Her Christmas Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 4)

by Kristen Strassel

  “I am no such thing.” Mrs. Channing winked at the rest of the room. “These boys just can’t keep up.”

  Their family tradition was to play rummy on holidays. It was easy enough to understand, and after a couple of rounds of sitting on Shea’s lap, Emma could play on her own.

  I laid down the last of my cards, and raised my hands over my head to clap. There was no sign for Rummy, so we had to make something up.

  “Ugh.” Emma slumped in her chair. “How come Delaney wins every game?”

  “Because she’s amazing.” Shea stood up and kissed me on the forehead. “Let’s go upstairs. Give someone else a chance to win.”

  Spiked coffee had transitioned to spiked cider, and most of the table erupted in a chorus of oooohs.

  “Don’t you mean score?” X grinned.

  “Santa may come only once a year, but I don’t.” Shea whacked X on the back of the head.

  “Gentlemen!” Mrs. Channing scolded. “There’s a beautiful little girl here. Stop talking like you’re in a locker room.”

  “Nothing ever changes. Still catching hell from Mrs. C.” Major laughed.

  She glared at him, hell wasn’t on the list of approved words, either.

  As much fun as I’d been having with everyone, I was glad to go to Shea’s bedroom. It was probably time to consider it mine. I usually didn’t stay in one place long enough to care about where I slept, I was just happy to have a bed. But this room was different. The energy changed as soon as we closed the door. I flopped down on the bed, exhausted.

  Shea crawled beside me. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “That was fun, but I’ve been dying to get you up here all day just so we could do this.”

  This was what I loved best about spending time with Shea. That we could just be. We didn’t have to try to be anything other than what we were, and it was more than enough. I loved it when we worked together at the barn, we’d fallen into a routine, complimenting each other and getting everything done. And it was even more special when we fell into bed together, exhausted like we were tonight. It was my absolute favorite time of day.

  It always started off the same way, like this. Our bodies tangled, fitting together like the long lost piece of each other. Maybe that’s exactly what we were. Tonight, I thought I was going to burst. I was so thankful for the wonderful day. The thought of trying to express my gratitude to what everyone gave me was overwhelming. But I could start with Shea.

  His face looked so much better already. I wasn’t sure if he was healing that fast, or if I was seeing past the damage. It didn’t matter what he looked like, he’d always be the most beautiful person in the world to me, but I was curious. I slipped my hand under his sweatshirt, pushing it up to check out his stomach. I wanted to how the bruises were doing. Last night he looked like he got hit by an eighteen wheeler. His tight muscles always rippled with power, and now they were smooth and perfect.

  Shea vibrated under my touch. Weirdest sensation ever. I flattened my palm over his stomach to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. Sometimes he talked about his wolf like there was actually an animal inside him, and tonight I could swear I felt it. I jumped back when his skin squirmed underneath my palm.

  “Angel,” Shea slurred the word. “I’m shifting. Now.”

  I crawled so far back on the bed all there was left to do was scale the wall. Shea tried to tell me more, but he’d lost his words. They came out as groans and cries as he writhed on the bed, pulling at his clothes. He needed my help, but I couldn’t move.

  The man who had been my superhero was turning into a wolf before my eyes. All that power terrified me as much as it fascinated me. Everyone warned me Shea was volatile, and he’d proven he was capable of violence. Which Shea would carry over in the shift? The sweet man or the unrelenting beast?

  When the first patch of fur ripped through his skin, I screamed. It kept coming and I couldn’t stop.

  “Delaney!” Trina called, banging the wrong door. She called me again, the pounding getting closer. It wouldn’t take her long to follow the screams.

  Long black claws broke through Shea’s fingers. All exposed skin—and there was a lot of it, the transformation shredded his clothes—was completely coated in fur. His face wasn’t human anymore. The only thing that hadn’t changed was his eyes. Liquid gold swirled within as Shea gained his animal bearings. He shook his massive body, standing up on the mattress.

