PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  He pulls back and stares me down, like I am prey. “I want you upstairs in my bed and laid out for me Carrie.” He slips his fingers in his mouth and groans closing his eyes for just a second. They had been inside me just moments before and the sight of him doing that had me gasping. He watches me watch him and I feel feral. “Tell me to stop now Carrie or give me it all. There’s no more options baby that’s it.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Carrie

  I don’t take in the sight of Chad’s room. I see his bed and the black and grey pillowcases and matching bedspread and I’m happy. He carried me up the stairs and now he leans over the bed and drops me down beneath him. “Kiss me…” I whisper on a plea and he gives in without thought. He lifts me as if I weigh nothing and slides my back up the bed before pulling back.

  “You on the pill baby?” And I hate that I’m about to lie to him but the truth of why I am on the pill is not something I want to get into… that and in the end this is Chad Blake ‘Sex God’ and I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of trust just yet. I shake my head no and swear to the Sex God’s I will tell him another time and hope they don’t smite me and forbid me my orgasm for my little white lie. Chad drops his jeans having already discarded his shirt. I see him lean down for his wallet and remove a condom and if I ever wondered if guys really did that then I knew for sure they did. He wastes no time in dropping his boxers and crawling on the bed.

  I see him naked for the first time and I want to cry. His body is a mastery of ink and perfection. I can see the Oz tattoo continuing over his chest in the great Emerald City, though his is designed like Seattle. I see script on his ribs and a very sexy pin up over his hip and reaching to his ribs. There is a snake that is coiled down his leg. I always wondered where the snake ended, and I know once and for all that it ends at his groin.

  His black acoustic guitar is tatted on his other thigh and the art goes on and on. I want to touch every piece and follow the yellow brick road along his body using my mouth. He is a gift to the eyes and mine are watering knowing he is mine and only mine. I hate that the thought brings more unwanted thoughts, ones where I am reminded that many have seen him just like this, have looked at his ink and stared at the perfection of Chad Blake. I banished the thought as quick as it came because I refused to let anything spoil this moment.

  “Like what you see baby?” Chad asks and crawls between my legs. I can only nod because he has already started his way up my body. He lifts my foot from the mattress and kisses my instep making me shiver. He smiles and lays my foot down and takes me by the hands sitting me up. “I want to see you too Carrie.” He lists my shirt and my belly flutters as his fingers skim across my waist. Free now of my tank top he quickly discards my bra. Chad gasps when I lay back in nothing but my own skin. It’s then I realize why he is watching me mouth open and eyes glassy.

  Now my ink is on display.

  His eyes go to my breasts immediately and he cups first the left then the right as his thumbs strum over my nipples. “Who did this ink?” He asks completely entranced by the sight of both my nipples, areola and all tatted in bright red cherries.

  “A guy named Fever who we met just after we moved out here. Noah did all the rest, but I needed an outside source for my cherries.” I started to feel self-conscious. The only other person who had seen them was Candy and I worried now if they weren’t as good as I thought they were. “Why? Are they bad?”

  He shakes his head no and pulls one into his mouth and then releasing it with an audible pop! “No, it’s the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life and I do it for a living.”

  I smile and laugh relieved that they look good. He scrolls the lyrics on my rib but doesn’t pause because he has seen them before. His touch affects me just as bad if not more as it did the night of our first date when his fingers skimmed me briefly. His eyes though, keep going back to my nipples. Such a guy!

  “Any more baby?” He asks and his hands are sliding all over my body. I barely hear him because I am still fixated on his body and how fucking perfect, he is.

  I say nothing and roll to my side and shift, so my lower back is on view. There I have more script and it reads a verse from John Donne.

  “I love this poem.”

  “You know it?” I ask but he obviously does.

  ‘License my roving hands, and let them go, before, behind, between, above, below.’

  “Why did you choose it Carrie?”

