Outback Attack

by Gareth P. Jones

  Bruce and Bella were busy with Norma, who was fighting as fiercely as the others. When one of Norma’s punches connected with Bella, Bruce flipped out and yelled, “That’s my little sister. Now you’re in for some Bruce Force!”

  He charged forward and knocked Norma clean off her feet.

  “No one hits my ma,” said a squeaky voice that came from Norma’s stomach.

  “Huh?” said Bruce.

  Suddenly, from within Norma’s pouch, appeared a fourth kangaroo. This one was much smaller than the others, but it took Bruce by surprise. It flew at him in a rage of fists and feet, with a cry of “Joey Whack Attack!”

  “Now, Joey, what have I told you about scrapping?” scolded Norma, getting up and brushing herself down.

  “Yes, listen to your mother. No fighting,” said Boomer, while jumping around trying to flatten Jet.

  “Oh, come on, it’s so unfair,” moaned Joey. “You all get to fight. Why can’t I? Look, they’re only teeny weeny.”

  “Only teeny weeny, eh?” said Bruce, preparing to teach the small kangaroo a lesson he wouldn’t forget.

  “Don’t hurt him,” pleaded Norma. “He’s just an ankle-biter.”

  “He should have thought of that before taking me on,” said Bruce.

  “Bruce, do not harm the young one,” said Chuck.

  Bruce paused, giving Joey the opportunity to leap up and catch him between the eyes with his tail.

  “Ow,” said Bruce, rubbing his head.

  “Ha, Joey Whack Attack!” proclaimed Joey.

  “So you like catchphrases, do you?” asked Donnie. “Well, I’ve got something to catch you.”

  He pulled out a pistol from his backpack and fired a net that landed on top of the small kangaroo. Joey struggled to free himself, but the more he tried, the more tangled he got. Donnie pressed another button that reeled the net in, dragging the struggling kangaroo across the ground.

  “Let me go,” protested Joey.

  “Joey!” cried Norma in distress. “Release him,” she said, fixing her eyes on Donnie, in fury.

  “No harm will come to him if you stop your attack,” said Chuck.

  “All right, you’ve made your point,” said Boomer. “Jack, hold back.”

  Jack folded his arms and shuffled back to stand behind Boomer.

  “Thank you,” said Chuck. “As we were trying to explain, we are searching for a kidnapped human. We believe he was brought out here. You mentioned humans just now. What have you seen?”

  “Well, there have been a lot of funny comings and goings. Humans, koalas, emus even. They’ve been around ever since Kollawollabolong vanished.”

  “Vanished?” asked Bella. “How can a dry lake disappear?”

  “Search me. It was filled in, I suppose. We woke up one morning and it was gone. We’ve tried following the humans, but every time we get close, they disappear without a trace and we wind up confused.”

  “Don’t forget about the nose,” piped up Joey.

  “Oh yes,” said Norma, reaching into her pouch and pulling out a clown’s red nose. “I found this, although none of us could remember how we got it.”

  “The clowns,” snarled Jet, through gritted teeth.

  “If they are involved, there must be a new leader,” said Chuck.

  “Unless they’re in charge now,” suggested Bruce.

  “The clowns in charge. Now, that would be a joke,” snorted Donnie.

  “We’ve told you what we know,” said Boomer. “Now release our boy.”

  “Let him go, Donnie,” said Chuck.

  Donnie released Joey from the net and he hopped back to his mother. As soon as he got near, Norma grabbed him and shoved him back into her pouch. “You’re grounded for the rest of the month, young man. Do you understand?”

  “But, Ma…” protested Joey.

  “Don’t ‘But, Ma’ me,” said Norma.

  “Good kangaroos,” said Chuck. “We respectfully ask your permission to follow our investigation through your land. You have my word that, as soon as we can, we will leave your territory.”

  “Just make sure you do,” said Boomer. “Jack, Norma, let’s go.”

  The kangaroos turned around and hopped away.

  “They weren’t very friendly,” said Bruce.

