PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  He leans in kissing me and we find ourselves at the start of round two when he falls between the cradle of my legs and runs a finger through the slit of me and gasps. “Always so ready for me.”

  “Always” I gasp when he slips his finger inside. I lean up to kiss him and from the angle I’m laying I can see where the tattoo ends and is left blank on his right shoulder. “What are you putting her baby?” I ask and trail my tongue over his collar bone before I nibble the skin on the cap of his shoulder.

  “That’s where Dorothy will be.” He pushes against me with his hand sliding deeper when he pulls back and moves his finger to his mouth sucking my wetness away.

  “And Dorothy is who?”

  He smiles his Rockstar smile and winks at me. “Don’t know yet. Dorothy is my symbol for home. I don’t know what home is yet. Might be in LA if we ever make it big, might be a woman. I won’t know till I find home when I do that will be my Dorothy.” He didn’t say anymore, just slipped inside of me with painful slowness and made love to me, mind heart and body. There were no more words left to be said.

  *

  “What time is it?” She asks me as we both lay spent…for now anyways. I could go at her all night and not need a break.

  I keep my arms around her as I roll to look at my phone. “Nine-thirteen.”

  “I think I need to get home.” She groans and as much as I hate her leaving, I understand she might need time alone to come to terms how far we came in just twenty-four hours,

  I shift to get out of the bed and dress and look anywhere but at her, spent on my bed.

  “Any clue where my clothes are?” She huffs like she is pissed, my quilt around her as she searches the floor.

  I laugh as I look around. “I think their scattered from the kitchen to right there.” I point to the floor where her bra is and have to adjust my hardening dick at the memory of her sweet nipples hidden under that bra a few hours ago.

  She gives me a horrified look and covers her face, “Oh no what if Harvey came home?”

  I laugh and come up to hug her. “Me and gramps have a code Carrie. He knew not to come home tonight.”

  She looks up at me all offended and shit. “That’s despicable.” She pulls away from me and starts dressing quickly and I realize she’s pissed at something.

  “What’s up Carrie girl?”

  She doesn’t answer as she wraps the quilt around her waist and heads for the door. I reach for her arm to stop her from leaving. “What the hell baby? Where are you going Carrie?”

  “Home obviously!” She snaps. Her eyes glossy from unshed tears.

  “Were you gonna wait for me or just run?” I don’t know what the hell I did or said, but she was clearly pissed.

  She covers her face again, mumbling an ‘I’m sorry’.

  “For what?” I ask.

  “Nothing just forgets it.”

  I pull her close not letting her off so easily. “No, no forgetting. What happened that freaked you baby?”

  I kiss her below her ear.

  “I had a momentary lapse in my confidence is all.”

  “Tell me why.” I bite the lobe of her ear and press my cock against her knowing damn well why she was feeling that way. “Tell me or I’ll test a theory here and now Carrie.”

  She freezes at my words. “When I said I had to go… you seemed relieved.”

  I nod, placing my hand under her bran and tweaking her nipple. “That makes no sense baby.” I say it as I press her more firmly against the door. “Tell me or I’ll fuck it out of you?”

  I feel her shock at my threat, but the time had come that she know damn well where my head is. I am sick of the accusations with my past. The fact she thinks I would be relieved to take her home proves she still doesn’t see me for who I am instead of a fucking persona.

  “You said you and Harvey have a code. It reminded me of the fact I am one in many.” Fuck me… there we go back to my history and not the fact that I just confessed my love and rode her twice roaring her name when I came. I cup between her legs, she is so god damned wet and vulnerable and I want her here, exposed as I prove my point.

  I might come at her hard, I might push her buttons and I might even make her hit me, but she needed a fucking lesson. What I got into as a single man and what I am doing now are two separate fucking things. She would learn that right fucking now.

  “Your right, you’re the exception and the rule Carrie. I have fucked a lot and I don’t deny it or hide it. Maybe I should show you the benefits of my experience. Then you can get a taste of all the shit I plan on doing to this hot little body of yours.”

  She came. She just fucking came as I touched her, got dominant on her. She fucking came. “Fuck yeah Carrie.” I groan and look down to my wet fingers, shocked she got off on my Alpha shit.

  But if it works do not fucking fix it.

  “Something’s wrong…” She cries out and I realize she likes the nasty, the dirty bump in the night.

  Carrie is kinky.

  “I’m so confused!” She cries out as I slam two fingers in her and thrust, my free hand searching the dresser drawer beside me for a fucking condom.

  I place the condom between her lips and watch as she tears it open. I fall to my knees and lick up her slit, flicking my tongue on her clit. Her legs are shaking, and I love it. “Fucking wet as hell baby.”

  I kiss her quickly as I adjust both of us. “One day I’ll teach you to roll these on with your mouth but not tonight…” I say as we both watch me roll the rubber down my cock before I slam into her hard.

  “Look at me Carrie.” I demand as I shift against her.

  “I could be in a number of different women tonight.”

