by H. L. Swan
Saying it out loud makes me feel worse about myself. How blind am I?
“First off, being naive isn’t a bad thing, as long as you have people around you who won’t take advantage of you. I think your trust is just in the wrong people.” His thumb gently rolls circles on my leg, trying to console me.
Between his warm and calming tone, and his soothing touch, I calm. “I should have known better, really.” I shake my head. “He is a star Lacrosse player and a senior, and I’m this.” I gesture to myself, feeling less confident than I did when I left.
“No man would want to wait to have sex anyway,” I remark absentmindedly.
“He is not a man.” A sound emanates deep in his broad chest, as his deep jade eyes pierce me.
He quickly composes himself. “No man would have spoken to you that way, or pushed you off of him. Those things should be saved for the bedroom, with a real man, when you want those things to be done to you, for fun.”
My cheeks burn with the intensity of his stare and the seductiveness of his words. “I’m just glad I didn’t give him my virgi–”
I cut myself off. He may be Ashley’s brother, but I don’t really know him. I’m not sure why I’m so comfortable around him. Maybe it’s because of his concern and how closely he’s listening to me.
“I’m sorry. I need to go,” I rush out as I go to grab the handle.
“Absolutely not.” He commands. I sit back against the leather seat, taken back by the change in mood. “It’s his loss. I’m happy he didn’t. You saved yourself from that whole situation. Besides, you shouldn’t have to sleep with someone just to get them to stay with you.” I stare at him with mild shock at his frankness.
“Thank you?” This is embarrassing.
“You needed to hear it. You ready to go in now?”
I nod as I slide out of his car and he follows me in.
“Can I help you?” I ask, heading towards the first aid kit. He looks at me inquisitively as if he doesn’t understand my question. I point to his bloodied knuckles, “I’ll clean and bandage them.”
His head tilts slightly, examining me. “No, you need your rest. I’ll be fine.” Another hint of a smile flashes on his face, is he not used to someone helping him?
I grant myself one last glance as I walk towards my room.
Aiden plops down on the couch and grabs the worn-out book from the coffee table. His feet dangle off the edge about a foot. Our couch is way too small for his massive frame, it makes me laugh a little.
I lay down in bed and wait for the tears to come, but they have all been used up. I laugh at myself, to think I even cried over that asshole. It’s the shock of the events that upset me, the way Ian spoke to me. I’m an idiot for even considering sleeping with him. How juvenile of me to get so upset over a guy I have only known for three months.
I’m happy that Aiden had hit him. I don’t like violence, but it felt nice to have someone stick up for me. A man to take charge of a situation that upset me, he seems like a gentleman. A sense of calm washes over me as I wrap the blankets tighter around me and I slip into a dreamless sleep.
Three
Aiden’s first week with us passes by in a confusing blur.
I spend the better of the week in bed, drowning myself in sappy heartbreak movies and tissue boxes. I keep away from Aiden, wanting to confide in him more, but not wanting to bother him. I can’t shake the way his green eyes drink me in when I stumbled sleepily into the kitchen the next morning. Or maybe it’s a hallucination created by my insecurity to make me feel better about being cheated on.
I learn a few things about this otherwise mysterious man over the course of a week.
He enjoys his coffee black, two cups every morning. He reads while watching the news; how he does it, I do not know. It takes complete silence for me to get lost in the pages. When he concentrates, his brows furrow and his edges harden. I don’t think I’ve seen a more defined jawline in my life.
My unexplainable interest in him bothers me.
Why do I care so much? Why does his presence affect me so thoroughly?
I barely know him, yet I can’t resist the magnetic pull I feel whenever he walks into a room, towering over everyone and demanding attention with one breath. But I just got out of a relationship, bouncing from one man to the next isn’t me.
Still, I can’t deny this one-sided attraction.
Maybe it was the way he spoke to me when I was at my lowest. That must be it. He made me feel better during such a humiliating time and I’m just feeling grateful. I’m humoring myself anyways. Someone like him will never be interested in someone like me, a schoolgirl drooling over her best friend’s much older, and very successful brother.
∞∞∞
“Em.”
The gentle sound of Ashley’s voice wakes me. I rustle in my blankets and peek up, seeing her next to the bed, cradling a box of chocolates.
A smile instantly creeps on my face. She’s given me so much space since that night. School was over, and I had nowhere to be. She knew I needed to relax in solitude, and she granted me that.
“Ash.” My voice is thick from sleeping so much.
She sits down beside me on the bed.
“I know we haven’t talked much. I’m so sorry about last weekend. I didn’t know your brother would fight him. I ruined your first night of seeing him in so long.” Guilt laces my voice.
“Are you kidding me? I spent the last five days with him while you were in here. I’m already sick of him,” She jokes, her smile sympathetic. “First off, Aiden fights...everyone.”
I try to imagine it. He definitely has the build for it, and he takes obvious care of his body by the glances I caught of him with his shirt off after he came inside from a long run.
And I remember the rage in his eyes that night. But to me, he is gentle. I feel a little less special about Aiden saving me now that I know him fighting is a regular thing and not because of the way Ian treated me.
