Talk to Me

by D K Sutton

  “Well, you’ll never know unless you try.” She winked at me, before getting up and jumping into the pool, splashing around with her husband and her babies.

  That was what I wanted. A family of my own. A person of my own. Maybe I should give Max another chance. Just based on the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about him this whole week and the only time he was out of my thoughts was when the guy on the phone flirted with me. I just wouldn’t let things go as far as they did with Cameron. The first sign that Max couldn’t deal with my anxiety, that he wanted me to be someone else other than who I was, it would be over.

  And that was probably what I was afraid of most. What if I got further in and Max showed his true colors? Would I be able to recover from that? I shook those thoughts away. That kind of thinking is why I was still alone after two years. I was going to take a chance on Max. I had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, Max was worth it.

  ~~~

  Taking that first step wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Mostly because Max gave up trying to talk to me. While I appreciated his restraint, his acknowledgment of my wishes, it made everything harder. Because now I had to be the one to initiate contact. Talking to people, even those I wanted to talk to, was not my strong suit. I was already nervous. What if Max decided he just couldn’t deal with the ups and downs of my moods? What if he was no longer interested? As I entered the lunchroom, I saw Max getting up to leave. My call had run late, right through the lunch hour. I was thankful that I could even squeeze it in before two o’clock. Sometimes that happened and my blood sugar went a little low. I kept snacks in my desk just for those occasions.

  As Max approached me, I wasn’t sure he was even going to look up at me. But at the last second as if he couldn’t help himself, Max glanced up and I smiled at him.

  “Hello, Max,” I said as we were passing each other.

  His mouth fell wide open and he stumbled. After he was already past me, he said, “Hey, Chase.” I resisted the urge to watch him walk out of the lunchroom.

  There weren’t many people still eating. The few people I did have lunch with had already gone. I didn’t mind eating by myself. It gave me time to think about Max and the startled look on his face. We had another planning meeting this afternoon, and I couldn’t wait.

  When I entered the room for the meeting, Max and Jon were already sitting together talking. I flexed my hands. It was time for me to be brave. I took a deep breath, encouraged by the smile Max gave me when he saw me. I lifted my hand in greeting and made my way over to the pair.

  “Hey, Jon?” I said. “Do you mind if I team up with Max today? I have a few ideas I want to run by him.”

  “No, that’s fine.”

  At that moment, Amica walked in.

  “There’s my new partner,” he said as he made his way over to her. She glanced at him and then at us and smiled. She waved before taking a seat.

  Now that we were basically alone, it was awkward.

  “I um…” Max started and then cleared his throat.

  I sat down beside him and smiled patiently, letting him take whatever time he needed to get out whatever it was he wanted to say. He seemed to debate with himself for a moment and then he said, “I’m sorry, Chase.”

  “I appreciate that Max.” I bit my lip for a second, thinking. “What are you sorry for?”

  Max closed his eyes as if dreading the question. When he opened them again, he shook his head. “Honestly? I don’t know. But something I did or something I said bothered you, and I never wanted to bother you or hurt you so I’m sorry that it did.” He finished, rolling his eyes at his stuttering.

  I laughed. “It’s okay, Max. Honestly, I think I overreacted. A bit. Maybe.”

  “Can I ask…?”

  “Please don’t. Let’s just start over.” I held out my hand. “Hi. I’m Chase. I’m a Pisces. And I get nervous when I talk to other people.”

  Max shook my hand, a smile on his face. “Hi. I’m Max,” he said. “I love people. I’m a bit loud, I can be very competitive, and I think about you all the time.”

  My breath caught in my throat. Max thought about me?

  “I’m sorry, that was too soon. I don’t know why I said that. It’s true, though. It seems like all I’m going to do is keep apologizing, so I might as well establish right now that I fuck up. A lot. I try not to, but it just happens.”

  The man was charming as hell, and I wanted to just eat him up. This was probably going to end badly. Getting hurt seemed to be inevitable and yet at that moment with Max smiling at me and still holding my hand, the electricity sizzling between us, I wasn’t sure I cared.