  I watch as my words penetrate that thick ass skull of hers and she fights me now, wants me kissing her ass like I keep doing. Not tonight, tonight she was learning I had limits too. She tried to push me back and if I thought for a second, she was scared, I would have stopped, but she was being a spoiled brat. I lifted her and forced her legs around my waist. “Don’t flinch or fight me Carrie. I would never hurt you. If you want me out of you, just say the word.”

  I thrust and thrust, waiting for her to tell me to back off. Instead her nails rip down my back and spur me on. “I could be in a number of beautiful women. They would let me in, scream and shout in ecstasy and be just as gritty and dirty as I wanted then leave me with nothing more than a request for another night another time.”

  I slam into her, look her in the eyes. “I have never wanted that.”

  I thrust in again, making my point with every word, every movement. “I have wanted desperately to be here with you. Even if I were leaving with blue balls and a broken heart, I would choose you over them.”

  Her cry of pleasure assaults all my instincts and I pin her tighter against the wall as I fuck her sweet body. “I say again that you can take what you want from me.”

  My hands are on her hips as I control the depth, her sweat is on my skin, her scent in my nose and I want to swallow and live off every whimper she makes. The emotions I feel contradict how I fuck her here and now. I want to ride her body smooth and drag out every second with her, but to prove my point I will give her the very fantasy that made me the legend I am today. She might never accept my past, but she reaps the benefits of it now and I hope this isn’t all I have to offer.

  “Take everything that I am, because without you I am a vacant shell.” I slip from her body trying to breathe because I am too worked up and I need to be seen and heard. The head of my cock sits just at her entrance as I look at her, breathing heavily and mad as hell. “There are many times I tried to walk away from you. To stop you from owning every part of me, and those moments flew out the window and blew far from existence the second you said, ‘all in’. When I tell you to take what you want, that you own me, entirely. I mean it Carrie. I’m yours and you should feel free to touch me and demand from me anything you want. I am truly and utterly yours to have for as long as you let me in.”


  I look at her before dropping my head in defeat.

  “Chad…” She chokes and I look at her, her fingers interweaving mine as I raise them over her head.

  “Take what you want from me Carrie.” I plead, exhausted from proving myself every minute and defending myself at the same time. I just want her to trust me.

  “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

  I take our entwined fingers and place her hand on my chest over my heart. “Just touch me baby. Your touch ignites me Carrie, gets me so fucking hard.”

  She ran her hands over my chest, and I close my eyes to savor her touch.

  “You’re in control here Carrie. I may be fucking you, but you have the control.”

  “I have never had the control.” She cries out and I stop touching her, stop thrusting into her so I have her full attention.

  “You will always have it with me baby. You say stop and I stop. You say fuck me and I will. I will always bend to your needs, but you never fear me Carrie.” I slide back inside of her as trembles wrack her body.

  “Do you understand Carrie?”

  “Yes!”

  I hammer into her, unable to hold back with the emotions and the need, all of it too much as I come. “You never walk away like that again!”

  She falls as I do until she is spread over me on the floor bawling.

  “I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m doing?” She cries and I hate that she is so confused and scared. This should be exciting a new love and sex for the first time, the promise. Instead Carrie gets fear, intimidation, and anxiety.

  I cup her face in my hands. “God Baby just talk to me. I can’t stand seeing that fear in you Carrie. The way it morphed into something even scarier.”

  She looked at me with such sadness at my exposing her truth.

  “Talk to me baby?”

  “I didn’t think I would be okay like that, restrained. At first, I was upset because I thought it was about sex and you fooled me. Then when you came at me, I didn’t panic. My lack of fear scared me. The harder you got it did the opposite and turned me on more.”

  Fuck… I didn’t know what to say. I had completely done the wrong thing hoping it was the right. I was definitely in over my head.

  Chapter Twelve

  Carrie

  Chad brought me home after our epic fail at intimacy. He had been nervous and jittery since leaving and I felt like I had failed him. I didn’t know how to tell him that I loved what he did to me, how he made me feel. I hated knowing that the rougher and dirtier he got the harder I fell.

  “I have a few things I need to do before I come back.” Chad said as he pulled into our drive and slipped the truck in park.

  “You’re coming back?” I loved the thought, but I couldn’t figure out why he wanted to come back for more torture.

  “Of course, I am.” He sighed and turned the engine off. He turned to me and put my hands in his. “Carrie, I need you to feel safe with me, to want what I do to you. This is just as new to you as it is me.”

  I laugh at that because no, not even close. “You never had wild and crazy sex before?” I never expected him to answer me as honestly as he did.

  “No baby, wild and crazy is my thing. I fucking love that you want me that way. What’s new to me and you both is fucking while your dad’s in the room. That I’m not used to, and I don’t think he’s going anywhere until you come clean with it all to me.”

  He was a bull in a china shop the way he blurted shit.

  “You want the gory details and that’s not something I can do.” I run my fingers through my hair for the millionth time tonight and want to scream. He was right but I wasn’t fessing up.

  He looked sad, like I had broken some vision of me being perfect. It sucked but he was falling for an illusion of me and he needed the true vision. I was so fucked up.

  So, fucked up.

