The Long Way Home

by Liz Isaacson

  So she went through the motions. She ate breakfast at her mother’s table, the way she did as a child. She went to work and put in her time, the way she did as a teen. Without the girls, without Ty, she felt like she’d gone back in time thirteen years. She disliked her life now as much as she had then.

  “Mom?” she asked one night after work.

  “Mm?” Her mom sat at the kitchen counter while River stood at the stove, stirring a pot of soup.

  “What happened to my father?” River had never heard her mother talk about her father. There were no pictures of him anywhere in the house. Growing up, River had never thought it odd—it was always just her and her mom. No dad needed.

  Her mom didn’t answer, triggering River to turn around. Her mom stared at her, pure panic on her face.

  “Were you guys married?”

  “Why—why does it matter?”

  River leaned against the counter and couldn’t look away from her mother. “It matters to me, because I think…well, I don’t quite know what to think. I know I’m terrified of getting married again, but I think that’s because of what happened with John.” She sighed and glanced around the life her mother had built.

  “I look around, and I don’t see a man here. You’re just fine without one. I was okay without a dad, but I want my girls to have someone—and not someone a thousand miles away in another city, with another wife.”

  River didn’t quite know what she was saying, couldn’t find the heart of her feelings, the reason for her questions. So she just kept talking. “I think I might be afraid to let Ty all the way in, because then I’d have to admit I want a man in my life.” She met her mother’s eye. “And you never needed that, and maybe that makes me weaker than you.”

  Her mother stood, the barstool scraping against the floor. “No, River Lee. You’re not weak.” She stepped into the kitchen and took River’s shoulders in her hand. “I wasn’t married to your father. I got pregnant really young—only seventeen—and he didn’t want to marry me.”

  Tears formed in her eyes, but they stayed steady and strong. “So I determined I would raise you myself, that I could be both mom and dad. I did okay.”

  “You did great.”

  “But it doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard, or that you should do what I did.”

  The thought of raising Lexi and Hannah by herself sent fear through River. They needed a father figure in their life—and she wanted it to be Ty.

  All at once, River understood her hesitation to open the door all the way for Ty to walk through. She’d never had a good example of a father figure in her own life. No dad in the home. And John had provided only monetarily.

  She wanted mental support, emotional support, spiritual support. She just didn’t know what it looked like, or how to take it.

  She covered her mouth with her hand as the tears came. “How do I tell Ty?” she whispered.

  Her mom gathered her into a hug. “Tell him what?”

  “That I need him?”

  Her mother cried with her, the words, “I don’t know, River Lee. I never could tell your father that, and everything might have been different if I’d been able to,” echoing in her head long after she’d calmed down, eaten, and gone to bed.

  Chapter 22

  River sat in the armchair that looked out her mother’s front window, the snow falling on the other side of the glass magical and depressing at the same time. At least Silver Creek had called all non-essential personnel and told them to stay home.

  Not that River had anything to do at her mother’s house. Nothing besides stare at the snow and wish Ty was coming to see her later, kiss her under the fat flakes as they drifted down. Unconsciously, she touched her fingertips to her lips, the ghost of his kiss still there, even after all these weeks.

  She sighed and leaned her head against the headrest, snuggling deeper into her hoodie. Now that she knew the problem—and that she had more than one—she wasn’t sure how to overcome it. And she couldn’t get in to see Dr. Fletcher for another week.

  She knew she could get over her fear of marrying again. She already wanted Ty in her life long-term, and she knew intellectually that he wasn’t John. Wouldn’t do what John had done.

  She was less sure she could make herself confess to Ty that she needed him. Even in her marriage to John, she’d taken care of everything. He never lifted a finger to clean anything. He’d come home late at night and make scrambled eggs and leave the pan for her to scrub in the morning.

  And she did it.

  She did the laundry, the dishes, the shopping, the bill paying. She alone took care of the kids, and if she had something that conflicted with her domestic duties, she hadn’t asked John for help.

