Him

by Carey Heywood

  She yawns again before looking over at me and grinning. "Now that all that work stuff is out of the way, we are so going clubbing tonight."

  I wrinkle my nose. Clubbing? That’s always more her thing than mine, and I’m not sure if I had even packed anything dressy enough.

  She reads my mind. She has a way of doing that. "I have the perfect dress for you."

  Chapter 25

  Present

  I wake in Will's arms. The only time that has ever happened before is that day in the lounge chair by his parents’ pool. I think back to last night, his mouth on me and then my tears. I can't really explain why I cried. I’m only embarrassed that I did. I move to slip out of his grasp, only to feel his grip tighten.

  "You're not getting away this time, Sarah," he murmurs in my ear.

  "Aww. That’s sweet and all, but unless you're into golden showers you're going to wanna let me go to the bathroom."

  He squeezes tighter.

  "Will, if you make me pee in my big brother's bed I will never forgive you."

  "Where's the romance?" he grumbles, releasing me.

  "That kind of romance is only in movies, where people never use the bathroom or have morning breath," I shout, streaking to the bathroom.

  I'm heading back to the room now clad in a towel when I hear noise in the kitchen. I bite back a laugh when I see Will leaning over the kitchen sink, in his boxers, brushing his teeth.

  He shrugs at my expression. I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and lean on him. His back feels warm against my cheek. He rinses his mouth before turning to face me, his lips finding mine. A minty fresh tongue dips into my mouth, and I'm thankful I brushed my teeth while I was in the bathroom. His hands relieve me of my towel, and he lifts me onto their kitchen island.

  "This can't be sanitary," I tease as he comes to stand between my legs.

  In the morning light from the balcony door, I'm able to fully appreciate how much his body has changed since we were kids. He stills when my hands move to the waistband of his boxers. I know what he's thinking. I had said no sex, but last night changed something in me. If Will will have me, I know I will find any way to be in his life again.

  "I want you inside me," I plead.

  "I don’t have any condoms."

  "I have an implant."

  "Do what?" He pulls back, looking at me.

  "It's birth control implanted in my arm." I raise my arm and point to where it’s inserted.

  "Why?"

  "Don't laugh."

  He gives me a look.

  "Okay. So Sawyer, my best friend, is very much a free spirit. She could never remember to take the pill and had a couple of pregnancy scares. She needed a more long term solution but was too scared to do it by herself, so being a good friend and not wanting to ever have to read another pregnancy exam to her ever, I agreed to get one with her so she wouldn’t be alone."

  His finger traces the edge of the implant, his eyes intense. "So what you're saying," his hand moving between my thighs, "is we can be very spontaneous?"

  I nod, my breath catching. His lips crush mine as I tangle my fingers in his hair. Will lifts me, my legs wrapping around his waist, and carries me back to the bedroom. He lays me onto the bed, covering me, grinding his hips against mine. I moan, and he's gone. My eyes flutter open, and I watch as he takes off his boxers.

  "Are you sure?" he asks as he lies back down with me.

  I nod, my hands reaching for him.

  His lips are on my neck. "I want to hear you say it."

  I groan and lift his chin until his eyes meet mine. "Yes, I'm sure."

  His lips cut off anything else I’m about to say, and he slowly eases into me. His lips never stray far from mine as our bodies move together. If there was ever a doubt in my mind, it is gone now. I’m made for him, and he’s made for me. There will never be anything else for either of us.

  Now spent, we cling to each other. Will can't stop kissing me and trails his lips over the side of my face, lifting his head to look at me when I smile.

  I giggle. "Will, we just did it."

  He grins. "God, I love you."

  My face falls as I bury my face in his chest.

  His finger under my chin, he lifts my face to his. "Sarah, what's wrong?"

  I pull my lips into my mouth and bite them, my eyes watering. I shake my head.

  "Please tell me," he pleads, his eyes wide.

  I sniffle and close my eyes, trying not to cry. "I'm so sorry I left. I'm so sorry I did that to you. Please believe me."

