The Long Way Home

by Liz Isaacson

  By the time the day ended, he couldn’t deny it any longer.

  He was in love with River Lee Whitely, and a smile formed on his face. A smile he couldn’t wipe away.

  Chapter 19

  As winter approached, Ty’s time with River Lee decreased. She wasn’t doing horseback riding lessons anymore, and they didn’t have any community service to organize together. He’d see her for a few hours on Saturday afternoons and a few hours at church and afterward.

  Ty had been dreaming in diamonds since he’d realized he was in love with River Lee, but he was determined not to bring it up until she did.

  As he drove down the canyon with rain pounding his windshield, he wondered if today would be the day she would finally say something. Ever since he’d realized how he felt, he’d been able to sense how much she liked him too. And it was a lot.

  The parking lot at the church was practically empty when Ty pulled in, and he wondered if River Lee would brave the weather that morning just to sit by him during a sermon. He took their usual spot about halfway back and shrugged out of his wet leather jacket. He shook out his cowboy hat and had just settled it back onto his head when River Lee slid next to him.

  “Hey, cowboy,” she said with a heavy dose of flirtation in her voice. She claimed his elbow in both her hands and squeezed. He barely had time to turn toward her before she kissed him.

  Shock traveled from the top of his head to his boots at this turn of events. She never kissed him in church, and what he’d said about kissing women in church flowed through his mind. He broke the connection and chuckled, more anxiety in the sound than he liked.

  “Where are the girls?”

  “They slept over at my mom’s, and she didn’t want to drive in the rain.”

  Ty gazed down at her, pure love flowing through him. “River Lee,” he whispered.

  Her eyes locked on his. “Yeah?”

  He swallowed, the words right there, right there, right there. He cleared them from his throat. “Remember what I said about people kissin’ in church?”

  She blinked, a blip of fear stealing through her eyes. Then her face relaxed and she smiled. “The only people you’ve seen kiss in church were married or getting married.”

  “Right.” He fidgeted, unable to stop his boots from scraping along the wooden floor. “What do you think about us, you know….” He forced the lump in his throat back down. “About us getting married?”

  She searched his face, looking for what he didn’t know. He gazed steadily back at her, his heart hammering beneath his breastbone. He slipped his hand into hers and nuzzled her neck. “I’m in love with you, River Lee. I want to marry you.”

  Her body tensed; her fingers gripped his too tight, too tight.

  The organ began to play, and Ty said, “It’s okay, River Lee. I’ll wait as long as you need.” He faced the front, his words almost ripping a hole right through his chest. He breathed deep to contain the emotion, relieved when Dr. Pinnion stood.

  River Lee squeezed his fingers and laid her cheek on his bicep. He could feel her happiness, her love, even if she hadn’t said anything in words.

  The week before Halloween, Ty worked in the machinery building, his fingers nearly frozen as he tried to service the engine on a combine.

  “Ty, come back,” Nelson warbled through the radio.

  He pulled his greasy hands from the vehicle and reached for the radio on his belt. “Ty here.”

  “There’s someone on the phone for you, here at the administration lodge.”

  Ty’s brow furrowed. “Who is it?”

  “River Taylor.”

  Ty dropped the wrench he’d been using. “I’m on my way in.” He checked his cell as he strode down the path between the barns and stables, the admin lodge suddenly so far away. He had no service, which wasn’t that surprising. Horseshoe Home was notorious for having sporadic service beyond the lodge and cabins.

  He hurried up the steps and burst into the lodge. Nelson nodded to the phone on the corner of his desk, right there in the middle of the room. Though Ty wanted more privacy, he picked up the phone and waited for Nelson to push the flashing blue button.

  “River Lee?” Ty asked. “What’s goin’ on?” Concern and anxiety spiked. River Lee never called him in the middle of the day. She worked, for one. For two, he called her when he finally got back to his cabin. Every night, like clockwork.

  A sniffle came through the line, further alerting Ty to the strange nature of her call. “Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart,” he murmured into the line, keeping his back to Nelson and the rest of the room.

  She took a deep breath, the sound coming through the line sharp and like a hiss. “I just got off the phone with John.”

  “All right,” Ty said, keeping his voice even and placid. Her ex-husband didn’t call a lot, from what she’d told Ty. But he did have two daughters he never saw, and Ty didn’t think for a moment that the man would never appear in River Lee’s life.

  “He’s getting remarried in December, and he wants the girls to be there.” Her breath shuddered on the way out. “He wants them for Thanksgiving, and he wants to keep them all the way through the New Year.” Her voice finally broke on the last couple of words. After that, only silence came through the line.

  Ty didn’t know how to respond, not here in this crowded room, not from so far away. “Where are you?” he asked. “At work?”

  “Yes.” She sounded so broken.

  “I’ll be there in forty-five minutes.” He hung up without waiting for her to confirm and turned back to Nelson. “I have to go down to the valley for the rest of the afternoon. Can you tell Jace?” He pulled his phone from his back pocket. “I have my phone if there’s an emergency.”

  The drive down the canyon seemed to take a lot longer than thirty minutes, every breath agony, every second he couldn’t comfort the woman he loved sheer torture.

