Ten Four (Protect and Serve Book 5)

by Nadine Hudson

  “How’ve you been doing since…” I asked, not finishing the question.

  “I’m making it,” she acknowledged. “Checking my phone to see if he’s texted, or reaching for my phone to call him about something… those are the worst times. It doesn’t feel real yet.”

  “I know,” I agreed grimly. “I answer his phone now, and sit at his desk. Mail comes for him all day long, people call all the time asking for him, and it’s like I have to tell people a hundred times a day that he’s gone.”

  “God, that has to suck, Finn. I’m sorry,” she said warmly.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty rough. The first few days… well, I wasn’t in the greatest mood, I’m not ashamed to say,” I said, shrugging as though it had gotten easier somehow.

  “If someone had to fill his shoes, I’m glad it was you,” Veronica said. “It should have been you. I’m happy that’s how it worked out.”

  Without intending to, V and I found ourselves with nothing to say. There was just silence hanging between us while neither of us looked at the other. Another bell sounded, this time signaling the final end of the school day.

  “V… I want to talk to you,” I began, but I didn’t know how to say it. What do you tell someone who’s in so much pain, and a lot of it is your fault? She looked away for a moment, but I pressed on. “Can I stop by later?”

  It took her a moment to think about it, but finally she nodded, even if she looked a little hesitant. “Yeah, I should be home around six.”

  “Great. Can I bring you some dinner or anything?” I asked, trying to go for hopeful but casual.

  She shook her head. “No, that’s okay.” As if seeing my disappointment, Veronica added, “I have some leftovers I need to eat. But thanks.”

  “Okay, right. See you then,” I said, turning back towards my car so she wouldn’t misread the triumphant smile on my face.

  At least she was going to talk to me.

  Chapter Five

  Veronica

  Oh god, Finn was coming here. What was I going to say? Why had I agreed to let myself get within six feet of him? I know, it was because the look of longing and defeat on his face when he showed up unexpectedly. I hadn’t had to think about his gorgeous face all this time, kind of an out of sight, out of mind thing. But even as he was walking towards me today, I knew exactly who it was with just a glance.

  His face, his body… they were burned into my memories and I couldn’t shake them.

  “Do you want me to be there?” Beth asked helpfully when I’d told her what happened.

  “No. That would just be awkward. But thanks,” I’d said, relieved when she didn’t try to talk me out of it.

  “Just remember… do what makes you happy,” she’d reminded me. “You promised your dad, right?”

  “Right. But doing Finn and being happy aren’t necessarily the same thing,” I’d argued, smirking at my reflection while we talked.

  “I dunno, you were pretty happy for a while there,” Beth said, laughing. “Maybe you’re supposed to give this a chance. After all, you don’t work together anymore, you’re not partners, you don’t have to worry about word getting around the police station… maybe the problem before wasn’t you and Finn, but you and Finn versus the world.”

  After we hung up, all I could think about was Beth’s advice. Maybe she was right. Maybe it hadn’t been a cosmic mistake to fall for Finn, only falling for him at that time in my life. Was that even possible?

  I was about to find out. I saw a car pull into the parking lot and recognized Finn getting out. I took a deep breath as I stood behind the door anxiously, waiting for him to knock, waiting a few seconds longer before opening the door so I didn’t seem like I’d been ready to pounce the moment he got here.

  “Hey,” I said, opening the door and welcoming Finn inside.

  “Hi,” he said back, looking around nervously all of a sudden. He frowned as though he didn’t know what he was seeing. “Have I even been here before?”

  “Didn’t you help my dad and me move my things in?” I asked, unsure of my memory on it.

  “No, I’d turned my ankle at work that Friday,” he said, smiling as he thought back to it. “Hurt like hell, but worth it not to carry that sofa up those stairs.”

  I laughed, then resigned myself to having our talk. “Why don’t you sit. Want something to drink?”

