Beyond Always (Lex and Amanda Series)

by Carrie Carr

  Lex turned to her wife. "Yeah, smart."

  "You girls are adorable. Are you able to stay for a few minutes? I have iced tea downstairs."

  They followed her to the kitchen, where Anna Leigh took two blue disposable cups from a paper grocery bag. "I'm afraid all the tea glasses are already packed, but these should do."

  Lex took them from her and filled them with ice. "They're fine, Gramma."

  Jeannie came through the back door. "What happened to everything in the storage building?"

  "I rented a storage space near my condominium. I assumed your family would need all the extra storage, dear." Anna Leigh sat between Lex and Amanda at the kitchen table. "The movers took care of that yesterday."

  Jeannie refilled her cup and joined them. "Well, okay. But we could have handled that a little at a time and saved you some money, Gramma. I feel like we're kicking you out of your home."

  "Nonsense. This was my idea, remember? But I'm glad you've decided to wait two weeks before moving. That gives me ample time to hire someone to do a thorough cleaning."

  It was an old argument that Jeannie would never be able to win. "Gramma, I keep telling you that's unnecessary." She stretched her arms out. "I mean, look at this place. Even in the middle of packing and moving, I bet I won't find a speck of dust anywhere. It's ridiculous."

  "You should just say thank you," Amanda added. "I've seen how you keep house, Jeannie. It will probably be the cleanest this house will be after Gramma leaves."

  "I'm going to kick your a--"

  "Jeanne Louise! Don't you dare," Anna Leigh warned.

  Lex's laughter turned into a pained groan, when a sharp kick from Jeannie hit her shin.

  When Amanda started to stand, Lex put a hand on her shoulder. "Down, girl." Once she was sure her wife wasn't going to climb across the table, she turned to Anna Leigh. "Gramma, are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do? Because we'd love to have you out at the ranch."

  Anna Leigh patted her arm. "Yes, Lexington. I truly appreciate the offer but I must do this. The truth is, Jacob and I had spoken about him retiring from his woodworking. We had discussed downsizing so that we could enjoy one another's company without having to spend so much time maintaining this old house." She shook her head. "Perhaps if we had done so, sooner..."

  Everyone at the table was respectfully silent as the older woman struggled with her emotions. Amanda and Jeannie stood at the same time and gathered their grandmother into a loving embrace.

  LEX QUIETLY LEFT the table and stepped through the back door to give them privacy. She opened the door to the shop and went inside. The click of the light switch sounded loud, and she soon discovered why.

  The room was completely empty, except for the remaining heavy-duty steel shelves along the far wall and the clean workbench nearby. The floor had been painted gray to cover the old varnish stains. "Wow," she said.

  All of Jacob's tools and projects were gone. A cheery yellow paint covered the walls, leaving behind a clean smell that hid the odor of years of work. Lex felt her eyes burn. There was no sign of the man who had spent so much time here and she felt the loss hit her in the chest. "I'm sorry, Grandpa Jake." She rubbed her face and cleared her throat. "We'll do our best for her, I promise you." She shook her head. "At least as much as she'll let us."

  ELLIE TOOK HER car keys out of the desk drawer and tucked them in her pocket. She walked down the tiled hallway and peeked into the doctor's office. "Is there anything else you need me to do, Dr. Crews?"

  Rodney looked up from his paperwork. "Just the same thing I've always needed, Ellie." He put his pen down. "Your cousin is married to my sister-in-law, which makes us family. Please, call me Rodney."

  "Sorry. It's a habit. I have no problem away from the office, but here, it's different."

  He laughed and shuffled the papers on his desk. "All right. I guess that will have to do. And, no, I don't need anything else. Have a good night, Ellie."

  "You, too." Ellie passed through the waiting room and locked the office door behind her. She was halfway to her car when she heard a voice behind her.

  "Hey, baby. You doin' anything tonight?"

  Ellie spun around. "Wha--"

  Kyle, hands on her hips, was laughing. "You should have seen your face!"

  "I swear, Kyle. One of these days, you're going to get it." Ellie turned away and continued toward her car.

  "Ellie, wait!" Kyle jogged after her. "Come on, baby. I was just playing." When her partner quickly spun, held out her arms and screamed, Kyle stumbled backward and fell on her rear. "Shit!"

