Talk to Me

by D K Sutton

  “Because I’ve never seen you this preoccupied over anything unless it’s work. You telling me it’s a guy tells me all I need to know.”

  I shook my head, trying to ignore the big smile on her face. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “No, you can’t change your mind,” she said. “I have to know who this guy is that has enchanted my sweet but always unavailable brother.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means you go through men like I go through underwear.”

  “Can we not talk about your underwear? Gross.”

  “Fine then, socks. You go through men like I go through socks. Better?”

  “Marginally.” I glanced around to make sure no one else could hear us. “His name is Chase.”

  “Wait… Is this the guy that you are always trying to beat for customer service rep?”

  “Forget it.”

  She grabbed my hand to keep me from moving. “No, don’t go anywhere. Talk to me. I’ve been waiting for this moment since you stole my boyfriend junior year.”

  “I gave him back.”

  “Stop stalling and talk.”

  I needed to talk to someone, and it was getting increasingly harder to talk to Dylan about this. And although Carole might rib me about it for the rest of my life, I could trust her. She had always been there for me. She encouraged me at fifteen to come out to mom and dad. I’d been terrified, but she assured me it would be okay. And it was.

  She’d been tall for her age. Taller than all the other boys. She always threatened anyone who even thought about making fun of me. And while as a kid I didn’t really appreciate that support, as an adult I recognized how awesome it was to have her on my side.

  “At first,” I said, “I just wanted to figure out how he always got the top customer rep when he was so antisocial toward everyone in the office. I just couldn’t figure it out. What was so great about this guy? And then we were thrown together on a project, and I got to know him better.” I didn’t mention using her husband, Howard’s, account to call Chase. She would be disappointed in me.

  “What changed?”

  I kicked at the grass, thinking about how to answer that. “I saw a whole new side of him. He’s an introvert, so the complete opposite of me, but that’s what makes him interesting. When he lets me see the real him, it’s like he’s giving me something special.”

  “Are you in love with this guy?”

  I looked up at her, startled by her question. “I barely know him. But there is something about him.”

  “Way to avoid the question. Does he know you’re interested?”

  I laughed at that. “I’m not even sure he knows I’m gay.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “It’s not like I broadcast it at work. And the first time I saw him… He has this long beautiful hair. Let’s just say he thinks I thought he was a girl.”

  “Did you think he was a girl?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe for a second. But then my eyes wandered past the hair to those muscular thighs and that ass. I knew he was a guy before he turned around. What shocked me was the pure look of contempt on his face. It was like he knew me and already hated me. I stepped back and pretended I made a mistake. It seemed easier that way.”

  “Are you going to tell him you’re gay?”

  “We’re no longer on speaking terms. So, I’m not sure what the point would be. I don’t even know what I did wrong to piss him off.”

  “Do you want my advice?”

  “Does it matter?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “Okay give me your brilliant assessment.”

  “My advice is don’t give up,” Carole said. “I haven’t seen you this interested in anyone in a very long time. You deserve to be happy, Mac. All your life you’ve gone from one guy to the next, never wanting to settle down. I’m not sure what that’s about, but for you to finally be interested in someone for more than just hooking up, that guy must be special. Don’t give up on him.”

  “Thanks, sis,” I said.

  “No problem. You can return the favor by helping me set up the slip and slide to keep the kiddos entertained.”

