The Prodigal Heart

by Karen Cogan

  The winter sun broke weakly through low clouds as Rachel arrived at the exercise studio on Monday morning. The red Toyota parked in the lot told her Terri was already there. She would have to hurry if she wanted to join the group in time for warm-ups.

  She hurried to the locker room to pull off her sweatshirt and jeans and emerge clad in a skin-tight leotard to join the group. Pausing in a leg lift, Terri glanced at her svelte figure and said, "I was starting to wonder if you were coming. If you quit, I'd never have the discipline to keep at this."

  Rachel raised her eyebrows at her partner, whose chubby frame was showing improvement. "I'll be here to keep you honest, three times a week every week for the rest of your life."

  Terri grimaced. "I was afraid of that."

  Rachel never failed to ride her exercise bike on the days she didn't do aerobics. Her tendency toward compulsion made it hard to understand Terri's lack of discipline. Once, Terri had pointed to Rachel's exercise bike and said, "I had one of those, but I never rode it, so I sold it at a garage sale."

  Appalled that Terri did nothing for exercise, Rachel signed them up for Jazzercise when a center opened near their office. The dedication had rubbed off on Terri who hadn't missed a class in three months.

  When the work-out was over, they stopped off for take-out salads and retreated to the office to work on paperwork until their three o'clock appointments began. Just before the first session, the phone rang. Rachel answered it and was surprised to hear Nina on the other end.

  Without initial pleasantry, Nina lit in. "Jonathon told me the nonsense about taking Ricky to a psychiatrist. How stupid! Why would a six- year- old child need a psychiatrist?"

  Collecting her thoughts, Rachel seized a pause in Nina's tirade. "Didn't Jonathon explain that Ricky may have a physical problem that requires medication? We want to have him evaluated and find out. That's all."

  "Do you realize what this will do to Ricky? Everybody will find out, his teachers, other kids. They'll think he's crazy, all because of you."

  Rachel took a calming breath and tried to reply evenly, "It's not like that anymore. Lots of children need help for things they can't control, like attention deficits."

  "Well, there's nothing wrong with Ricky except that he just lost the best mother a child could have."

  "I know he's been through a lot, yet I don't think it explains the problems he's having."

  "Well, Jonathon can choose to humor you, but I certainly won't. It's a bunch of nonsense."

  Rachel rolled her eyes at Terri who was now listening to Rachel's end of the conversation. Struggling to control her rising irritation, she replied, "I guess we'll find out when Ricky sees the doctor."

  "There's not going to be any doctor. Jonathon's only humoring you, so forget it." With that curt reply, Nina hung up, leaving Rachel holding the phone.

  "What was all that about?" Terri asked.

  "I've just been told off by Ricky Parker's grandmother. She says Jonathon has no intention of taking Ricky for evaluation. I guess we'll see about that."

  Rachel was aware of Terri's wide-eyed stare as she stormed over to her Rolodex and looked up Jonathon's work number. Finding it, she quickly punched in the numbers and waited until a cool voice said, "Good afternoon. Lowell and Thompson Attorneys at Law. May I help you?"

  "Yes. I'm trying to reach Mr. Parker."

  "One moment, please."

  She waited impatiently while her call was transferred.

  "Jonathon Parker's office. May I help you?"

  "Yes. This is Rachel Ashworth. I'd like to speak to Mr. Parker about a personal matter. Is he in?"

  "I'm sorry. Mr. Parker is out of town. If it's important, I can give him the message when he calls in."

  She sighed, remembering Jonathon had told her he was going to Los Angeles. "Yes. Please have him call me when he checks in."

  She left her number and hung up.

  Turning to Terri, she said, "He'll call back when he gets the message. I don't believe the grandmother, so I want to hear it from Jonathon."

  Terri nodded. "She's a strange woman."

  Rachel couldn't have agreed more. She spent the rest of the afternoon tutoring her small clients and listening for his call. By the time she locked the door at nine o'clock, she was annoyed. Why hadn't he returned her call? Perhaps he hadn't gotten the message. Or perhaps, Nina was telling the truth.

  She drove home with a sinking heart. If he didn't respect her judgment enough to accept her advice, she could not continue to tutor Ricky. By the time she reached home, her spirits were low. She should not have allowed herself any contact with Jonathon. It could only lead to another disappointment.

