PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

“Open em’ Carrie c’mon. I know you hear me; I see your lips moving and your making noises…” He was pleading with me, but I was helpless and tired, my head felt clouded and muddy, my body was hurting, and I just wanted sleep…

  I think you can do much better than me

  After all the lies that I made you believe

  Guilt kicks in and I start to see

  The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be

  Hinder

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chad

  Day one

  Dear Carrie girl,

  I am sitting outside of myself, looking in and seeing what was done to you. My actions lead you to this place and now I can’t cross the threshold and beg you to fight. I am the enemy and I accept it because you’re no longer mine. I know it without words, I know what will happen when you wake up.

  I want you to fight though baby. Fight to get out of that bed even if it is just to throttle me or break my heart, fight it baby.

  I don’t know if Noah will give you these letters or if you’ll shred them, but in the event he does I need you to know how sorry I am.

  Sorry is a joke of a word to define what I am. I am I abhorrent, gone and grieving all at once. It might not make sense, but I am all this and more. I know, without having spoken to you, that you hate me for what I did. I won’t make excuses because I put her in the position to create a problem. Sadly, you paid for it, not me.

  I would like to explain if it is even possible, though I don’t expect you to want to hear it let alone read it. I think of Darcy and his letters to Miss Bennet and how much you love the written word and the idea of romance… and I don’t come close.

  Love is foolish Carrie girl, it made me ignore all instincts and assume you would always be mine. I never thought anyone would come between us because I had the power because I had your love. I let Trisha around us, allowed her to sing a song that I now see as a slap in the face. I wanted the fans, the fame, and the ability to give you the world and that ballad was one of our best. I held no connection to it other than it being written by the man I used to be.

  But what words hold power now are the very words in that song. ‘You broke my heart, it’s all I know, Doubts now my truth of all I know, Don’t hold my hand and whisper me lies, Because lies are still lies when you open your eyes. Forget my name there’s nothing to say, all between us was only a game, kiss me goodbye with your sad smile, our memories will repeat for a long while.

  Carrie girl…Please, forgive me, save me, release me, see it was never me…promise me and fix me…

  PS...Trust me

  I fold the letter up and wait on Shame or Cal to come tell me what is going on. I am in the hall outside her room. I don’t go to the waiting area mainly because I can’t stand that distance. Even if I am not welcome, I will not leave her until I know she is awake.

  “Hey, you need a chair or something?” I look up to see Lilly, Seth, and Noah.

  I shake my head no and stand up, wiping my eyes so they don’t think I’m a pussy and a prick.

  “You go on in.” Seth says to Lilly and waits until she is in the room before taking Noah and I aside.

  “The police have arrested Cody. Lil and I think you kids need a lawyer and we can help with that if you need.”

  I look at Noah, devastated for him and Carrie and the fact they may need to face him in a court battle now. “What are the charges?” I ask as Noah scrubs his face with his hands.

  “Felony assault causing bodily harm grievously, attempted murder first degree, attempted rape first degree, kidnapping and various other minor charges. Those are the big ones.”

  I look at Noah, sick to my stomach. “Attempted rape…” I can barely choke the words out.

  He looks at me with the same look he always does when he is in his head. “Tried, would have but luckily didn’t get the time.”

  “Carrie fought, Chad.” Seth explains unaware the whole things my damn fault.

  Hearing that I lean into the room at my side and vomit in the trash can of a patient I don’t know. I saw her injured face; I knew the grievous injuries to her spleen and brain.

  Vomited again until a nurse moved me to a separate space to puke in private. Once I was finally done, I came from the restroom in the room to see Noah holding my notebook, pen, and phone. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I should have told her, so she was prepared. None of this would have happened if she didn’t run off and she ran off because of me.”

  Noah shakes his head no. “He would have gotten her. He has always been patient and willing to wait. I should have killed him when I had the chance, every time I had the chance. I didn’t. So, if it’s your fault it is mine too.”

