicksand. He rushed to the tree and bent its branch shouting, “Hold it! Hold it! Crawl holding it, don’t pull!” Sara moved a little. “Come on! Come on! You can do it!” Sara crawled. “You are strong, you can do it.” He urged her. He felt as if his soul was returning to him, seeing her moving towards him. “Little more, you have almost reached!” He rushed to her hand. He held her hand tight.

  “That’s it, that’s it! You are safe!” CK looked at Sara’s eyes and pulled her, biting his teeth. He then held her arm and pulled her hard. Finally, Sara’s leg was out of the quicksand. She was in between CK’s legs crying and breathing heavily. The clouds also joined her crying.

  CK breathed a huge sigh of relief and Sara was still weeping.

  “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He kept rubbing her arms.

  Sara nodded her head crying, “I thought I would be dead.”

  “I said I will save you.” He held her arms.

  “I can’t believe I am alive.”

  CK pulled her towards him holding her hip, wrapped her around his arms holding her fingers tight. Sara’s back rested on his chest.

  “Can you feel the heartbeat?” He asked, choking. Sara nodded yes. “Then believe me you are alive.” He stressed his words with a heavy heartbeat, feeling her so close to him. He wanted to stay like this forever. “First, we have to leave this place, only then you will become normal.” He relieved his hands from her shivering hand reluctantly. Sara wiped her face and took a deep breath and stood up. CK saw her hand stretched before him when he was about to get up.

  “What, are you going to lift me again?” CK asked, cornering his eyes trying to tease her. They both burst out in laughter. “Do you need another round?” He looked at the quicksand.

  “Shit, I just tried to help you.” Sara dropped her hand and hit his thigh with her foot.

  “You ju
st watch out and walk. That’s the biggest help you can do.” He smiled.

  Sara moved her lips one side and turned front and was cautious of her steps. He stood still, smiling at her. After a few steps, she curved her palm around her mouth and shouted, “I am alive! I came back from the verge of death!” against the sound of rain jumping. CK looked at her puzzled. Sara kept on jumping.

  “Relax, relax!” shouted CK. Sara stopped and looked at him.

  “It’s time to celebrate, I am alive!” Sara stretched her hands looking at the sky closing her eyes tight. Looking at her with stretched out hands, CK felt to rush to her and hug her tight. He kept on swallowing, seeing her drenched in water. “I am alive,” shouted Sara turning around. You are alive, but you are killing me , he thought, looking at the raindrops travelling through her body. He badly wanted to be those raindrops. He hated the raindrops dripping from his eyelashes that hid her from him for a second. He felt the mud washing away from his body. He thought of the mud as his sorrows. Sara threw her slippers and made music in the stagnant water jumping and swinging her foot, turning her head all around. CK looked at her like watching a magic with his wide open mouth. He just loved the way the hair stuck on her cheek. He freaked out seeing her falling abruptly. He rushed to her.

  CK breathed a huge sigh of relief seeing her sitting in the stagnant water with stretched out legs making a sad face. He burst out in laughter seeing her face.

  “Ha!” shouted Sara biting her teeth and shrinking her eyes.

  “What happened?” He shouted. She tried to hold her foot, but she couldn’t. He held her ankle and placed her foot on his lap. He brushed through her foot with tears welling up in his eyes, seeing the deep cut on her foot. “Oh my god” he said, with a hand on his forehead. Seeing her foot, Sara burst out in tears. “I told you to watch out. You are really crazy!” He said, hitting her forehead with his fingers. He turned all around, grabbed her slippers and came near her. “Just stop crying. It’s your fault!” He said, kneeling. He put the slipper on her foot and helped her stand holding her arms. She cried even more in pain. Seeing her in pain, tears rolled down his cheeks. He made her sit again and wiped his tears as if he was wiping the rain drops. I can’t see her suffering , thought CK looking at her weeping. “There is only one way,” he spoke, taking his hands close to her to lift her, feeling his hands, Sara moved back.

  “What, are you going to walk with this foot and get infected?” He asked, staring at her. She bent down her head, without knowing what to do. CK breathed a huge sigh of relief and lifted her up holding her hip and her thigh. Sara twitched, feeling his hand on her body. She couldn’t resist her feeling. She forgot the pain feeling his warmness. She could feel the raindrops dripping from him despite the rain.

  “Come on, you shouldn’t be stiff when someone holds you.” He smiled.

  “No one has lifted me. How would I know?” She asked, bending her body. There was a heavy blow of air. She brushed her hand through his muscles and held his neck. For the very first time he could feel the presence of love hormones rushing through his blood feeling her hands over him. He could feel the warmness of her breath despite the rain. Will you be in my arms throughout my life? I feel complete holding you, he thought. He walked ahead feeling her heavy heartbeat. She couldn’t take her eyes away from him. He knew Sara was looking at him so he kept looking at the path. They were drenched in the rain of love.

  CK was stopped by the strong winds. Sara held his neck tight, flowers and leaves from the trees fell on them. They felt the moment get even more beautiful. The more I urged for love, the more my life is going to be filled with it , he thought, looking at the flowers ahead on his path. Suddenly the path was hidden from him by a leaf stuck on his eyelid. CK moved his head all around but it was stuck on the wet eyelid. Sara pushed the leaves and flowers away from his face and looked at his face. She then gently removed the leaf showing him the beautiful path—their eyes were interlocked. He could feel the love through her eyes.

