The Long Way Home

by Liz Isaacson

  And for what? To be constantly strung along until River said they could finally get married?

  Her chest felt so cold. So cold. “I really blew it, didn’t I?”

  “It’s normal to be cautious when considering a second marriage, especially when there are children involved.”

  River studied her hands. “Lexi and Hannah adore Ty. He’s always bringing them treats from his mother’s and little toys from the gas station.” One more breath and she thought sure her lungs would crack. She took it anyway, and somehow, her organs kept working. “He played with them in the backyard, took them to the duck pond, all of it. He seemed smitten by them too.”

  “And how does he feel about you?”

  “He—” River glanced up. “He told me he loved me a few weeks ago. We talked briefly about marriage. He said he’d wait as long as I needed.” River took another drink, gulping until the can was empty. “At the time, I was thinking we could get engaged by Christmas and married by summertime.”

  “And why can’t that still work?”

  “I’m worried the girls—” River’s words went mute and she struggled for breath. “I don’t know how Lexi and Hannah will react to John’s marriage. I thought me and Ty should wait.”

  “And he didn’t want to wait?”

  “He didn’t think the problem was with the girls.” River could barely hear her own words.

  Dr. Fletcher leaned forward. “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?”

  River lifted her chin. “He didn’t think the problem was with the girls.” She cleared her throat but refused to look away from her doctor.

  Dr. Fletcher didn’t flinch. Didn’t react beyond cocking her head slightly to the side, her dark curls bouncing a bit as she did. “And what do you think is the problem?”

  River’s shoulders had never felt so heavy. She could only lift them halfway before they fell again. “That’s why I’m here.”

  “I can’t tell you what the problem is. Only you can figure that out.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “What have you done in the past to figure things out? What did you do to know that it was right to leave Las Vegas? To move up here? To send the girls home for the holidays?”

  “I thought about it. Prayed. Did what I felt like was right.”

  “So you do that here too.”

  “What if I already have and nothing feels right?”

  “Being with Ty doesn’t feel right?”

  River shook her head. “I want to be with him. I love him.”

  “So is the problem with Ty?” Dr. Fletcher asked. “If it’s not with you—if you love him as you claim to—and you think he’s good for the girls—maybe the problem is with Ty. Has he said anything?”

  “He indicated he’d felt jealous of the girls, like I put them first and he came third.”

  “That’s a normal way for a man to feel. Even married men feel that way about their biological children sometimes.”

  River couldn’t keep her fingers from twining together. Around and around they went. “He thinks I use the girls as reasons for things I don’t want to do.”

  “Do you?”

  “Maybe once or twice. But not with him.”

  “Well, he must’ve gotten that idea from somewhere.”

  River nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

  Dr. Fletcher exhaled and stood. “While you’re thinking about that, put yourself in Ty’s boots. He’s never settled down with anyone. Never dated anyone for longer than a few weeks. And then you find someone you like a whole lot. Someone you love. Someone you want to marry. And that person then says you have to wait for an unknown amount of time before that can happen. How might you feel? How might you react if the situation were reversed?”

  River indicated she’d think about it with a quick nod. Then she got out of the office as quickly as she could, wishing, hoping, praying an answer would come so she didn’t lose Ty forever.

  “And one more thing to think about,” Dr. Fletcher said when River’s hand curled around the doorknob. “Why don’t you want to marry Ty Barker?”

  River spun back to the doctor. “I do want to marry him.”

  “Think about it.” Dr. Fletcher turned away, the conversation clearly over.

  Ty ducked his head and flipped up his collar as he stepped out of his cabin and faced the brutal early winter wind. It blew through his soul, the melancholy sound of it only adding to his depression.

  Still, he faced the day the same way he had for the better part of a month: alone. Determined and alone. Only five more weeks until Jace took ownership of the ranch and Ty started as the foreman full-time. Maybe then he’d be busy enough to drive the echoes of River Lee from his mind.

  That’ll never happen, he thought as his footsteps trod on the frosted group. Fog hung in the air, and he hated it. Hated not seeing the sun in the winter. It had never bothered him as much as it did this year, and he once again wondered how he was going to make it through this winter alone.

  He’d seen River Lee a couple of times at church. The other weeks he hadn’t gone. Couldn’t stomach making the drive and then not being able to hold her hand, share lunch with her, and kiss her goodbye.

  Being in the same room with her and not being with her was the worst kind of torture he could imagine. So he’d decided to spend this Sunday morning with the horses. Anything would be better than seeing her white-blonde hair in those curls or in a high ponytail. He wasn’t sure when her girls were leaving town, but it didn’t matter now. She didn’t need him. Her complete lack of communication over the past five weeks had proven that.

  He brushed down two horses, fed the lot of them, and saddled Abra for a ride. He wouldn’t be able to take the animal far, or go up to the highlands that he liked, but just sitting in the saddle calmed him.

  “Yup,” he said to the horse and the animal moved. Moved past the barns, past the machinery building, past all the cowboy cabins, even Tom’s way down on the end away from the others. The trees had lost their leaves weeks ago, and it had already snowed several times. There was enough traffic in certain spots that the frozen ground showed through, and Ty took his horse along the well-worn path until it ended. He stopped and faced north, wishing he could just keep going.