  I almost passed out when he rambled over to me. Black spots clouded my vision like blows to the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I’d backed myself into a corner in every conceivable way. He was so big in his wolf form, all that power radiating from his body. Each one of his labored breaths stole the oxygen from the room. He was close enough the heat from his body threatened to melt mine.

  Instinct took over. Not for him, for me. I slid down the wall, assuming the position. Knees to chest, head on knees. Anytime I desperately wanted to make something stop, to disappear, this is what I did. Never worked before, but I wasn’t one to give up. Shea nudged me with his snout, whining. I screamed again when his wet nose made contact with my cheek.

  “Delaney!” Trina was right behind Shea, I never realized she’d entered the room. Too paralyzed by fear to process anything. “You’re okay. It’s scary as hell when they shift, but he still knows it’s you. He can understand you...shit. I think he’ll be able to, anyway.”

  I dissolved into tears, never feeling more alone than I did at this moment. Less like anyone else. Shea licked my cheeks, just under the glasses. It wasn’t sloppy, like the dogs at the shelter. Every move was gentle and deliberate.

  “He’s kissing your tears away,” Trina said, looking like she was going to cry herself. “Come downstairs. Hang out with us. But I have to warn you, Cass shifted too, and there’s some serious shit going down.”

  Shea was the same no matter what form he was in; his energy, his passion, his devotion to me. I ran my fingers over the tips of his ears. Everything was so different, yet it wasn’t. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his fur. He rumbled, the sound vibrated against me. Wolf or man, Shea loved me.

  And I loved him.

  “We’ll take care of her. Go downstairs and talk to your brothers.” Trina ruffled Shea’s fur. A low grumble vibrated his body. It rumbled through me like thunder. One last nuzzle against my cheek before Shea jumped off the bed, bounding out the room.

  His absence brought a stillness I’d never experienced before. Time may have actually stopped. I finally tore my gaze away from the door, back to Trina.

  “I had no idea Shadow was going to shift first time he did it. He went the other way, from wolf to man.” Trina shuddered at the memory, then chuckled. “I almost shot him.”

  I gasped and she nodded, pushing her lips together and fighting a smile.

  “Yep,” she said when I joined in laughing with her. “This beautiful naked man comes up my stairs, and I put a gun to his head. Thank God I gave him a chance.”

  All hell was breaking loose downstairs. Shea scratched at the door.

  “Not yet. Listen to us!” X, still human, yanked on Shea’s scruff. Major crouched beside a wolf smaller than Shea. Even in her animal form, Cass was beautiful, her feminine energy radiated a different kind of power. Emma sobbed in Connie’s lap.

  “They’ve got us surrounded, and everyone’s shifting early. We need to get our shit together.” X looked out the window one more time, tightening his grip on Shea.

  Every other eye in the room, human and wolf, landed on Shadow. He was the alpha, and he’d lead them into whatever waited for them.

  “How many of them are there?” Shadow asked.

  “At least twenty.” X let go of Shea so he could get a better look. “Not just wolves. She-wolves, too.”

  Kiera wrinkled her brow. “That’s a pretty bold statement. I thought women were in short supply. They either see them as expendable or—“

  “Shit.” Major sighed heavily. “That’s how they’re going to take
our land from us. They have more women than they can mate with. They’ll turn the packs against us, and we won’t have the manpower to fight them.”

  “Don’t do anything stupid on impulse.” Mrs. Channing smoothed Emma’s hair, but all her attention was on her boys. “That’s how they’ll beat you. They’re waiting for your first mistake.”

  “Then we can’t make any.” Shadow rumbled. He didn’t sound like himself. “Fuck, it’s hard to think straight. My shift is coming. We’re not going to hide from them. But we stick together. Baron stays here with the girls. We can’t leave them unguarded, either. And Cass shouldn’t go out there. If our fight is lopsided, hers is impossible.”

  Major growled, and his fingers had turned into claws. He didn’t fight the shift, he didn’t even let go of Cass as the fur broke through his skin. It wasn’t less scary watching it a second time. Now I knew what waited for them. But it was truly a fear of the unknown.

  “I wish I had my gun,” Trina said under her breath. I laughed, and everyone’s head turned to me.