  “I think I need my hand back,” I said.

  “Of course. I’m sorry.”

  I laughed again. “You don’t have to keep apologizing. It’s just that Ben is watching us, and inter-office fraternization is frowned upon.”

  “Is that what we’re doing?” Max asked. “Fraternizing?” He released my hand, but his fingers brushed against mine softly.

  The gesture was so intimate, erotic, that I had to shift in my seat. Thankfully, there was a table between us.

  “Everything all right here, guys?” Ben came over to personally handle the situation. At least, we were no longer shaking hands.

  “Yes, it’s fine.” I smiled up at my supervisor. “We were just talking about the positive and negatives of mentoring during a call versus role-playing. Max was telling me that statistics show that people learn in different ways and some people are visual learners, some people are auditory learners, and some are kinesthetic learners.”

  “So, we really need to tailor our mentoring program towards each individual,” Max finished.

  Years and years of getting away with stuff must’ve been the reason Max was able to keep his cool. At least, that was what I assumed.

  “Okay, it sounds like you guys have it under control. I’ll leave you to it.”

  “Wow that was some quick thinking,” Max said.

  “I’m quick on my feet.”

  “Only your feet?”

  I did not take the bait. I was already having a hard time concentrating with my body reacting to Max being so near. “Let’s just get to work.”

  “Yes, before Ben thinks we need to be separated.”

  I almost giggled at that. I was never the troublemaker, but I had to admit, it felt good.

  We worked on the project for the next hour and a half. Max had a lot of good ideas. He was very intelligent, and we worked well together. Even if we did nothing more than this, it was worth it. But I wanted more. So much more.

  As we left the meeting, Max checked that no one, especially Ben, was paying attention. He then grabbed my hand and pulled me into a supply closet nearby.

  “Are we going to make out?” I asked before I could think about it. I had no idea why I said it. I certainly wasn’t making a suggestion. It was too soon for that.

  “What? No. I mean unless you want to…”

  “Then what’s on your mind, Max?”

  “Oh, I, well…” He looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. This nervous side of him was very attractive. What happened to that confident guy from just a few weeks ago?

  Max took a deep breath. “I’m messing this up so much,” he said, shaking his head. He looked up at me, his gaze intent. “Have dinner with me tonight?”

  Max was still holding my hand. The intimacy of the touch made it hard to breathe. I imagined what it would be like to do more, to be more with Max. I had to shut down those thoughts. Max waited for my answer, his face already falling like he knew my answer.

  “Yes, Max,” I said. “I would love to.”

  “Great!” His face lit up and I wanted to always be the one to put that smile there. “How about if I pick you up at seven? You think about where you want to go.”

  I pulled my hand free and his smile faltered. I grinned at him as I reached in my bag to pull out my gel pen. Taking his hand again, I wrote my address on his arm.

 
“See you then,” I said. As I walked out, excitement zipped through me. It was an unusual and addictive feeling. It wasn’t until I reached my desk that I remembered I would have to decide on dinner. Decisions made me crazy. What if I picked the wrong thing? What if I picked something Max didn’t want to do? Were we going to a nice place or somewhere casual? This would haunt me the rest of the day.

  Then I remembered the feel of Max’s hand in mine. His eyes watching me as if I was the most important one in the room. The smile on his face and his adorable nervousness. And I thought about how much I really, really wanted to kiss him.

  CHAPTER 11

  MAX

  MY CONCENTRATION AT WORK WAS SHOT. The thought of spending time with Chase had my pulse racing, but the fear that I would once again fuck this up kept my stomach in knots. If I knew what happened the first time, it would have eased my mind. I would just not do it again. My customers definitely didn’t get the service they deserved, but I couldn’t find the strength to care. At one point, Dylan rolled his chair over and took ahold of my arm, which I’d been staring at for the last ten minutes. He read the address written in Chase’s sloppy writing and shook his head.

