PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  “I have never been more fucking scared in my life Cares.” She says but doesn’t release me. “You said you were going to the bathroom and the next thing I know we get a call your being rushed to Overlake Hospital via life-flight. Thank God we were in Seattle Carrie. We got here before you did.”

  I am nodding as she vents to me and I feel awful for ditching her at the concert. “I’m sorry I bailed, now so more than ever, but I couldn’t watch him melt the entire stadium with winks and smiles why my heart was breaking and he sings a fucking ballad with her of all people.” Remembering the feeling of betrayal and how much I loved him at the same time was hard to take.

  “Don’t apologize Carrie. What he did was fucked up and I would have bailed too.”

  “We don’t know for certain if it’s true Candy. I need to talk to him.” I had to admit I was a little thrown that he wasn’t here and worried. Had I really meant so little, had he played me that hard?

  “I fucking do know for certain and so does Noah. Didn’t he tell you what happened?”

  I am still as stone when she says Noah knew the truth. I needed the truth and knew it would kill me to hear it. “No, he didn’t. But now your gonna tell me.”

  *

  Day four

  You woke up today. I cried when Noah told me. I finally found my way to the waiting area and wasn’t shocked to see we all were waiting for you. Shame, Cassa and Candy have taken up residence in here waiting for word. Noah never leaves and it worries everyone, but I don’t leave either. I relate to him not leaving, our reasons are the same.

  He and Candy rushed back when he told us you were awake and now, I wait again hoping for words meant for me. But they didn’t come, you didn’t ask to see me, and I understand why. I know where we stand right now and with all you are dealing with, I just want you to know that I will wait forever.

  The world knows your secrets now and I hate the humiliation you both feels. Cody should be the humiliated one, you and Noah should be crowned the worlds strongest people. The Sinners stepped in and helped us all burry the story. Even Candy was talking to me because it took all of us to fight it. We are all sitting here tonight though, and I am back in the silent zone. I spoke to Noah, he said I needed to give you time, and I will…

  But please never forget how much I love you Carrie. My Elizabeth, My Juliet…My Dorothy.

  Ps…trust me

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chad

  “Hey Carrie girl.” I say from the doorway where I waited for her to come out. She was wearing tight black stretchy pants and a pale purple tank top. Her hair up, I could see every bruise and cut on her body and I wanted to murder him.

  “What are you doing here?” She whispers in shock.

  “What do you mean? I had to see you for myself and make sure you were okay.” I speak softly, carefully picking each word.

  “You’re almost a week late.” She speaks with an animosity that wrecks me.

  “Maybe in seeing you I am but I’ve been here every day waiting on Noah or Candy to talk to me.”

  “Every day huh? What about Harvey?” It was like a slap. I would never ignore either one without reason or she knew it, deep down she had to know that.

  “Gramps has women coming out of the woodwork keeping him healthy. I needed to be where you were, he understands that.”

  “Sounds like you and Harvey have more in common than I thought. Who’s been keeping you warm at night? I know it’s hard for you to go longer than five days before you need a warm body to curb the loneliness.” I took her anger and tried to keep calm. I want to talk to her but not at the expense of making things worse.

  I stepped from the door and tried to make my way to her as it shut behind me. She looked destroyed by my very presence and even though I understood it, it broke my heart. I broke her trust and in turn it broke us.

  “You need to let me explain Carrie. I know you’re pissed, and I would be too, but you said you trusted me, and I need you to trust me now.” She smacked me across the face and then pushed me away from her, spinning to yell at me.

  “How long did you date Trisha?” I rub my cheek, pissed at the assault but willing to take what she will give me. So, I answer like I’m not fazed by her anger.

  “On and off for almost three years.”

  “Why did it end?” What the fuck did it matter? Did she think I was legit with Trisha this whole time? I decide the truth, the whole truth is all I have regardless of how it makes me sound. Too many people can confirm my story. Everyone but Carrie knows the true past of Chad Blake, but she can have it now.

  “I cheated on her when we were at a show. A few months later the girl I slept with showed up saying she was pregnant, and it was mine. I said I wanted a test and she agreed but it ended up not being mine. Trisha and I were on a break when I slept with her, but we had said we would stay faithful while we were apart working shit out. The truth was, I didn’t love her, and I didn’t like me when we were together. I was happier when we were apart so I took the pussy way out and fucked Leslie who I knew would tell Trisha. They were best friends at the time. Once we knew her kid wasn’t mine, I was over the bullshit with Trisha. She was with me for status and every time we called it quits, she would fuck my friends, so I returned the favor.”

  “Like Shame and Noah and Cal?” I shook my head no.

  “No never them. She would hang out at the shop and hit up parties I was at and then she would leave with a previous client or even a few guys from work. It was cool, they knew I didn’t care about her that she was a guarantee piece of ass and a warm body when I needed one. It’s cold I know it, but I never pretended to be anyone else. I never told her I loved her, and I never made her a single fucking promise. Not like I did with you.”

  “And Spokane? What happened?”

