Aloha in Love

by Watts, Jennifer

  “You are so beautiful.” With my eyes locked on his, I stand high on my toes and use his collar to yank his mouth down to mine. His lips are cold when I kiss him, still frozen from the shave ice, and he tastes tart from the raspberry flavor. His hot tongue slips inside my mouth, and the combined sensation almost makes me combust on the spot.

  “We need to find a bed,” he croaks, breaking the kiss momentarily. The rain has slowed and a few people watch us kiss from the street. One tourist holds up an expensive looking camera and snaps an actual picture, which sends me into a fit of laughter. I’m laughing so hard as I wipe my eyes that Kane breaks down and joins me. The sound of his laughter is hands down one of the most gorgeous sounds I’ve ever heard.

  “Well that was a mood killer,” I say, having finally calmed down enough to speak.

  “I don’t think that’s possible with you, Lani.”

  “Do you think he’ll frame it?” I wonder aloud, earning me a chuckle from Kane.

  “If it’s a picture of you, definitely.” He looks over my shoulder. “Since we’re here, I might as well take you to the Barmuda Triangle.”

  “The what?” I say, thoroughly confused.

  “The Triangle. It’s a bunch of different bars in Kalama Village with live music and plenty of dancing.” At the mention of dancing, I literally clap my hands and jump up and down. The movement must make everything bounce because the look he gives me is a little dangerous. “But maybe you should wear my shirt, since that dress is looking a little see-through.”

  I glance down at my white dress; it’s slightly more translucent than before but definitely not see-through. “I’m not going into a bar with a shirtless, Kane Keo,” I say, crossing my arms. “I’ll get trampled by all the women trying to maul you. Besides, it’ll dry quickly, especially if we’re working up a sweat on the dance floor.”

  He rolls his eyes but concedes, and we head to the first bar to do just that. The song playing is Matisyahu’s “Sunshine,” one of my favorites, so I grab his hand and tug him onto the nearly empty floor. Though I never would have expected it, Kane turns out to be an incredible dancer. He has a natural rhythm that hints at some sort of formal training from the way he dips and spins me around. As one song bleeds into another, he pulls me into his chest and dips his head down to kiss me breathless. We make out on the dance floor like teenagers until someone asks us if we wouldn’t mind moving out of the way, and we stumble off in search of a table. The dive bar we’re at isn’t very big, but it’s great for people-watching and I settle in as Kane goes to get me a drink. He returns with a Corona for me and a can of Coke for himself.

  “So you really never drink?” I ask, as he takes a swig from the can.

  “I haven’t in years.”

  “Is it because…of your son?” I don’t know why I’m bringing it up again, especially when he seems so relaxed, but there’s so much left unsaid.

  “I guess partly it is.” He shrugs. “After Kaiden died, I drank—a lot. I’d go on benders to forget everything, then I’d hate myself in the morning for doing just that. My doctor gave me these pills to level things out, but all they did was make me feel like a zombie. After a while I stopped taking them; I’d rather be in agony and remember my son then feel nothing at all. I guess in the end, I figured that I didn’t—that I don’t—have the right to drink away my pain.”

  “And surfing?” I press on. “Did you stop that after Kaiden too?”

  He ignores my question and answers with his own. “Why should I be allowed to live my life when my boy is buried in the ground?”

  “So it’s kind of like an eternal self-inflicted purgatory for you then?” I say, the first few sips of beer making me bold. “That hardly seems fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair.” He laughs without humor and just like that the moment between us is broken. We finish our drinks in near silence, but luckily the DJ cranks the music and it feels a bit less awkward.

  “It’s how I got the scar.” He breaks the silence then, pointing to the raised white line bisecting his eyebrow where the hair hasn’t grown back. “I was on a bender and got into a bar fight. Sonofabitch cracked a bottle in half and sliced me. I was lucky he missed my eye…his aim was bad.”

  “Wow.” I don’t really know what else to say. Feeling like I’ve ruined the mood for the night, I suggest that we go.

  It starts to rain on the drive home, and I watch the raindrops race down the windowpane in pairs of two.

  He finally breaks the silence with a relenting sigh. “I didn’t tell you about myself to scare you off, Ashley. It’s the opposite. For the first time in seven years, I actually have some hope. I feel like smiling again, and when I do smile, I feel less empty. You’ve made me laugh more in the last few weeks than I have in years, but I carry so much guilt around that I’m not sure how to deal with this feeling.”

  I turn to face him, blinking back tears that threaten to fall. “That’s not what I want to be for you, Kane. I don’t want to cause you any guilt or anguish.”

  “But there’s good, too,” he says quickly. “Seeing you light up on the dance floor, watching you smile. Discovering new things with you, or the old things again—it’s something I haven’t wanted for a very long time, but with you it somehow feels right.”

  I reach across the center console to grab his wrist. “Then hold onto that feeling now. We can see where things lead. No promises, no pledges, just us getting to know each other better.”

  He exhales, then nods. “I can do that.”

  “That’s a start.”

  He seems to relax as he switches on the radio, but meanwhile I find myself tensing up. As happy as I am that he’s opening up, part of me wonders to what I’ve agreed. I know he’s told me a little about his past, but there’s so much left unsaid. I can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t trust me with the rest.