  “No, I’m good,” Finn replied, taking a seat on the sofa. I sat near him in the chair, looking at him a little expectantly. “V, I didn’t really prepare a big speech or anything. I don’t even know what I want to hear you say. But when that picture arrived on my desk today, it was a final straw of sorts.”

  “Okay,” I said nervously, really hating the finality in his voice at the moment.

  “I need to know… if it’s even possible that you’ll give me a chance, that you’ll give us a chance.”

  I looked at Finn, his expression almost neutral but his eyes intense. Everything I’d ever found handsome or sexy about him paled in comparison to what was really great about him: his bravery, his sense of duty to everyone around him, his integrity. Those were all qualities that I’d never cared about in a guy before, only because I’d never found them in any other guy before.

  “Finn, I’m…” I started to say, but I didn’t know how to finish. I’d wanted him for so long, and that wasn’t a switch I could just flip and turn off. But so much had gone wrong in all this time. “… I’m really broken. You have to understand that.”

  “Then let me help you put the pieces back together,” he said, sliding closer to my chair and taking my hand. “I can’t fix everything. Losing your dad, well, that’s just going to take time for it to stop hurting so much. But you don’t have to hurt by yourself.”

  “You can’t fix me,” I said, smiling sadly. “I’m not a bad guy that the good guy can catch. I’m not a person in a car wreck that you can rescue. A lot of my problems… they’re my own stupid fault. Until I make better choices, I’m just gonna have to live with being broken.”

  “What have you done that’s so wrong, V?” Finn asked, smiling like he didn’t believe me. “What, is it not knowing what you want to do with your life? Because all I see is a young woman who’s worked really hard and achieved something. You earned a college degree, you completed police academy at the top of your class. So what if those aren’t things you want to do with the rest of your life? You did them, and no one can ever take away that accomplishment.”

  “Yeah, and now I’m a babysitter with a gun,” I said, scoffing. “You saw my job. Half my day is spent breaking up tantrums in the lunchroom and tying shoelaces.”

  “No, Veronica. Half your day is being the voice of reason that teaches those kids how to get along, how to solve their problems without violence next time. As for those shoes? You’re teaching those kids that there are good and trustworthy people who are ready to help them if they need it. I did see your job… and what I saw was hundreds of smiling faces looking up at you and seeing another person in their lives that they can count on. That’s not a small thing, V.”

  I smiled. Leave it to Finn to convince me that I was changing the world, one jammed locker at a time.

  “I would have thought you’d make fun of that job, like I’m taking the easy way out instead of serving the community,” I said quietly, feeling a little embarrassed about a job I was actually enjoying.

  “Ask any cop who’s responded to a school shooting or a bomb threat or a drug overdose on campus if that job was the easy way out, or wasn’t serving the community,” Finn said seriously. “The only people who would think it’s easy are ones who don’t know how hard it is. Or who would do a lousy job at it.”

  “Thanks,” I said, looking at the floor. “That means a lot coming from you. Even my dad made fun of me for taking that job, but it was all I could get when he gave me bad references to all the other departments where I’d applied.”

  “Henry did that? Well, I’m sorry to say this about him, but that was a really spit
eful thing to do,” Finn said firmly. “I know he’s just died, but he shouldn’t have done that. It’s not true, and he had no right to stand in your way.”

  “I guess I’m glad he did. Otherwise, I’d never have taken the job as a school officer.” I thought for a minute, then said, “But this isn’t what you wanted to talk about.”

  “V, I want to talk about anything that’s important to you. That’s why I’m here,” he said, brushing a lock of hair out of my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. That single gesture sent a thrill through my bloodstream. It felt good to be cared for.

  “Finn, I really do want us to try. But you have to understand what we’ve already been through. We shared an incredible night together, and the next day you told me it couldn’t happen again. We confessed our feelings at the lake, and you promised we’d make it work somehow. An hour later, we weren’t even speaking anymore. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I promise,” I said as gently as I could. “It’s that you don’t trust you. And if you don’t trust yourself, there’s no way you can make room to trust me.”