  “Their land is being invaded,” said Donnie. “You can see why they were a bit jumpy, can’t you!”

  “I should have thought about the clowns when Bella mentioned that the kidnappers had big footprints,” said Chuck.

  “But what could those two want with a professor of rare plants?” asked Jet.

  “Maybe they’ve taken up gardening,” suggested Bruce.

  “Not likely. They’re a pair of weeds themselves,” said Donnie.

  “The question is, how are we going to find them?” asked Bruce.

  “I’ve got an idea,” said Bella. She pulled out a large magnifying glass from her bag and dropped to her knees. “The kangaroos said there had been lots of people coming and going. Let’s see if they left any clues.”

  “Ooh, a magnifying glass! That reminds me, I’m starving,” said Bruce.

  “How does a magnifying glass remind you of that?” asked Jet.

  “It’s a great way of cooking ants,” Bruce replied simply.

  Bella took a close look through the magnifying glass. “There’s a tire mark.”

  The others gathered around to see.

  “It’s pretty faint, but it’s there all right.”

  “So whoever took the professor came in a car,” said Jet.

  “Except there’s only one tire mark,” said Bella.

  “Perhaps it was a wheelbarrow,” suggested Donnie.

  “Or a unicycle,” said Chuck.

  “A unicycle,” said Jet. “Hey, remember that hypnotist we met when we fought the Ringmaster in America? He was on a unicycle. What was his name?”

  “Hans Free,” said Donnie. “Perhaps he’s in charge now. Where does the track lead?”

  “It’s been blown away by the wind,” said Bella, looking down again. “But look.” She picked up a hair and sniffed it. “Ah— ah— chooo!” she sneezed.

  “Bless you,” said Chuck.

  “Koalas,” she muttered, dropping on to all fours and sniffing until she sneezed again.

  “What are you doing, sis?” asked Bruce.

  “She’s sniffing out the route the koalas took,” replied Chuck.

  They watched as Bella moved on to the next hair.

  “Her skills of detection are certainly nothing to sniff at,” said Donnie.

  The meerkats followed Bella across the dry landscape under the blazing sun. After almost an hour and countless sneezes, they spotted a large rock. Next to it was an emu, marching back and forward.

  “It looks as though that emu’s guarding something,” said Chuck, dodging behind a rock to avoid being spotted. The others crouched down beside him.

  “Guarding what?” asked Bruce. “All I can see is that rock.”

  “Let’s go and find out,” said Jet eagerly. He went to move into the open, but Chuck blocked his way.

  “No, we must be subtle before we are bold.”

  “Then I have just the thing,” said Donnie. From his bag he pulled out a large feathery costume. “When I heard we were going to Australia, I took the precaution of dusting off the old emu disguise,” he said.

  “Good work, Donnie,” said Chuck.

  Behind the rock, the meerkats assembled the disguise and climbed inside. Donnie gave the job of operating the two stilt-legs to Jet and Bruce, while he held up the long pole with the head on top. Chuck and Bella balanced on Jet and Bruce’s shoulders and watched where they were going using eyeholes in the bird’s stomach. After hitching the bird disguise up onto its two legs, they made their way unsteadily toward the emu.

  “Do you think this is better than simply approaching undisguised?” whispered Bella.

  “We would prefer it if our enemies did not know of our presence,” said Chuck. “Now
please allow me to do the talking. If the emu is to believe the disguise, it must only hear one voice.”

  “Halt. Who goes there? Friend or foe?” said the emu, turning around to confront them.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m a bit lost,” replied Chuck, operating a lever that made the beak move in time with his words. “I’m looking for Kollawolla.…”

  “Kollawollabolong,” said the emu haughtily. “Well, I can’t help you. It’s a classified secret that this is the spot where the dry lake was—before it was covered over.”

  “And I can see that you’re busy guarding this very important rock,” replied Chuck.

  “That’s right, so I’ll have to ask you to move along, please,” said the emu.

  “I’ve never known a rock that needed guarding before.”

  “This is no ordinary rock,” said the emu, lowering his voice. “I couldn’t tell you what it is though. It’s a classified secret.”

