Son of a Crime God, Daughter of a Hoover

by Latoya Nicole

  I slapped her ass with some cooking flour and left. You would think I was smart enough to stay away from someone as crazy as her, but I wasn’t. As soon as I woke up this morning, she was the first thing on my mind. After I got dressed, I went over to her spot to take her to breakfast. I’ve never laughed and talked that much with a chick in my life. She just brought out a different energy in me. Spark was crazy as fuck, so she hardly got offended. We talked shit to each other and could laugh about it. Half the shit I say to her, the next bitch couldn’t take it. They would be pouting and telling me to take them home. Not that it bothered me, but it felt good to be yourself unfiltered and could laugh about it.

  Shit was going smooth and I was even ready to go to class just so I could stay around her. That was until the police came in and booked my ass. Even though I was getting arrested, I didn’t give a fuck about that shit. My ass was too busy trying to read Spark and I was praying she didn’t believe that shit. However she was feeling, she kept that shit under wraps. I could have called my pops myself, but I was testing Spark. If she didn’t call him, then I knew she wasn’t fucking with me.

  The entire ride to the station, I blamed myself for fucking with these duck ass bitches. Hannah was too clingy, and her family had status. Those type of bitches didn’t take rejection well, but she was gone learn who the fuck she was dealing with. I wasn’t worried about nothing, because I never put myself in fucked up situations. When we got to the station, I looked the officer dead in his face and laughed.

  “Is something funny bitch? I wanna see how funny that shit is when you in jail getting fucked in the ass by a bunch of inmates that hate rapists.” His ass was mad, and I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Nigga that’s gay.” His bitch ass punched me in the mouth, instead of me going off. I licked the blood from my lips and smiled. Looking at his name tag, I made sure to keep a mental note of that.

  “Say something else, you won’t be able to talk out your pie hole.”

  “Do what you feel my nigga.” I was the worst type of nigga. I didn’t fear shit and that came from being raised by Phantom. He trained me on so much shit, no nigga in this world moved me. My heart pumped blood, not pussy. He always taught me that I would find myself in situations I couldn’t control, but to stay calm. There would always be a time for reparations. In his uniform, he thought he was in charge and that was true. When I got out of here, then I would be in my element and I would be the nigga in charge. The only difference was, he wouldn’t come out of it alive.

  For five minutes, I was his punching bag and I didn’t flinch. His big ass got tired and threw me in a cell. His ass was either too worried about beating my ass or he wasn’t up with the times. The nigga took my phone, but not my apple watch. Shaking my head, I texted Phantom as much as I could before I got tired of scribbling on that dumb ass shit. He knew enough and even though he didn’t respond, I knew he was on the way. I’m sure he was upstairs right now throwing on his white. That nigga so dramatic, ain’t no telling how he was about to walk up in this place. Knowing it was going to take him about five hours to get here, I closed my eyes and got some rest.

  “Forgive them father, for they know not what they have done.” Laughing before I even opened my eyes, I knew my pops was here. If my homies saw how this nigga was acting, they would know exactly where I got this dumb ass shit from. I kept Phantom from my school life though, until now. It was time to unleash this nigga. Hannah had no idea what the fuck kind of can she just opened.

  “Sir, I’m gone need you to have a seat while we process him out.” Standing up, I walked over to the gate, because I already knew how this was about to go. For some reason, even the police be scared of this nigga.

  “Either you open the gate and let him out or I do. If I do it, nobody has a good day. I don’t think you want that. You have your money, now open the gate.” The funniest part of it all, was my mama. She was standing next to him with her hand on her hip and head to the side. She had her ghetto girl, try me if you want to look on her face while her lips were twisted up. The officer looked at him for a while and I guess he figured it wasn’t worth the trouble. Opening the gate, he let me out.

  “Aww hell naw. Who needs the shoe? Who the fuck needs the mufucking shoe? They done whooped his ass.” I don’t know if she was throwing shade, feeling bad, or ready to fight.