  “I’m worried about you,” he said.

  ‘Why? It’s just dinner. I can handle it.”

  “I’ve never seen you like this, Max. If this goes wrong, you’ll be devastated.”

  “What makes you say that? And I’m offended you think I’ll mess this up.”

  “A—you’ve been moping for the last two weeks after a work meeting went wrong.” He held up his hands counting off his points. I didn’t mention the fact that he was mixing his letters and numbers. “And B,” he said, holding up his second finger. “You’re not the one I’m worrying about.”

  That made me even more nervous. Did he think Chase would do something? What if this was an elaborate plan of Chase’s to get revenge. Okay, that was ridiculous.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Being in a relationship with someone with anxiety can be challenging. You have to understand how best to help them and realize that sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do.”

  “I know.” I sometimes forgot that Sadie suffered from anxiety. It didn’t usually affect anything we did together because she was more comfortable around me, and if she was worried about something, she wouldn’t necessarily say anything to me.

  “No. You don’t know, Max. Not unless you live it.”

  “It’s only dinner.”

  “We both know that’s not true. And if it is, then you should just cancel. Chase isn’t a casual type of guy, Max. You’re either in it or you aren’t.”

  “I’m in.”

  “I had no doubt.” He smiled briefly. “Sometimes things just don’t work out. I don’t want to see Chase hurt. But I don’t want to see you hurt, either.”

  “I’ve got this.”

  But he had reason to be concerned. I’d been a mess these last few weeks with Chase refusing to talk to me. Getting to know him, really getting to know him, and then losing him, might be devastating.

  I had no idea where Chase would want to eat, but I wanted to look good for him. Show him I was serious about this. About us. Throughout the drive to his place, I used calming techniques I’d learned from Dylan. If I was a nervous wreck, it would spike Chase’s anxiety. But I wouldn’t be able to contain my excitement at being on a date with him. It was a date, right? I wasn’t going to worry about that right now. I’d let Chase set the pace.

  I picked him up at his apartment. I’d texted him to let him know what time I’d be there. He was waiting out front. I figured he didn’t want the awkwardness of having me in his apartment. Hell, I was surprised he let me pick him up. I thought he’d want to have his own vehicle.

  “Hey, Max,” Chase said, his voice slightly breathless. “You look nice.”

  “So do you,” I said, smiling at him. It was an understatement. The man was gorgeous in a blue-green shirt, which brought out the blue in his eyes, and tapered black pants and his black boots. He was sexy as hell, and I wanted to take him home and ravish him. Too soon for that. I should really find out if it was a date first. “Where to?”

  Chase’s smile faltered. He swallowed and looked away. “I’m not sure…”

  “I have a couple of ideas,” I said, glad I was prepared. Dylan had mentioned making decisions was not always an easy thing to do when you had anxiety. I named off three places I thought Chase would like.

  He smiled gratefully. “I love Italian food so I’m good with Santinos off of Third Street. I’ve heard they have good food.”

  “Perfect.” I started the car and we headed into the traffic. Rush hour had almost passed, but it was still busy. I was disappointed I couldn’t stare at him like I wanted to do. When I did glance at him, he was either staring forward with a grin on his face or watching me. I winked at him at one point and his cheeks pinkened. I loved that his skin was so responsive. It gave me ideas I didn’t need sitting this close to him.

  We chatted about work a little, and Chase talked about his nieces and their dance recital this coming weekend. His voice was full of love for them and it did things to my heart.

  At the restaurant, he struggled over what to order. I gave him plenty of time. I told him a few of my favorite dishes. He finally ordered the manicotti, and I ordered shrimp alfredo. I asked him a head of time if he had any allergies. I really wanted to kiss him later if I got the chance, and I didn’t want something like allergies to get in the way.

  “I’m sorry,” Chase said after we ordered. “I have anxiety. I’m sure you already know that. It’s frustrating, but it’s not going away so…” He shrugged.

