The Stand-In Boyfriend

by Doherty, Emma

  I shake my head. “I just figured it out. Now I get why everyone likes you—you’re really hot.”

  “Oh am I?”

  “Uh huh,” I state. “And really nice. I never knew you were nice until we started hanging out.”

  He just smiles back at me. Something tells me he’ll enjoy reminding me of this tomorrow when I’m sober and will be mortified.

  “Honestly, Chase, you’re hot.”

  He shakes his head in amusement. “Well I happen to think you’re really hot.”

  I snort. I am not really hot. The Abigails and the Sophies and the Sarahs of the world are really hot, not me.

  “No, really,” he insists, his voice sincere. “I think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

  I burst out laughing. He must think I’m really drunk if he expects me to believe that. I am such a disaster right now. I caught sight of myself in the mirror when I went to the bathroom and my eye has turned black and blue like I expected, my nose is sunburned from the afternoon outside, and my legs have been cut to shreds. “I look a mess,” I tell him.

  His hand reaches up and gently touches the bruise on my eye. He does it so softly I question whether or not he actually made contact. “Does it hurt?”

  I shake my head and he moves so he’s no longer leaning against the side but standing in between my legs, stepping into me, and I automatically make room for him. His eyes find mine, almost as if asking if this is okay, but I just smile back. I like Chase and if he wants a closer look at my bruise, who am I to argue?

  “It’s kinda hot,” he declares. “Like a battle wound.”

  I grin back. It is a battle wound, and I’d take a hundred more of them if it meant I got another dose of that feeling I felt when the whistle blew.

  “I was really proud of you today,” he tells me.

  “Shush, Chase,” I whisper, again fighting the giggles. “There’s no one around…you don’t have to say that.”

  He shakes his head before glancing away briefly. For a second, I think he’s going to step away, so I instinctively hook my legs around his waist, stopping him from leaving. He turns back to me with an eyebrow raised and a question on his face.

  “I think,” I tell him, my eyes trained on his lips, which I’ve only just realized are the perfect shape, “you should stay right here.”

  A smirk covers his face. “I wasn’t going anywhere, Chapman.”

  I grin and his eyes meet mine. We don’t say anything, just staring at each other for what feels like the longest time.

  “So now that you’ve got me here, what are you gonna do with me?” he eventually asks.

  I bite my lip, not taking my eyes away from his mouth. I tug with my legs, pulling him in slightly closer. I know what I want to do with him, and I know we’ve done it before, I just never thought I’d want to instigate it with him. Suddenly, though, it feels like it would be a crime if I didn’t get to kiss Chase right now.

  “I was thinking I could cash in on one of my kisses.”

  A smile plays on his lips and his hands find my hips. “But there’s no Abigail or Jessie here.”

  I frown. “Well, if you don’t want to—”

  “I didn’t say that,” he shoots back instantly, edging in closer to me.

  I glance around the room. It’s fairly busy and a few people are glancing our way, but nothing major. I guess people really do think we’re a couple now and just doing what couples do. “I mean, I know Jessie and Abigail aren’t here, but they’d definitely probably hear about it,” I tell him, like I’m trying to convince myself—not that I need to. I already know exactly what I want to do.

  He nods, playing along. “Without a doubt they would.”

  I lick my lips, the rest of the party drifting away. All I can focus on is Chase’s mouth, and I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the victory, but I’m suddenly very happy that it’s Chase here in front of me.

  “Livy,” he whispers, pulling my attention away from his mouth and the smile curling his lips.

  “Huh?”

  “It’s your turn,” he tells me. “If you want this to happen, you have to make it happen.”

  He wants me to kiss him. He doesn’t want to instigate it this time. He wants it to be me who makes the first move, and sitting here, looking at that handsome face I’ve just realized is so damn good-looking, I don’t have to be asked twice.

  I bend my head and capture his mouth without a second thought.