  “And I wouldn’t dream of asking,” said Chuck.

  “Good. Because it’s my job to stop any sticky beaks discovering that this rock is, in fact, a secret entrance to a secret lab built secretly inside the old dry lake,” said the emu proudly.

  “You’re doing a splendid job of keeping it a secret,” said Chuck. “I imagine it’s got a really clever way of opening, too.”

  “That’s right,” the emu nodded. “You see this here?” He pointed to a hollow tree trunk sticking out of the ground.

  “Yes,” said Chuck.

  “It’s what we call a didgeridoo,” whispered the emu. “Authorized personnel wanting to enter just have to blow into it to open the secret entrance to the secret lab. Anyway, you’d better be off now. I have important guard duties to fulfil.”

  From somewhere inside the emu, another voice spoke. “Is it time to be bold now?”

  “Yes, Jet, I’d say a roundhouse kick should do it,” replied Chuck.

  “What did you say?” asked the emu.

  At that moment, Jet brought the stilt-leg he was manoeuvring swinging around and kicked the emu. It toppled over, out cold.

  The force of the move and the fact that there was only one leg left holding it up meant that the emu disguise toppled over and sent the meerkats crashing to the ground.

  “Oh, very subtle,” said Bella, crawling out.

  “We extracted the information we needed without revealing our identities,” said Chuck, while Donnie packed the disguise away. “When he comes around, he’ll say he was attacked by another emu. That’s subtle enough. Now we must get inside.”

  “Leave it to me,” said Jet. He scampered up the didgeridoo, pushed his whole head inside, and gave a big blow, creating a long deep note that caused the ground to vibrate.

  “You know how to play the didgeridoo!” said Bella, clearly impressed. “You must have been to Australia before.”

  “No, but the circular breathing we use in our martial-arts training is the same that is required to play the didgeridoo,” replied Jet.

  In response to the sound, part of the rock slid slowly to the side, revealing a dark tunnel leading underground.

  “They must be up to something serious for all this secrecy and security,” remarked Donnie.

  “Look,” said Bella. “There’s the tire track again—it goes straight in.” She was down on all fours to look at it when suddenly she sneezed. The sound echoed around the tunnel walls.

  “Sorry,” she said.

  “I think you’d better have this,” said Donnie, reaching into his bag and pulling out a piece of white material.

  “I’ve got a hanky, thanks,” said Bella.

  “This is no hanky,” replied Donnie. “It’s an air-filtering mask. It protects your nose from the koala hair and stops you sneezing.”

  “Good work, Donnie,” said Chuck. “Bella’s nose has proved useful getting us this far, but a sneeze now could end up blowing it for all of us.”

  The five meerkats entered the tunnel and the rock slid back into place behind them. Donnie pulled out a head torch from his gadget bag and switched it on.

  “It’s very peculiar that this could all have been made without the kangaroos knowing about it,” said Bella.

  “They said that each time they followed the intruders, they ended up confused,” said Chuck thoughtfully.

  “Maybe the clowns have found some way of confusing people,” said Donnie.

  “Like the plant on Dragon Island—Herbiscus Confusus?” suggested Jet.

  “It can’t be,” said Donnie. “We stopped the Ringmaster and his cronies from stealing it and chased them off Dragon Island.”

  “True,” said Jet. “But it would explain why the volume on the letter ‘H’ was missing from the A to Z of Rare Plants.”

  “We are certainly getting closer to solving the mystery. We must proceed with caution—the red smoke of the Herbiscus Confusus was very powerful,” said Chuck. “Donnie, do you have more masks?”

  “Sorry, that’s the only one,” admitted Donnie.

  “Then we have even more reason to be cautious,” said Chuck. “Remember, our goal is to find Professor Abong.”

  When they reached a point where the tunnel divided in two, the meerkats stopped.

  “Donnie, Bruce, and Bella, take the right tunnel,” said Chuck. “Jet and I will take the left.”

  “Here, take my flashlight,” said Bella, handing him one from inside her coat.

