Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  Jensen straightened the towel turban on her head that I hadn’t even noticed—her damn legs had been too much of a distraction. “Well, hello to you, too.” Jensen did not whisper.

  “Shh.” I made a pointing motion to where Noah’s room was overhead.

  She laughed. “He’s next door. He and Irma had a viewing of The Karate Kid so they could get ideas for the fight they’re choreographing, and he fell asleep mid-movie. They figured they’d just keep him over there for the night.”

  I let out a chuckle. “Irma’s doing a fight with Noah?”

  “She’s surprisingly limber for someone her age.” Jensen studied my face. “How are you doing?”

  As always, Jensen saw right through any facades I had in place. “I’m fine. I just needed to see you.” I pulled her to me, resting my chin on her towel-covered head. I wasn’t fine. Someone was killing the horses I loved, that crazy person now had their eyes on Jensen, and the run-ins with my dad were only getting worse.

  Jensen placed a kiss on my pec. “I haven’t seen your dad in a long time. Why didn’t you tell me things had gotten worse?”

  I sighed. “I don’t have to deal with him often. I just feel bad for my mom.”

  Jensen wrapped her arms tighter around my waist. “I hate what he puts you both through. You know, I was mentally plotting his murder this morning.”

  I let out a bark of laughter. “I was, too.”

  I felt her grin against my chest. “What can I do?”

  “You’re doing it. Just being with you eases something in me.”

  Jensen stepped out of my hold. “Let’s see if we can’t do one better.” Her fingers tugged at her robe’s sash. It came loose. And without a word, she let the terrycloth fall to the floor.

  24

  Jensen

  Cool air rushed over my body, the heat having been turned down for the night. My nipples beaded, the tightening causing a mirrored action in my core. But Tuck’s eyes were molten heat as he glanced down the length of me. Each place his gaze touched seeming to spark.

  Then he was on me. Lifting me, my legs wrapping around him. Tuck took the stairs two at a time as though I weighed nothing. He tossed me on the bed, and I landed with an “oomph,” the towel coming free from my damp hair.

  I scowled up at him. “Well, that wasn’t very nice.”

  Tuck grinned at me, and the only word to describe the expression was wicked. He toed off his boots and began unbuttoning his shirt. “There’s no time for nice. Not when you drop a robe like that.”

  I lay back against my array of pillows. “Then show me what’s not nice.”

  That was all it took. Tuck shucked his pants so fast, I’d barely blinked before his body covered mine. His hands were in my hair, and his lips took mine in a bruising kiss. The movements were desperate, starving, as though the only thing that could ground him to this Earth was my body.

  Tuck’s lips trailed down my neck. The juxtaposition of the softness of his mouth and the sandpaper of his scruff sent a riot of sensations over my skin. My hands began to explore, relishing the feel of smooth flesh over tight muscle, the broadness of his shoulders, the way his silky hair slipped through my fingers.

  I’d never get enough of him. That should’ve terrified me, but somehow, it didn’t. I simply lost myself to the feeling of…everything.

  Tuck’s lips closed around my nipple. He played a symphony with the sensations he caused. First sucking gently, then pulling the bud deep into his mouth. His teeth giving a quick nip and then his tongue laving away the sting.

  Everything inside me wound tighter as I began to pant. “Need you.”

  His head came away from my breast. “Now?”

  “Now.”

  Tuck reached for a foil packet I hadn’t even seen him toss on the bed. I watched in fascination as he rolled the condom over his tip and then down his length. God, he was beautiful.

  Tuck settled himself between my legs, his gaze holding mine. Something unnamed passed between us. He held still for a moment, his tip just bumping my opening as he stared. It was as if he were trying to commit everything to memory. Burning it so deeply in his mind that it would never get out.

  Something about that had me fighting the urge to cry. I reached up to cup his cheek, and he leaned into my hand. “Let me feel you,” I whispered.