  She had just climbed into bed when the phone rang. She reached to the bedside table and clutched the receiver. It was Jonathon.

  "Sorry to call so late. Hope I didn't wake you." He sounded tired.

  "No. I'm still a night person."

  "I got tied up at a business dinner. I just got back to my room. So what's up?"

  "Nina called me today and told me you have no intention of having Ricky tested for attention deficit disorder. She said you were humoring me."

 

  Jonathon sighed, feeling torn between his obligations at work and home. His life had felt empty before Ricky, and now Rachel, had entered. Yet, surely Rachel could understand the pressure from his job.

  "Nina's off base. I'm having Ricky tested on Thursday and she doesn't like it. I'll have a talk with her. She was under psychiatric care years ago for a suicide attempt. Somehow, she ended up blaming the doctors for her problem. She doesn't like the idea of Ricky seeing a psychiatrist for any reason."

  Rachael heard the fatigue in his voice and was sorry she had doubted him. "Will you be back by Thursday to make sure Ricky gets to his appointment?"

  "Yes. This is just a three day trip.

  "I'm glad."

  "Can I see you this weekend?"

  "I'd like that. We need to discuss the results of Ricky's evaluation." She tried for a business-like tone, ignoring the light skipping of her heart.

  "I'll call you then."

  She hung up, too relieved by his explanation and too excited by the promise of another date to sleep. Not a date, she chastised herself. She could not let her heart be captured by a man who did not share her interest in a growing faith. She was doing this for Ricky.

  Nonetheless, she dozed off with the image of Jonathon's handsome face in her mind and, despite her resolve, dreamed of a wedding where she was the bride.

  The day before his appointment with the psychiatrist, Nina brought Ricky for his tutoring session. One look at her face, told Rachel she had not changed her mind about the need for this assessment. Glowering, she ushered him through the door and sunk into a wicker chair without a glance at Rachel.

  Ignoring her, Rachel put an arm around Ricky's shoulders. "Are you ready for a game?"

  He shrugged and looked at his shoes.

  "Well, come see what I have for you today."

  Subdued, he followed her into the cubicle. Drawing him into a chair beside her, she asked, "What's wrong?"

  He shrugged again.

  "Did you have a bad day?"

  He nodded. "I always have a bad day at school."

  His eyes were wide and emphatic. "Then I broke the lock on Grandma's car. She was mad. Real mad."

  "You didn't mean to, did you?"

  "No. Grandma says I'm bad and that's why nobody likes me."

  She knew she was being paid to tutor and not counsel. Still, she couldn't resist asking, "Do you think you're bad?"

  Tears filled his eyes, yet he didn't answer.

  "You're not bad
because you break something accidentally. I bet lots of people like you. I do."

  He looked up, his dark eyes, brimming. There was a hint of a smile. "I like you, too," he said, giving her an impulsive hug.

  "Feel better?"

  He nodded.

  "Then I guess we better get to work."

  He made an effort to pay attention and the session went well. Even so, she couldn't get the sad little boy off her mind. By Thursday evening, she waited impatiently to hear from Jonathon.

  He called during the late news. "Rachel?"

  "Yes. What did the psychiatrist say?"

  "Dr. Lewis thought you were right. She put Ricky on medication. I hope it works, because the only thing that holds his attention is the television. I know he must drive Nina crazy."

  "Have you told her the diagnosis?"

  "Not yet. I hope she accepts it since she's going to have to give him his afternoon medication."

  "I hope so too. It's important that he stay on schedule."

  "Maybe you could explain it to her?"

  She remembered the anger on Nina's face when she had brought Ricky in for tutoring. "I don't think so. I don't think she likes me right now."

  "That's okay. I'm sure she'll cooperate if I insist. She doesn't cross me since she's always afraid I won't let her see Ricky. I don't know why. She's been a lot of help. I don't know what I would do without her."

  "She's probably a little overly protective."

  “Could you give me some pointers on how to explain all this to her?"

  Rachael remembered the scowl on Nina’s face. "I doubt I could tell you any more than you heard from Dr. Lewis."

  “Maybe if we get together, we can think of something. Honestly, I also want to see you again. I have tickets to the symphony and I am hoping you will come with me."