  I SPOT CHASE BY HIS car, talking to Aaron and Jackson, and I almost blush thinking back to the last time they saw me—when I was wrapped around Chase and kissing him like we were the only ones in the room on Saturday night. Hands were definitely roaming, and it was becoming more and more heated. If Tia hadn’t started chanting my name, I don’t know when I would have stopped. The sight of everyone watching us soon sobered me up and I was absolutely mortified, but Chase wouldn’t let me back away from him. He just laughed and pulled me into his side then didn’t let me leave for the rest of the night. He even ordered me an Uber home and rode with me so he could walk me to my door. Things got kind of weird so I just thanked him and quickly went inside, and for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t Jessie I dreamed about.

  But, that was then, before my mind drifted back to Jessie and the kiss after the soccer game, back to the reality that Jessie and I shared a kiss.

  Where the hell was he on Saturday night? No matter what’s been going on between us, he’s my friend and should have been there to celebrate with me.

  I fired off a quick text yesterday morning.

  Me: Where were you last night?

  No doubt about it, in the cold light of day and with a hangover bigger than I had thought possible, I was pissed at him for not showing up. Saturday night was my night, and he should have been there, even if he was freaked out by that spontaneous kiss.

  Jessie: Wasn’t invited.

  Huh? It was a victory party—everyone was invited. I saw people there that I know for a fact don’t speak to Chase or anyone from the team. It was an open house, and the best friend of the game winner was definitely invited.

  Me: What are you talking about?

  Jessie: Your boyfriend told me not to bother coming.

  The text is still flashing through my brain as I storm over to Chase.

  “Did you tell Jessie not to come out and celebrate with us after my game?” I demand the minute I reach him.

  Aaron and Jackson immediately fall silent. Their eyes dart back and forth between us as they murmur their excuses and quickly disappear. I glance around quickly, grateful the parking lot is relatively quiet, and see Sophie waiting for me by my car, her eyes fixed on us. I turn back to Chase expectantly, but he doesn’t say a word.

  “Well?” I ask again, my voice sharp. “Did you?”

  “I told him we were going to party at my house.” He doesn’t sound even remotely sorry.

  “Right, and that he wasn’t invited?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But it was implied, right?”

  Chase shrugs, like he has no clue what I’m talking about, and it makes me want to punch him.

  I suck in air through my teeth, making a satisfying hissing sound. How dare he? How dare he decide who can come celebrate with me and my team after our win?

  “It didn’t occur to you that I might want my best friend there to celebrate with me?”

  Chase scoffs. “Celebrate? Or be there so you could stare at him all night and then get upset when he hooks up with Courtney—again?”

  My jaw falls open.

  Chase rolls his eyes at the expression on my face. “I didn’t tell him not to come.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Chase screws his face up. “Look, I wanted you to have a good night, okay? After everything you’ve gone through to be a state champion, I wanted you to have fun and not worry about him. He had Courtney all over him after the game, and I knew it would upset you if they were there together.�
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  That makes my stomach turn, especially if he was all over her after our kiss. “That’s not your choice to make. I wanted him there—I’ll always want him to be there.”

  “We had fun without him, didn’t we?”

  I don’t say anything, but he doesn’t let me get away with that.

  “Didn’t we, Liv? We had fun.”

  “It was fine,” I bite out.

  “Well it definitely felt like we were having fun when you had your legs wrapped around me.”

  Asshole. He’s not wrong, but still, he’s an asshole.

  I don’t say anything, even though I can feel my face burning, and he sighs and looks away. He knows that was a low shot. Eventually, he turns back to me.

  “You shouldn’t have made Jessie feel like he couldn’t come.”

  His jaw tenses. “I did you a favor.”

  “Well don’t do me any more okay? The whole point of this thing between us is to get him to notice me, right?”

  “I think we can safely say we’ve managed that, Liv.”

  I’m so worked up, I don’t even acknowledge that he’s spoken, much less what he’s said. “You telling him not to come to a party I’m going to be at is not exactly sticking to the plan!”

  “Well you know what?” His voice is rising now, and his calm demeanor is starting to slip. “Maybe I don’t want Jessie Stephenson at my house.”

  “What the hell is your problem with him? He’s always been nothing but nice to you.”