  It was a relief to have confided in someone, but her words haunted me. What if Chase and I did get together? Would I panic and end up hurting him? I’ve never wanted to settle down, and Chase wasn’t the type to just hook up. Would there be any future for us? I wasn’t sure but the thing was…this was the first time I really wanted to try.

  ~~~

  This might be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done, and I’ve done plenty of stupid things. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get my brain to think logically. Maybe if I did that, if I thought hard enough, I could talk myself out of this crazy idea. It had been a week since I last spoke to Chase. I had tried. But every time I got close to him, Chase turned and walked the other way, pretending he didn’t even see me. We’d had another meeting to present our proposal to management. Chase hadn’t even looked at me. And when they’d teamed us together to troubleshoot the challenges management had brought up, Chase made sure he was with Amica. That should’ve been the end of it. It was clear that Chase was not interested in me, even as a friend. It was obvious that I’d done something, said something, that alienated him. I’d told myself I just needed to know what I’d done, but that wasn’t the reason. I had a taste of what it was like to be friends with Chase, to have that connection to him, and I wanted more of that. And if I was completely honest with myself, I wanted more than friendship. I wanted to hold him, to run my fingers through all that glorious hair. To pull him into a kiss and wipe all his fears away.

  Chase could be both acidic and sweet and one without the other wasn’t working for me anymore. I wanted the whole package. But I wasn’t getting either, right now. I was getting the silent treatment. I’d even be okay with Chase bitching me out some more. Which was why I was desperate enough to do something I should not be doing. Something that could actually cost me my job.

  I wanted to talk to Chase again and the only way I could do that was by calling him again using my brother-in-law’s name. The first time had been less risky because I hadn’t talked to Chase much so there wasn’t much of a chance he would recognize my voice. Even if he had thought it sounded like me, he wouldn’t have believed it.

  We’d talked for hours that night. Chase would probably recognize my voice this time. And if he did, he would assume I was harassing him. There was a chance he would go to his boss and complain about me. This would not end well for me and that was the absolute reason I couldn’t do it. No matter how much I wanted to. Yet I couldn’t stop my fingers from dialing the number.

  The first time I called, it went to someone else. That only happened if the person was on a call or on a BRB. Chase had already taken his afternoon break. I felt like a stalker. This was a sign that I was doing something I shouldn’t. I waited ten minutes and ignored the sign.

  “Thank you for calling Cox Communications. This is Chase. How can I help you?”

  The sweetness of his voice, the intimacy of hearing it in my ear, as if Chase was whispering to me, caught me off guard. My mouth was so dry I had to take a drink of my water.

  “Hello is there anyone there?”

  “Yes,” I said, taking a calming breath. “Sorry, yes this is Howard Hernandez. I called before. I’m having trouble with my Internet.” I tried to keep my voice as low as possible so Chase wouldn’t recognize it. I wasn’t sure it was working but so far, he hadn’t bitched me out. I’d take that as a win.

  “Okay, I can help with that. What’s your account number?”

  I rattled off Howard’s information and waited for Chase to bring up the notes from his last call. As long as Howard never actually had trouble with his Internet, I’d be fine.

  “Oh,” he said, clearing his throat. “I remember you. Have you checked that it’s not on airplane mode?” There was amusement in his voice.

  “First thing I did.” I laug
hed nervously. Chase must think I’m an idiot. Which I obviously was.

  “Are you having trouble connecting to your laptop or your phone?”

  “I can’t connect to either.” My heart pounded so loud I was afraid he could hear it. I was such an idiot, but I had the answer to my question. It was definitely worth it. Chase’s voice softened as he troubleshooted the Internet connection problem with me, like he was enjoying the conversation. That was probably all in my head, but I’d take what I could get.

  “Okay, Mr. Hernandez…”

  “Mac.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You can call me Mac.”

  “Mac,” he said, his voice sounding a little shy. “Now turn your laptop back on.”

  The way he said my nickname sent inappropriate signals to my cock. Now was not the time to get an erection. My body disagreed. Chase whispering things in my ear, even though they were computer-related, or maybe because they were computer-related had me hard in an instant. I was definitely going to get myself fired. And why was I giving him so much information? But did it matter? Chase was never planning on talking to me again. Maybe this was all I’d ever get.

  “Is it working?”

  Yes. “No,” I said.

  “Are the lights on your router lit up?”

  “Which one is the router again?” I could tell Chase was fighting back a comment, re-evaluating how much his customer knew. We got people like this all the time. They just didn’t understand the difference between a router and modem or technology in general. Of course, I wasn’t one of those people. I just needed Chase to think I was.

  “Your modem is what you get from us,” he said patiently. “And your router is what sends out your Wi-Fi signal.”

  “Oh, okay. So it’s the tall thingy? I don’t see any lights.”

  “Wait,” Chase said, his voice wary. “I thought we checked that it was turned on.”

  “It was,” I said. Shit. I didn’t need him getting suspicious. Why was I dragging it out, anyway? He’d fixed my “problem.” I just wanted a few more minutes with him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to sound apologetic. “I think I stepped on the surge protector and shut if off again. I turned it back on. The lights are flashing now.”

  “It may take a few minutes for your Wi-Fi to connect.”

  “Do you like your job, Chase?”

  “What?”

  “Well, you said we had a few minutes. Do you like your job?”

  “I do. I like helping people. Technology can be frustrating to some. And I know what it’s like to be frustrated.”

  “You’re very good at your job.” I couldn’t believe he was sharing so much with me. Would he be this open if he knew it was me? Definitely not.

  “Thank you, Mac. Is your Wi-Fi working now?”

  “Let me check.” I waited a few seconds. “Yep, Google comes up now. Thanks.”

  “Any time. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

