PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  He stepped back from my hug and held the door, walking us to Chad’s truck looking over his shoulder and in every possible direction for my dad. He looked to Candy who was the driver this time and smiled sweetly. “Call me the minute you girls get to Seattle. Shouldn’t take more than an hour and a half.”

  Candy agreed and started the truck, the engine growling in excitement for the drive ahead as we headed off toward Seattle.

  Seattle.

  Chad may not be coming home to me, but I was going home to him.

  I was his Dorothy.

  *

  The minute we pulled up to Quest Field we had to go through a series of security gates and show our ID’s. By the third one Candy called Noah and told him we were there but getting ID’ed at every gate. After she ended the call we didn’t have to stop again. How he had the pull that early on was beyond me, but I was grateful.

  We pulled into the spot the last guard told us to look for and parked Chad’s monster sized Ford next to Diesel haulers and the tour bus a few hundred feet away. I saw Noah step off the bus, Chad right on his heels as they came toward us. I jumped from the truck and ran toward my safe boys, flying myself into Noah as soon as I could reach.

  “Shh’ Sissy. Your safe now, c’mon look at me and see you’re safe.” He was cupping the back of my head, his hand stroking my back trying to soothe me. I couldn’t look up because I knew Chad was beside him and I didn’t want him to see me like this.

  “Chad man, give us a minute?” Noah asked, politely even which shocked me. Too bad Chad didn’t care.

  “Not gonna happen Beckett. Give me my girl.” He said just as politely, and I wondered how these two who constantly fought about me had somehow managed to not spit demands at one another.

  At Chad’s words however I gripped Noah tighter. I was scared of everything sure, but more scared that Chad wouldn’t be able to handle this. I heard a door from the bus open and clomping feet as Shamus, Cassa and Cal barreled down the stairs and came toward us. Candy was talking to them softly and I heard Cassa gasp at the story.

  “She needs me right now Chad. This is heavy and ugly and harder for Carrie to deal with because Carrie had it the worst. Think of what you to do behind closed doors with her and imagine her mind right now knowing, that you know that our dad did the same fucking things to her.” Noah wasn’t being nice anymore and I hated him for his bull in a china shop way, even if his point was spot on.

  “Fuck!” Was Chad who stormed off into the bus. I could hear shouting and shit breaking but I held tight to Noah.

  Noah looked behind him at Candy. “C’mere baby.” He said softly to her and pulled her close kissing her on her forehead. “You did so fucking good Candy, solid baby. Give me five with Carrie and try to calm his ass down so he can see where I’m coming from, where Carries coming from.”

  “Yeah of course.” She said her voice shaking.

  “You did good babe, just give me five and then I’ll come for you and help calm you down.”

  There was an innuendo in there somewhere but right then I didn’t care how gross they were. Noah didn’t speak again until everyone had dispersed. “Look at me now Carrie.”

  I looked up and saw the same look he always wore, determination and anger mixed with guilt and sadness. Never fear though, I never saw fear on Noah. “Chad isn’t gonna run from this sissy. You need to let him in on this, let him see you broken and defeated so he can help you too.”

  “I can’t Noah.” I cried and tried to burry my face in his neck again.

  “You can and you will Carrie. We don’t back down; we stand tall and fight this fucker into a grave if we have to. But you can’t hide from Chad not with this. He is so fucked with fear for you he’s been going crazy since the second he heard your voice. He’s mad as hell and ready to fight for you and with you.”

  “What if it’s too much for him Noah? This is so wrong and dirty and fucked up.”

  “Yeah it is, but you’re not and there is a difference.”

  “What if he can’t take it?” I ask scared that I am always going to be too high maintenance when it comes to relationships.

  “I spent hours on his back making it look real so he could carry your marks on him for life Carrie. He’s down for the long haul here. He needs to know how to handle this shit because it’s gonna happen from time to time. You have nightmares and memories that most likely will never go away. What happens when you marry him? You can’t rush to me in the middle of the night because of a fucked-up dream.”

