“Just like that,” I said, nodding, amused to see she wasn’t upset at all.
“Okay,” Ronny said, sitting back, smiling happily. “They’re fun. And they’ve got a dog!”
I smiled as well, unable to help how tinged with sadness the expression was. I was relieved she wasn’t upset, but at the same time, it was hard to accept the fact that my baby was growing up and didn’t need me as much anymore.
I supposed it was only a matter of time before she started to take after me. I had always been an independent kid, and I had seen flashes of that in Ronny already. She had never cried as much as other babies seemed to. She had always wanted to learn how to do things on her own, from tying her own shoes to making her own toast.
Still, it was a bittersweet moment and got me thinking about how much I would miss if things continued along this track. If I kept leaving her for business trips, how much more independent would she get? Was I ready for that?
There was no going back now, though. This was the reality of our situation, and the only thing I could do was accept it. Still, I climbed up to sit next to her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her and snuggling close as I watched the cartoon on the screen with her. For at least a little while longer, she was still my baby girl. I would take those moments for as long as I could get them.
Chapter 9
Wes
I settled into my seat on Devin’s private jet, luxuriating in how comfortable the oversized seat was. This was way better than flying commercial, I had to admit. It was my first time on a private jet, and I found myself wondering what it would be like to be rich enough to have one of my own.
One of the things I liked about Devin, though, was the fact that even though he had a ton of money, he never seemed pretentious. He had even been willing to go out fishing with me while he was there in Nebraska, and even though he hadn’t been much good at it and even though he had admitted that he didn’t particularly understand the point of it, at the same time, he was good-natured about it.
Maybe there wasn’t as much of a difference as I had always thought between people who were filthy rich and, you know, the rest of us. Or at least, maybe money wasn’t the only thing that made a difference there.
I glanced over, watching Rian and Devin chatting. Devin was asking Rian about the places she was planning to go once she was back in the city. They were laughing and joking, and it all seemed so… effortless. They had way more in common with one another than Rian and I had ever had. I felt jealousy well up inside of me again.
I knew it was foolish. I couldn’t have Rian. That just wasn’t to be. At the same time, though, I didn’t want to see anyone else with her, even if that man was my friend. I didn’t want to watch her flirting with someone else. Especially not if that man was handsome and rich and probably the best kind of guy for her.
It wasn’t like I could say anything about it, though. I suddenly wished that I had agreed when Rian tried to tell me that we didn’t need to both come to New York. It would have been so easy to agree with her and tell her to stay in Nebraska while Devin and I went to the city alone. But I knew the pitch would go ten times better with her at the forefront of it, and besides, she deserved to be the one making the pitch. She had put a lot of work into it, paying close attention to the details and fine-tuning everything.
She deserved to be the one to get a taste of success if—no, when—the board agreed to invest. I couldn’t deny her that, and especially not because I didn’t want her to spend more time around Devin than she already had.
Besides, I was counting on her being there with me in New York. I had always felt out of my depth there. I didn’t know where to go for dinner, I didn’t know what to do in between the meetings, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was out of place. I was counting on her to help me feel more like I belonged there, as silly as that sounded.
Now, though, I wondered whether she wouldn’t just spend all her free time with Devin. Another surge of jealousy rose up inside of me, but I pushed it aside. I had no right to feel possessive of her. I was her boss, nothing more. I couldn’t be anything more.
We finally landed at the airport, and Devin had a limo waiting there for us. He dropped us at a swanky hotel downtown, where his people had already made reservations for us. I had to admit I was impressed.
Rian looked impressed, too. “God, the check-in counter is bigger than the apartment I had when I lived here,” she joked.
I laughed. “Yeah, this is pretty crazy,” I said. We went up to our rooms, which happened to be right across the hall from one another.
“I guess we should freshen up,” Rian said, lingering in the hallway and staring questioningly at me. “What time did Devin say he was picking us up for dinner again?”
“Six,” I told her.
“Cool,” Rian said, still lingering, looking like she didn’t know what to say. I felt the same way. I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about all the things that could happen while we were on this business trip, if we both just gave in to the temptation. I knew we couldn’t do that, but holding myself back was so difficult at the same time.
“I guess I’ll see you in a little while,” I forced myself to say.
“Yeah,” Rian said, and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing as me. She certainly scurried quickly into her room at that point.
I headed into my own room, shutting the door deliberately behind me. I knew I couldn’t let myself do anything to her on this trip. It was enough that we’d fucked in my office. We couldn’t go there again. Still, as I got in the shower, the water cascading around me, I found myself thinking about her again, imagining her there in the shower with me, water tracing patterns across her silken skin.
I brought myself off in my hand, feeling dirty and dissatisfied. My hand did little to ease my desire for her. But I knew that making love to her wouldn’t be right. It couldn’t happen again.
I got out of the shower and toweled myself off, trying to put those thoughts out of my mind.