  Ellie stood above her and laughed. "Not so funny when it's you, is it?"

  "Well, actually, it is." Kyle got to her feet and brushed off her jeans. "I nearly pissed myself, you wicked woman." She put her arms around Ellie and kissed the tip of her nose. "Hey, wanna go to the junkyard with me?"

  "Wow, such a romantic idea. I don't know if I could handle all that excitement."

  Kyle took her hands and knelt on one knee. "Please, baby. Help me find a junker. We're going to raffle off tickets for people to destroy it. I'll make it worth your time."

  Rodney happened into the parking lot at that very moment. "Oh! Um, excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt."

  Ellie looked down at her lover, who had a panicked look on her face. "Don't worry, Doctor... I mean, Rodney. Kyle was just trying to talk me into an exciting trip to the junkyard." She tugged on Kyle's hands. "Get up, loon."

  Kyle stood and looped her arm around Ellie's waist. "Yeah, doc. My girl seems to think it won't be any fun. But, I ask you. Is there anything more interesting than finding just the right junker for the fair this weekend? The kids love paying to beat the hell out of something, and it's always one of the highest earners."

  Now that his embarrassment had cooled, Rodney decided to play along. "Well, sure. I was just telling Jeannie the other day that we should take a trip out there for our anniversary."

  He waved to them as he started toward his car. "Try not to have too much fun, ladies."

  "I can't believe he thought that you were proposing to me. I'll never hear the end of this." Ellie tried to keep a low profile at work, as she did in everything. During the past year, Kyle had slowly pulled her from the self-imposed exile she had kept. But, at times Ellie felt her old fears come back to haunt her. She could almost hear her mother's voice, telling her that nice, Christian women never drew attention to themselves.

  Kyle watched the emotions cross Ellie's face. "Would that be so bad, El?" At the confused look she received, she embraced Ellie. "Would it be so bad, to be committed to me? For me to be committed to you?"

  "I...I thought we were." Ellie began to panic. "I mean, I never even thought about anyone else but you. Are you saying that you, umm--"

  "No!" Kyle began to kiss Ellie's face lightly. "No, baby. You're it for me. I haven't even looked at another woman since before we got together, I swear."

  Ellie relaxed in her arms and lowered her head to Kyle's chest. "Don't scare me like that."

  "Sorry, El." Kyle released her and dropped to one knee again and held out her arms. "So, what about it? Want to make an honest woman out of me?"

  "Are you serious?"

  "Sure. Come on, Ellie. Let's get hitched. I know it won't be legal, but we can have a ceremony, maybe invite that crazy cousin of yours and the rest of the gang." Kyle stood and looked into Ellie's eyes. "Neither one of us are the hearts and flowers type, but I'd really like to put a ring on your finger so that everyone knows you're taken."

  "Would..." Ellie lowered her eyes. "Would you wear a ring, too?"

  "Damned right I would!" Kyle lifted Ellie off the ground and began to twirl in a circle. "Does that mean yes?"

  Ellie laughed and put her arms around Kyle's neck to keep from falling. "Can we send my mother an invitation?"

  "Baby, if it would make you happy, I'd take out a full-page ad in her hometown newspaper. C'mon, El. I'll find a car to destroy tomorrow. Let's go look at some rings.
"

  "Why not?" Ellie kissed her and felt her feet touch the ground. "I love you."

  Kyle returned the kiss. "I love you, too."

  SEVERAL HOME DECORATING magazines, bookmarked with bright, yellow tabs of paper, covered the coffee table and sofa in the living room. Jeannie picked up one and flipped it open. She held it out to Amanda. "See? Don't you think this color would look good in the kitchen? Gramma picked it out."

  "Really? Our grandmother chose"•" Amanda squinted at the photo. "Lavender? For the kitchen walls?"

  "Well, maybe not this exact shade," Jeannie admitted. "But, honestly. That kitchen has been plain old yellow for as long as we've been alive, Mandy. And with the white-washed oak cabinets, it's so eighties."

  Amanda handed her the magazine. "What did Gramma say, exactly? Maybe I should go to the kitchen and ask her."

  "If you're brave enough to be in there when she gets off the phone with Daddy, be my guest. I swear, I don't understand his problem." Jeannie sat on the edge of the sofa and flicked imaginary dust off her jeans.