  It didn’t last long. Fur ripped through the room as the moon reached its peak. Absolute symmetry, a perfect circle. That’s what this was, I tried to convince myself as the howls split my eardrums. This was what these men were meant to be. Strong and fearless, meant to protect and serve. Wolves were loyal to a fault, and they’d do anything to keep us safe.

  But who was going to do the same for them? A familiar feeling churned in my belly. Even though when I was locked away, in my own animal form, I had a way of telling time. I always knew when the beatings were coming. They were never the same, but there was always a rhythm to them. A pattern of discourse. Similar to the moon, there was a cycle to it. And like the moon, it had no beginning, and no end.

  Five wolves barked and growled, pawing at the door. Shea was smaller than his brothers. He banged against the window, but he looked back at me, trying to contain a howl.

  “He says stop worrying,” Mrs. Channing said, reaching for my hand. I sat beside her, and Emma crawled out of Connie’s lap into mine. Her face was red and soaked with tears. “He’ll come back to you.”

  “They can understand each other, no matter what form they’re in,” Trina explained. She sat on the other side of me, protective as always. This time, it comforted me.

  “I say we just don’t open the door.” Lyssie laughed nervously. “Keep them in here until they shift back.”

  “We’ve got to let them go. I raised these boys to have passion. I know the Lowes did the same. They’ll protect the forest with the same ferocity they’ll protect us.” Mrs. Channing got up, all seven wolves at her feet. She closed her eyes and exhaled sharply before opening the door. A cacophony of chaos greeted them. Cass and Baron paced back and forth but stayed behind, uncomfortable with their orders.

  When the door closed, it felt like we’d pushed them off a cliff. Emma snuggled in tighter, whimpering. Trina put her arm around me. Cass settled at our feet. We were all in freefall.

  “Come on guys, this isn’t a funeral,” Kiera said, sitting on the floor beside Baron. He was so close to her she was practically wearing him as a fur coat. “You can’t give up because the odds are against you. What if we gave up when we were at our worst? We wouldn’t be here. This is their territory. They might be outnumbered right now, but the other wolves in the forest will fight with them. And if they don’t, we don’t want them on our side, anyhow.”

  “That’s easy for you to say.” Lyssie shook her head. “Baron’s still here.”

  Baron couldn’t stay still. He wriggled away from Kiera, growling as he paced.

  “Girls!” Mrs. Channing scolded. “Don’t let this threat divide us. I’ve watched packs get torn down to nothing. They come back and thrive. Never count out the underdog. That’s what gives him power.”

  I nudged Trina, motioning to Mrs. Channing and Connie, then down to Cass.

  “I’m not sure why they didn’t shift,” Trina answered.

  “She-wolves only shift in child bearing years, from about ten to fifty. Of course, there’s no babies at either end of that, but it’s how our bodies cycle through the shift,” Mrs. Channing said. I was really glad the older women were with us. They had all the answers. We had Baron and Cass, but we couldn’t talk to them. And I had a feeling no one messed with a matriarch like Mrs. C.

  The guys wouldn’t be back tonight. I lay awake in Shea’s bed, clutching his ruined clothing. I could still feel his body heat radiating from it. His lips against mine. I closed my eyes, and Shea was perfect. The fight never happened, and these awful Montana wolves didn’t exist. In my dream, he worked in the sun, his cowboy hat casting shadows over his face. The darkness could never drown out two things: the smile that spread across his face every time he looked at me, and those beautiful eyes.

  I spent so much time dreaming about Shea, but I had no idea what it meant. Of course, I knew it was because I was in love with him, but I never looked up what it meant to be enamored with a wolf.

  I never showed Shea my dream book. It was the first thing that had belonged just to me, and for some reason, I hadn’t been ready to share it with him. He was the only person I’d ever let inside me, but would he still love me if he knew everything?

  What if I could never give him more than I had right now? Would it be enough?