  “What’s my problem?”

  “Yes! He’s always been friendly to you.” Well, he was before we started pretending to date anyway. “Always tried to get involved and hang out with you, and you’ve always been a total asshole to him.”

  “I’ve been an asshole?”

  “Yes.”

  “To him?”

  “Yes!”

  He starts to laugh, a cruel, almost mocking laugh as he throws his head back and looks up at the sky. Disbelief is written all over his face. “THE GUY TREATS YOU LIKE SHIT!”

  I’m stunned into silence. Chase just stares back at me, breathing heavily. He doesn’t say anything for so long, I think he’s going to leave it. He doesn’t.

  “He makes you do his homework for him.”

  “I help him,” I grit out.

  “He never thinks about your feelings.”

  “You don’t even know him.”

  “He shoves girls in your face all the time. If it’s not Courtney it’s Melissa Bell from junior year, or Renee McLeo from sophomore year.”

  My eyes flash to his. I had no idea he was so well informed about Jessie’s love life. I didn’t think Jessie had even appeared on his radar until recently.

  “He doesn’t give a crap that he’s with them in front of you.”

  “He doesn’t know how I feel,” I manage to force out.

  “Well it’s pretty damn obvious if you care enough to look.”

  It’s like he’s slapped me, and I’m horrified to feel tears gathering behind my eyelids. I blink rapidly, determined not to cry in front of Chase.

  His face softens. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean—”

  “He doesn’t know how I feel,” I hiss under my breath.

  “I just—”

  “And he’s a teenage boy. He’s allowed to date around. I mean, look in a mirror. No wonder Abigail’s a total mess—you’ve replaced her with a different girl every month for the last three years.”

  His eyes are like lasers on my own. “Don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”

  I scoff. He told me he spoke to Abigail after I told him to that time, but she’s still going around acting like a complete idiot, giving me dirty looks whenever she can and trying to sidle up to him at lunch. If I were his actual girlfriend, I’d be pissed about it. As it stands, it just makes me pity her. “So it’s okay for you to have an opinion on Jessie, huh? Someone you’ve never bothered to have a real conversation with? It’s okay for you to rip him apart, but when it’s about you—”

  “Leave it,” he demands.

  “So what if Jessie’s dated other girls? It doesn’t last, and you know what? He can’t help who he likes.”

  “AND NEITHER CAN I,” he shouts, loudly enough for the whole damn school to hear.

  I freeze, my heart going crazy in my chest. We stare at each other, and I don’t see anyone else. Nobody else in the world exists right now. I see nothing but Chase as he rubs his hand over his eyes.

  “Abigail, those other girls—” I swear I let out a sigh of relief. For a second there, I thought he was referring to me. Of course he’s talking about the girls he’s dated.

  “It’s none of my business,” I cut him off. I don’t know how it’s come to this. All I wanted to do was ask him about Jessie and his party. I don’t know how it’s turned into this.

  “Liv—”

  “No, honestly, I don’t want to hear it. It’s up to you what you do with Abigail and those other girls. It has nothing to do with me.”

  His jaw clenches.

  “But can you please just cut Jessie some slack? He’s a good guy and you don’t need to be an ass just for the sake of it.”

  I don’t know what I expect him to do now, maybe agree with me? Apologize? He does neither.

  I glance away, suddenly exhausted. “I’m going to go,” I mutter, turning and walking away without waiting for a response.

  “You met him just before your dad left.”

  This freezes me to the spot, the mention of my father sending an electric current down my spine.

  “He was someone fun and new that you could focus on after your dad walked away.”

  I slowly turn to face him, my face a complete mask. I trusted him with that stuff about my dad. I didn’t tell him so he could throw it back in my face to win an argument.

  “I know he was there for you when you needed him, but have you never thought he might have filled a hole and the reason you cling to him so hard and put him on such a freaking pedestal where he can get away with treating you like crap is because you link him to your dad and you’re too scared to say anything to him in case he walks away too?”

  A single tear slides down my face.