  “It’s only because of you I am alive,” Sara looked deep into his eyes. If we are not loved by anyone, it doesn’t mean that we will be in the same way forever. One day our life will change, we would be the special person for someone waiting out there, we would be their life, we would be their soul, we would be their breath as we wanted to be, the two halves will become one. You made me realize it, thought CK looking at her. Sara buried her face on CK’s chest holding him tight, hearing the heavy thunder.

  He felt like flying. He felt very thankful for that thunder. CK could feel Sara blinking her eyes continuously like butterflies fluttering on his body. She then pulled her head back suddenly, realizing what she did.

  “Come on hurry up, we should find our way out before it is dark.” She rushed up her words looking ahead.

  “It’s already dark,” He smiled.

  “Yeah that’s what I am saying.” She tried hiding her blush.

  “You are not that easy to carry,” he said, stretching his shoulder back.

  “What you thought I will only be 20kgs?”

  “No, no, just 10,” he joked.

  “Very funny.”

  “I weigh 50kgs.” Sara stressed her words. CK breathed a huge sigh of relief looking at her. He then lifted her up jumping. Their wet lips were closer, their eyes were interlocked as were their hearts, and the warmness of their heavy breath could be felt by each other. He saw her pull her lower lips slowly in and releasing it still more wet. He badly wanted to wet it some more. He slowly bent forward and their lips were only an inch apart.

  THE MOONLIGHT

  Suddenly they both flinched hearing some sound. Sara turned her head away, continuously blinking and moving her eyes in all direction.

  “Hey, it’s the sound of some fruit falling down,” she shouted pointing at it. CK turned and stared at it letting out his sigh. He saw a giant tree nearby. He made Sara sit on the giant roots and brought a bunch of fruits to her. Sara plucked some fruit from his hand and started to have it, giving the rest to him without even looking at him. Seeing you eating I feel content. I have never felt it before. What are you doing to me? He admired the way Sara ate in a hurry with the pulp spread all over her face. After a few bites Sara realized he was looking at her.

  “Come on have it,” Sara raising her eyebrows.

  “Uh, I was wondering whether it would be toxic.” CK shrugged.

  “What?” She gasped. “Why didn’t you say it before?” She spat the stuff from her mouth. CK was trying hard to control his laughter seeing her reaction. “But, I thought it’s guava and it tastes like it.” Sara looked at the fruit with a puzzled face. CK was smiling looking at her.

  Sara got a glimpse of him smiling in the stagnant water. She saw it with the help of the moonlight. She then lifted her head suddenly. He changed his reaction as if he was puzzled. Sara took a bite staring at CK.

  “It may be poisonous,” he rushed up his words.

  “Let it be,” Sara stressed her words. Oh my god, she found out , warned his mind.

  “I was just trying to tease you.”

  “I knew it.”

  “Yeah. You were not terrified at all.” CK laughed. They both burst out in laughter breaking the silence of the forest. Only after eating did they get back their senses.

  “We are wet. We should change our dress or else we will fall sick and we can’t go further.” Sara pulled the mini backpack from CK. “Luckily I packed some inside this bag,” she said, opening the zip.

  “It would also be wet,” said CK puzzled. Sara disagreed saying it was a waterproof mini backpack and she pulled a black night pant and threw it at him. He caught it and looked at the free-size pant thinking, Oh I can’t believe it. Yesterday we were strangers and today I am going to be inside her pant.

  CK came out of his thought realizing Sara was looking at him, holding her chudi . By the way she looked, he understood what she was waiting for.

  “I’ll go change there. You change here,” he said, getting up. “Sit and chan
ge,” he said, stressing his words pointing at her. Sara nodded yes, smiling. Her eyes were relieved, falling more in love with CK. He walked away with a heavy heart. Shit, had the wound been in her hands, she would have felt her love towards me even more, thought CK sighing out. He wore her pant behind the tree. He brushed his hand through the pant feeling the softness of the pant and smiled. He flinched, hearing her voice calling out his name, which stopped only after hearing his voice. He walked back quickly to her, his legs slowed down and heart fastened when he saw the beautiful woman dressed in blue and yellow chudi. She was even more beautiful in the moonlight and in between the giant trees. CK stopped his steps with his eyes stuck on her. Sara was looking at her foot. Even the moon possesses only half the beauty and warmth you do , he thought, stepping closing to her

  “Beautiful,” he uttered. Hearing him, Sara turned and looked at him puzzled.

  “Ah, the moon is beautiful,” he stated, pointing at the moon beside her. Sara looked at the moon with a smile knowing he meant her. They both looked at the moon. I always wanted to look at the moon with my loved one and now it’s happening and today I feel complete like the full moon , he thought, looking at the moon. Sara then looked at CK wearing her pant, lost in her thoughts. He saw her looking at him through the corner of his eye so he turned suddenly. Their eyes were locked for a second. Sara twitched and looked away. He just loved the way she reacts when he catches her admiring him. He smiled.

  “I was just wondering how to move on with this leg.” She blurted.

  “Is it paining a lot?” He asked, taking his seat beside her keeping his wet cloth aside. “You would have jumped on something sharp. The cut is so deep,” he said, looking at her foot. He then turned all around wondering what to do. He saw a colony of army ants moving on the tree. He remembered a scene in an English movie. I have to do this, there is no other choice , thought CK sighing out, looking at the ant.