  Her mind worked quickly. He had stripped away the pretense that their relationship centered entirely upon Ricky. Plain and simply, he was asking for a date.

  Torn by her feelings, she hesitated. This was the boy who had hurt her so badly. No, the boy was in her past, replaced by this familiar stranger with the strong jaw and dark intelligent eyes. He was the same and yet so different. The changes intrigued her. She could no more refuse his invitation than she could deny herself air.

  "What time?" she asked.

  "I could pick you up at seven. Is that okay?"

  "It's fine. I’ll see you then."

  "Good-night, Rachel." His caressing voice sent goose bumps down her back.

  "Good-night, Jonathon."

 

  Saturday proved hectic. As a surprise for her birthday, Terri's new boyfriend called to invite her to a restaurant for lunch. Rachael heard her decline and could tell from her tone how much she wanted to go. "Call him back and say you'll come."

  Terri shook her head. "I'd miss at least two appointments."

  “If you can't re-schedule for another day, I'll work them into my off times," Rachel offered.

  "That's awfully sweet. Are you sure?"

  "I'm sure. Rachel looked at her appointments. “I have two hours free during the day. I can work in those two kids."

  "Okay. Thanks."

  By skipping lunch and working late, Rachael was able to keep on schedule. She closed a little after six, completely exhausted to hurry home, eat, and get changed before Jonathon arrived to pick her up. She had just finished dressing when the doorbell rang. She clipped a pearl barrette in one side of her copper hair and pinned it just above her ear. Then, smoothing her dress, she opened the door, hoping she looked more composed than she felt.

  One look at his approving smile soothed her frazzled nerves. "You look beautiful. You always look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine."

 

  When she smiled, his mind took him back to the girl he had always loved, the girl he should have married. What had gotten into him to take a path that led him away from her?

  She returned his smile. "You know how to ease a rough day."

  On the way to the symphony, she told him about Terri's new boyfriend. "I think she's really in love this time. I know she cares about our business. Yet, all she thinks about is Eric. I'm not sure which comes first anymore."

  "I envy her. Having someone completely wrapped up in your life is not something to take for granted. At least if it's the right someone." Jonathon glanced over, letting his gaze capture her face.

  She looked lost in thought. "I just hope she doesn't lose interest in our partnership. I couldn't run things by myself. I'd have to drop some of our clients since I wouldn't make enough to pay the rent. I don't want to lose the business." She paused, wondering why she was telling him this.

  "You won't. You've never failed at anything in your life."

 

  Though she'd had longed for his reassurance, she wasn't sure how he meant it. She opened her mouth to protest until she noticed his voice had contained no envy and his face was peaceful as he watched the road. Deciding better, she said, "You seem to be quite a success yourself. Tell me more about your firm."

  "When you work International, you do a lot of traveling." He went on to tell her about what he did for his clients. It sounded interesting, though it provided little opportunity for a home life. She wondered how he hoped to spend time with Ricky.

  They arrived at the symphony and parked in the back lot. Stars filled the sky like a thousand diamonds. He took her hand as they joined the throng of patrons crossing the street.

  Once inside the building, a hush fell over the audience as they let the music of Johann Strauss wash over them. Rachael was keenly aware of Jonathon's sturdy arm touching her shoulder at the boundary of their cushioned chairs. She could smell the light masculine waft of his menthol aftershave.

  He glanced at her, his eyes questioning if she was enjoying the evening. She smiled back, knowing she would rather be with him at that moment than anywhere else on earth.

  When it was over, they walked out together. Though she was in the midst of a crowd, she was aware only of the man who walked beside her.

  "Would you like to stop off for a cup of coffee?" he asked when they got to the car.

  She nodded. "I'd love a cup. It's so cold out tonight, I could use it to warm up."

  They bundled into the car and he turned on the heater.

  "It is a cool night for such a light dress, though it looks good on you."

  "Thanks." The gauze dress with tailored sleeves and waist and a filmy floating skirt complimented the curves of her figure. She smiled, knowing it had been a good choice.

  The coffee shop was crowded. They sat at a table for two near the back and waited for a white clad waitress to take their order. Jonathon asked, "Remember our lunch table at high school? Jimmy used to stick French fries into Sharon's hair.”

  "She got him back, though with Jell-O in his lap."