  Finn was quiet while he thought about what I said, and for a minute, I thought he might get up and leave. Eventually, he nodded his head.

  “You’re right. But we have nothing to lose by trying, and everything to lose by walking away now,” he said. “We’ve already gone through the worst, so everything else is just… better.”

  “And what happens when I let myself trust you, when I fall for you completely, and you pull another disappearing-distancing act? How am I supposed to come back from that when I’ve given you my whole heart?” I pressed.

  It wasn’t just that I wanted to argue for some reason. Instead, these were very real concerns, ones that Finn had caused. I had already been through so much. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to survive losing anyone else, at least not for a long time. Finn stood a very real chance of just walking out on me, and I didn’t know what my heart would do if that happened, not after letting myself fall in love with him again.

  “V, the only promise I can make you—the only promise I’m capable of—is that I love you and I will do my best to make you happy,” Finn said, leaning closer and looking me in the eye. “I have been so unhappy without you, and there’s no one else I want beside me. Does that count for anything?”

  “Yeah, it does,” I answered, already feeling the warmth of his gaze running through me.

  “Then why do you look so sad?” he asked with a soft laugh.

  “Because I want so much to believe this is real, and I know that come tomorrow, it will disappear again. You’ll disappear again.”

  Finn looked like I’d wounded him, but I couldn’t take it back. It was too true, our track record proved it. Instead of arguing, though, he pulled me gently by the hand until I was on my feet, then guided me down beside him on the sofa.

  “I don’t blame you for feeling that way,” he said tenderly. “And I’m looking forward to proving that you have nothing to worry about.”

  Finn leaned close to me, then hesitated for a split second, gauging my reaction and letting me be the one to close the distance between us. Part of my mind screamed out, “Run away!” but it was only a fleeting thought. The rest of me wanted Finn so badly that I felt it in my limbs, this need for him that wouldn’t go away.

  I felt the brush of his lips against mine, a soft feathering that was almost too perfect to be real. I let my eyes fall closed and sank into him, nearly going weak when Finn’s arms wrapped around me. Before long, he turned so that he sat back against the sofa and pulled me into his lap, cradling me as he ran his fingers through my hair.

  “Veronica,” Finn whispered against my mouth, breaking our kiss only long enough to tell me once again, “I love you.”

  I leaned back against the arm of the sofa, pulling Finn down beside me. Lying wrapped in his arms was the safest I’d felt in such a long time, safe not from the ordinary things that people found scary, but from the hurt and the stress that had followed me around lately. I felt… protected. Not like I was some simpering damsel in distress who needed a big strong man to help her, but as if for the first time since I could remember, I didn’t have to be so damn strong every second of the day.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I finally said, closing my eyes and nestling against Finn’s chest.

  His arms tightened around me as he sighed, and I felt his smile as he kissed the top of my head. “Me too.”

  Chapter Six

  Finn

  I don’t know how long we slept, but it was dark in V’s apartment when I woke up. She was still asleep in my arms, and the glow from a streetlight outside her window shone on her face. She looked more relaxed and at peace than I could remember seeing her in a long time.

  I’d been in this position with Veronica before, and those other times—few though they had been—were so different than right now. Before, I’d awoken to a flutter of panic and terror: what would her dad say? what would we tell everyone at the precinct? what would this mean for our jobs?

  Now, all I felt was peace. Veronica and I could finally be together. She would finally be mine, even after I’d fought this desire with every common-sense excuse I could think of.

  Veronica shifted in my arms slightly and I reached up behind me to the back of the sofa, pulling down the heavy blanket that waited there. I covered us both and smiled when she slid back against me so her back was pressed up against my chest.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, fortunately not the pocket that was beneath me. I reached into my jeans and retrieved it, tapping the button to answer.