  “He’s good Zee bae. Take him outside while I wait on the paperwork.” My mama was pissed, but I understood perfectly. No sense in making a scene in here, the shit would be handled. Thirty minutes later, my pops came out and you could tell he was pissed. When we got in the car, the nigga didn’t even look at me.

  “Lil Darryl, you have done a lot of shit and I always knew you were off a little up there, but if you out here taking pussy, I swear I’m about to fuck you up. All the pussy walking around and your slow ass taking some. Look, there go some pussy. Over there by the hot dog stand, she looks like she giving the pussy away. Whew shit, look right there. Some more mufucking pussy. I KNOW YOUR ASS NOT TAKING NO WHITE ASS PUSSY LIL DARRYL.” My mama was going off, not even giving me the chance to say shit back. I guess pops got tired of her as well. Raising his hand, he stopped her mid rant.

  “Speak.” I could tell he was pissed, because that nigga tone gave me chills.

  “I was at this party and shorty sucked my...” The look my mama gave me, told me I better find a cleaner way to tell this story. “I mean, the girl Hannah was giving me some head. I mean… Hell, y’all know what I’m saying. In front of the party. She thought we was gone be together after that I guess. I don’t know how she figured that though, because I left with her friends. Shorty kept blowing me up, but I swerved her. Now this.” Phantom jaw line was jumping, but I couldn’t tell who or what he was mad at.

  “Oh, you not taking pussy. Your dumb ass out here trying to be the man fucking bitches with that lil ass meat in front of everybody. You think you the man Lil Darryl? You can just swang that meat wherever you want to huh. Wait until this car stop, I bet you don’t swing it nowhere else.” My mama was doing the most and I just wanted to get out of the car.

  “ZEE ENOUGH. Who is the girl that called me? One of her friends?” My ass was so busy smiling about Spark calling him, I knew shorty wouldn’t believe that shit.

  “Naw, she was with me when I got locked up.”

  “Can you prove that it wasn’t rape or is this about to become a messy situation?”

  “You know I got that shit on tape pops, just like you taught me.” That nigga shot me a look and I knew I had fucked up. My ass dry snitched by mistake. The rest of the way to my spot, pops looked straight ahead while Zee stared a hole in his head. That shit was funny as hell. You could tell that nigga was scared as shit and trying not to look. When we got to the school, something else drew they attention from him being in trouble.

  My car had rapist spray painted all on it. My shit was white, so that shit stood out like a mufucka. Getting out, I was pissed and ready to kill Hannah. It was written all over my shit. Walking up on it, I couldn’t do shit but shake my head.

  “Where does the lil bitch live. I’m about to end this shit right now?” When I shook my head no, pops looked at me like I was crazy.

  “It wasn’t her, this was all Spark.” Now they were confused.

  “Who the hell is Spark and why would she do this? You raped her too?” Zee ass was working my last nerves.

  “Spark is the one that I was with, I just told you that. She had my keys. I kind of like her and I guess she believes what they said, and this was her way of telling me that.”

  “I’m still confused on how you feel it was her?” Pops still wasn’t getting it.

  “She set my tires on fire. You don’t see them bitches melted looking like hair gel. Fire is her thing and she knew I would figure it out.”

  “Time out. You telling me you went to jail for raping a white girl, you out here just pulling your lil ass turkey neck out anywhere, and you dating a lil hood rat ass bitch that like to play w
ith fire. Is that what you telling me son?” This was about to get interesting.

  “She’s not a hood rat ma.”

  “Then who the fuck is she?”

  “She’s a Hoover.” My pops head whipped around, and I couldn’t do shit but laugh.

  CHAPTER SEVEN SPARK

  The one guy I liked and thought I could finally be myself with, turned out to be a fucking rapist. Like what the fuck kind of radar I got on my ass? This shit was depressing, and I was over all this shit at this point. When I left IHOP, I took off in his shit not caring how I drove that bitch. I was hoping I hit ninety seven pot holes along the way. Grabbing my phone, I called his dad for him and let that shit be done. Pulling up to Walmart, I ran inside and got some spray paint. Right there in the parking lot, I wrote all over his shit.