  Tears tracked down River’s face as she paced in her office. She hugged herself like she could keep everything inside that had cracked and split open when John had called. She knew she couldn’t. She hadn’t even been able to wait a few minutes to calm herself before she called Ty.

  “He’ll get here,” she told herself. “He’ll help you figure out what to do.” She paused at the window, though it didn’t face the street and she wouldn’t be able to see Ty when he arrived.

  Her throat tightened at the thought of the holidays without Lexi and Hannah. At the thought of John marrying his secretary, of that woman being a stepmother to her daughters. She reminded herself that John was free to do what he wanted—that he always had done exactly that.

  Brief bitterness brought a moment of fury to her mind, but she dismissed it as quickly as it had come. She had wasted months being angry, and she didn’t want to do it again. Being angry at John had never made her any happier.

  Helplessness filled her with every passing minute. Since Ty had brought up the idea of them getting married, since he’d said those absolute magical words—I’m in love with you, River Lee—in his cowboy drawl, River hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. About a future with him. About marrying him.

  “How can I do that now?” she whispered, her words painful to her own ears. She’d already uprooted her daughters, taken them from the only grandparents they’d known and introduced them to a new grandma. She’d gone back to work, enrolled Lexi in a new school, and started dating someone new.

  Dr. Thatcher had asked her what toll the girls had been paying at River’s last appointment, only last week. River hadn’t known how to answer. She’d been thinking about the doctor’s question ever since, with no solutions coming to mind.

  She seated herself at her desk and bowed her head, taking several long seconds to center her thoughts. Lord, she prayed. What’s the right thing to do for Lexi and Hannah?

  Since moving to Montana, her daughters had always been her focus. She constantly thought of them, and what would be best for them. They adored Ty, and she had never once thought
his involvement in their life would hurt them.

  And he had helped her so much. He loved her—and she loved him.

  But could she marry him?

  Now, when John was also getting remarried?

  Ty will understand, she told herself. She opened her eyes and took a deep breath, but she still couldn’t quite make her nerves or her pulse settle.

  That didn’t happened until Ty swept into her office, his arms strong and his cologne the scent of fresh air and grease. She didn’t care. She let him gather her into his chest and whisper comforting things to her.

  “Let’s go to lunch,” he said. “You haven’t eaten, have you?”

  She shook her head and left her office without her purse, a fact she didn’t realize until she stepped up to the cash register at the Chinese register.

  “It’s fine,” Ty said, pulling out his wallet. He ordered for her, and then himself, and guided River by the elbow to get her soda. She sat in the booth he put her in, the numbness surrounding her keeping the other conversations around her mute.

  Ty sat down across from her, a tray of food in front of him. He nudged the container of orange chicken toward her and made a joke she didn’t quite hear.

  Her thoughts seemed so loud. Deafening almost. She forked a piece of chicken but didn’t put it in her mouth. She set the food and the fork back down. “Ty.” She leaned across the table, a sense of clarity cutting through her jumbled mind.

  “Yeah?” He mixed his chicken and rice together with quick little movements of his fork.

  “Ty.” She reached across the table and put both of her hands on his.

  He looked up and went still. His beautiful eyes bored straight into hers.

  “Ty, I love you.”

  A smile bloomed on his mouth, painting happiness into his eyes, into every line of his face. Pure joy. River didn’t like the twist in her stomach, didn’t like that her next words would take that smile down a notch. At least then it would only rival the starlight.

  His fingers intertwined with hers. “I love you too, River Lee.”

  “I—I love you,” she said again. “But I think we should…I don’t know, slow things down a little bit.” She searched his face as the smile faded. “For the sake of the girls.”

  “Slow things down?” he asked. “I see you for a total of six or seven hours on the weekends.” He leaned back into the booth, his hands going with him. “I don’t see how we can go much slower than that.”

  “I know.” River sniffed, tired of crying.

  Ty studied her, and she wilted under the weight of his scrutiny. Her fingers shook as she picked up her fork, but she could not put anything in her mouth.

  “The girls will already be in turmoil over John’s wedding.”

  Ty nodded, just once. Said, “So you’re going to send them to Las Vegas?”

  River nodded. “Yes,” she whispered, the tears pressing against the back of her eyes. “I have to. They’re his kids too, and he deserves to have them there for his wedding.”

  He reached for his soda and took a long drag. “I think that’s probably the right decision.” He leaned his elbows on the table and his eyes seemed to darken. “But I don’t see how his wedding has anything to do with us.”

  “Lexi will miss a lot of school, and I don’t know how they’ll be feeling when they get back….” She let her voice pause there, not quite sure what else to add.

  “We’re not even engaged yet.”

  The way he said yet made her blood heat, and the mere thought of marrying him sent so much happiness through her that River felt lightheaded.

  She let her hair fall over her shoulders as she nodded. “I know. And I don’t think we can be for a while.”

  “How long?”

  She shrugged, unable to look at him. “I don’t know.”

  Several heartbeats of silence passed. Then several more. Then Ty said, “River Lee, does this really have to do with Lexi and Hannah?”