  I step out of the room but say nothing because God forbid, I try to comfort Noah.

  “Chad.” He says to my back as I stop in front of Carries room.

  “Yeah?”

  “She will forgive you.”

  “How do you know?”

  He comes up beside me, still holding my shit. “Because I know Carrie and I know what matters to her. She might need time to calm down and deal with all this shit, but she won’t let you go. She fought to hard for you.”

  “Man, all I want is for her to be okay.”

  “Me too.”

  He takes a seat on the floor beside me. “You don’t gotta babysit me. Go sit with your girl.”

  He chuckles darkly. “I’m in the shithouse too.”

  I nod in understanding as I pull my knees up and hang my head. “We were fucking dumb fucks for waiting to tell. You should have ratted my ass out that second.”

  “You didn’t do anything other than bad timing, wrong place and a dumb bitch. She might be pissed, so will Candy but they’ll get over it.”

  I look at her door and lower my head again. “She’s gonna be okay, right?”

  He shrugs and let’s out a deep breath. “She’s stable, but he fucked her up good. Won’t know much else until she’s awake. I’m more worried about her recovery from Cody, not the injuries. Hell, he almost killed us both when we ran, and it took a lot from us both to rebuild. She has to again now; all anyone can do is roll with the punches and get ready to fight for her.”

  “I want to kill him.”

  He nods as Lilly opens the door to Carrie’s room and step’s out.

  “Stand in line, bro.” He says and stands to hug Lilly goodbye. I do the same and sit back down at the door.

  “What were ya writing?” Noah asks me as he hands me my shit, the door half open and I hear the machines and want to choke on my tears.

  “Love letter.” I say and wipe a tear from my cheek.

  Noah looks away drying his own with a nod and disappears from my sight.

  Day two

  Dear Carrie

  Noah says you are moving around more but your pain is still too intense, so they have you sedated. I want to hear your voice so badly I would settle for screaming profanities at this point. All I do is sit outside your room and think. We have so many memories Carrie, before we dated and while we dated.

  I recall with a devout clarity a night spent together quoting poetry and discussing your love of the written word. You spoke with such conviction for the ignorance of Darcy toward Miss Bennet and compared our love the same.

  That night, I kissed you because I had to. I loved you so much in that one second for simply comparing our love to one of the greatest loves stories ever told, arguably by you and me. So many things I took for granted with you Carrie. Nobody, not even gramps, knows that I love literature and poetry. I never sat with a single person to discuss it or debate it, outside of you.

  So, I face the fact that this might be my only opportunity to tell you what I should have said that night…

  ‘You have bewitched me in body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.’

  Please wake up Carrie girl.

  I love you.

  PS… Trust me.

  Day three

  Happy birthday
babe. I’m chilling outside the room listening to Noah play country music and he is singing along. I guess I understand the bad music jokes he made every year.

  I was planning a special birthday for you. I wanted to take you out for Champagne and Lobster and spank you twenty-one times… I think of all your birthdays and I want to trade the spankings for kisses, especially last year.

  Do you remember when you compared us to the Capulets and Montagues? It was your birthday last year and I swear it changed my life. We had such a powerful connection that night. Shared secret glances and touches…when you said that we were the Capulets and Montagues I knew I had to try to get you to see me. I fought for you, tooth and nail and it is no different now. Fight baby, come back because like Romeo I am nothing without you…

  I love you Carrie, please come back to me.

  PS… Trust me

  *

  Carrie

  I looked around the room confused for long minutes. It was dark but not pitch black. The last rays of the sun were coming through the window and painting the room in a dark dusky orange that reminded me of twilight on the bay and the sand turning the same color.

  I could hear the beeping of monitors and could feel the wires and needles all over me. I was groggy and in some serious pain, but I knew just after a glance that I was in the hospital. My eyes roamed to the door where I saw Noah’s back as he leaned against the side of the door, in a heated discussion with someone I couldn’t see.