  He puts his hands on either side of my face and gently kisses me. "Don't cry." Another kiss. "Please don't cry." Another kiss. "Please look at me." Another kiss. "We were so young." Another kiss. My eyes open to look into his wet ones. "You didn’t know." Another kiss. "We can't change the past." Another kiss. "We're together now." Another kiss. "I just want to make you happy."

  Tears stream down the sides of my face. Will looks panicked, and I pull his lips to mine. "I love you so much." Another kiss. "You make me happier than I have ever been." Another kiss.

  "Why are you crying?"

  "I don’t know. I feel like an emotional wreck. Are you sure you want all of this?"

  He brushes a tear from my cheek. "There is nothing I have ever wanted more."

  We kiss and hold each other until our empty stomachs protest. Wearing Will's undershirt, I blush when I see the kitchen island. As Will starts the coffee maker, I discretely wipe down the island top. I see him watching me out of the corner of his eye, and I walk up behind him to lean on him. He's wearing his boxers. My arms wrap around his waist, and he puts his arms over them, holding me in an embrace. I rest my cheek on his shoulder blade and listen to his heart beat. He lifts one hand from mine and opens the cabinet above the coffee maker.

  "Frosted Mini Wheats or Lucky Charms?"

  "Are you sure they have milk?" I ask, hopeful.

  He turns, and I move with him so he can open the fridge. He hums as he reads the expiration date.

  "Just enough for two bowls and not expired."

  I kiss his back before reaching around him to grab the Lucky Charms. He turns to face me and grins as I now hug the cereal box.

  "Gonna share?"

  I give the box a shake to try and gauge how full it is before nodding. Will leans down to kiss me before getting a couple of bowls down from another cabinet. Each with our bowl in hand, we walk into the living room and eat curled up on the sofa. Will flips the TV on to a local station. Just like old times, Will is finished before me, his bowl sitting empty by his feet. His hand is on my leg, and I have to remind myself to eat. It's hard though, knowing that he's watching me. Finally, he turns his attention towards the TV after I give him a look. His hand still on my leg proves to be too much of a distraction for me. I set my half eaten cereal on the coffee table and look at him. He's tan and cut. I reach out and touch his stomach, smiling when he inhales sharply and looks at me.

  "Do you workout?" I ask, curious.

  He snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me into his lap. "Like what you see?"

  I roll my eyes at him and laugh. "Dork. It was just a question. You clearly know you look good."

  He drops his lips to my neck. "I try and swim laps a few times a week and play basketball."

  "No lacrosse?"

  He shakes his head. "There really isn’t anything to do around here. I goof around at home, that's all. What about you?"

  I wrinkle my nose. "I travel so much. Does running through airports count?" He shakes his head. "I drink a lot of water and do some yoga. Really just basic stuff. My balance is crap. It would probably get better if I tried harder, but…" I lay my head on his chest.

  "Whatever you are doing is working so don’t change a thing." He rests his chin on my head.

  I bring my hand up to his chest and trace the contours of his chest with my finger. Will truly has a beautiful body, strong and firm. I could touch him all day. His arms tighten around me, and his he
ad dips so his lips can find my neck. We make our way back to the spare bedroom. Will almost steps on his empty bowl when he lifts me from the couch.

  "I can walk, you know," I tease, kissing his neck.

  "This is more romantic."

  "Oh, alright. Carry on then."

  ~*~

  Much later, after a shower, Will asks me to go with him to speak to his mother. I own my own business, a successful one, and I'm twenty-five years old. Why do I feel so nervous about what she will think of me? Will and I talk on the way about possible flight plans. How soon he comes to join me somewhat depends on how well our conversation with his mother goes. I can't help but remember the last time I was at his house when we pull up. It was senior skip day, and we had fallen asleep by the pool. I wonder if she ever would have said those things to me on the phone if she had not found us that way that day.