  Would anyone miss him? How long would it take for them to notice he was gone? Last time he’d gone out in the winter to fix the fence line and the vehicle had broken down, it had taken hours for anyone to know they hadn’t come back in.

  With today being a Sunday and a skeleton crew doing chores, Ty suspected he could disappear for the entire day and no one would know. He could possibly go off-grid until tomorrow morning before Jace would know.

  Part of him really wanted to disappear. Leave Montana completely—and he’d never felt like that before. A slip of unease made his stomach sour. He’d never understood why his sisters had wanted to leave Gold Valley. Why River Lee had. And he absolutely hated that now he was gaining a bit of understanding in that area.

  He shook the negative thoughts from his head and returned to the ranch. He wasted the day inside the warm walls of his cabin and suffered through a few more days until Thanksgiving. He helped with the morning chores, climbed in his truck, and headed down to his parents’ house. He pulled up to the curb and parked behind his sister’s rental car in the driveway.

  “Should’ve taken some headache medicine,” he muttered to himself. Just the thought of telling Vienna about River Lee made stabbing pains shoot behind his eyes. Eventually, it got too cold to sit in the truck without the heater blowing.

  Ty went into the house and was met with laughter from his niece and nephew. The scent of roasting turkey and baking bread met his nose, and Ty relaxed.

  “There you are.” Vienna appeared in the mouth of the hall, her eyes bright and welcoming. “Get on over here.”

  Ty stepped into his sister’s hug and then swept his four-year-old niece into a swooping embrace as well.

  “Just you today?” Vienna eyed the
doorway behind Ty like someone else would step through it.

  “Just me.” Ty set JJ on her feet.

  “Mom said you’d probably bring your girlfriend.”

  “Nice try.” Ty growled as he moved to enter the kitchen. “Mom knows I broke up with her.”

  “Why—?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Well, that’s new.”

  He spun back to his sister. “What does that mean?”

  “It means, little brother, that you’ve never had a problem telling me about your women friends. You always just laugh them off. This one must mean something.”

  Vienna might as well have stabbed him right through the heart and then twisted the blade. Something must have shown on his face, because Vienna said, “Oh, honey. You loved her.”

  “Love,” Ty said, arching one eyebrow. “Present tense. I’m nowhere near over her.”

  “You don’t need to get over her.”

  Ty definitely thought he did. He couldn’t keep living like this. Of course, his heart just kept beating, his lungs kept expanding, his brain kept thinking. So maybe he could live exactly like this.

  “Maybe there’s still hope for you two,” Vienna said.

  “River Lee is stubborn,” Ty said.

  “So are you,” his sister said. “And River Lee Whitely? That girl you liked in high school?”

  Ty sighed, the sound like a hissing snake. “The one and the same.” He glanced to where his mom stood at the stove, stirring something, obviously listening. “Can we not talk about her today? Please?” He clapped his hands together in mock joviality and joined his mom in the kitchen. “I just want to eat turkey and mashed potatoes and some of your famous pecan pie.”

  His mom smiled and hipped him away from her with the admonition of “No tasting until lunchtime.”

  Ty chuckled, the first time he’d felt anything but glum since that fateful day when River Lee had called him. “All right.”

  He glanced at Vienna, who quickly put a smile on her face. But Ty wasn’t fooled. He’d seen the serious look in her eye, the concern around the edges, and he knew he wouldn’t escape this house before having at least one more conversation about River Lee with his sister.

  He hadn’t been able to articulate much more than “We broke up,” to Jace and Caleb, but somehow he knew that with Vienna she wouldn’t accept only three words for an explanation.

  Chapter 21

  Ty leaned his head back and sighed. “Are we almost done?”

  Vienna had been at it for almost forty-five minutes. The relentless questions. The way she could probe with only a look, a couple of well-placed words. Her children had no chance of surviving their teen years without Vienna knowing every single thing they did.

  “Almost.” Vienna took a sip of her tea, and Ty employed every ounce of his patience. He wasn’t driving back up to the ranch tonight, and his mother hadn’t gotten out the pie yet. She’d made herself scarce, and Ty was sure Vienna had somehow communicated to their mother that she needed some private time with Ty to get him to spill his guts.

  And he’d complied. Answered every question from “Are you in love with her?” to “How much time did she say she needed?”

  He liked the short answers. “Yes,” to “Are you in love with her?” and “She didn’t know,” to “How much time did she say she needed?”

  Vienna had huffed at that one, which summed up Ty’s feelings almost exactly.

  “Ty, do you think, I mean, I’m a mother, so I understand her position. But do you think you could be happy even if you came third sometimes?”

  Ty opened his eyes, wishing he’d disappeared downstairs with his father to watch football. “Yes,” he said, looking straight at Vienna. “Yes, I’d be happy. I just need…. She’s not ready.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  “I have no idea, Vienna. She sees a therapist. She’ll figure it out.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather be with her while she does than miserable by yourself?”