  “Marry him?” I ask my voice shaking nervously at the thought, terrified that it didn’t scare me stupid and actually created a soothing warmth in my chest.

  “Yeah sissy, marry him. Chad’s been after you for years, you love him, and he loves you. I know he ain’t ever gonna let you get away unless you keep him out of this. Calling me in the middle of the night when you’re his isn’t cool sissy. It’s fine for now, but in the forever sense, you gotta let him in.”

  “I come to you because I don’t have to say what I saw or remembered or felt. You know it all and I refuse to rehash it with Chad for the sake of comfort.” I knew I could never tell Chad the things my dad did to me. They were wrong and repulsive and Chad, with me was a thing of beauty and promise. It was pure and true. I would do anything to protect that. “What happens if he changes and no longer sees me as sexy or beautiful? I don’t want Chad with stipulations and kitten gloves.”

  “And he doesn’t want you with secrets.”

  Point well made big brother.

  I pulled back from Noah and combed my fingers through my hair before scrubbing my face with my hands. Noah stepped back when the door to the bus opened and Chad stepped off with caution looking at us in question if it was ok.

  Everything inside of me shattered seeing him there, strong, and sure that I was his and I ran to him. He lifted me easily into his arms and carried me in his arms through the hall of the bus until we reached the back where he kicked the door shut behind us.

  He sat on the bed with me in his lap, kissing my head as I cried. He didn’t ask me for any information, he didn’t ask what was wrong or what he could do. He just held me while I cried and that was enough.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Carrie

  I made my statement to the cops a few hours after we made it to Quest field and was shocked at the support surrounding me. The Sinners of the Slipstream welcomed Candy and I onto the bus with open arms. It was hard to remember all the cheating and partying they did behind their loved one’s backs when they were protecting me and comforting me as if I was one of them.

  I sat next to Chad and rested my head on his shoulder, glad that he was still Chad and that to him, I was still Carrie. When a knock came on the bus door Chad stood to answer, coming back with two armfuls of what had to be the best smelling food ever.

  “I got Chinese for all.” He said with a smile and dropped the bags on the counter in the kitchenette. He scooped some moo goo gai pan for me with rice and eggrolls as well as Beef low mein for himself and took the remaining rice from to box and popped the end of an eggroll between his lips. Nodding at me he looked in the direction of the back room and used his remaining fingers to scoop two sodas from a six-pack.

  Whistles and cat calls followed me down the hall, but I knew this wasn’t going to be the sexual tryst that I had planned for the night. No this was talk time and I would rather be undressing him to skin than baring my secrets.

  After we were settled on the bed, I looked at him and melted. I could see the wear and tear from the day’s events on him and I felt awful. Tonight’s show was the big deal, the major show for both Sinners of the Slipstream and Thick as Thieves. Seattle was the home base to them and had been to so many others.

  Not wanting to delay the obvious I figured that jumping right on into the nightmare was best. “My dad thought and believed he loved me. No matter how many times I told him he was sick and wrong didn’t matter, he loved me, and it angered him that I was repu
lsed by him.”

  I look at Chad who is busy stuffing his face but still listening intently on my every word and I love him for not making a comment or asking me questions. This would be easier if he said nothing at all, but I knew it was all about time right now. Right now, was my time to talk.

  “The things he did to me, the things he forced Noah to watch…” I shudder and try to get my words right. “I tried to go gently. I tried to bargain with him so that he would leave Noah alone. I tried to use that love he had for me against him to keep Noah safe, but no matter how hard I tried to do what he asked he still beat him.” My tears were back, and I hated crying over the past. I knew I couldn’t change it; I knew it wasn’t fair and it was sad, but I had busted my ass to move on for me and Noah. “I would fight Noah when we played trust me. He knew what I was doing, and he told me to not give in to dad and to fight that he could take the beatings.” I started talking faster, my words breaking, voice cracking. Chad dropped his plate on the bed and scooted closer to scoop me onto his lap.