  Will leans over to kiss me before we walk up together. He takes my hand in his as we enter his house. His mother is in the living room. Will says hello, but she doesn’t respond. She just turns her head and acknowledges his presence. Her gaze stops and rests on our joined hands before moving up to look at my face. If she recognizes me, she doesn’t show it. Will leads further into the room, and we sit, side by side on the sofa, facing the armchair she is sitting in. The house is still exactly as it was when I was here the last time. A living museum to the dead.

  "Mom." She looks over at him. "Do you remember my friend, Sarah Miller?"

  Her eyes snap to my face and widen briefly before dropping to our still joined hands. She nods.

  Will chews on the side of his lip before going on. "Sarah lives in Colorado now, and since I'm on summer break, I'd like to go out and visit her. Do you think that would be alright?"

  She doesn’t do anything immediately, but after a moment, her face crumbles, and she lifts her hands to cover her face. Will releases my hand and goes to kneel by her, gently shushing her and rubbing her back. She leans into him and grips his shoulders as she cries. I sit uncomfortably on the sofa, not sure what to do. Any hope of her support in the trip seems in vain. Will manages to get her to calm down, and I go with him up to his room so he can change. He sees the anxiety in my eyes and pulls me to him once his door is shut. It seemed like such a fantasy, us coming together the way that we did, after all of these years.

  "Have you left her by herself before?"

  Will chews the side of his lip. "Nothing longer than a night here and there since my dad died."

  "She just doesn’t leave the house?"

  He nods. "Not since she came back from the hospital that day."

  "But she takes care of herself otherwise?"

  "She doesn’t cook anymore but will eat things that are already prepared. I keep the kitchen stocked with ready made stuff."

  "What do you want to do?"

  He brings one hand up to scratch the back of his head. "Ideally, maybe hire someone to stay with her while I'm gone."

  I frown. "Do you know anyone?"

  He shakes his head, and I sink onto his bed. I leave tomorrow. It seems clear that Will won't be able to come with me, at least right away. He changes out of his dress pants and shirt and into cargo shorts that sit on his hips in a way that makes my mouth water. He catches my eye as he pulls a t-shirt over his head.

  "I'm going to go check on her again. I'll be right back." He leans down and kisses me before leaving me in his room.

  I stand and walk around his room. This is the first time I've ever been in his bedroom. I wonder if it's changed much from when we were in school. The rest of the house looks exactly the same from the last time I saw it. I sit back down on his bed and take out my phone. I need to talk to Sawyer.

  I exhale when she answers.

  "What's up, buttercup?"

  "So Will and I happened last night, and this morning," I say, spinning my ring.

  "Whoa. Are we happy or sad about this?"

  "Happy, definitely happy. Maybe a bit freaked out too."

  "Freaked out is acceptable."

  "He mentioned coming home with me, but his mom has issues so he's going to need to find someone to stay with her, and who knows how long something like that will take. I’m just scared that once there's space between us he'll change his mind."

  "What's the deal with his mom?"

  "I think I told you how she got after Will's sister died, right?"

  "Mm hmm."

  "I guess she got even worse after his dad died. She won't leave the house or cook, and she lost it when Will mentioned spending the rest of the summer with me."

  "She still showers herself and gets dressed though, right?"

  I laugh. I'm not sure why. "I think so. She’s dressed right now and looks showered. Will didn’t say that was something he did for her when we talked about it."

  "I can do it."

  I pull my phone away for a moment and look at her contact icon before answering. "Do what?"

  "I can mamasit. That way it won't take forever to find someone, and you guys can have the place all to yourselves."

  "Sawyer, that's crazy. His mom probably needs a professional. I don’t think Will would go for it."

  "Just putting it out there."

  "Who knows? I'll mention it to him."

  "So back to this Will fella. Did he rock your socks off?"

  I blush. "Last night, he went down on me, and I cried. How embarrassing is that? Full on ugly cry."

  "And he didn’t ditch you last night?" she jokes.

  "He has a tattoo about me too."

  "Shut up. That’s hot. What is it?"

  "A Miller Lite logo on his chest."

  She laughs. "Are you sure he just doesn’t like girl beer?"