  "He's worried about her making a rash decision that she'll regret later."

  After she gathered the magazines off the couch, Amanda stacked them on the table with the others and sat on the center cushion. "Doesn't it worry you, too?"

  Jeannie slid off the arm and onto the couch. "Of course it does. That's why we're not going to sell our house, at least not right away. We wanted to pay Gramma market value for this one, but she said it had been paid for long ago, and between their retirement and insurance, she doesn't need our money." She bumped shoulders with her sister. "She made us promise to use our money to update this house."

  "It's kind of hard to argue with her, isn't it?" Amanda bumped Jeannie back and leaned against her. "I just worry about her."

  "I know, hon. Rodney and I do, too. He talked to some of the people in her new neighborhood. Two of her neighbors go to her church, and another is on the Ladies Auxiliary. They've been trying to recruit her for years."

  Amanda laughed. "You make it sound so sinister. She's always been too busy with other things."

  She sobered as she thought about those things, and how the most important reason for their grandmother not joining was no longer with her. "Maybe it's a good idea, after all."

  OUT IN THE shop, Lex reached for the light switch, but was stopped by a cool hand on her own. She turned toward Anna Leigh. "Oh. Hi, Gramma. I was just, um, seeing if I needed to do anything in here."

  Anna Leigh walked into the empty space as if she hadn't heard her. She stopped in the middle of the room and stared at the floor. "What do you think, Lexington? Have I lost my senses?"

  Lex followed and stood beside her. She considered the question. "I believe, given the circumstances, you've held up incredibly well. As a matter of fact, I honestly don't think I could ever be as strong as you."

  "Strong?" Anna Leigh shook her head and tried to hold back her grief. "I'm doing everything in my power to run from the memories." She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. "Even now, in this clean, repainted room, I can still smell his aftershave. And it tears me apart."

  "I'm so very sorry, Gramma. I can't even begin to imagine your pain." Lex moved to hold Anna Leigh in her arms. "But I'll do whatever I can to help you through it."

  Anna Leigh allowed herself to accept the strength of someone else. She tried so hard to be strong for her family, and it was a welcome relief to give up that control. She melted into the strong embrace and cried, pouring out her pain and anguish. Before she knew it, she and Lex were on the floor, holding onto one another in the space where she felt her life had ended.

  LEX HELD ONTO Anna Leigh as if both their lives depended on it. She felt tears burn her eyes but held them back, determined to be strong. Had their situation been reversed, Lex knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she wouldn't have handled losing her partner as well as this petite, soft-spoken woman had, and it scared her.

  "I couldn't have survived," she mused softly.

  "You'd be surprised at what you can do." Anna Leigh wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I went to bed that night, praying that I wouldn't wake the next morning. But when I did, I realized that I had to go on, no matter how horrible it was."

  She accepted the handkerchief Lex offered. "Thank you."

  Lex stood and helped the older woman to her feet. "Are you having second thoughts about moving?"

  "Not at all. But I'm terribly tired of fielding the same arguments from everyone, especially Michael. I wanted to reach through the phone and throttle him." Anna Leigh patted Lex on the cheek. "Thank you for this, Lexington. You truly are a gift to our family."

  Unable to hide her blush, Lex tried to shrug off the compliment. "Thanks. Um, would you like me to talk to him?" She winked. "Or maybe break his legs?"

  Anna Leigh laughed and looped her arm with Lex's. "While both options are attractive, I'll handle my son, dearest. But thank you for asking. Now, I had better make certain Jeannie doesn't distract the movers. I'd like to be at my new home before dark."

  THE TWO-BEDROOM CONDOMINIUM had all its furniture, as well as stacks of boxes, in every room. Amanda carried two plastic cups of iced tea around a tower of boxes and almost tripped over her sister, who was on her knees. Some of the tea sloshed from one of the glasses.

  "Jeannie, what are you doing down there?"

  "Waiting for you to pour tea on me, of course," Jeannie snapped, wiping the moisture from her face.

  "Jeannie."

  "Oh, all right." Jeannie got up and dusted the knees of her jeans. "I was trying to see what was beneath this carpet. I think Gramma would appreciate hardwood floors."