  • • •

  We park at Kane’s place, and the dashboard lights fade as he switches off the engine. “Do you want to come up?” His voice floats through the darkness. I’m surprised that he’s asking me inside, since we never go to his place. The only time I’ve been there was that day I borrowed the paper.

  I unclick my seatbelt and mumble a quick “sure” before following him to his front door. It’s dark inside, and humid. “No air conditioning?” I ask, climbing the stairs after him to the living room, where he flicks on the overhead lights and fan.

  “I don’t use it much. I like sleeping with the windows open to hear the sound of the waves. Do you want something to drink? Wine?”

  “Just some water, please.” I can’t help but wonder why he has wine at all. My stomach hurts as I imagine all the other women he likely brought here in the past.

  Kane pours me a glass of water and opens the sliding doors to the lanai, letting in the salty, cool air. He seems nervous with me in his space, like a teenager with a girl over for the first time. I circle the living room and stop beside the shelf where the little shoes are resting. Suddenly they make more sense to me, and I stare at them a moment before speaking.

  “What did you want to be when you grew up?” I ask him, looking over my shoulder.

  He laughs and then stops short, apparently lost in thought. “A professional surfer, of course. You?”

  I run my fingers over the tiny shoes. “A famous chef, like Martha Stewart, minus the jail time.”

  “You always loved cooking?”

  “I did,” I say, nodding.

  “Then why not do it?”

  “My parents didn’t think it was a practical career choice, which is true in some ways. The hours are terrible, the pay isn’t great, at least until you work your way to the top, and it’s crowded at the top. My parents are older and very traditional—they said culinary school was like a trade and thus not meant for women. I honestly think they looked down on it.”

  Kane picks up the glass of water and walks over to pass it to me. I gratefully take a big sip before handing it straight back to him.

  “You d
on’t talk about your parents.” He says it like a fact, rather than a question.

  “We aren’t close. We barely speak, especially since the move. They think I’m being ridiculous—that I’ll eventually come to my senses and return home to work on my marriage. I guess a lot of people think that.”

  “And what do you think?” He puts down the glass and takes a step closer.

  “I think life is too short to waste it on people or things that don’t feed your soul.”

  “You’ve got that mana spirit inside of you, Ashley. It shines so bright.”

  He flashes his gorgeous white teeth, as if to embody his point, but I turn back to the shoes and change the subject. “These are so small. It’s hard to believe they actually fit someone.”

  “Nah, Kaiden was actually a big boy for his age, like his daddy.”

  “When Dale and I were trying for a baby, it felt so hopeless that I couldn’t bring myself to buy anything for the child. One time, after the second unsuccessful round of IVF, Dale brought home this tiny pair of blue Lacoste sneakers. I think he was trying to cheer me up—I don’t think he meant it to be cruel—but I couldn’t even look at them. I gave him my best smile and said thank you, shoving them into the bottom of the Christmas decoration box the moment he left for work. I cried my eyes out for hours. Everything set me off back then: friend’s baby shower invites, Facebook feeds, diaper commercials, and everyone with their advice—try acupuncture, try gluten free, try supplements, don’t try at all because it’ll happen when you’re not trying.”

  As I’m speaking, Kane takes another step closer to put his arms around my waist. “You’re young, Ashley. Just because it didn’t happen with him, doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”

  I look up at him and tilt my head back. “That’s the funny part…they couldn’t find anything wrong with me.” I break from his inquisitive gaze. “A few cysts here and there, but they took care of those and still the problem persisted. Dale was tested, too, but he never shared the results, insisting he had a strong bloodline and it couldn’t possibly be him. It makes me wonder now if he really even wanted a child, or if his attachment and frustration was all about our inability to conceive. The idea of struggle, of difficulty, of not being good at something—it didn’t fit into his plans.” I release a big ol’ sigh. “But maybe I’m being unfair. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him either…”

  I step back to inspect his face, but it reveals nothing. “Oh my God, listen to me spouting-off about Dale and my nothing problems when you…” I trail off, casting my eyes to the ground.

  “You can say it, Ashley… When I lost my son. I buried my boy and no one should ever have to do that. There’s no feeling in the world like having to pick out a tiny casket so that you can put your kid in the ground.” His nostrils flare, a signal that he’s trying keep it together.

  “I wish I knew what to say to you, how to relate,” I admit.

  “At least you’re honest. Most people say nothing. They avoid you like a leper from Molokai. People give you a wide berth, or they whisper and make up stories—I’m sure you’ve heard enough of them during your time here. They stare at you in the grocery store with that horrible mixture of pity and relief—relief that it wasn’t them, wasn’t their child. Some days…most days…I have to force myself to breathe.”

  “You are the strongest person I know,” I whisper, running the back of my hand down his smooth cheek.

  “I’m not.”

  “You are.” I gently pull his head forward and our lips meet in the sweetest, softest kiss, our tongues intertwining in a slow, languorous dance. Without touching each other, we take our time exploring each other’s mouths, until I tear my lips from his with a moan.

  “Take me to bed, Kane.”