I couldn’t help feeling breathless a couple of hours later when I met Rian and Devin down in the lobby, however. Rian was wearing a slinky red dress with a low back, and she looked incredible. I didn’t think I had ever seen her dressed so sexily before, and it was all I could do not to launch myself at her.
As we headed to the restaurant and were seated at a quiet table at the back, I had to keep reminding myself not to stare at her. There was something about her tonight, though, and it wasn’t just the way she was dressed or the artful makeup making her eyes look brighter than usual. She belonged here, and there was something about watching her that just made me ache for her.
She was like a candle and I felt like a moth, drawn to her brilliant energy.
At dinner, Devin sprang for an expensive bottle of wine, and as I drank, trying to forget about my desire, I found that instead my thoughts turned distinctively naughty. We spent the early part of the evening talking business, but soon things became more casual. Rian started talking about our old business school rivalries, and Devin laughed his head off.
I found myself laughing just as much, even though looking back now, I couldn’t believe I had wasted all that time with her. What if things had been different? What if I hadn’t been blinded by the hopes that I had for my career and I had instead focused on Rian and how beautiful and smart and witty she was?
Things could have been so different. I felt a pang of sadness go through me at the thought.
There was no changing it now. There was no changing the fact that I hadn’t noticed what I had until it was gone. There was no changing the fact that I hadn’t called her when she’d disappeared like that, no changing the fact that I had just let her go like she didn’t matter to me at all.
There was no changing the fact that I was her boss now and that nothing could ever happen between us. No changing the fact that I could look but would never be allowed to touch again.
As I watched her and Devin laughing with one another, I faced t
he reality of the situation: that I was doomed to lose her again. I was going to have to watch as she went off with someone else. My thoughts turned melancholy, and even though I knew we were here to celebrate the fact that at least the initial pitch had gone well, that Devin liked our ideas and wanted to move forward with them, this weekend wasn’t going to end totally joyfully.
It just couldn’t. And there was nothing I could do about that.
Chapter 10
Rian
I had to admit, I liked the way the night was going. I knew the dress I was wearing was a bit risqué. It was worth it to see the way Wes’s eyes kept straying toward me. I could tell he was trying not to stare, but he wasn’t being totally successful at it. He wanted me. That was a heady feeling.
I knew nothing could happen between us. That I was playing with fire. At the same time, though, it felt good to know he wanted me, in spite of the way he had been so quick to tell me the other day that nothing could ever happen between us again.
I had to admit, it was equally affirming to get Devin laughing like that. So sue me—he was handsome and rich, and it was doing wonders for my confidence to have both of the guys laughing and grinning. We might be here for business, but I hoped to have a little fun as well. I was starting to realize just how little adult time I’d had since Ronny was born. While I loved cuddling on the couch with my daughter and watching cartoons, maybe I needed to look into having a babysitter every so often and maybe going out for drinks with Angie or things like that.
Devin’s laughter was interrupted as his phone started ringing. He answered it in a clipped tone, his face stormy before he’d even heard a word from the person on the other end. “I’ll be right there,” he barked into the phone after a moment. Wes and I exchanged glances, both of us wondering what was up.
Devin stood up. “Sorry, I have to go,” he sighed. “It’s a bit of an emergency.”
“Is everything all right?” I asked tentatively.
“I’ll be fine,” Devin said immediately, his tone grim. “But someone else won’t be. Enjoy the rest of dinner, and I’ll talk to both of you tomorrow.” He turned and left before either Wes or I could say anything else.
Wes and I exchanged another glance. What the hell had that meant? Devin would be all right, but someone else wouldn’t be? It was a side of the man I hadn’t seen so far, not that I knew him well. It made me wonder what kind of a businessman he really was. Was he truly the kind of man we wanted to tie our company with?
Suddenly, though, I realized the folly of my thoughts. “Our” company? It wasn’t my company at all. This decision was wholly up to Wes and what direction he wanted to take with the business. And clearly, he wanted to work with Devin. I was just along for the ride.
I had to wonder, though.
“Well,” Wes said brightly, “there’s no reason to let the rest of this wine go to waste.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “It’s an expensive vintage, you know.”
I laughed. “Yeah, when he ordered it, my eyes nearly bugged out of my skull,” I admitted.
“Mine too,” Wes said, chuckling. “I hoped no one noticed, because I definitely felt like a country bumpkin.” He leaned back, sipping at his glass. “I hope I’m not spoiling you when you’re so new to the company, but things aren’t usually like this. I mean, we do a fair business, but this is definitely one of the bigger investors that we’ve ever acquired.”
I grinned. “Yeah, this is pretty intense,” I said.
“But I guess you’re used to this kind of thing with the company you worked for in New York?” Wes added.
I shook my head, frowning. “To be honest, they never really… Well, there just wasn’t the same kind of recognition of the workers, I guess,” I said slowly. I didn’t want to throw the company under the bus, but at the same time, I wanted Wes to understand how much I appreciated his approach to the company. “If there was any wining and dining to be done,” I finally said, “it was the executives at the company who did it, even if they weren’t really involved with the project. I just gave a lot of presentations and things.”