  Out of nowhere, I realized I still had to drive the bitch home. Getting in the car, I shook my head at myself. Now my dumb ass was driving down the street looking like the damn rapist. Everybody was looking at me funny, because I was the fool behind the wheel. When I got to the school, I parked his shit and got out. Knowing I didn’t want anybody else to get my credit, I grabbed my Bic and set flame to his tires.

  I damn near blew up the car and my fingertips were burnt. I didn’t quite think my plan through and now I had a fucking attitude. After putting the fire out, my curls were sweated out and I was in pain. I walked in class looking like a victim. Everyone was looking at me, but at that point, I didn’t even give a fuck. As soon as class was over, I knew that shit was a bad idea as well. It was pointless, because I didn’t hear shit the professor said. When class was over, I said fuck it and headed back to my dorm. Unfortunately, that nigga was standing outside, and I knew he was gone wanna fight.

  “Really Spark. Why you do my shit like this? You determined to make me fuck your ass up bruh.”

  “Fuck you Seymore take a lot. You out here raping bitches and eating pancakes with me. You got this shit twisted. Get your nasty ass on.” It wasn’t until he spoke, that I realized the other nigga in white.

  “You all are making a scene. Son, let lil cat lick go inside, so we can handle what’s important. You out here entertaining a mufucka with a lil bang and burnt fingers. Jesus is not pleased. Gone lil flip, head inside.” His daddy was so disrespectful, I didn’t know whether to laugh or beat his ass.

  “Y’all can have this shit. You out here talking shit and you mufuckas out here looking like y’all arguing over who gone direct the choir this Sunday. Chile please. Take it to the top Altos looking ass.” Not waiting for a response, I went inside and left them to their raping ass son. As soon as I passed the mirror, I fell the fuck out laughing. My hair was matted to my head and shit. My lil make up was melted and I must say, this was a terrible first impression. I could see why his daddy was disappointed.

  “Hey Spark, did you talk to your nigga about one of his friends? My ass been waiting all morning for you to text me and tell me something.” All I did was shake my head and grabbed my shit. Heading to the shower, I got in and tried to wash the day away. Darryl kept invading my thoughts and I needed to wash his ass out of my thoughts as well.

  As soon as I rinsed off, I grabbed my towel and got out of the shower. I damn near shitted on myself when I saw him leaning against the sink looking at me. I don’t know how I didn’t notice the first time he was bruised up. He also had blood on his white and it took everything in me not to ask him was he okay His ass was still looking sexy as fuck. Making sure my face didn’t betray me, I stood there trying to keep my attitude.

  “Oh, so you about to rape me too? Get the fuck out of here before I turn your nasty ass in. Damn shame.” His jaw line jumped, and I could tell I had pissed him off. Walking up to me, he grabbed my ass and leaned down close to me. I felt ashamed that I wanted his rapist ass to remove my towel.

  “If I wanted it, I wouldn’t have to take it. Stop playing with me before I fuck you up.” In my head I was going okay daddy, but on the inside, I remained quiet. Letting me go, he walked out of the bathroom. Getting myself together, I put clothes on and went back to my room. I thought he was gone, but he was sitting on my bed.

  “Uggh you still here? Damn.” That jaw line started jumping again and I was ready to kiss him. What the fuck was wrong with me.

  “Normally, I don’t give a fuck what someone thinks of me, but I want you to know the truth. I didn’t rape her, and I have never taken shit from anybody. I know that shit came from left field, but shorty was lying.” Not ready to just accept what he was saying, I shrugged my shoulders and started combing my hair.

  “All nasty niggas tell that same lie. You don’t owe me shit. You’ll have your day in court, them the mufuckas you have to try and convince. I’m good my nigga.” Not even looking at him, I continued to play in my hair. When he walked my way, I thought he was gone grab me again. He left out the door not saying another word to me. I don’t know why, but I was disappointed. If he was innocent, why didn’t he fight for me to believe him? All I know is, I felt like I just took an L. Grabbing my phone, I called Lena to see if she wanted to hang out. I needed to clear my head, and only one thing would help me do that.