  “Hey calm down baby. It’s just talking right? You don’t need to prove anything to me.” He took a drink from his can of soda before kissing me on the head and continuing. “Noah told me what you tried to do for him. You were brave trying to save him knowing what it would cost you. Noah was brave to baby, he saved you Carrie girl. Nothing you tell me could make me think less of you. Feel me?”

  I nod and nuzzle in close. “Keep talking baby until you can’t, and we can stop. You wanna talk about the tour, the bus, the sky I’m cool. Just talk to me.”

  I went with the truth.

  “I’m scared he is never going to let us free. He knows that we won’t talk, we know he won’t. I’m scared that if Noah makes it big, that he will try and pull something to gain money.”

  Chad is shaking his head no. “Baby if we make it big, we will have lawyers, PR, agents, fucking money that could burry your past so fucking deep your dad could never get to the truth. He would be painted as a liar and humiliated. Noah would be painted as a hero and you beautiful would be my wife and nobody fucks with my wife.”

  “Wife?” I ask and pull back from my nuzzle in his neck and look at him, seeing he is completely serious.

  “Well yeah. You’re talking in the hypothetical and hypothetically speaking yeah, baby, I have no plans on ever letting you go. So yeah, wife.” He winks and gives me his Rockstar smile and I see it then and there and my words come naturally.

  “He always told me and Noah that we were nothing, that we were tainted and tarnished and good for nothing. We fought for so long to prove to ourselves that we were good and worthy of a normal life.” I shake my head and smile through my tears and place my hand on his cheek so that he can feel my skin, hear my words, and hopefully see my truth. “Since the minute I agreed to all in with you, all I have wanted to do was tell Noah we were right. That we are worth it all because of how you make me feel. I love you Chad and I trust you and both of those things are huge for me.” I kiss his cheek where my hand had been.

  “I don’t look at us in the hypothetical; I don’t because I can see being your wife and the mother to your children because you are what I want for life.”

  I sit there on pins and needles wondering if I said too much too soon but when he smiles and leans in to kiss me gently, I know my heartfelt speech was received. He moved me so that I was straddling him and deepened the kiss, slipping his hands beneath the hem of my tank top and softly caressing his hands over my back.

  “Lay back baby.” He says his voice is full of reverence and love when he looks at me. I lie myself back, my legs still spread open for him. He moves the remaining plates of food and sets them on the ground beside us and then covers my body with his. He kisses me again, deeper yet just as soft, his fingers now pulling my shirt up, up and I raise my arms above my head to assist him.

  He hisses, “No bra? Damn baby, you tryna’ make me kill every guy on this bus?” I smile even though I know that I was covered by my jacket when I was with the bus full of rockers.

  “I want to see your back.” I say and slip my own hands beneath his shirt. I am gentle as I touch him knowing that any tattoo that’s fresh, is sensitive and painful. Chad lifts himself off of me and lays beside me on the bed upon his stomach. I roll and straddle his back, smiling at the red streaks he had inked into him. They were my marks and it made me almost feral seeing it. “Noah missed a few.” I speak softly against each mark, my lips peppering kisses along his back, each kiss just beyond the tattooed sensitive flesh. I drop my lips on the three streaks of red that Noah didn’t tattoo and let my tongue trail along the scratches.

  “I wanted ones that could work around my other tats.” He spoke to the side as if trying to see me over his shoulder, an impossible task from his angle considering I was kissing the indents in the small of his back. I felt each shudder as my lips fell, his skin bumping up into goose flesh. It was powerful to see him, with his sexual past never far from my mind, trembling for me. “I wanted the deepest ones inked.” He seems almost shy or ashamed of his admittance. Maybe Chad wasn’t as happy about my big brother knowing how deep our passion ran.