  “We were celebrating and drinking with the guys from Sinners. There were backstage chicks everywhere and the bus was crazy. We knew we had an entire day’s drive so we could rest up. I started telling Noah, Shame and Cassa that I was booking you a flight because I missed you. Every time I tried to get my phone out and call, Cassa and Shame would take it from me saying drunk dialing you would make me look like an ass.

  “Around four in the morning I stumbled to bed. I had the absolute craziest dream about you, about being inside you. And I thought it was you. I said your name a thousand times but when my eyes opened and I saw Trisha, I flipped. I threw her off me so hard she landed on her ass on the floor, slamming her head into the door. I was screaming at the top of my lungs when Noah came in. Fuck I thought he was gonna kill me.”

  I see the tears in her eyes and hate that I am the reason for them. I step forward and take her hands in mine, knowing the truth will definitely set her free, away from me. “Trisha didn’t hide anything baby. She told Noah exactly why she tried to sleep with me and laughed when he booted her from the bus. By the time I had calmed down and sobered up, Noah had talked me down and told me shit would be fine but to tell you when the tour was done so my head was straight.”

  She yanks her hands from mine. The sound she makes feels like I had filth on my hands. “You needed your head straight? Chad you fucked me without a condom. You were never gonna tell me. Noah might believe you, but I don’t.”

  “Carrie this is ridiculous. Shit like this happens to guy’s all the time when they are in a band. Women have been known to steal condoms, break into rooms and busses. I admit I should have told you when it happened, I should have told you how serious Trisha and I had been at one time, but I never would have sang with her, slept with her or even talked with her back when I met her if I had thought I stood a chance with you. I swear baby that if I could fix this I would, I’d have never let her on the bus, let alone the shows she sang in.”

  I can see her breathing heavy as she fights her tears and I want so bad to hold her, to protect her from the harm I cause. I try to hold her, but she flinches from me and it kills me. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to grab you and hurt you.”
/>
  “I don’t hurt from your touch Chad, its everything else that’s breaking me right now. I told you how sacred I was, I begged you to never betray me and you promised me you wouldn’t.”

  Fuck!

  I feel my eyes burn and try so hard to keep my shit together, terrified this really is it. I’ll beg, grovel I will do anything to keep her, she must believe that. “Carrie, I know, and I swear I will never drink again, I’ll never let a fangirl near me again, I’ll leave the band if I have to Carrie. You are all I want from this life, everything else is a bonus, it’s you I can’t be without.”

  “Don’t talk like that. The band isn’t just about you and quitting won’t make me stay. Your bed could get cold any time of the day no matter where you are. You think that two days away from me and you end up in bed with her, that once you guys really tour the bed wouldn’t get colder? I have dreams of my own Chad. I want to write books and tell stories, finish college. You want to tour and make it big which will be easy from what I understand. Let’s call this what it was and be done.”

  My stomach drops at her words, that so quickly and easily she can turn me away like I am nothing. The only thing she can call this is devastating. “And what was it?” I finally ask as I fight to stay calm and strong. I wont fall apart if she genuinely wants to end this.

  “A summer flings.” She shrugs as she says it and like that! I am back to being the fuckboy and nothing more. She is the love of my fucking life and I am a fling to her…

  Well, fuck that noise. I don’t buy it.

  I stalk her until she has her back against the wall, not to intimidate, no I am proving a point. To myself or to her I just don’t know yet. “Fuck this Carrie. I don’t deserve it. I get why your gun shy now, after what happened but I fucking didn’t know and I kicked her off me harder than I should have. I was damn near physically violent because I was that scared, and you’re gonna pretend I was a fling? Fuck you baby, don’t bother. I’ll get over this and over you if that’s how little I meant to you but do not lessen what you meant to me.”

  She can hate me all she wants, but she can’t tell me that my love doesn’t matter. She can throw it all away, but it’s still real.

  “What I meant to you are you kidding me? Why even talk to her still Chad? And why never tell me about her or the fact you were singing fucking ballads with her? You promised me that I could trust you and you broke it, broke me!” She was screaming at me now, tears falling down her perfectly beautiful and bruised face and she looked like she was in physical pain. Well so the fuck was I.

  “Go Chad.”

  “Carrie-“ I try but she cuts me off.

  “Go Chad!” She yells again before going to the bathroom and slamming the door on me.

  I stayed for I don’t know how long and listened to her cry until I couldn’t take it and finally left. I waited to fall apart until I got in my truck and then I cried. For the first time in my life, I had a broken fucking heart.

  *

  My tears only lasted so long as I made my way to Slave to the Needle. I trusted Noah, for years I trusted him. He put this shit show in motion telling me to wait it out and keep my head straight. Telling me she would understand. This isn’t just stress from the news getting out and the trauma of it all. This is entirely a different brand of fucked up and his name is all over it.

  I get inside and see him in his booth cleaning up. “Hey-” he says but I cut him off with my fist to his jaw.

  I wait for him to get up and realize what’s happening before I go at him again, but Bobby and Deal another artist got between us before I could get the second punch in.

  “The fuck is wrong with you?” Noah roars and tries to charge me against Bobby’s hold.