  I flipped to the end of the book and smiled when I saw I had a choice between wolf and werewolf. To dream of a wolf meant survival, beauty, self-confidence and pride. But to dream of a werewolf...that was completely different. Something in my life was not as it seemed. Through blurry eyes I continued to read that it symbolized dangerous aspects of my personality, and that they could be hurtful to my well-being.

  For the first time ever, the dream book let me down. It usually gave me answers. But this left me with so many questions.

  Even when I closed my eyes, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. As I drifted off, it started to make sense. Shea wasn’t one or the other, he was both. Just like me. To see the flaws and not run, that was love. Not everyone wore their scars as plainly as people like me and Shea, but they were there. One wasn’t worse than the other.

  I was just like everyone else.

  Of course I dreamed about Shea. There was one more thing that dreaming of a wolf symbolized. Victory.

  BARON HOWLED. DARK fell over the forest earlier than usual that afternoon. A storm was brewing, in more ways than one. Like any other force of nature, we had to ride it out and deal with the consequences.

  Mrs. Channing hadn’t strayed far from the front window all day. Most of it was obscured by the giant Christmas tree that still twinkled so hopefully, wanting to bring us peace. Our celebration seemed like it happened a lifetime ago.

  “They’re coming,” she said, pressing against the window. Everyone rushed to the windows, and Kiera opened the front door.

  “Shut the door until we have a head count,” Mrs. Channing added sharply. This wasn’t the first challenge she’d been through. “The fight might not be over.”

  I held my breath. Two sets of blue eyes came into view. They caught the moon glow through the cloud cover. Shadow and Dallas.

  “Where are the Lowes?” Trina asked the question I couldn’t. Mrs. Channing shook her head.

  My stomach knotted, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on Shea like I’d been able to think of anything else since he shifted. I pictured him so clearly it felt like a lie when he wasn’t there when I opened them again.

  The Channing wolves bounded up the stairs, scratching at the door. Kiera opened the door, and the noise was deafening. Cass and Baron joined them barking, whining, and howling.

  I grasped Trina. She stared at Shadow but didn’t approach him. The two of them were inseparable, it didn’t matter what form he was in. She felt it too.

  “X is hurt,” Mrs. Channing said. “Badly.”

  The Channings, with Baron in tow, rushed back into the woods. We all gasped when Cass chased after them, but she stopped at the end of the yard, rum
bling as she came back.

  Mrs. Channing put her arms around me, smoothing my hair. “They didn’t say anything about Shea.”

  Our worst fears confirmed, the Montana wolves wanted what we had. We huddled together around Cass, but we didn’t have to wait long for answers.

  “Mommy!” Emma cried when Cass shook away from us. She grasped her fur, but she couldn’t get her mother’s attention.

  The Channings returned, flanking a human who carried something in his arms. Another wolf with gold eyes led the pack, but it wasn’t my Shea.

  Shea was the human. Blood soaked his bare body, as he cradled his brother’s broken body in his arms.

  “Be careful with him!” Trina gasped as Shea lay X down in the living room. Emma screamed, and Connie scooped her up, murmuring things that were meant to comfort her, but it was no use.

  Shea glared at Trina, but stayed with X.

  “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?” He growled. “They separated him from us. I thought the fight in the ring was tough. That was nothing. Their she-wolves fight even harder than the men.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me.” Mrs. Channing sighed. “If the females haven’t mated, all that power is trapped inside them. It makes them violent.”

  Major writhed, howling. He shifted back to human. The process wasn’t unlike the shift to wolf, skin and limbs breaking through fur. He sat beside X. Both brothers were unashamed by their nudity, and no one in the room saw anything but the broken werewolf lying in front of us.

  Trina joined them, resting her hand gently on X’s face. He looked up at her, which was comforting and horrifying. He knew what was going on. “He’s breathing, but I don’t know what to do. The last time I called the vet she said she wouldn’t come back until I paid my outstanding debt.”

  “Get her here,” Major growled. “I’ll pay her whatever you owe. In cash.”

  “No.” Connie stepped forward, still cradling Emma in her arms. All of us stared at her, mouths open. “Don’t call someone who will only come for money. I have someone we can call. She’ll help us for all the right reasons.”