  It was such a simple and also sad answer. “I never chose who took my body first.” I can’t look at him as I say this, but he has the right to know. “I wanted there to be something new, a secret of sorts that I could offer in place of my virginity. To place those words there, to me it is saying take the control and do with me what you will…”I look at him again and see that he is shaken by my words. “It’s an offering of passion. The poem is about waiting until the right time. It was my first tattoo on virgin skin and has only ever been seen by Noah and now you.” I cup his face in my palm and though I am twisted on my side I look at him and smile. “Now only you and I know the meaning it holds for me.”

  “Am I your first?” He asks me softly, rolling me to my stomach and for the first time in my life I am not afraid. I know he isn’t asking about my father but if he is my first choice.

  “Yes.” I sigh as he traces the ink.

  He sniffs and I wonder again if he is choked up, but I don’t try and see because it would ruin the peace. “How blest am I in this discovering thee! To enter in these bonds is to be free; then where my hand is set, my seal shall be. Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee, as souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be to taste whole joys.”

  I almost cried as he recited another part of Elegy XIX. He understood the gift that the ink was intended to be. He was the absolute best choice.

  He lays his body over mine and I feel his breath against my skin and his lips as they trail all the way to my neck and stop just behind my ear. “I’m fucking honored that you are giving me this. Staggered that you trust me to touch you and please you and cherish you. And I will baby. I’ll take this gift and never make you regret giving me it.”

  I feel my tears then and there is just no way I can hold back the emotion. He understands my pain even if he doesn’t know the details. He knew what a gift that tattoo was and how deeply I feel about it. He used the word cherished and it meant everything to him. He pulls back just enough to roll me to my back and then kisses me, cupping my face in his hands.

  “Don’t cry, not for this baby.” He swipes my tears with his thumbs and then kisses me gently on my lips. “Rejoice that I am yours Carrie. This was meant to happen with me.” I see the strain on his face and the internal fight he has with himself before he tucks my loose hair behind my ear. “I swore I wouldn’t do this, but I can’t keep it from you either.”

  I stiffen at those words and Chad is immediately shaking his head no. “Not anything bad baby. I just…” He is fighting for words and I want to tell him its fine and to relax. “What I mean when I say that I was meant to be your first is that … your kind of my first too. I have fucked a lot of random women, but I have never made love before. I never felt for a single girl what I feel for you and I am just as innocent in this moment as you are. I’m terrified that I am gonna ruin this and I promised myself that I wouldn’t touch you until you knew how I felt about you.”

  “Chad…” I said but his name died on my lips when he leveled that gaze of his on me.

  “You’re giving me a piece of yourself here Carrie. It’s only fair I do the same and all I have that is innocent and untouched is my love and though it’s soon for you it’s not for me. I’ve loved you for so long that I can’t pinpoint a time knowing you that I didn’t love you.”

  I am full on crying now and I can’t stop. He just laid himself bare and at my mercy. Offering his heart to me and I feel like maybe it’s always been mine and I didn’t know. I don’t find it weird or scary that he loves me because we have known ea
ch other for five years. I feel light years behind him because I am new to this relationship thing, but I feel for Chad in a way I never even thought I could.

  “Don’t cry baby.” He whispers and I let him kiss me because I need him so much.

  “Why am I so lucky lately?” I ask with a gentle smile.

  “I’m the lucky one. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I would do it a thousand times over.”

  I say the only thing I can and hope I don’t sound lame compared to his confession. “I need you Chad. I don’t know why or how or what I’m supposed to do next, but I need you and I hope that it’s okay that I don’t know yet.” I am choking on my words because I can’t say them right. Chad is cupping my face again and kissing me like there is no tomorrow.

  “Babe I don’t expect you to feel what I feel. I have wanted you long before you knew I existed outside of Noah. But I couldn’t take a gift like the one you offered me without telling you how deep you’re imbedded inside of me. I needed you to know how much it means to me.”

  I nod and pull him against me needing to feel him. “Kiss me then Chad and take my gift.”