“Oh.” Is all I manage to say.
“You okay?” Ashley twirls a lock of my brown hair around her finger, concern plastered on her face.
“I know I’ve been sulking, but I do feel better. Where did you go that night when we got home by the way? I was going to talk to you but ended up talking to Aiden,” I question quietly.
“Yeah, I was really surprised when he practically kicked me out of the car once we pulled in the driveway. I’ve never seen him be so nice to someone before. He normally doesn’t care about anything.” She laughs, but her eyes pan downward in confusion.
“I thought you said he fights a lot?” I’m confused. “Obviously he likes confrontation.”
Ashley shakes her head. “He does, but it’s different. He talked to you. You were in the car for half an hour. The confrontation happened with Ian. But with you, he looked concerned. It’s just normally not his thing.” She shrugs, looking at me with curious eyes. “He filled me in on what Ian said, so I’m assuming that’s what got him heated. I still can’t believe he did that to you!” She balls up her small fist as her face scrunches in anger.
“Honestly, I don’t want to talk about Ian anymore. I can’t believe I thought he loved me. How stupid. We barely know each other.” I lament in an exhausted voice.
“It’s normal to be upset. Yes, you weren’t together long, but you were comfortable enough around him to think about…you know.” She sighs.
The silence draws out for several long seconds before Ashley jumps up with a smile. “Let’s dress up and go out tonight!”
“I don’t know, Ash.” I throw the comforter off me. The idea of fun does sound good though.
“Please,” She pleads through batted lashes.
“Fine.” With a sigh, I cave.
“I’m coming too.” Aiden calls down the hall in a serious tone.
We burst out into laughter.
I wonder how much of that conversation he heard.
“Protective older brother much?”
“It isn’
t me he wants to protect.” Ashley whispers with a sly smile.
∞∞∞
Aiden is in Portland, an hour and a half drive away.
I’m guessing he’s looking for apartments there. I wonder what he does, what his major was. He exudes confidence and wealth when you look at him, I just have no idea what his career path could be.
My curiosity on a high, I search our small house for Ashley. I find her on the couch with her laptop open, typing violently against the keyboard.
“Ash? You okay?” I assess her behavior, her fingers meticulously and harshly combing the keyboard with a little more force than necessary.
She clicks one more button before slamming her laptop shut. Turning to me, she slaps a manufactured smile on her face. “Yeah, I was just sending my English teacher a few choice words on an e-mail for giving me a seventy on my final. It was an essay about ‘love’, which is supposed to be subjective!”
“Miss. Parks?” I ask with a laugh.
She makes an air check mark and huffs. “Yup, that’s the one.”
“I think you’ll be okay. You have a what...ninety-seven in that class?” I stifle a laugh.
She groans. “I wanted a perfect one hundred. That essay is thirty percent of our grade! She’s just angry her husband left her last year. I mean, why make us write that for a final if you’re scorned and don’t want to hear about love?” She places the laptop on the table beside the book Aiden was reading yesterday.
I take a seat on the couch, smiling in surprise when I see the title.
“Aiden reads classic novels?” I eye the bent and tattered copy of The Merchant of Venice.
“Yeah, it’s weird right?” She laughs while gesturing to the book. “He’s always been a reader. When he came to visit when I was younger, he would read instead of playing with the neighborhood kids. I always wondered why he went down the corporate road, you would have thought he’d be a writer with the amount of time he spends with his face buried in a book.”
“Corporate? Aiden?” I ask, astounded.
“I know. With the tattoos, it seems odd, right?” She pulls her thick hair through a scrunchie and leans back on our couch. “He went to Stanford and got his bachelor’s in finance,” She announces proudly.
I nearly choke on air before I compose myself. “Wow, that’s amazing! Does your dad have money like that?”
I know Ashley is on a scholarship, as her mom doesn’t have a ton of money. She has no contact with her dad, but it seems like Aiden does. I remember her saying she originally wanted to go south for school. I’m glad she decided against it or we would have never crossed paths.
She lets out a loud laugh. “No way. Even if he did, there’s no way Aiden would want shit from him. Aiden is completely self-made. He got a full ride for his academics in high school.” She beams.
I understand why she’s proud. That’s a huge accomplishment at twenty-five. I ponder this for a second; a full ride to Stanford. He must be insanely smart. I try to tamper down my attraction and nerves, knowing he has brains to go with his brawns. Could he be any more perfect?
“He told me about how his classmates glared at him for a few weeks when he started.” She laughs, waving her hand absentmindedly. “I mean a guy who looks like Aiden, covered in tattoos, has to be quite the unusual student at a school like that. But his brilliance showed through, and the students there quickly realized it I’m guessing. He made some really great friends there. I know he was sad to graduate but he’s ready to start his life in Portland.”
It’s scary how Ashley can read my thoughts.
“Why Portland?” I rest my elbows on my knees, listening intently.
“That’s what he’s doing today. He intern-ed before college, making investments for high up businessmen. He’s so good at what he does, he made his own investments early. He owns some properties there, which is why he wants to move there.”