  “Thank you,” said Chuck. “And like the elephant who tiptoes across the minefield, we must tread carefully.”

  With these parting words, Chuck and Jet headed along the left-hand passageway. They walked in silence until they came to another junction.

  “Someone’s coming,” said Jet.

  Chuck turned off the light and they ducked out of sight.

  “Hold it carefully now, Greggles, mate,” said a voice. “We don’t want to breathe in this stuff, especially since you went and lost our masks.”

  “I am holding it carefully, Robbo. Besides, I didn’t lose them. I put them in the wash. It’s disgusting, having to wear them all day long and never washing them.”

  Two koalas appeared around the corner, both wearing head flashlights and carrying a large bucket between them. Jet peered out, but he couldn’t see what was inside the bucket as there was a lid on top.

  “I’ve had it with all this lugging,” said Greggles. “I didn’t join the League of Extreme Koalas to lug buckets around.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not long now till everything’s ready,” said Robbo. “Then there’ll be no more lugging for us. We’ll be giving orders and the rest of the world will be following them.”

  Greggles put down his side of the bucket. “Funny sort of plan in my opinion, mate. If you ask me, these fruit loops we’re working with ain’t all there. They’re two corks short of a whole hat, if you know what I mean. They’re one shrimp short of a full barbie. They’re as crazy as a dingo with its tail on fire.” He slammed his fist down on the bucket. The lid flew up and a wisp of red smoke came drifting out.

  “What are you playing at?” snapped Robbo, pushing the lid back into place.

  Greggles looked blankly at the other koala. “Hey, what’s going on? What’s this bucket for?” he said.

  “You’ve inhaled the fumes, you fool,” said Robbo.

  “I’ve what the what? Hey, why have we got these lights on our heads? Where are we?”

  “Pick up your side of the bucket and come on,” ordered Robbo.

  Greggles looked confused, but he did as he was told. They carried on through the tunnel and around the corner.

  Jet and Chuck emerged from the shadows and followed them.

  “Did you see that red smoke?” said Jet. “It was just like the smoke on Dragon Island from the Herbiscus Confusus.”

  “Aye, and there’s a good reason for that,” said a voice behind them.

  Chuck and Jet spun around, but all they saw was a cloud of red smoke billowing toward them.

  * * *

  In the other
tunnel, Donnie, Bruce, and Bella had spotted a light up ahead.

  Donnie switched off his flashlight and they approached cautiously. The tunnel led into a vast cave. The meerkats crept inside and hid behind a stack of buckets to take in the incredible scene. The cave was filled with shiny equipment and strange machinery. In the center were twenty huge missiles, pointing up at the ceiling. To the side of the missiles, there was an elevated area with consoles displaying rows of buttons, levers, and screens.

  “It’s a missile base,” said Donnie.

  “Missiles?” exclaimed Bella.

  “No ordinary missiles either,” said Donnie. “Look at those koalas over there.”

  There were dozens of koalas wearing white masks over their mouths and carrying buckets back and forth from a huge vat in one corner of the room. Every time the vat was opened, a wispy red gas escaped from inside.

  “I recognize that gas,” said Donnie. “It’s made when the Herbiscus Confusus is burned. They must be filling these missiles with the red smoke so that they can cause massive explosions of confusion.”

  “Wouldn’t they just hit the ceiling if they went off?” asked Bruce.

  “No. Look closer. There’s a gap down the middle so the roof can be slid back when the missiles are launched,” said Donnie.

  “And look, there’s the professor! We’ve found him!” said Bella.

  At the far side of the cave, surrounded by bubbling test tubes was Professor Abong.

  “He’s helping them!” said Bruce.

  “I think I can see why,” said Donnie. He pointed out a man on a unicycle, dangling a watch on a chain in front of the professor. “Hans Free, the unicycling hypnotist, is controlling the professor. They must have needed his expertise to use the plant smoke as a weapon.”

  “How can we get him out of his trance?” asked Bella.

  “A sharp slap to the face should do it,” replied Donnie.