  That was my cue to end the call, but I just didn’t want to.

  “I have a question about the different cable packages. I’m thinking of changing mine to the next level.” I knew Chase wouldn’t let it go on for too long. We were encouraged to get calls completed within fifteen minutes, especially if the problem was already fixed. “Can I get NFL Redzone with that?”

  “Yes, absolutely,” he said. “I can connect you to our cable representatives if you want more information. They would know more than I would.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “Whatever you know is fine. I mean I can always look it up, right?”

  “Yes. You can go to our website and check that out.”

  “Now that I have my Wi-Fi working?”

  “Yes,” Chase said with a laugh. “Now that your modem is plugged in and you’re not on airplane mode, you should be fine. It just makes me wonder what issue you’ll be having next week.”

  Fuck. I was caught. But I didn’t think he knew it was me. “Is it that obvious?” I asked.

  “I do have people who are clueless about technology, but not often do I have the same person calling back for totally different reasons that they could’ve easily troubleshooted for themselves.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I just like the sound of your voice.”

  “Thank you,” Chase said, “But it’s probably not a good idea to call back unless you are actually having a problem.”

  “Maybe we could meet?” Why had I said that? It wasn’t like we could really meet. I just got carried away.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re a nice guy but that’s totally against the rules, and I like my job as I said, and I’d like to keep it.”

  “Right. Sorry. That was stupid. Very unprofessional of me.”

  “It’s fine. I’m the one who has to be professional here, not you.”

  Later after I’d gone to bed, I replayed every word he said. Was Chase flirting with me? Part of me enjoyed it and another part, the insane part, was jealous that he would flirt with a customer. I was a mess and it was all Chase Corrigan’s fault.

  CHAPTER 10

  CHASE

  I LATHERED MYSELF UP WITH SPF 50 SUNSCREEN. I burned easily, the curse of fair skin, and I wasn’t taking that chance. Swimming wasn’t on the list of my favorite things to do, but hanging out with Sunny and her family, was at the top, especially my nieces. I stretched out in the lounge chairs next to my sister while her husband, Brad, and the girls splashed around in the water.

  “You look sullen today.”

  “I was going for aloof.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “No.” I put my sunglasses on and pretended to bask in the sun without a care in the world. She didn’t buy it. I never could fool her.

  When she didn’t respond, I glanced over at her. She was watching me closely. Waiting for me to break.

  “Okay, fine.” I took my sunglasses off and sat up. I moved closer so we could talk without anyone else listening. Not that anyone there cared. They were enjoying the sun and water. Not pouting over a guy. “He’s tried to talk to me a few times, but I just walked away.” I’d already told her all about the little fiasco with the team meeting and Max’s views on anxiety. She sympathized with me. She hated Cameron as much as I did. Possibly even more.

  “Is he harassing you?”

  “No. He stopped after that. I think he gave up.”

  “Maybe you should give him a chance, Chase.”

  “Why?”

  “Friendship,” she said. “Maybe more.”

  “I already have enough friends.” Hopefully, she wouldn’t challenge me on that one. Besides family, Amica was my only real friend. “As for more, I don’t even know if he’s gay.”

  “Really?” she said, her eyebrows raised. “You can’t tell by the way he looks at you? Or the way he talks to you? It’s not obvious?”

  I sighed. “He’s interested, I think. It feels like he is anyway, but he’s never said he was gay…”

  “Does he need to?”

  “I can’t go through that all over again, Sunny.” I looked down, hiding behind my hair. I hated being so emotional all the time. I’d thought about this already. In fact, it was all I’d been thinking about for the last week. I was tired of thinking about Max, and definitely tired of thinking about Cameron and remembering the old pain. I figured my brain was just reminding me what a big mistake it would be to go down that road again.

  But then the phone call from the customer on Friday popped in my mind. Talk to him. Laughing with him. The guy was flirting with me. No doubt. And it made me feel special, wanted. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. What about Max? My unhelpful brain supplied that thought, and I ignored it.

  I appreciated my family and Amica, but I missed the intimacy of being in a relationship. People often thought introverts wanted to be by themselves all the time. And while that was true to some extent—my energy came from being alone, being able to process my thoughts—I still craved that intimacy, connect
ions with other people. When had I gotten so lonely?

  “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “No.”

  She touched my hand and then tilted my face up and brushed back my hair. “Come on, little bro,” she said. “Tell your big sis all about it.”

  I smiled at that. “It was only four minutes.” She shrugged but didn’t back down.

  “I had this call from a customer. And it was weird and wonderful all at the same time.”

  “Really? That sounds interesting.”

  “He was flirting with me, and he had this husky voice. It seemed to get deeper the more I talked to him and he had this laugh.” I shook my head. What did it matter anyway?

  “And it made you feel…” she prompted.

  “Yes,” I said. “Exactly. It made me feel.”

  She pulled me into a hug. I tried to blink away my tears, but it was no use.

  “When did I stop feeling?”

  “You were just protecting yourself, Chase.” She pulled away, tucking my hair behind my ears. She reached for my sunglasses and handed them to me to put on. “But you don’t need protection anymore. You’ve got this.”

  “Possibly.”

  “Are you going to go out with him?”

  “Who? Max?”

  “No, the customer.”

  I stared at her in shock. Was she crazy? “I can’t go out with a customer. It’s unethical. And I could lose my job.”

  “Details.”

  “I do think it’s time to put myself back out there. I don’t want to be alone all my life.”

  She hugged me again and kissed my forehead like I was one of her kids.

  “You’re right,” she said. “And you might get hurt again, but it’s worth it, Chase. So worth it, when you find the person you’re meant to be with.”

  “What if I don’t believe in that soul mate, happily ever after, crap?”

  “Well, then just find that guy who makes you happy for right now. But you can’t fool me. I know you believe in all that crap. Cameron just wasn’t the right guy for you.”

  “I’m not sure Max is either,” I said. I wasn’t sure what to do.