  Tuck pressed his lips to my palm as he slowly pushed inside. My legs wrapped around him as I let out a little gasp. I still needed a moment to adjust. Tuck brushed his lips against mine as he gave me that time. His tongue swept in, caressing mine. A hand came to my breast, fingers toyed with my nipple. Soon, all I felt was heat.

  My hips rose to meet his, encouraging without words. It was all he needed. Tuck began to move. Slowly at first, and then faster. Deeper. More. My back arched as I met his thrusts, my body seeming to move of its own accord. The rhythms, while different, complemented each other perfectly.

  Everything inside me wound so tight, it was almost painful. I strained for what was just out of reach. Tuck’s thrusts grew more frenzied. Almost animalistic. My nails dug into his back as I stretched to the breaking point.

  My head dug back into the pillows, my spine arched, and the world came apart at the seams. Light danced behind my lids as my walls clamped down on Tuck. He cursed as he thrust one more time.

  Tuck collapsed on me and then quickly rolled so that I was now on top. He twitched inside me, and I involuntarily clenched around him. Tuck grunted. “You’re going to kill me, Wilder.”

  I grinned against his chest, damp with sweat. “It’d be a hell of a way to go, though.”

  Tuck chuckled, sending all sorts of sparks through my body. “Damn straight.” He swept my hair back from my face. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  Always worrying about me. “That was the best sex of my life.”

  Tuck’s brow quirked. “Is that a no?”

  “That’s most definitely a no.” I’d be tender for a day or two, but it was so worth it.

  He kissed one temple, and then the other, and lastly, my forehead. God, I loved when he did that. “I gotta get rid of this condom.”

  I nodded and lifted myself off him, feeling a slight sting at the loss of him. I rolled to my back, watching him rise, muscles bunching and flexing, tanned skin that seemed to glow in the low light of the room. He turned for the bathroom, and I gasped.

  Tuck spun around. “What’s wrong?”

  My hand covered my mouth. “Your back. I murdered your back.”

  Tuck smirked. “You murdered my back?”

  I jumped off the bed, urging him into the bathroom. “Look!” I turned his body so that his back faced the mirror and pointed.

  Instead of the horror I expected to see, Tuck grinned like a cat who got the canary. “You marked me.”

  On his back were deep, red scratches. I’d even broken the skin in a couple of places. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

  Tuck’s head snapped back around. “Not a goddamned thing.” He pulled me to him and then cupped my face. “You lost yourself with me. I fucking love that. I did the same. I was so deep in that with you that I never wanted to come out. Not a thing you did hurt me. All it did was drive me higher.” A small smile curved his mouth. “My Wilder.” He brushed his lips against mine. “I like you just as you were meant to be. Wild and free.”

  I slumped into him. “You’re sure?”

  Tuck swept the hair out of my face. “Never been more sure about anything in my life.”

  “Can I at least clean those scrapes?”

  “Oh, you can clean them, all right.” He reached in and turned on the shower. “As long as I can return the favor.” His gaze traveled over my body. “And let me tell you. I am very thorough.”

  “Merry Christmas Eve Eve,” I called to Arthur as he headed out the door of the Kettle.

  “You guys really get into Christmas around here, don’t you?” Kennedy asked.

  I grinned, looking around at the festively decorated space. I really didn’t
think much about it because we went all out every year. As soon as Thanksgiving passed, we were in full-on Christmas mode. Winter-themed cookies in the display case, little white lights hanging everywhere they could, and an array of vintage Santas decorating each table.

  “My mom is big into pretty much every holiday, so I don’t even think about it anymore. I just let her go to town and enjoy the end result. But I have to put it all away after New Year’s.”

  Kennedy laughed. “I guess that’s fair.”

  I paused in wiping down the counter. “Hey, do you have plans for Christmas Eve? Want to come over for dinner? We always have a big, crazy group, and it’s super low-key.”

  Kennedy straightened from rearranging the bakery case. “I actually have plans, but thank you for inviting me. That is really kind of you.”