  “Yeah, sure. But—”

  His sister waited for him to go on, but Ty didn’t know what to fill the silence with. Why shouldn’t he be with River Lee while she figured things out? He could keep kissing her, holding her hand, talking with her.

  “I need to go,” he blurted, lurching forward on the couch.

  Vienna placed her palm on his chest and pushed him back. Though he was twice as big as her, he stayed put. Something about the fiery look in her eyes kept him in place. She cocked her head. “Go where?”

  “River Lee’s.”

  She shook her head, the first indication of smile playing with her lips. “Give yourself a few days.”

  Ty moaned, sure he’d know why he couldn’t jet over to River Lee’s and profess his stupidity for leaving her. He might not even understand if he asked Vienna point-blank. He did anyway.

  “Because, dear brother, you’re desperate. And desperate doesn’t look good on a man.”

  “Even if I show up with pecan pie and an apology?”

  “Why do you think she hasn’t called you yet?”

  “I honestly have no idea, V. Just tell me.”

  “Because she wants to be whole when she talks to you again. She won’t want to cry in front of you again. Give her a little more time—and definitely a warning before you show up on her doorstep.”

  “How much more time?” He hated that here he was again, asking how long he had to wait to be with River Lee.

  “I don’t know, Ty. You’ll know when the time is right.” Vienna got up, exhaled like her work here was done, and disappeared into the kitchen with the words, “I’ll get the pie out,” tossed over her shoulder.

  Ty let Friday go by. And Saturday. Sunday morning, he rose early and got the morning chores done so he could go to church. He normally rode with Caleb and Holly, but today, he fired up his own truck and drove down the canyon. He’d left way too early, so he pulled over into the parking lot at the waterfalls.

  His was the only truck, and he didn’t dare get out for fear of freezing to death. The edges of the river had frozen, but the fast-moving water of the falls were still liquid. He cracked the window enough to hear the roar of the water, let it wash over him, calm him from the inside out.

  He hadn’t called River Lee, and his nerves frayed a little more. He wasn’t sure if he trusted himself to sit alone when River Lee had an empty spot next to her. Before, when he’d gone to church, he’d sat with Caleb and hadn’t allowed himself to even look in River Lee’s direction.

  He took a deep breath of the river-scented air, rolled up his window, and turned his truck around. Only three cars sat in the parking lot at the church, so Ty stayed in his truck. As the minutes passed, more churchgoers arrived, until Ty felt like he could go in and not draw attention to himself.

  He hadn’t seen River Lee yet, and he wondered how she’d fared on Thanksgiving without Lexi and Hannah. His heart ached for her. “You should’ve been there,” he chastised himself as he entered the church.

  He paused in the doorway of the chapel, searching for that platinum blonde hair of River Lee’s. He didn’t find it, but he knew if she came, she’d sit in the middle of the chapel just like she always did. He sidestepped to the left side of the aisle, about two-thirds of the way back. That way, when River Lee arrived, he’d be able to see her.

  Feeling stalkerish and desperate, he slid all the way to the wall, leaving the rest of the bench open for someone else. Vienna said desperation didn’t look good on a man, but Ty couldn’t help it. He could only hope River Lee wouldn’t see him when she came in.

  She arrived five minutes later, and not only did she see him, she stared straight at him. Those aqua eyes pierced him, made his heart pound in such a way he thought it would burst from his chest.

  He lifted his hand to acknowledge her and her step faltered. She yanked her gaze forward, steadied herself, and sat in her appointed row. She didn’t look back at him. Didn’t fidget. Didn’t bow her head whe
n it was time to pray.

  But Ty did. He poured his whole soul out to the Lord, begging for the words to say to River Lee, the courage to talk to her, the ability to make things right between them.

  Dr. Pinnion spoke about love. Such a simple subject, but upon further examination, it became more complex. Ty didn’t understand how love worked, how it infiltrated the heart, how it hurt so much and yet brought so much joy.

  The pastor wasn’t speaking about romantic love, but everything he said resonated with Ty anyway. “When we love someone, we’ll serve them,” he said. “So if you’re looking for the opportunity to get closer to the Lord and closer to someone in your life, service is the answer.”

  Service. Ty allowed his gaze to settle on River Lee. He could definitely figure out a way to serve her.

  River hadn’t been back to her house since she’d sent the girls to Las Vegas. She couldn’t stand to be in the house they’d bought to build their family without their laughter.

  She’d been sleeping four or five hours a night, her mind consumed with Dr. Fletcher’s questions. She’d realized her demands on Ty were bordering on ridiculous. She had reversed the situation, and she wouldn’t want to be in a relationship that had no end in sight, no goal to be reached. She couldn’t blame him for the way he’d acted. After all, she would’ve done the same to protect herself.

  It was Dr. Fletcher’s last request that needled at her. Over the several weeks, as she went to work, as she interviewed girls, as she packed up her daughters and sent them to their father’s, she couldn’t figure out why she didn’t want to marry Ty.

  But Dr. Fletcher had been absolutely right. The problem wasn’t with Ty—it was with River.

  She felt like she was dancing around what the real issue was, but she hadn’t been able to uncover it yet. She’d gone to church every week, listened to every word the pastor said, prayed every time she felt hopeless—which was a lot.