  “Hello?” I said as quietly as I could but still be heard.

  “Captain Carter? I’m sorry for the late hour, but the city council just met. Is this a good time?” a familiar voice said.

  “Certainly, sir,” I answered, recognizing the police commissioner’s voice. I wondered why he’d call me about a city council meeting, unless they’d been discussing me, that is. Shouldn’t I have been at this meeting if that was the case?

  “I just wanted to call you personally and let you know about the city council’s decision,” Carmichael began. My heart sank. “In light of your years of service and your many commendations, the council has decided to name you the permanent chief of your precinct, assuming that’s the position you want.”

  I grinned at the news. “Yes sir, I’m honored to accept it,” I said, elated.

  “Wonderful. I know you’ll do a great job and make our police department proud. Welcome aboard, Captain.”

  “Thank you, sir. Good night.”

  I ended the call and reached over Veronica to lay my phone on the coffee table. She stirred in my arms, turning to face me.

  “What was that?” she whispered, not quite awake.

  “Just work stuff, I’ll tell you later,” I answered, finding her lips in the dark and kissing her deeply. Her sleepy, satisfied moan of approval sent adrenaline rushing through me.

  By the time the sun started to up, I was stiff from having spent the entire night without moving, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t remember if either of us had had dinner, but that didn’t matter either.

  “Morning,” Veronica said, her voice slightly raspy with sleep.

  “Good morning,” I replied. “I just had a wonderful idea. How would you like to go on a real date?”

  “Sounds awesome,” she said, smiling. Her eyes were still closed but she was starting to wake up now.

  “Good. Because I’m starving. Let’s go get some breakfast, hmm?”

  “Perfect,” she answered, then went back to sleep.

  “No, V. You have to wake up, I mean. We have to go to work, remember?” I teased.

  Only a second later, she sat bolt upright. “Oh my god, I forgot to set my alarm! What time is it?”

  “It’s only 5:30, it’s fine.”

  “No, I have to be at the school by 6:45! I’m late!” Veronica called out, flinging the blanket off of us and running down the hallway.

  “O
kay, you go. I’ll fix you something to take with you,” I answered, jumping up from the couch and hurrying to her kitchen. I got some coffee going without any trouble, but she didn’t have a lot to choose from in the way of groceries. Still, I managed to whip up a fried egg with cheese on toast, wrapping it carefully in several paper towels so she could eat it on the go.

  She came back into the living room only a few minutes later, fastening her gun belt in place over her uniform pants. She looked at the breakfast waiting on the table and smiled.

  “That was great of you, thanks!” Veronica said, picking up the travel mug off coffee and taking a sip. “Perfect. You remembered how I like it.”

  “We had plenty of coffee runs when we first started out. It was drilled into my head,” I said, coming over and kissing her. “So about that date… how’s dinner sound instead?”

  “Perfect,” she said again, standing on tiptoe and kissing me again.

  “You seem to be saying ‘perfect’ a lot. I hope I can live up to that,” I replied, smiling down at her as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

  “We’ll see,” Veronica answered, raising an eyebrow and looking skeptical. “But it’s going to be a lot of fun watching you try.”

  Epilogue

  Veronica

  Two years later…

  “So before I leave, remember,” Finn said, talking to the crowd of first graders who stared up at him from their seats on the floor of the gym, “if anyone ever does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s really important to tell a grown-up. If you can’t tell your mom or dad for some reason—or even if they’re the ones who are making you feel weird or touching you in places you don’t like or anything at all—then you can tell your teacher or someone like Officer Carter here,” he said, gesturing to where I stood off to one side.

  “Does anyone have any questions for the police officer?” a teacher stepped forward to ask.

  Around the room, dozens of little hands shot up. I hid my laugh behind my hand, looking away as soon as Finn shot me a “help me” look. It was a full thirty minutes later before the torture ended for him and the students were lined up, ready to head back to their classrooms.