  I wondered what Kennedy could be doing since she’d just arrived in town a couple of weeks ago and didn’t seem to know anyone yet. My nosy self couldn’t resist asking. “What are you up to?”

  Kennedy smoothed out invisible wrinkles on her apron. “I, um, I’m volunteering at the shelter.”

  Well, I was a shitty human. Here I was, planning to gorge myself on my mom’s epic feast, and Kennedy would be spending her time helping others. “That’s really kind of you.”

  She waved me off. “It’s nothing, really. I wish I could do more.”

  “You know,”—I started wiping down the counters again—“we do those early morning orders tomorrow before we close at ten, and we always have leftovers. Why don’t you take the extras with you to the shelter?”

  Kennedy’s expression brightened. “That would be amazing. I’d offer to help bake some extra, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea yet.”

  I chuckled. So far, Kennedy hadn’t quite gotten the hang of the baking side of the business. Making drinks, serving tables, helping customers, in those, she was a rock star. But every time she had tried to bake something on her own, it had turned to disaster. “I think that’s probably a good idea. I’ll come in a little early and see if I can’t add on a few more dozen cookies.”

  Kennedy shut the case and turned to face me. “You have a really good heart, Jensen.”

  Heat rose to my cheeks. “It’s nothing. And I’m glad to help.”

  Kennedy was about to say something else when the bell over the door sounded. I bit my lip to fight the scowl that wanted to surface at the new arrival. Cody. And his arms were laden with presents. Had he not heard a word I’d said the last time he was here? Presents would not erase nine years of Noah without a father.

  Cody wore a bright smile. “Hey, J. It’s good to see you.”

  I said nothing. What could I say? It wasn’t good to see him.

  His smile faltered a little, but he pressed on. “I brought some presents for you and Noah.”

  I turned to Kennedy. “Can you man the register for a bit?”

  Her gaze jumped from me to Cody and back again, trying to put the pieces together. “Of course.”

  I motioned for Cody to follow me to a back table. “We need to talk.”

  Cody eased himself into a chair. “I’m glad you think so, too.”

  I wasn’t so sure he’d like what I had to say. “I filed to have your parental rights revoked.” Cody’s face reddened, but I held up a hand before he could speak. “Just hear me out. I need to protect Noah. I haven’t seen you in a decade. I have no idea who you are now, and the man I knew all those years ago, I didn’t end up respecting.”

  I grasped my knees and squeezed, hoping I was doing the right thing. “I’m willing to give you a shot. Supervised visitation. If you prove that you’re in this for the long haul. I’m sure you think I’m being a bitch, but the truth is, I don’t give a damn. All I care about is protecting my son. And that means making sure you truly have his best interests at heart.”

  I was taking that step out in faith and trusting my gut. My intuition that said Cody had no real plans to stick around. I’d just have to wait him out. And if he proved me wrong, I’d gladly eat those words. But for now, I was doing all I could to protect Noah.

  Cody’s jaw worked. He didn’t speak for a long moment. “I have his best interests at heart.” His gaze met mine. “I want my family back.”

  I fought the urge to throw something at him. “You never had that family to begin with. You threw us away before we even had a chance to get started. But if you’re serious, you can have a relationship with your son.”

  Cody held my stare. “I’m here for the long haul. And I’m not afraid of a fight.” He rose from his chair. “You’ll see.”

  I let my head tip back and bang into the wall. The man needed to catch a clue. I pulled out my phone, not wanting Tuck to somehow hear about this before I had the chance to tell him. I just hoped my sharing Cody’s little visit didn’t end with Tuck in lock-up for Christmas.

  25

  Tuck

  My muscles were strung so tightly, any one of them felt like they might snap at any moment. Each hour that passed seemed to string them tighter. Cody’s stopping by the Kettle yet again had not put me in a good headspace, and then I’d had to face Christmas with my family. Each moment seemed to ratchet up the tension in the room another degree. I pushed back from the table.