  “I have made myself clear Carrie. In the last thirty-six hours I kissed you for the first time, touched you for the first time, been mad at you for the first time, confessed my fucking love for you and learned you were abused so give me some credit here!”

  My hand on the door I looked at him just as pissed off as he was. “Abused? Oh, baby not even close. That is too friendly a word. I was raped Chad, not once, not a dozen times but fucking thousands of times!” I opened the door after yelling that little bomb, but he grabbed my arm.

  “Stop it!”

  “No!”

  “God … for the love of God… Stop, please Carrie.” It was a plea and hearing him like that turned my stomach with guilt. I was pushing him, and I hated that I was doing it. “Please don’t do this. Don’t end this on a bad note because you’re scared.”

  “I’m not scared Chad. I’m right.” He shook his head no and we were stuck at an impasse.

  “Carrie listen, I have been with a lot of women. I have tied them, gagged them spanked them if they asked. Most of them are into that shit because of some man done wrong; maybe not to your extreme but wronged just the same. Just because you liked me being controlling doesn’t mean you want me controlling your life baby. It just means you like me controlling that sexy little body of yours.”

  He was calm and gentle, and I could see the love in his eyes, and I wanted to tell him to stop! Don’t waste your love one me. I was greedy though and I needed his love like a dying man needs breath. “Maybe but we are a long way from me accepting it.” I opened the door and he caught my hand before I fully jumped down. I was leaning into his truck now with just our fingers laced.

  “I’ll get you there baby.”

  I nod and he smiles. I know we are ok for now and I will take it like the greedy fool I am. “I’ll call you when I’m on my way back over. I have a few things to sort out before gramps gets home.” I nod and shut the door. He hasn’t left yet, and I know he won’t until he sees me in the house safe.

  He needed to run his errands and I felt bad for making him bring me home tonight, forcing him to run his errands now so that Harvey was set, and Chad could come back and stay with me. I wish I could have stayed but I need Noah right now. I am on a ledge about to fall into that awful darkness and he is the only person who has ever been able to get me out of the dark. Noah would rip me out and fight at my side until I saw the light. He would never leave me here alone and scared.

  *

  “Noah?” I yelled scared to death he would be high in the bathroom. I slowly made my way to the stairs but saw him sitting at the table with a bottle of Skyy Vodka in front of him. “Bubba?” I asked in case he had drunkenly passed out. I needed to see his face to know if he was ok.

  He must have just cracked the bottle because he looked like himself. “Hey what’s up?”

  “Why didn’t you answer?” I asked and took a seat at the table beside him, playing with the thin black hair tie I had kept on my wrist all day.

  He set his cell phone down and poured a shot. “Reading a message from Candy.” He sounded sad and suddenly my sexual hang ups seemed less important. Had I been anyone else it would be weird to talk to my brother about most the shit we talked about. Considering we ran out of hell hand in hand it made sense that he be my safe place. Only thing wrong now was that Chad wanted to be my safe place too.

  I placed my hand on his wrist to get his attention. “You guys ok?”

  He shook his head no and sighed, pouring another shot. My brother is a beautiful man, his blonde hair messy in the most perfect way. His blue eyes always full of excitement and a smile that had made the girls swoon, even when his lips were swollen and cracked from dads’ punishments, Noah knew how to shine, and he did it often. “Probably not.” He looked at me then and I could see the absolute sadness he was trying to hide. Fool, he knew I could read him. “I fucked up Sissy.”

  He sounded hellish and that scared me. Noah had been through enough in his life that not much got him down. I knew he was hurting which meant Cans was too, but I found his broken heart endearing.

  “Tell me.” I say and don’t
push because I know he will. He hands me his phone and directs me to the messages.

  Noah’s message was first.

  Talked to Carrie did ya?

  And???

  Why not talk to me?

  You were clearly busy

  Not if I knew what you felt… I didn’t know…

  How was I not clear enough?

  I TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU AND YOU SENT ME AN LOL!!!!!!!!

  I look to Noah then and I can’t believe it. “You love her too?” I ask completely floored by the events of the last two days.

  “Keep reading it gets worse.” He slams another shot as I read on.

  Well that’s what happens when you tell a girl you love her over a fucking text message!

  “I said I was sorry, and she told me to fuck off!” Noah defends himself because apparently, I am too slow a reader. “So, I buried myself in every fucking girl I could over the last three weeks trying to forget her. Then yesterday I sent her a message telling her to meet me at the show if she wanted to talk. She showed I thought we were cool.”

  Knowing he was beyond me reading his messages at this point I set his phone down. “So, what happened between then and now?” I hadn’t talked to Candy today and wondered if this all just exploded before I walked in.

  “Right after you and Chad cheesed us all out with that dare me bullshit, I asked her to ride with me to the party. She said she wanted thinking time so she would catch a ride there.” He looks at me then with pleading eyes and I know he fucked up something by the look he is giving me. “I didn’t know she was planning a special night. I texted her after I waited forever, and she said she was busy, and she would call me later if she had the time to show up.” He is shaking his head no and I get annoyed when he goes all ADHD on me.