  His lips are on mine and his body is firm and soft skin over hard ridges. He is between my legs and his hands are everywhere at once. I feel every groove and muscle on his chest as my hands venture south to stroke him. “Tell me you want me please.” I whimper because his fingers are slipping inside of me again and I’m all mushy and goo-goo eyes and girly girl hear me roar. He has the ability to turn me into an annoying fangirl in seconds.

  “Holy shit Carrie I fucking want you baby.” He says and I can feel his erection pushing then retreating against my hip. The tip leaves a small streak of wetness and it brings me to the brink lightning fast.

  “Take me then!” I say and my words are harsh but driven by the need to have him claim me as his. It’s primal I know but it’s all I want in that moment.

  I hear the foil of the condom wrapper and my core weeps in excitement of what’s to come. “Tell me if I’m too rough baby.”

  I nod and feel him slip between my feminine lips and slide so deep that he is all I will ever feel.

  “Oh…fuck.” I gasp and pinch my eyes closed because I wasn’t expecting the flash of white-hot pain to assault me. I tense immediately and try to lock my legs closed.

  “Just relax baby and breathe deep.” Chad says but he stays still inside me, and I want to push him out, but I never want him to leave either. “I won’t move until you tell me.”

  He’s kissing me and pinching my nipples light then rough and so on. “Move a little.” I say it like a question because I can figure why I’m in this much pain. He pulls back and slides in again slowly.

  “Again?” He asks and his voice is clipped, and I can see the sweat lining his forehead. My poor man is so hard and so turned on and he is trying to ease up for me. I nod but I can only watch him as he thrusts into me once again.

  I feel the euphoric effects coming back and I say it again and again. “Relax your legs baby let me in.”

  I do as he asks, and he slips deeper but the pain is gone, and only crazy awesome pleasure assails me. “I’m so ok, God you’re so good.” I groan and rock my hips seeking something more.

  “You sure?” He asks me but then seals his mouth to mine. I kiss him just as hard because it’s just that good.

  “I didn’t realize you were that big, so I wasn’t prepared.” I say and arch as he hits a spot inside of me that makes me want to keep him there forever.

  He stops moving when I say it and I’m worried immediately. I shift beneath him and he grips my hips hard keeping me still. “Fuck Carrie…” He squeezes his eyes closed for one second then two opening them again they are almost black with desire. “I love that you want me Carrie, but no telling me I’m big or I’ll be limp in a minute.”

  I smile loving instantly the effect I have on him. “Okay Chad.” I say and lay back letting him have me however he wants me. It only takes a few strokes before I’m rocking my hips against him and I’m so close to that brink. “Oh, Chad I think I’m gonna come again.” I can barely speak as chills race over my skin and an intense pressure takes hold inside of me. This orgasm is different, and I can tell just by the reaction my body is having before I detonate, and I know it without understanding that it’s a vaginal orgasm.

  I immediately think he will stop but he smiles and winks at me shooting me toward it with a single-minded intent. He knows how to please me and for once I am thankful Chad has a sexual past. He grabs my hands and pulls me up and over him, never stopping or pulling out. Now he is upright on his knees and I am spread over him on his lap. We are face to face and he is deeper and harder than before. “Harder?” He asks knowing exactly what I need. I try not to think about how he knows it.

  “Yes.” I cry and he grips my hips and pulls me against each thrust. I shatter and lose all control. I arch my back, my head rolling and exposing my neck. Chad is there licking and kissing me groaning as I feel my body shudder and shake with every tremor. I want this all day every day and absolutely nothing else.

  “So tight baby… your fucking squeezing me so good.” Chad moans and then he lets loose on me in wild enthusiasm slamming into me and making my body quake. He lifts and brings us back down to the mattress and he lets his weight press me down so that all I can feel is Chad Blake, in and on me. “Fuck baby can I come?” He asks and I find the question insane because I don’t know why he would not want to come.