“He’s also leasing a floor of a high rise, so he has somewhere to meet with his bigger investors. Some of them can be... intimidating.” She looks at me uneasily. “Others are your normal run of the mill rich men. He’s going to check out his new office and see about his lease on the apartment. That’s why he’s staying here for a while, so they can get it finished.” She concludes with another proud smile.
I straighten. “What do you mean by intimidating?”
“I don’t know how to explain it. Almost like the Mafia is what I would guess. Aiden can handle himself, so he takes those clients when no one else will. I don’t know much about it, but I would stay away from his work if I were you.” She laughs humorlessly.
“What does he do though, like his title?”
“He’s a private investor. I’m not really sure what it entails. You have to remember we don’t talk all that much. But from what I know, he’s great with numbers. I believe he purchases investments for CEOs and things like that?” She questions herself.
“Good for him! That’s awesome, he’s already got a job that quick. I hope when I graduate, I can find somewhere I fit in.” I hide my internal frown with an outward smile. Everyone has their lives figured out.
My current major is the opposite of what I want to do. My dream is to become a pastry chef. I would love to be able to go to a culinary school. While OSU offers a wonderful culinary program, I have to be realistic about it. My mom works so hard to pay for my schooling. I don’t want to graduate and have nowhere to go career wise. I’m taking the safe route in life, but what else could I do?
Ashley’s words surprise me.
“He didn’t get a job, he owns the company.” She smiles. “Don’t stress. He’s older than us. We’re only freshman, you have plenty of time to plan your life.” She reassures.
“Why did he just graduate if he’s twenty-five?”
“Well, after high school, he took a three-year internship before starting at Stanford. That’s how he got his money and started his business.”
I raise my brow. “Did he always know he wanted to do this?”
“You’re curious about him, aren’t you?” She examines me shrewdly.
“No. no. I mean, maybe?”
She throws her hands up. “Look, truly, if you want to go after him, I don’t care. It’s not like we are in high school, you’re both adults.”
A laugh escapes my lips. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll be a problem. He’s nice to me, but I don’t think he is interested.” I dismiss her thoughts. “Plus, the whole Ian thing.” I shudder from the humiliation I received at his hand.
“Oh, fuck Ian,” She bellows. “As for Aiden, I wouldn’t be so sure that he’s not interested.”
I blush. “I mean, he’s just a nice guy.”
She scoffs. “To you, he is. You barely left your room all week. I had to tell him multiple times not to bother you. He’s been asking about you non-stop. Every other friend of mine that he’s met, he has ignored with obvious annoyance.” She smiles teasingly. “Plus, you need someone to take your mind off of that preppy douchebag.”
Armed with a pillow, I let out a war-cry and hit her with it. A fight quickly ensues as Ashley grabs two throws from the couch and hurls them at me. Laughter booms throughout the living room and soon, we crumble in a fit of giggles onto the couch. My legs are thrown up over the back of the couch while my back rests on the bottom cushions.
A deep cough interrupts our childish fight and we snap towards the sound.
My jaw involuntarily drops as I take in the sight of Aiden leaning against the door frame. His black hair is slicked back perfectly. His emerald eyes look deeper than usual. He exudes a serious vibe, which matches his attire. A black suit with a black dress shirt underneath. His tattoos are barely visible, but I see one peeking through as he undoes his cuffs.
I force my jaw shut and swallow hard. My eyes travel to his face, where his eyes burn into mine. That’s when I realize I’m just in my panties and a tank top. I flip my body around quickly and search for a blanket. I grab the one Aiden used the night before and co
ver myself, trying to ignore the delicious scent it’s laced with. Subconsciously, I take a deep breath. Leather and mint.
“Hey girls.” He greets in a stern tone, but his teasing smile creeps up, softening his rough edges.
“You look all business, Aiden,” Ashley teases.
He rolls his eyes and saunters down the hallway. “I’m going to get changed.”
“Stop gawking.” She nudges me.
Fearing Aiden heard her attempted whisper, I peek up just as he turns the bathroom doorknob. My stomach drops as his face turns slightly. The sexiest half smile graces his perfect features, and my face burns from embarrassment.
I hit Ashley once more with the pillow after he disappears into the bathroom.
Once the water starts running, I glare at her with burning cheeks. “He heard you!” I quietly scream at her.
She shrugs and we fall into a fit of laughter.
I scuttle to my room and throw on some jeans. I need to get the sight of him in that suit out of my head, quickly. “I’m going to run some errands,” I call out as I grab the necessities before running out. It’s a nice day. A drive through town is just what I need.
∞∞∞
After a few hours, my backseat is full of essentials we need for the summer as I head for the mall.
Maybe a new dress is what I need to rebuild my confidence.
I’m met with way too many options, but a black mini dress catches my eye. I grab my size and go into the dressing room. I squeeze into the tight-fitting dress and turn to look at myself.
A smile appears on my face. I love it!
I usually go for something a little less revealing, but I need a change. It hugs my curves perfectly and I feel...sexy. I giggle as I run my hands over the soft fabric. The neckline is low, so I won’t be able to wear a bra, and the back is cut low. There isn’t much material, but I feel surprisingly comfortable.