  I traced my fingers and lips up to the top of his back and along his shoulder blades, dropping kisses on the smaller, still fresh scratches along his yellow brick road. “Poor baby…” I whisper in my sexiest voice. “Noah must have scrubbed your back raw, they still look fresh.”

  He rolls me after I lick along the back of his neck, tightening my fingers in his hair as he rolls above me. “Noah was being mean.” He states with an overly dramatic bottom lip that I take between my teeth.

  “I’ll put him on time out later. Right now,” I let my hands do the talking when I slip my palm between us and stroke up his denim confined cock. “Right now, I want you.”

  “You can have me, but I want to mix things up a little baby.” He groans after speaking and thrusts his lean divine hips against my hand, the back of my hand rubbing against my clit. Whoever decided a seam in the crotch of women’s jeans was a fucking genius.

  “Well I’m a dirty little freak as you like to call me so please, enlighten me.” I giggle when his breath leaves a trail along my neck making me squirm and wetting dramatically.

  “Well first things first, there will be no nasty fuckery.”

  I am immediately pouting. Nasty fuckery is my most favorite thing in this world and he knows it. “Mean.” I moan and he laughs at me the bastard.

  He clasps my wrists in one hand and cups a breast in the other. “I love Carries cherries.” He says taking my cherry tattooed nipple into his mouth and thrumming his tongue back and forth.

  “That’s a little dirty babe, I thought it was a no dirty night.”

  “Afternoon, and your right, it’s not I was just stating the obvious.” I laugh again because in general and all things Chad, he’s just fucking cute.

  “So why no dirty sex, please tell me because the last eight days have been torture.” Just thinking of his dirty texting, his dirty talking over the phone, the bazillion promises he made for every appendage on my body, I was feeling jipped!

  He became serious and dropped a chaste kiss to my forehead before using both hands to slip my bound wrists around his neck. “Because I want to make love to you Carrie. I love you and want to express it slow, and long and deep without thinking of anything other than your touch or those sweet little sighs you make. I want to be everywhere I can right now when it comes to your body. You were thrashed when you got here, broken, and scared and I need to show you in the simplest of ways how much I love you. These past eight days I did nothing but wish I had slowed down and savored you. I felt like a filthy bastard for not having the sense to make love to you all night instead of nasty fuckery.”

  Here I thought I had won the battle on sweet talk earlier when he go’s and says all that. Still in my emotional high I comment with the truth of my feelings. “Nasty fuckery or slow smooth sex in a bed on a tour bus, either way Chad you worship my body and make l
ove to me.”

  “Are you on birth control yet?” He asks me and he is dead serious. I swear I heard the sound of the breaks on my libido come to a screeching halt with his question. It was my answer that gave me the heebie jeebies.

  “Uuuum, baby you suck at romance.” He knows I’m kidding but I am curious where the serious biology Q&A are coming from. He laughs and rises from above me and starts working on my yoga pants and pulling them down my legs.

  “Just answer the question smart ass. There is a reason for my wicked questioning skills.”

  I am now bare naked on the bed in front of my almost naked boyfriend dressed in jeans only and suddenly his birth control question seems moot in the larger scale of why. “I got a Norplant in my arm when I was thirteen and started having periods. When I was eighteen, I went on the pill because I hated the damn thing, so yes I am protected.” I didn’t need to explain why at such a young age I would need birth control. As much as I hated him knowing, he knew, and God bless him he only nodded. “I know I lied about it, but I didn’t want it welcome between us every time we had sex.”

  I bit my bottom lip and hoped like hell he understood why I lied that first time we were together. I know I should have said something after but even then, it was right, and it was now that mattered. There was no question of the trust between us now and going without a condom was another step I wanted with Chad. I did trust him, and the weight of that knowledge was huge.

  He didn’t seem mad though, not at me for lying to him because I think he understood. The rage in his eyes was clear though and I saw then that if he ever had the honor of meeting my dad, he would kill him.