  “Jesus yes Chad come. Come just as hard as you made me come.” Not knowing that what I was saying was considered dirty talk I continued to stroke his ego with praise for his penis and its ability to make me beg cry and scream.

  “Look at me Carrie.” He yelled but there was no anger in his tone, it was all pleasure. “Look at me when I come baby. I need to see you.”

  I cup his face in my hands and lock our gazes when he shouts a curse and stills inside of me. I can feel his erection kicking inside me and I love it. His lips fall to mine and his tongue is lost on my tongue. There is no room for anything but him inside of me. No room for hate or shame or sadness. There is only a glowing warm spot that is all comfort and safety and yes, love! And it’s all because of this man panting and breathless beside me.

  It could have been hours or even days. We lay against one another, my chest over his as my fingers walked paths along his back and his arms, trailing the yellow brick road to his skin’s version of the Emerald City. Like always my eyes fell to his version of the Tin man. It was a woman dressed up in a candy striper uniform only pin up style, so she was sexy as hell. “Why is your Tin man a Tin Woman?” I trace my fingers over the defined eye lashes and kissy lips of the Tin woman and following the yellow brick road and the broken hearts that lie upon it.

  He grasped my fingers and brought them to his lips before linking them and pulling them to his chest. He had been lying on his stomach with his head to the side facing me as I curled on the side of him mapping out his inked up back. The move pulled me closer but now half lying on his back I could see the lion and the scarecrow on his arm. “My mom died when I was born. It was complications with the labor. She had heart disease and didn’t know, and the birth was too much strain on her, and she went into cardiac arrest and never came out. I made her the Tin woman because of that.

  Now he unclasped my fingers and raised up on his forearms as I shifted back onto the side of him. Chad pulled me across his back again, so I now lay on the side with the lion and scare crow. Laughing at how easily he moved me I snuggled in tight to his side. He rolled to his side facing me and held his tatted arm out.

  “After my mom died my dad couldn’t take the pressure of single dad-hood and offed himself. He’s the lion, because of the coward’s way out. He took no thought to where I would go or who would want me. I lucked out when Grandpa took me without thought. He was in his forties at the time and still young. My grandma had died of the same thing as my mom, but it had been a few years before I came along. So, g
rowing up it was me and my grandpa. He was telling me from as far back as I can remember to use my brain and apply myself for a better life.

  “He made me work for my first guitar that I bought off Cal when I was twelve after mowing lawns for three summers.”

  “It’s your black acoustic isn’t it?” I asked knowing that it had to be second hand and his favorite. I knew a story was there.

  He nodded. “I love that guitar. I have put more money into it then what it would cost to buy a new one. It’s not the same though, Grandpa made me earn it with my own sweat. So yeah, he’s the scarecrow because he was bound and determined I use my brain.” He pointed to the stance the scarecrow was taking, his arm pointed out towards nothing while the other pointed towards Emerald City. “Use your brain and pick your path, never stray and never second guess yourself and you’ll be fine. He told me that at least a thousand times but I did as he said. Pointing to Emerald City is where they are waiting for me and pointing to nothing is endless possibility.”

  “God, I love that Chad. I love that your canvas is your story and that every little thing holds meaning to you. Creative as hell to, it’s amazing.” I look up at him and drop a kiss on his shoulder. “You’re amazing.”

  I love this man with so much of myself that it’s hard to breathe at times. I love his mind and how creative he is in every aspect of himself. I am lying on my back and he is tracing invisible patterns on my skin. “What would you tattoo on me?”

  He smiles and lets his hand glide down my body to the soft skin of my pubis. “That’s easy baby.” He says with a devil may care grin and kisses me just above the slit of me. “I would use script right here.” He says indicating the top of my vagina. “It would say ‘ Property of Chad Blake.” He laughs when I do and then drops a kiss to that very spot then gets serious. “I would go freehand on the inside of your thigh, something as beautiful as you.” He shrugs, lost in thought. “I can’t touch you without intimacy and it would melt me every time I could see my ink before I make love to you.”