  “You wanna go with me to the mall? I need to get away from this bitch.” She was so quiet, I thought she hung up.

  “Soooo, I’m supposed to go to the mall and watch you shop? Naw I’m straight on that. I mean, I got some money, but the stores I would want to go in, your ass wouldn’t be caught dead in.”

  “I was paying, and I didn’t give a fuck what store, I just wanted to hang out. Don’t worry about it, I’ll see you when I get back.” Hanging up, I went downstairs. Peeking out the door, I made sure they were gone before I walked completely out. Since I didn’t see the deacon board standing out here in their white, I jumped in my car and pulled off.

  When I got there, I went in damn near every store. I tore that bitch off and had a million bags. Most of them were shoes, but I still did too much. If they didn’t hate me before, they damn sure was about to hate me now. By the time I got outside, I could tell someone was following me. It’s like I got this weird ass feeling and I turned to look, but I didn’t see anyone. When I got to my car, I turned around again, and I fell out laughing. The chick that was raving about Darryl being her man, was behind me with her friends. I guess she didn’t like when he said I was his girl.

  “Well if it isn’t Darryl’s lil fake bitch.” Dropping my bags, I ran up and hit her in the mouth. See, I was one of those people who felt whatever was gone happen, was gone happen. I don’t duck shit and I’m not waiting for the next to run up on me first. The hit took her to the ground and I climbed on top of her, before she knew it, I had my Bic to her face.

  “Tell them to back the fuck up.” The girl was so scared, she couldn’t get the words out. I burned her face even though I knew she wasn’t bout that life. Every time that bitch looked in the mirror she was gone think about me. Standing up, I kicked her in the side. “Pussy ass bitch.” She thought I was gone be scared just because she was with friends. Grabbing my bags, I shook my head and got in my car. Darryl was definitely not the nigga for me.

  CHAPTER EIGHT DARRYL

  I don’t know why it bothered me so much that Spark believed that shit, but it did. She didn’t even give me a lil bit of doubt. Shorty took that shit and ran with it like it wasn’t shit and I couldn’t let that shit ride like that. Pops was like leave it alone, but I couldn’t. After trying to talk to me, but she shaded me, I left out feeling defeated. Fuck shorty, she was gone regret that shit and she was gone feel me. When I walked back outside, pops shook his head.

  “I told you leave it alone. Lil Luther had her mind made up and you were determined to try and talk. She done spray painted your whole damn car, but you trying to convince her you didn’t do it. Bring your dumb ass on. How you gone date a girl and your side burns is longer than the hair on her head.” I heard him, but I couldn’t help feeling fucked up behind the shit.

  “Take me to my room, so I can change my
clothes.”

  “Zee Bae, drive his car back over here. Let me talk to my son. His ass needs a heart to heart before I end up fucking his ass up.” She was pissed.

  “Why the fuck I gotta be the rapist? Now everybody gone be looking at me like I’m crazy and shit. Why the fuck we driving this shit all over the campus for?”

  “Take it to a shop, so they can paint it. I’ll come pick you up. Call me when you get there.” Rolling her eyes, she got in the car and peeled off. “Come on dummy.” When I got in the car, I looked out the window. I didn’t want another lecture, I just wanted to go shake some sense in shorty. My pops was staring at me and the shit made me uncomfortable.

  “What?”

  “Leave her where she at. You out here having fun, fucking bitches, and slinging that shit in whoever will take it. If you not ready to settle down, shorty not the one for you.” This nigga was talking like he knew her or something. Now I was confused and not understanding.

  “I’ve never needed help with a chick pops. We were just cool, and I liked her because she was different. Shorty not fucking with me no more behind this shit, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters son. Look, I was in a fucking nut house when I met your mama. She was my damn therapist and saw me at my worse, but she couldn’t fight her feelings. I had this dick in her every chance I got. She didn’t give a fuck that I was out here killing hoes because they didn’t want my dumb ass. Yeah, it was the meds, but we didn’t know that. She saw past my flaws. If that girl likes you, this shit won’t matter. If you not gone be on no real shit, leave her where she at. It’s not a good look.”