  A blip of bitterness spread through her. No wonder her life hadn’t changed all that much when she’d found out about his infidelity. Sure, she worried about money more often, but not enough to cause her to get a job in Las Vegas. No, she hadn’t done that until she’d decided to move to Montana, and in truth, John’s child support and alimony was probably enough to pay for a house and the barest of their necessities.

  And River wanted more than that, the same way her mother had. A keen sense of exhaustion settled on River just thinking about her mother’s life. River had never given it much thought at all. She and her mother had been happy, had everything they needed, and River had never wondered about her father.

  At least not while growing up. She’d had a brief moment of longing when she’d gotten married, as she hadn’t had a father to walk her down the aisle. She still hadn’t thought to ask her mother about it.

  But the story had poured out last week, after River had admitted that she wanted a father for her girls. She wanted a husband for herself. An equal partner, something John never was.

  River’s mother had moved to Gold Valley with her parents the summer she was pregnant with River. She didn’t know it at the time, but when she found out, she contacted River’s father. Also a senior in high school, he wasn’t willing to move from Wyoming to Montana and become a father.

  Once River’s mother had decided to have the baby and then finish school, her parents had helped as much as possible.

  River didn’t remember them at all; they’d passed away from carbon monoxide poisoning when she was only four years old. Her mother had spoken of them often as River grew up; River had seen lots of pictures, but when she strained for any memories of them, they simply weren’t there.

  By then, River’s mother had graduated from high school, gotten a few years of training in the real estate market, and was able to support herself and River just fine. No man needed.

  You’re not your mother, River thought. It’s okay to want a companion that’s able to have intelligent conversations.

  She flipped her phone over, flirting with the idea of calling Ty right now. Instead, she closed her eyes and offered another prayer to know which path to take. Which call to make. And in the end, she heaved herself out of the armchair and went to leaf through a cookbook, deciding which cookie to bake.

  Days passed. Snow fell and fell and fell. Christmas lights winked through the fog that seemed perpetual in the valley. With only a handful of days until the holiday, River had finally checked everything off her to-do list.

  She’d mailed her presents to the girls. John had confirmed that he’d received them. She’d found the perfect pair of gloves for her mother. She’d given chocolate oranges to all her co-workers. She’d arranged to go to lunch with Jodi, where she planned to present the pair of fuzzy socks she’d bought for her friend.

  It had been eight weeks since she’d last spoken to Ty. She saw him every week on the left side of the chapel. He always arrived before her, and his gaze seemed drawn to her when she walked in. He’d waved that first time, but since then, he simply stared for a few seconds. A few long seconds that made River’s breath catch and her legs turn to lead. Then he dropped his gaze and hid his beautiful eyes beneath his cowboy hat.

  She pulled into her mother�
��s driveway, relieved she didn’t have to go to work for a few days. The girls would be home in ten days, and as far as River was concerned, they couldn’t pass fast enough.

  River stepped from the car at the same time a truck pulled up to the curb behind her. Her heart spit out an extra beat and she turned to hurry into the house.

  She reminded herself she wasn’t in Vegas anymore, and the person who had just pulled up was probably her mom’s boyfriend. She turned back to welcome Milton and came face to face with Ty.

  Her heart stopped completely now.

  Wearing jeans, a black leather jacket, and that delicious cowboy hat, River had no defense against him. She told herself she didn’t want a barrier between them and took a step in his direction.

  “Hey,” she said, thankful her voice didn’t break or pitch toward the heavens.

  Ty stood at the end of the driveway, his hands way down deep in his pockets. He’d pulled his cowboy hat down low and he watched River Lee as she continued taking slow steps toward him. He wanted to run to her, sweep her off her feet, and kiss her so completely she’d forget why she couldn’t be with him.