  “Are you sure you can’t stay for lunch?” My mom asked the question with so much hope in her eyes, it almost killed me. But after a Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my parents, I’d had about all I could take.

  “I told the Coles I’d come by their place, so I need to get going. Thank you for an amazing breakfast.” I rose from my chair and kissed her cheek.

  My dad let out a snort of derision and took another sip of his bloody Mary. “Of course, he’s heading over to the Coles. Can you say ‘desperate,’ son? Don’t you know another family doesn’t want you around on Christmas?”

  “Craig,” my mom pleaded.

  I continued ignoring my dad. “Mom, you’re welcome to come with me. I know Sarah would love to see you.”

  “She’s staying here with me.”

  My gut twisted. “Why? So you can leave her alone when you go to the bar later? Nothing says Christmas like sleeping alone while your husband ties one on.”

  The sarcastic bite of my words had my dad charging to his feet, tipping over his chair and sending his bloody Mary spilling across the white tablecloth. “Goddammit! Now look what you’ve done. You always were more trouble than you were worth.”

  My mom started mopping up the spilled drink with her napkin. “Both of you, stop it right now!”

  I did what I thought was best for everyone. I left.

  Starting up my truck, I took off for the Cole Ranch. I was there in a matter of minutes but was in no state to go inside. So, I just sat there, clenching and unclenching my fists, trying to slow my breathing. How had we gotten here? My dad had always had some asshole in him, but today was a whole new level.

  The entire scene had me searching through memories, wondering when things had taken a turn into irreparable. The cheating, the berating, it all seemed to get exponentially worse the more he drank. I had memories of when I was a child of him being a good father, but they just came farther and farther apart the older I got. Until they stopped altogether.

  I couldn’t be around him anymore. I couldn’t even set foot in that house if there was a chance he would be there. It killed a little something inside me. Our family ranch held so many special memories for me. My grandfather teaching me to ride. Working the vegetable patch with my mom. Playing hide and seek with Walker and Jensen. Now, it was this dark and ominous place.

  I let my head tip back against the headrest. I had to tell my mom the truth. Something in my gut told me it wouldn’t make a difference, that it would only add to the pain she lived with daily, but I had to try. I just had to hope she could forgive me for keeping the secret for so long.

  I hadn’t meant to, but it had started when I was young. That muscle in my cheek ticked as I remembered my dad’s words. You keep
this between us, son. If you don’t, your mom will leave, and we’ll be all alone.

  Who said that to their kid? A shitty human being, that’s who. The years of keeping that secret as a child had turned into a weight I just couldn’t seem to shed. So much fucking guilt.

  I jerked as my passenger door opened, and Jensen slid inside. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

  Worry etched her face. “You looked like you were thinking pretty hard there. Everything okay?”

  “What do you think?”

  Jensen reached over and linked her fingers with mine. “I think you’ve had to spend the past two days with your asshole of a dad and you’re about ready to break some shit.”

  Her words brought a small smile to my face, but it didn’t linger. “Will you go for a drive with me?”

  “Of course.” There was no hesitation. Just easy agreement. Anything she could do to ease my pain. She pulled out her phone and sent a text. “I told them we’d be back in a bit. Let’s go.”

  I put the truck in reverse and then took off down the gravel drive. In minutes, we were off ranch property and out on winding country roads. Snowy fields flew by as we drove. No music, no chit-chat, just silence and that peace that comes from being with someone who knows all of you. The good and the bad.

  I flashed back to the drives Jensen and I used to take after I got my license and she just needed to get away. When girls at school were pulling petty shit, or she’d gotten in a fight with her mom. She’d call, begging for me to get her out for an hour. We’d sit in silence like this until she was ready to talk.

  The same went for me. Jensen had been the one to pick up on what was going on with my dad first. She’d always had that little bit of extra perception about people. Animals, too. Irma would say that she’d passed her “psychic gift” on to Jensen, but Jensen was in denial about it. Whatever the reason, Jensen could always tell when I needed to get away from it all.