  Needing no further invitation, he scoops me into his arms and carries me through the kitchen and down the stairs to the main floor, where he kicks open the bedroom door with a chuckle. His bed is a massive canopied structure facing a lush back garden and the crashing ocean waves in the distance. The lanai doors are open to let in the thunderous sound of the sea. He sits down and sets me in his lap, and we continue kissing as we undress each other piece by piece. He pushes the straps of my sundress off my shoulders and out spill my bare breasts.

  “No bra?” His voice is low and hoarse.

  “A bra doesn’t work with this dress,” I pant out.

  “I agree.” He takes my breasts in his hands, both aching and heavy with need, and massages them gently. He shifts me off his lap to remove his pants and underwear, before scooting back against the pillows and taking me with him.

  “Tell me what you want.” He mutters against my lips, trailing fiery kisses across my neck and shoulders.

  “I want to sit on you,” I say, barely above a whisper, feeling the flames in my cheeks.

  “That’s so fucking hot. Tell me again.”

  “I want to ride you,” I repeat, louder this time, and he growls.

  He reaches for the side table for protection, but I put my hand on his arm to stop him. “I want to ride you with nothing between us.”

  He freezes. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m clean—I mean, I got tested after Dale, after his escapades—and with my other reproductive challenges, let’s just say I’m not worried.”

  “Me too. I always use protection—always—but are you absolutely sure, Ashley?”

  “I want you like this,” I admit, feeling my face go an even deeper shade of red. “More than anything.”

  He exhales with a curse and leans back against the pillow before speaking. “Then you can have me. C’mere.” He pulls me forward until I tumble into his lap, giggling and moaning as his hot, hard length presses up against my thigh.

  I loop one leg over his hip until I’m straddling his body. I’m so ready for him as I lower myself down, but he’s thick and stretches me at this angle. He hisses through his teeth as I proceed to lower myself down all the way, throwing my head back as I take in all of him. The sensation of fullness is so intense that a loud cry escapes from my lips.

  “Fuck, Ashley. It’s so good. I can’t describe it.”

  I start moving, slowly at first and then faster and faster, making my breasts bounce as our slick skin slaps together. I come hard and without warning, and when the last cry escapes my lips, Kane flips me over and eases into me at a painfully slow pace. I lock my legs around his hips to urge him on, but he reaches back and lock my ankles in a vice grip.

  “No, beautiful. I’m taking my time with you tonight.”

  He draws himself almost all of the way out before slamming right back into me. He repeats the movement, rocking into me slowly as he rotates his hips. I moan with a mixture of frustration and pure pleasure.

  “Don’t tease me, Kane,” I say, my mouth open and my head back. I can feel the intense ache of the next orgasm building like a tsunami.

  “I never tease.” He continues to circle his hips, hitting just the right spot each time. I come again, this time screaming out his name. He gives me a wicked grin and winks as I come down from the high, but when I clench my muscles around his length in response, it wipes the grin right off his face. “Fuck, as much as I love watching you come undone,” he groans, “I can’t wait any longer.”

  Kane drives into me without restraint as sweat beads drop from his brow onto my chin. I skim my hands over his slick chest, right down to his firm tight ass. I squeeze his cheeks and pull him closer, feeling his entire body lock as his own release cascades into my body. I can actually feel his warmth emptying into me. He rests his full weight on top of me for a moment before rolling over.

  When I look at him, he’s breathing heavily with one arm slung over his face. Neither of us speaks. I’m not sure what to say or do next, since it’s the first time I’ve been in his bedroom. It’s his house, his sanctuary, and I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I mean, sure, he’s opened up a lot this evening, but I doubt very much that he wants me to stay in his marital bed. I quietly move to
the end of the enormous mattress and hop off to find my sundress.

  “What are you doing?” He says, sitting up.

  “Getting dressed?”

  “I’d prefer that you sleep naked.”

  “You want me to stay?” I stare at the floor, the sundress, my hands—anywhere but him.

  “I always want you to stay.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense, Kane. This is the first time I’ve been in this room.”

  He sighs. “Like I said, I’m not good at the other stuff. I’m not even sure what I’m good for anymore, but if you’re okay with that, I’d like nothing more than for you to climb up here and sleep next to me.”

  I can feel the smile spreading across my face as I let my dress fall to the floor. I crawl back into his bed and pull the covers up over me, nuzzling my back against his front. He wraps one arm around my chest, locking me into his body. I stretch out my legs but only reach the top of his knees.

  “You’re so tall.”

  “You make me feel tall.” He laughs into my back. “But I love it. You’re the perfect size for me—the perfect everything, from that tiny waist to your beautiful round hips and those creamy white thighs. Not to mention the lovely freckles on your nose.”

  “I HATE them,” I start to say, but he silences me, tipping my head back and kissing a path across my cluster of freckles.

  “No, they’re perfect. The perfect blend of sweet and sexy, just like you.”

  I run one hand down the corded muscle in his forearm. “You make me feel safe.”

  “You are safe with me, Ashley,” he whispers, his voice hoarse. “Now stop talking and go to sleep.” His arm tightens as he kisses my ear, getting a mouthful of hair in the process.