  She wore a pair of black slacks, heeled boots, and a blue coat that fell below her waist. He drank her in like a man who’d been in the desert for far too long. That white-blonde hair. The cold made her cheeks pinker than normal, accentuating her pale skin. She was so beautiful to Ty, and he fisted his hands to remind himself of his sister’s rules for this encounter.

  No kissing, he told himself firmly. In fact, he wasn’t even going to get close enough to River Lee to touch her, though he wanted to very badly.

  When she stood only ten feet away, he said, “I don’t want to spend Christmas without you.”

  A smile enhanced her beauty and erased the ache that had been staining Ty’s soul for the past two months.

  “Maybe we can get together sometime in the next few days,” he continued. “Dinner maybe?” He hoped his desperation didn’t carry in his voice. It sounded somewhat normal to him, and he couldn’t report back to Vienna that he’d begged. She’d expressly told him not to beg.

  “I’d like that,” River Lee said.

  Ty flashed a grin but erased it quickly. Vienna had coached him not to act too happy if River Lee agreed. He had to hold his cards close to the vest for a little while. If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure his heart would ever recover.

  She moved closer to him. Close enough for him to catch a whiff of her floral scent. He worked hard not to take a deep breath of her.

  “I wanted to tell you something,” he said. “But maybe you’d rather wait until we go out.”

  “Now’s fine.”

  “It’s mighty cold out here.” He fell back two steps, his breath hanging in the air between them. “I’ll talk to you on say, Friday? Dinner on Friday night?”

  A frown passed through her bright-as-the-sea eyes before she smiled. “Sure, Friday’s fine.”

  “Great. I’ll come pick you up about seven. Is that okay?” He turned halfway back to his truck like he had something much more pressing to get to. He did. Breathing. He couldn’t seem to get a proper lungful with River Lee so close, so close, so close.

  So close and talking to him to boot.

  “That’s fine.”

  He nodded, noting she’d said fine three times now, and escaped back to the safety of his truck. He fired up the engine and took off at what he hoped was a normal, neighborhood speed. He turned the corner and forced himself to drive another half a block. Then he pulled over and called his sister.

  “So?” she asked. “How did it go?”

  Ty finally allowed the joy he’d been holding back to penetrate his façade. A grin split his face. “I think it went real well.”

  “You asked her out?”

  “I suggested dinner on Friday. She agreed.”

  “So she talked to you? How did she seem?”

  Ty leaned his temple against the window. “She seemed…okay.”

  “Okay?” Vienna’s voice sharpened. “What does that mean?”

  “She looked tired. Stretched thin. It’s no wonder. Her kids have been gone for weeks, and it seems like she’s living at her mom’s again.” Ty’s mood darkened as he pictured River Lee. She had looked worn down, but that could’ve been because she’d had a long day at work. Not because she missed her girls—and him—with the fierceness of gravity.

  “What did she say?” Vienna asked.

  “She said fine a lot,” Ty said. “I’m kinda worried about that.”

  “You showed up at her place unannounced. She talked to you; that’s all that matters.”

  “It was her mom’s place.”

  “That just makes you more out of place,” Vienna said. “You have no reason to be in that neighborhood, so she knows you came specifically to talk to her.”

  “I did go specifically to talk to her.”

  “And she knows it.”

  Ty rubbed his forehead and reminded himself that he’d asked for Vienna’s help. She’d made him wait three weeks, and every day, every hour, every breath had felt laced with poison. But he’d waited. And now he’d gotten a date with the woman he couldn’t live without. His smile returned and even twenty more minutes of dissecting everything he’d said, where he’d kept his hands, what River Lee had looked like couldn’t erase his grin.

  Friday came, and Ty was suddenly made of all thumbs. He couldn’t seem to get the chores done the right way. He dropped a screwdriver into an engine after breakfast, and lost the keys to the administration lodge about mid-morning.