  She pulled her gaze to his, a bolt of terror shooting straight to her heart. “I—”

  “Because I don’t think it does. They like me just fine, don’t they?”

  “Of course they do.”

  “We wouldn’t get married until late spring or summer, at least, even if we got engaged right now. Are you saying we have to wait longer than that?”

  A tear splashed her cheek, and she wiped it away. “I don’t know.”

  He exhaled, a storm of emotion flowing across his features, discoloring those eyes she loved so much.

  “You wanna know what I think?”

  River did, but at the same time, she really did not. She nodded anyway.

  Ty leaned forward again. “I think you’re using your girls as a shield.”

  Whatever she’d thought he’d say, that wasn’t it. “That’s not true.”

  “Anytime you don’t want to do something, you use them as a reason.” His voice stayed quiet, but it possessed an anger she’d never seen from him before. “I know they need to come first for you. I understand that. I do. But I don’t want to be third in line every time there’s a major decision to be made. I realize that makes me selfish. Ridiculous even.” He inhaled deliberately and the softness returned to his eyes.

  “I love you, River Lee Whitely. I’m willing to be third behind Lexi and Hannah for real issues. But this.” He waved his hand in the space between them. “This isn’t about them and what’s best for them at all. This is all about you.”

  Chapter 20

  “Come on. I’ll take you back to work.” Ty got up, abandoning the food. He didn’t look back as he walked out.

  River sat at the table, dumbfounded. After only one breath, she launched herself into gear, her heels clicking on the tile as she followed him. A crisp autumn breeze pulled on her hair and jacket as she burst onto the street. “Ty!”

  He turned, his hands stuffed down into his pockets, complete agony on his face.

  She strode toward him, the storm inside her as tumultuous as what she sensed in him. “I’m tired of feeling numb,” she said.

  “I don’t know what to say to that.” He turned and kept walking.

  “So that’s it?” She caught up to him. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  He pulled open her door, but she didn’t get in. She stared him straight in the face. “Because I can’t tell you when we can get married?”

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with me, either,” he said. “But yeah, I think maybe we need a few weeks off so you can figure things out.”

  Her chin quivered though she was trying to be strong. “Ty—”

  “Get in, River Lee. Please.” He ducked his head, concealing his eyes with his cowboy hat. “I need to get back to the ranch.”

  A week later, River left her office at lunchtime again. This time it wasn’t because her boyfriend had rushed to her aid. It was because she had an appointment with Dr. Fletcher. She’d been in once already that week, but she needed someone safe to talk to.

  Her mother had been supportive of the decision to send the girls to Vegas for the holidays. River had called John and made all the arrangements. He’d fly to Butte, where she’d meet him at the airport, as she could not put her three-and-five-year-old on a plane by themselves.

  River had sat by herself at church. She didn’t even see Ty at the service, and she hated that he didn’t show up. Didn’t show up because of her.

  But she’d felt calm about her decision to send the girls to live with John for several weeks. While she hated everything about him getting married again, about her daughters having a stepmother, she’d come to terms with the fact that she couldn’t control John’s life. She could be there for her daughters—as Dr. Fletcher had told her on Monday. She could help them through anything they needed, be there when they asked questions or needed to talk. But she could not control everything about their lives.

  River had spent her last session detailing everything about John’s wedding and the girls that she never even made it to her relationsh
ip with Ty. His words had been floating around in her mind like ghosts, haunting her.

  This is about you, River Lee. She even had the cowboy drawl down in her memory.

  Never mind that he’d admitted to being selfish, jealous, and ridiculous. He’d never said anything about feeling that way. Never had she suspected that he felt that way. He never showed anything but adoration for Lexi and Hannah. Never demonstrated anything but joy to see River.

  She didn’t understand how she couldn’t have known how he felt.

  “River? Are you ready?”

  River pulled herself from her thoughts as she looked up to find Dr. Fletcher standing in the doorway that led to her office. She flashed the only kind of smile she could, which meant her lips barely curved at all, gathered her purse, and went to spill her guts about Ty.

  Dr. Fletcher handed River a can of diet cola before she sat down. “Good to see you again, River.”

  That was code for, “Why are you here again so soon?” River popped the top on her soda and took a long drink, letting the carbonation burn its way down her throat.

  “I wanted to talk about Ty Barker,” River said. “We broke up last week.” Her voice stuck in her throat, and River lifted the soda to her lips again to try to clear the block.

  Dr. Fletcher’s eyebrows lifted, but she made no move to make notes. River appreciated the fact that Dr. Fletcher never typed during the conversation. Never wrote anything down. She participated in the conversation as if she were friends with her patients. River liked her far more than the man she’d seen in Las Vegas.

  “Tell me what happened,” Dr. Fletcher said.

  “He came down after I called him, distressed about John’s request for the girls—and his wedding. We went to lunch.”

  “Sounds nice.”

  “He broke up with me after I told him that we couldn’t get married.” River couldn’t even look at the psychiatrist as she spoke. When she put it that way, it was no surprise that Ty had broken up with her. Why should he stay with her? Continue to drive down that treacherous canyon just to hold her hand during church, just to kiss her for a while after they ate lunch together?