  He pales. He knows without me even having to say anything that he’s gone too far, that it’s completely unacceptable for him to talk about my father.

  “Liv—”

  “Don’t,” I warn him. “Just don’t.”

  I turn back around and walk to my car as quickly as I can. I brush past Sophie and whatever it is she’s trying to say to me then climb into the driver’s seat, tears streaming down my face. I throw my car into reverse, peel out of my spot, press down on the gas, and drive faster than I ever have in my life so I can put as much distance between Chase and myself as possible.

  WHEN I GET BACK FROM my run on Tuesday evening, Chase is waiting for me on my doorstep. I turn the corner onto my street and slow my pace to a walk when I spot him. I briefly wonder if I can get away with turning around and not seeing him, but I know that’s childish. Besides, his eyes are already pinned on me, and he stands to greet me as I start to slowly walk up my driveway, eyeing him warily.

  “Hey,” he greets me.

  I nod in return. I really can’t be bothered to deal with him right now, but I do know I need to resolve this one way or another. I hate being in a fight with anyone, and against all odds, Chase has become a close friend. I’ve been playing our argument over and over in my head, thinking over what he said and wondering how it came down to me feeling so utterly low. Deep down I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. I could see he regretted bringing my dad into it the minute he said it, but I still think he overstepped the mark with what he said about Jessie. This was supposed to be an arrangement that benefited both of us, not us psychoanalyzing our relationships and making judgments about the other.

  “Can we talk?”

  I nod and move past him to open my front door. My family is out visiting Ray’s mom, but I have too much homework
so decided to stay here and not make the hour drive each way. I hold out the door for Chase and lead the way to my kitchen. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and offer him one. He takes it cautiously. In fact, he’s being cautious around me in general. He’s keeping his distance and acting like I’m a newborn colt he’s scared to spook.

  I stand there and wait for him to speak, because it’s not me in the wrong here. Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have said that stuff about Abigail, but he’s the one who changed the game by bringing up my father.

  Eventually he sighs. “I’m sorry.” He’s genuine; I can tell by his tone. “I shouldn’t have brought your dad into it. That wasn’t fair.”

  I nod, looking away. I can’t stand the way he’s looking at me.

  “I mean it, Livy. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”

  “I trusted you with that stuff. I never tell anyone about it.”

  “I know,” he whispers, “and it’s tearing me up that you might not forgive me for bringing him up that way.”

  My eyes find his. We haven’t spoken all day. I’ve avoided him like the plague, stayed away from him at lunch, and when he tried to talk to me by my locker, I just muttered that I didn’t have time to speak to him. News about our fight must have gotten out. I heard whispers about it in my classes, and Abigail smirked at me whenever I saw her, totally pleased with herself. Aaron also asked me in chemistry what I’d done to make Chase walk around like a zombie, but I wouldn’t get into it with him.

  “Jessie is not a replacement for my dad,” I tell him firmly. He’s not. He might have his faults, but I don’t have feelings for him for some messed-up reasons that have anything to do with my dad.

  “Okay,” he agrees instantly. “I’ve clearly been watching too much therapy shit on TV.”

  I let out a small smile at that. It sounds like something I would do.

  “I know you don’t like Jessie,” I start, because suddenly it’s really important to me that he knows Jessie isn’t this asshole he’s clearly labeled him as. “I know for some reason you’ve never liked him, and yes, he can be an idiot. He’s oblivious and lazy and takes advantage of me way more than he should, but he’s a good guy too.” I sigh. “He let me cry on his shoulder for weeks after my dad left.” Chase bites his lip but doesn’t say anything. “I broke my leg the summer before high school started and he hung out with me the whole time, waiting for me to hobble along beside him and never leaving me on my own because he knew I’d be miserable stuck indoors.” I pause. “And he taught me to drive. I was so bad at it. I was literally so bad that Ray even gave up on me, but Jessie would drive me two hours upstate to where there’s nothing but empty roads and he spent hours and hours patiently teaching me how to drive and never snapping at me. He did that for weeks, giving up his weekends so I could pass my test.”