  “Noah…” I cried my throat dry and my voice sounding like I ate gravel. He spun and rushed to me in three long strides grabbing my hand and touching my shoulder. He bent down to look at my face, inspecting every inch of me before kissing me softly on top of my head. Just touching my head that gently sent shards of pain behind my eyes and I winced.

  “Let me get the nurse Sissy.” He choked and I looked up to see tears streaming down his face. I had never, not once, seen Noah cry. His tears shattered me, my own tears welling at the raw pain mixed with relief in his eyes. “Nurse!” He yelled not bothering to leave. “Sleeping Beauty woke up.”

  I try to sit up and hug him, but my body feels weightless and is sore from neck to toe. “What happened? I remember fighting with dad…” My voice trailed off suddenly terrified of how bad he hurt me…of how he hurt me. Noah must have seen the question in my eyes, and he was immediately shaking his head no.

  “I made sure they checked you thoroughly Carrie. Rape kit, fingernails. Everything. He didn’t go there.”

  I nod slowly and look up when the nurse walks in. I see the name on her badge, Brenda it says, and she smiles immediately. “Sleeping Beauty is awake, and you were right Noah, her eyes are a wicked shade of blue.” She looks at the monitor and then to me, re-velcroing the cuff on my arm so she can assess my blood pressure. “Carrie, my name is Brenda I have been your nurse the last few days. Amongst keeping Noah here company.” She had twenty years on him easy, but she was flirting anyway. Noah had that thing that all women fell for, Chad had it too so I’m sure if he was around, Nurse Brenda was crushing on him just as hard.

  “I’m gonna go call Dr Harding and let him know your awake and talking, which is good. He should be here shortly but let me check a few more things and then I’ll leave you be.” She smiled sweetly and started asking me a slew of questions, before leaving with a promise of a glass of water.

  “What am I in here for exactly?” I ask Noah after Brenda leaves.

  “What do you remember?” He asks and leans back in his chair but keeps his hand in mine.

  “I remember telling him I would kill him and if I didn’t get the chance then I would be waiting to see him in hell and watch him burn.” A shudder worked through my body remembering the look of vacancy in his eyes right before I passed out.

  “You said that?” He asked me with a smile, pride lacing each word and I nodded wincing at the pounding pain in my head.

  “He kicked me in the ribs and stomach and the back of my head, but I don’t know if he hit me after I passed out.”

  Noah winced and looked away and I immediately knew it was worse. “Get me a mirror?” I asked not sure he would do it. The minute I told him what I knew and saw his wince, the pain from my lips and nose, my jaw, I felt it all and knew he had continued to hurt me long after I stopped fighting.

  Noah was there with the mirror, a look of discomfort lacing his features. “That bad huh?” I ask and smile weakly taking the mirror and gasping at the sight. Both of my eyes are swollen and a red tinted purple fading into a deep black/blue. My lip has two splits on the right side and my jaw is blue and swollen. I have stitches in two places on my forehead, three small stitches along my right eye and it looks like eight along my hairline in the center.

  “Wow, he really nailed me.” I try for lighthearted and fail miserably.

  “I’m so fucking sorry Carrie.” He whispers and it takes me back to the days we tried to save one another. There were just too many unneeded apologies between us.

  “Why Noah? I left of my own free will and knew the dangers. I called Seth and asked him to come get me.” I remember watching the phone with everything I had while screaming hoping he heard me.

  Noah nodded knowingly and I figured Seth had explained. “Do we know where he is? Did he run?” The he being our dad.

  Noah looked away and I knew whatever he was hiding would be bad. “Whatever it is just tell me Noah?” I spoke through my own rapid heartbeat, the one that was making my monitor go berserk.

  Noah never one for dragging things out cut right to the chase. “Seth got there when the police did and told them to beat down the door. Dad was naked and so were you, tied and bound on the table. The cops took him in, and Seth called me told me to meet him at the station.” He looked away before he continued.