  He smiled in fond memory. "I should have stuck with that gang. It was all innocent fun."

  "What's happened to Jimmy? Do you know?"

  "I saw him at the reunion. He's an airline pilot and he's nutty as ever."

  "Remind me to stay off planes."

  When their coffee arrived, Rachel sipped hers slowly, thinking back over the years. She had kept up with few of her high school friends and had avoided the reunion on account of Jonathon. It struck her as ironic that he was now sitting across the table. What would her mother think if she saw them right now? Her mother had never forgiven him for breaking her daughter's heart.

  They chatted about old friends and teachers and football games until well past midnight. When the crowd thinned he said, "Would you like more coffee or should I be getting you home?"

  "I bette
r get home. I teach a Sunday school class tomorrow. We're studying about the Exodus of the Israelites. Would you like to come?"

  He glanced away. His guarded expression put a curtain between them. "Thanks, but I promised Ricky I'd spend tomorrow with him."

  She nodded. "That's fine. If you ever want to come, we have a good children's program for Ricky."

  He stood and their eyes met. "I'll remember," he said softly. He could not put his finger on his feelings. Yet something stirred deep within him, a spiritual longing that he could not explain.

  As they drove through the frosty night in a private cocoon of warmth, Rachel wondered if he ever went inside a church. He had not been raised in a religious family and was apparently doing the same with Ricky. Her heart broke for them. She longed for Jonathon to see the grace and comfort he was missing. Yet, she knew, in her own power, she could not change him.

  When they reached her apartment, he parked outside and turned off the motor. He turned toward her and studied her face. "What about it? Will you take a chance on me again? I don't drink and party anymore."

  In her head, a voice of reason told her to refuse. Not only had she been hurt by this man before, he did not share her faith. Yet he had changed. Perhaps he would allow God to work in his heart.

  "You have changed," she agreed.

  He reached out and smoothed a wisp of hair off her cheek. "You haven't changed. You're still beautiful and self-assured. You know exactly where you're going."

  Her churning thoughts told her it wasn't true. She did not know where she was going since he came back into her life. She hardly dared hope where this might lead.

  He leaned over close. "When I saw you again, it was like the first time in high school. You were all I could think about. I never lost that feeling for you. I just got off track...way off track. Will you forgive me for hurting you? I was a fool."

  Looking into his dark eyes, so near her face, the voice of reason was swept away by the flood of emotion that swept over her. How could she not forgive him? How could she help loving him?

  "I forgive you," she whispered.

  He bent closer and she felt his lips touch her own. She melted willingly into his arms and ran her hand down the side of his smoothly shaven face. He felt familiar even after all these years.

  He kissed her tenderly and, pulling back, looked into her eyes. "Do you think it's destiny that brought us together after all these years?"

  "Destiny, no. Hopefully, the hand of God."

  "I hope so. I could use a little Divine guidance in my life."

  "All you have to do is ask."

  "That easy, huh?'

  "Want to try it?"

  "Maybe later."

  Jonathon felt another tug at his heart, followed by an uneasiness of the changes God might ask him to make in his life. Would he be able to obey?

  He pulled her head onto his shoulder and kissed the top of her hair. She struggled against the impatience she felt for him to turn to God. Perhaps God's timing was not her own, she reminded herself.

  They sat in silence in the chilling car."Would you like me to turn on the heater?" he asked as she stirred and pulled her coat around her.

  "No. I have to go in. Thanks for a wonderful evening."

  "Thanks for another chance. I'll call you when I get back in town."

  She reached for the car door. "Are you leaving again?"

  "I'll be overseas for two weeks."

  Trying to hide her disappointment, she forced herself to smile. "Have a good trip."

  "I'll try, but I lost my excitement for traveling a long time ago. I like it even less now that I have a couple of good reasons to stay here."

  He walked her to her door. Caressing her face he said, "I'll miss you."

  "I'll miss you, too."

  She unlocked her door and met his lips for a last quick kiss.

  "Don't forget me while I'm gone," he said.

  "I won't." She shook her head, hoping she wasn’t letting her emotions lead her from God's will. If God convicted her to distance herself from Jonathon, it would not be easy. She wanted to see him again, missed him already and wished he were not going so far away. Looking ahead, it seemed an eternity until he would return.

 

 

  CHAPTER FOUR