  "You're something else. Has Gramma said anything about the floor?"

  "Well, no. But--"

  "Just stop. You've got enough to do with your two houses, Jeanne Louise. Leave poor Gramma alone. Have you seen Lex?"

  Jeannie rolled her eyes. "Not since I caught you two making out in the truck while the rest of us were inside waiting for you." She pantomimed sticking her finger down her throat and made a gagging sound.

  "I hardly call giving my wife a kiss making out. Jealous?" Amanda handed Jeannie one of the cups. "Here, maybe this will cool you off."

  "Thanks."

  Amanda tipped her cup at her sister before she continued her trek through the condo. She took in the open floor plan and the taupe-colored walls and tried to picture her grandmother spending the rest of her life here. Even with the familiar furniture, it was difficult. She moved from the living area to the kitchen, where she saw the heavy oak door open, but the exterior screen door closed. She glanced through the screen and saw her wife seated on the top step of the small, covered porch. Lex had her elbows resting on her knees and looked totally exhausted. Amanda slowly stepped outside and touched the top of Lex's head. "Hey."

  Lex looked up. "Hey. How's it going in there?" She took the offered cup of tea and drank half of it before setting it on the step by her feet. "Thanks."

  Amanda sat beside her. "Gramma already has her bed made and the majority of her bathroom in order. I feel pretty useless."

  "You're anything but that, sweetheart." Lex rested her arm across Amanda's shoulders. "I offered to unpack the kitchen and she sent me out here."

  "Well, you do look pretty wiped. Maybe we should head home for the day."

  Lex checked her watch. "Might as well. I'm sure your dad and Lois will be here before too long. This place isn't big enough for all of us. It's too late to cook dinner, but we could grab a couple pizzas on the way home."

  "Sounds good." Amanda rested her head against Lex and closed her eyes. "It's been a hell of a long week."

  "Yep."

  The screen door opened. "There you are. Gramma said--" Jeannie stopped. "Are you guys all right?"

  Amanda stood and turned to face her. "Not really. I think we're going to tell Gramma goodnight and head home." She pulled Lex up. "What were you saying?"

  "Oh, um, yeah. Gramma wanted me send you home
. She said, and I quote, "˜Lexington needs her rest.' And I gotta agree, Slim. You've looked better."

  Lex put her hands on her hips and glared at her. "What do you mean, I've looked better? There isn't anything wrong with me." She turned her stare to Amanda, who had swatted her lightly on the rear. "What?"

  "In the past few months, you've fractured your arm, been in the hospital and then sick from a damned rabies shot. So, yes. We're going home, and you're going to bed."

  Jeannie covered her mouth to keep from laughing at the indignant look on Lex's face. When Lex looked at her, she couldn't help but giggle. "She's got your number."

  Lex climbed the steps and looked down on her sister-in-law. "Oh, yeah?"

  "Yeah." Jeannie crooked her finger so that Lex would lean closer. When she did, Jeannie licked her cheek.

  "Yuck!" Lex wiped at her face as, behind her, Amanda laughed so hard that she ended up sitting in the grass. "That was disgusting!"

  Jeannie tapped Lex on the nose and headed back inside. "Teach you to mess with me."

  As Amanda continued to laugh, Lex started up the steps.

  "Hey, wait," Amanda called between giggles. "Lex!" She scrambled to her feet and jogged to catch up to her wife. "Aw, come on. You have to admit it was funny. She owed you one."

  Lex held the door open for her. "Uh huh. Whatever you say." She stopped short to keep from bumping into Anna Leigh. "Oh, hi, Gramma. How long have you been standing here?"

  The large smile on Anna Leigh's face was the perfect answer. "Well, at least you've already started the rabies vaccination, Lexington. That should protect you."

  "Gramma!" Jeannie exclaimed.

  Amanda hugged her grandmother. "We're going to head home. Give us a call if you need anything."

  "I certainly will, dearest. Thank you." Anna Leigh kissed her cheek before holding her hand out to Lex. "And you, dear. Please get some rest."

  Lex didn't argue about the politely framed order. "Yes, ma'am. I sure will."

  She embraced Anna Leigh, holding on longer than usual. "I'll be back in town tomorrow. Would you like me to bring you lunch?"