  “Dad admitted everything Carrie. Every.Fucking. Thing.”

  Holy fuck!

  “Holy fuck!” I gasp and Noah nods finally looking toward me.

  “All our secrets are out. I gave a statement to the press two days ago, as well as to the cops. I tried my best to explain without ruining our lives. Ryan Corbin sent over his PR staff to help spin our side, so we didn’t get chewed up.”

  “Two days? How long have I been out?” I am terrified he will say years even though I know he won’t.

  “Ninety-seven hours and”- he looks to the clock on the wall- “thirty-one minutes.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “So, it’s what? Sunday?” I am trying to do the math in my head but it’s difficult.

  “Saturday. Yesterday was your birthday. I rocked my iPhone all day listening to really bad country music until I wanted to bang my head against the wall.” I looked around the room and saw the flowers, Jasmine, the same he always gave me. A bag of Smartfood popcorn was curled up on the table by the sink and a six pack of Wild Cherry Coke beside it.

  “When we going to the bar?” I ask with a smile knowing my brother all too well.

  “Let’s do a thing at a time here yeah?”

  I laugh and it hurts tremendously. Noah is immediately nervous again and I feel bad for all he has been through while I was asleep. I wasn’t ready to face the fact that the world knew my secrets, I just couldn’t.

  “Where’s Candy? Can you call her?” I want to see her, and I know she can distract me from all the chaos and bull shit I am about to endure. I refuse to ask about Chad, of all the shit going on right now, it amazes me that the pain of his possible betrayal weighs the heaviest.

  “She’s on her way and should be here any minute now.” Dr. Harding walked in then and walked right to the bed. Dressed in his pristine white jacket, his name embroidered on the left pocket of his chest. He was tall, taller than Noah, and a serious hotty. Deep green eyes, green as moss and blonde hair with shades of brown. His jaw was chiseled in perfection with a perfect bow mouth.

  “Well I was wondering if Noah was telling the truth about those bright blue peepers.” He smiled and I liked him insta
ntly. His hand outstretched to mine he introduced himself. “I’m Jeff Harding and I’ve been taking care of you these past four days. How’s about we do a run through for a physical and cover what’s going on and see what our next move is.”

  “Okay.” I reply and look to Noah, knowing what he means by physical and, he will poke and prod me in all my most painful places. It was best Noah got some air. “Can you call Aunt Lilly and Uncle Seth and ask them to come up?” It was the perfect distraction for him, that and I knew he would go smoke and probably call everyone important. I immediately thought of Chad and wanted to cry for some insane reason.

  “Are you in pain?” Dr. Hotty asked before placing his stethoscope around his neck. I nod and lean back trying to relax. After an hour of explaining my ruptured spleen, three broken ribs and the mild swelling on my brain as well as a severe concussion, I felt like I could throw up. They had placed me in a medicated coma to help with the pain, so my blood pressure and heart rate stayed low. By doing so they could administer stronger medications for the pain without damaging my brain. The rawness of my throat was from a breathing tube I had used for the first forty-eight hours.

  “If everything seems to stay in line and your vitals don’t go crazy, you should be free of this joint in a few days.”

  At the mention of the word joint I remembered the trust meeting and wondered what was going to happen now and hoped like hell Seth and Lilly wouldn’t get backlash from this. “Ok great.” I mumble my mind off in another place, only interrupted by my best friend.

  “Dr Hotty giving you grief?” Candy asks as she sidles into the room like she owns the place. Dr Harding looks at her and rolls his eyes with a genuine smile. He has obviously grown accustomed to Candy and her uncontrollable mouth.

  “No just a few pains here and there.” I reply and feel tears build from the joy of seeing her. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I whisper through tears and watch as Dr Harding leaves the room closing the door behind him. Once the door was shut Candy released a deep sigh and hugged me as close as she could without hurting me.