“Huh,” Wes said, looking thoughtful. “That kind of sucks.”
I laughed. “Yeah, kind of,” I agreed. I was quiet for a moment. “I like that you’re involved in everything. You don’t micromanage either, though. It’s just, I don’t know. I like it.”
Wes flushed slightly—was that from the wine or from the compliment? He changed the topic of conversation back to college, and I let him. We polished off the rest of the second bottle of wine and then headed back to the hotel, which was only a short walk away.
It was good to be with Wes, I had to admit. I knew he was off-limits, but there was something about being with him that made me feel safe and somehow cared for. It was partly the attention he had lavished on me both of the times we’d had sex. It had seemed like he was watching out for me, like my pleasure was at least as important as his own.
But it was also things like this: as we walked back to the hotel and I suppressed a shiver, he slipped out of his jacket and wrapped it easily around my shoulders. It made me smile, remembering that same chivalry from that night in college. He had lent me his jacket then as well, and there was no expectation there. He was just a good guy.
It made me wonder why I hadn’t told him about Ronny. She could use such a gentle male influence in her life. I felt a pang of sadness and guilt, but I knew I couldn’t tell him about our daughter now.
We were walking past a speakeasy that I used to love on the rare nights out with coworkers. I had never stayed for long then, but tonight, I didn’t have to hurry home to Ronny.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing Wes’s arm and drawing him toward the door. Fortunately, the password was still the same, and we tumbled inside laughing.
“We definitely don’t have anything like this in Nebraska,” Wes said, looking around at the antique decorations.
I laughed. “That you know of,” I said teasingly. “Let’s get a drink. They do amazing cocktails.”
Again, I knew I was playing with fire, but shouldn’t I just enjoy this for as long as I could? Where was the harm, really?
We placed our drink orders and brought them over to a little table, standing there and sipping at them as we looked around the place. I couldn’t help the swaying of my hips. The jazz band that evening was on point, one of the better acts I’d heard in a while.
Wes was still staring at me, his eyes gone dark, and suddenly he set his drink down forcefully, as though he had reached some decision after an internal battle. “Would you like to dance?” he asked, his voice husky.
I stared at him in surprise. All he had asked was if I wanted to dance, nothing more, but I could feel my heart rate quicken. “Sure,” I said, unable to help the shyness that crept into my tone.
Wes captured my hand and all but dragged me out onto the dance floor. As he whirled me around, I felt even more surprised at what a good dancer he was. We flowed together, Wes’s body moving at least as smoothly and sexily as it did in bed. Or in his office, with me up on his desk.
I could feel myself getting turned on, and as the band switched to a slow and sensual song, I couldn’t help wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. We moved easily through the room, and I found myself holding my breath. The moment was as fragile as spun glass, and I would do anything to make it last.
It was bound to shatter, but I tried not to think about that now. I tried to focus on every sensation, knowing I would be replaying this back over and over again in my mind for the rest of my life.
This right here was about the best I had ever felt, second only to the way I had felt the first time I held Ronny in my arms. I looked up at Wes, meeting his gaze. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn’t tear myself away.
Chapter 11
Wes
We probably shouldn’t be doing this. I knew that, but I couldn’t seem to stop it once things were set in motion. I hadn’t been able to protest when Rian dragged me in here. And how
was I supposed to stop myself when I saw the way she was moving her hips, swaying to the music?
Maybe it was the wine talking, but she was the most enchanting thing I had ever seen.
Now, with her body pressed up against mine, I wouldn’t have been able to pull away if I had wanted to. The way she moved was hypnotic, and all I could think of was fucking her again. I knew I couldn’t, but that just made me want to all the more.
We danced until we were breathless. I knew the sensible thing to do would be to call it a night, to go back to our hotel and ensconce ourselves in our separate rooms. Pretend like there wasn’t this magnetic energy between the two of us.
At the same time, I was reluctant for the night to end. “Why don’t I grab us another round?” I heard myself saying, and from Rian’s all-too-eager nod, I could tell she felt the same way as me. She wanted to be here with me. Dressed in that sexy backless dress, her cheeks flushed from exertion. God. I couldn’t possibly want her more.
I went to the bar to grab the drinks while she went back to the table we had stood at before. I glanced back over my shoulder at her while I was waiting for our drinks to be ready. I frowned when I noticed some guy there talking to her. She was shaking her head, her whole body leaning away from the guy in a clear sign of disinterest. The guy didn’t take the hint, though.
Still, my attention was drawn back to the bartender as he set the drinks down in front of me. I paid and turned back toward Rian just in time to see the other guy grab Rian’s arm and pull her toward the dance floor. The guy stumbled slightly as he did so, and I could tell he was drunk, but I wasn’t about to cut him any slack on account of that. My protective instincts immediately kicked in, and I hurried over, just in time to hear Rian tell the guy that he was hurting her.
S is for Secret Baby Page 6