  His brain had completely abandoned him, putting him a foul mood. He located the keys and fished the tool out of the tractor before joining Caleb and Jace for lunch in the admin lodge. Miss Gloria, the matron of Horseshoe Home, had been making more food than even the cowboys could eat. She usually wept when she brought it over to the lodge, and Ty wasn’t sure he had it in him today to watch her wrestle with her emotions. His were suffocating him already.

  The transition of ownership had been emotional for everyone, Ty included. He’d be moving sometime in January, and taking on all the foreman responsibilities, and he didn’t know if he could do nearly as well as Jace had done for the cowboys.

  Gloria handed him a bowl of her famous beef stew, and Ty flashed her a grateful smile—right before he fumbled the bowl and dumped it all over himself. Some of it may have even splashed on Gloria.

  “Oh, boy.” Jace stepped next to where Ty stood frozen, thick broth dripping down his jeans. “Someone’s havin’ a rough day.”

  Ty thawed and accepted the napkins Gloria held toward him. He mopped himself up as best as he could, accepted another bowl of stew, and hurried back to his own cabin. Dinner couldn’t come fast enough.

  Chapter 23

  Ty stopped at the waterfalls, suddenly second-guessing everything about himself. Were his jeans dark enough? Should he have worn his coat instead of the leather jacket? If this was the right thing to do, why was his gut turning over and over and over?

  Vienna had texted just as he was leaving the ranch. Her Good luck! Call me when you get home message had meant the world to him.

  He sent a message to River Lee: Where should I pick you up? Are you staying at your mom’s?

  Yes, my mom’s came back in only a few seconds.

  When Ty arrived, River Lee opened the front door and glided down the front steps. Ty leapt from the truck and met her on the sidewalk. Vienna had given him specific instructions for this date too—no kissing until the drop-off. Ty wasn’t sure he could wait that long.

  “Hey, River Lee,” he said, unsure of the line between them. It felt like they’d just met for the first time, and there was definitely a boundary between them he didn’t want to cross.

  She beamed at him. “Where are we going?”

  “I thought we’d go to the steakhouse. Is that okay?”

  River Lee paused and peered up at him, an intensity in her eyes he missed. “Are you going to ask me all night if everything
is okay?”

  “No, ma’am,” he said automatically.

  She swatted his chest, and Ty took her playfulness as a good sign. “Do not call me ma’am.” She linked her arm through his and towed him with her around the truck. “I like the steakhouse just fine.”

  Ty opened her door for her but held onto her. “Are you going to use the word fine a lot tonight?”

  She blinked and then laughed. “I hope not.” She climbed into the truck and Ty went around to get in beside her.

  He didn’t back out of the driveway though. He gripped the steering wheel and said, “I don’t really care about what happened when we broke up.” He stared out the windshield at her mother’s garage door. “It’s all water under the bridge to me.” He finally turned his head and trained his eyes on her. “I love you, and I want to make it work.” He swallowed. “I didn’t mess things up too badly, did I?”

  River Lee’s throat worked and Ty saw the determination enter her face. She slid across the seat, positioned herself right next to him, and slid her fingers up his arm. “You didn’t mess anything up,” she whispered. “That was me.”

  Ty shook his head. “I told you I’d wait forever. It’s my fault for bein’ jealous of your girls.”

  “No.” Her touch on the back of his neck made him shiver, made River Lee smile despite the seriousness of their conversation. “You were right. I was hiding behind the girls.” She met his eye. “I need you, Ty. I want you. I love you.”

  Ty was going to have to apologize to Vienna, because he was going to kiss River Lee before they even left the driveway.

  And she let him. Kissed him back. Healed the hole that had been plaguing him for his entire life.

  River kissed Ty like her life depended on having her lips on his. By the time he broke their connection with a husky chuckle, the window behind him had fogged slightly. She snuggled into his side as he reset his cowboy hat and put the truck in reverse. She waited until they’d arrived at the steakhouse and been seated before she started her explanation. Ty listened to her childhood story about her absent father and how she’d been afraid to admit she wanted and needed a man in her life.