  "No, he used to always call me that. It was like his name for me." I look up when Will walks back into his room. "Hang on a sec, Sawyer." I hold my phone to my shoulder. "Will, Sawyer offered to come stay with your mom."

  "Can I talk to her?" he asks, holding out his hand for the phone.

  I put the phone back to my ear. "Will wants to talk to you," I tell her before handing the phone to him.

  I sit and watch as he paces back and forth in front of me. Sawyer seems to be asking questions about his mom that he is answering. Every so often, he looks over at me and either shrugs or smiles. After five minutes, I lie back on his bed and soak in his scent. If he can't leave with me tomorrow I may ask for his pillow. Their conversation seems to go well. He hangs up the phone and jumps on me.

  I laugh, pushing him onto his side. "So what'd you guys decide?"

  "I've got a flight to book," he says before lifting his mouth to mine.

  I melt into his kiss before pulling back. "Really?"

  "Yep." He kisses me again. "I should probably start packing." He rolls onto me. "But there's something I have to do first." His hands move to the waistband of my jeans.

  "Will," I gasp. "Your mom."

  "Shhh, you don’t want her to hear you, do you?" He silences me with his lips.

  We’re in high school all over again. My jeans dangle from one leg, and his shorts are pushed down only just past his knees as he enters me. We're frantic, my hands pulling him closer and faster to me. He’s on my elbows. His hands are in my hair. I crash first, Will just after me. We're both panting as his eyes meet mine. I brush his hair off of his forehead and giggle. We're both still dressed from the waist up.

  "I'm liking spontaneous," he grins before lowering his lips to mine.

  We both still when we hear a noise from downstairs and quickly get dressed. I dash to the bathroom across the hall and freshen up. My hair is a mess. I use what I assume is Will's comb to get out any tangles and pull it up in a ponytail. Will is packing when I walk back into his room.

  "You are so bad," I tease, closing the door behind me.

  He leaves his suitcase on the bed and pins me against the door. "I just can't seem to help myself."

  I'm breathless as he nibbles on my earlobe. He lifts me, his hands gripping me, and I wrap my legs ar
ound his waist. He walks me over to his bed and sets me down.

  "You're making packing hard," he grumbles before straightening and taking a step back from me.

  "I'm not doing anything," I argue, shaking my head. I look down at his suitcase. "Are you cool with Sawyer staying with your mom? You've never even met her."

  He’s taking a dress shirt off of a hanger. "She seems like a trip, but she's your best friend. That's all I need to know."

  "So when will she get here?"

  "Her flight lands midnight."

  My mouth drops open. "Tonight?"

  He nods, folding the shirt and setting it in his suitcase.

  "And she got me a seat on your flight tomorrow."

  I blink away the tears that are threatening me. "So you're really coming back with me?"

  Will takes in my expression and comes to stand in front of me, pulling me into his arms. "I'm not losing you again."

  Chapter 26

  Past

  The dress Sawyer has for me will never fit. I'm a good four inches taller than her. I somehow manage to get the dress on, but it’s so tight in the shoulders I can barely lift or move my arms.

  "It looks great," Sawyer gushes.

  I give her a look and try and lift my arms. "I feel like a T-Rex. There is no way I can dance in this."

  "A T-REX!" She bends over, clutching her stomach as she laughs.

  "What am I going to wear?"

  She holds up her hand as she keeps laughing. After a few moments she looks up. "We'll just have to go shopping now, won't we?"

  "Sawyer, I can't afford to spend any money right now."

  "Hush, silly. I'm the one who wants to go out. It's my treat."

  Sawyer and I have been friends for almost five years now. I don’t know the whole story, but Sawyer lives off of a trust fund. I don’t know how much is in it or how she got it, and I usually don’t let her buy me things. I make an exception this time after I make her promise it will just be an early birthday present. Like three months early. She gets Jared to drive us to the mall, and I let her drag me into Forever 21. I sit with Jared as Sawyer buzzes around the store, grabbing different outfits for me to try on. I can only take eight items back at a time, so she sets the rest of the clothes she's accumulated in my now empty chair and sits on the armrest of Jared's chair while I go try them on.