  The moment felt important, like Chase put it out there to see how I’d react. To give me a chance to back out now. “I know someone with anxiety, so I have some experience with it,” I said, hoping that was the right thing to say.

  “Toby?” Chase said quietly.

  I laughed. How did he know I had a dog? “Yeah, you’re right, Toby does have anxiety. But I was actually talking about Sadie, Dylan’s girlfriend.”

  “Does she have generalized anxiety?”

  “I think it’s more of a social anxiety. She really doesn’t like crowds. I’ve learned a lot from just being around her.”

  My phone rang and I knew who it was before I even looked at the screen. I sighed and gave Chase an apologetic smile.

  “Hello, Janice.” I could have recited her words verbatim. It was always the same. Toby heard footsteps and was freaking out. I’d given him an anxiety pill before I’d left. “Put him on,” I said. “Toby would you please just chill? No one’s out to hurt you.” Nothing I said made a difference. I ended the call and glanced over at Chase. I didn’t want to end our evening, but I needed to take care of Toby. Chase was quiet, and it reminded me of the last time I had to leave him. That was also after a call about Toby. Maybe Chase didn’t like the fact that our time was being interrupted. He didn’t seem like he was that self-centered. But what else could it be? Did he think he wasn’t important to me? Which was utterly ridiculous.

  “Chase would you mind if we got our food to go? I have something I need to take care of at home.”

  “Sure.” Chase looked even more upset as he avoided looking at me.

  I immediately realized my mistake. “Let me be clear,” I said. “I don’t want our time to end, but there’s something I have to take care of, and I was hoping you would go with me.”

  “You want me to go with you to your home?”

  “Yes, I know that might be weird for you and if you’re uncomfortable at all…”

  “No, it’s fine, Max. I’d love to go home with you.” He blushed at that. “I mean…”

  I laughed again, taking his hand. “I know what you mean. And if you want to leave at any point just let me know, and I’ll take you home.”

  We drove back to my apartment. I’d been upset with Toby for messing up my date, but now Chase was going to be in my home. I’d have t
o give Toby an extra treat.

  As soon as we opened the door, Toby rushed over to Chase, barking at him like the man was a serial killer. I shook my head. Crazy dog.

  “Toby, stop. This is Chase. He’s a friend.”

  Chase leaned down, letting the dog sniff his hand. Toby stopped barking, and I picked him up, scratching his head.

  “Toby is a dog.” Chase stared at me as if reassessing everything he knew.

  “Of course. What did you think?”

  “Never mind,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”

  I thought back to the first night I’d had to leave Chase and then tonight.

  “You thought I was talking to a person? Someone with anxiety?” The things I’d said to Toby…no wonder he didn’t want anything to do with me. God, I was an idiot. “My neighbor calls me anytime Toby gets anxious. Usually we have this structure to our day. I go to work and come home. If I break that routine, it upsets him. He starts freaking out, and my neighbor comes over and calls me. She holds the phone up to the door so he can hear my voice. It doesn’t really matter what I say to him. Just hearing my voice helps him. Still, some of the things I said were insensitive. I’m sorry, Chase. No wonder you hated me.”

  “I didn’t hate you.” He scratched behind Toby’s ears, not looking at me, as he took a deep breath. “I had a boyfriend who didn’t always do well with anxiety.”

  “How long were you together?”

  “Two years.”

  “That’s a long time. Can I ask why you guys broke up? Did he cheat on you?”

  “I wish.”

  “You wish your boyfriend had cheated on you?”

  “It would be easier to explain, I guess.” He shrugged, as he glanced up at me. “I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

  I put Toby down and held up the to-go boxes. “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving,” he said with a laugh.

  “Want to watch a movie while we eat?”

  “Sure. But why don’t you choose? I’m decided out.”

  I gave Toby some food so he wouldn’t bother us. We ate while we watched a comedy that was just released. I definitely picked the right movie because I loved listening to Chase laugh. He didn’t laugh often enough, and I knew in that moment, I would do everything I could to get him to laugh more.