  “She didn’t forgive me. She turned me into nothing, like I was nothing. What we had, NOTHING!”

  Noah fights against Bobby to get free, who finally lets him. “You want your ass kicked, go ahead.” He says as he and Drake leave us be, closing his curtain on their way. Like people wouldn’t hear us.

  “If she didn’t forgive you, then it is what it is. I’m in the doghouse too and could blame it on your ass, but I was there so I hold my own. You can’t reason with Carrie, that’s on you.” He says and like a blueprint, hits me in the same spot on my jaw as I did him.

  “Feel better?” I ask and laugh without humor. I may hate him.

  “I owe you about fifty more, but for now I’m golden.”

  “You did this.” I say between breaths as I stare him down, my anger making unrecognizable I’m sure.

  “She will get over it, but you and I?” He looks at me but says nothing more.

  “You and I what? I’m done Noah. I did right by her, I did right by you, and you caused problems the entire time because you couldn’t handle it. I thought we were finally on the same page, but you knew damn well she would never forgive me, especially after I didn’t tell her. You did this shit to keep the control you desperately need to survive. I never thought you wouldn’t have my back. I listened to you, trusted that you knew what was best. You talk a big game on trust but don’t get the concept of it outside of your own shit until it’s too late.”

  “Are you fucking high?” He asks me, his voice still calm and it only pisses me off more. Fighting with someone like Noah is impossible, he’s been through too much to let anything get to him.

  “No, that’s your thing not mine. What I am is devoted to the notion that you are beyond fucked up.” I was breathing heavy and wanted to kill him. I knew I was irrational and that the minute I calmed down maybe I’d see it all differently, maybe not. “I'm out of here.” I say and leave the booth before looking at Bobby. “Consider this my notice.” And I left the Needle.

  *

  Carrie

  Candy and Noah ended up being my ride home from the hospital. I called Candy the minute I left the bathroom bawling my eyes out. Nurse Brenda came in and loaded me full of drugs because my crying fit had seriously caused pain in my ribs and stomach as well as the monster headache, I was fighting to be free from.

  “What the fuck Carrie?” Noah demanded the minute he walked into the room, not bothering to look at me as he hauled my few bags in his hands and then left the room.

  Clearly, he was pissed at me, but why was beyond me. I followed a scowling Candy out of the room, her eyes were pinned on Noah’s retreating back.

  “What is he so pissed about?” I ask my eyes now bearing down on him as he flirts with Brenda sweetly saying his thanks for taking care of me. “I didn’t ask him to drop everything and come get me.”

  “That’s not it Cares. Chad showed up at the shop and laid into Noah.”

  “What?” I gasp and stop walking turning to look at her, the girl with all the answers.

  She nods and sighs. “He railed on Noah telling him all this shit was his fault. He said that he blamed him for telling him to tell you after the tour, that Noah always knew what was best for you and Chad wanted to do right by you. He told Noah that he never thought he wouldn’t have his back but that he was wrong. He thinks Noah told him to wait in telling you knowing you would dump Chad since Noah was never on board with you guys dating in the first place. It was bad Cares. They both took punches until Bobby and Deal broke them up.”

  Noah had been the one telling me over and over, calming me when it came to Chad that night. He was defiantly not the type of guy who would pull shady to break us up. It pissed me off that Chad would accuse him. “Well Chad still fucked her, regardless if he stopped her, he put himself in that situation knowing she was on that bus, desperate to get with him and I was far fucking away.”

  Candy pulled me into a hug. “I’m not defending what happened Carrie, but I don’t think he went into it knowing what was going on. Chad was a serious whore before you came along Carrie and seriously, he probably woke up to sex more often than not. That being said, yeah, he put himself in the situation, but he stopped. He threw her across the bunk rooms, and she landed hard. Once he knew who it was, he stopped. Do
n’t you think that might be innocent in any way?”

  I started walking with nothing more than a shrug because I had done nothing but think about all of this, what I knew and what I didn’t since the day I woke up. I missed him, felt broken without him but I can’t get over the fact he made love to me, completely naked, skin on skin, soul to soul and heart to heart, knowing what happened.

  I said nothing as I got in the car and nothing when Noah got in the driver seat and slammed the door. Noah had a seriously bad ass 66’ Camaro complete with 427 Big Block engine and dual exhaust. It was a man’s car and this man loved it second only to me. However, he was scowling not bothering to look at Candy or me. I had chosen the backseat so I could stretch out and Candy was sitting shotgun looking out the window.

  “Noah.” I said sweetly hoping to get his side of the story. His cobalt blue stare met me in the rearview mirror and then the car was filled with the blasting tunes of Alice In Chains ‘Down in a Hole’. It was a rude and affective way to tell me he wasn’t talking.

  Fine by me I love Alice in Chains. I closed my eyes and let the lyrics wash over me.

  Down in a hole and they’ve put all

  The stones in their place

  I’ve eaten the sun so my tongue

  Has been burned of the taste

  I have been guilty

  Of kicking myself in the teeth

  I will speak no more

  Of my feelings beneath.

  Yeah that about summed it up.

  Chapter Twenty-four