The Case of the Lovable Labs

by B R Snow

  “I’m fine once I get in,” I said, then looked down at the page of notes. I typed the password that was printed in block letters then pressed the enter key. The image on the screen dissolved, and the landing page of the registration system appeared. “Hah. Got it. Thanks, Sammy.”

  “Just read the notes, okay? Look, Jill and Faith are on their way over, so I’m getting out of here,” Sammy said. “I can only take her in very short doses.”

  “That’s probably something you should have considered before you asked her to marry you,” Josie deadpanned.

  “Not funny,” Sammy said, making a face at Josie. “You’d think Faith was the one who was getting married. She is incredibly annoying.”

  “No argument there,” Josie said. “Did you guys talk about the wedding last night?”

  “We were up most of the night talking about it,” Sammy said. “But we finally decided not to cancel it.”

  “Good for you,” I said. “How’s Jill holding up?”

  “She’s still a little shaky. And really mad at her mom for bringing the guy with her to the wedding. You know, it’s like she’s rubbing it in her dad’s face. Then her mom decided that we should do some sort of tribute to Roger. That set off another hour of arguments. So, we’re going to work in a short memorial service before the ceremony,” he said. “Does that sound weird?”

  “Maybe a little,” Josie said. “But it should be interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding that had a warm-up act.”

  “Don’t start,” I said, fighting back a chuckle.

  “I guess we could have postponed it,” Sammy said, running his hands through his hair. “But we finally decided we couldn’t face the prospect of going through all this a second time.”

  Josie and I both nodded. I patted his hand and smiled at him.

  “You did good. And it’s going to be fine.”

  “I hope so,” he said. “Okay, I’m getting out of here before they show up. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention it. Jill’s godmother is going to stop by and drop off her dogs as soon as she gets into town.”

  “Her godmother?” I said, pausing to connect the dots. “Roger’s ex-wife, right?”

  “Yeah. That’s going to make things even weirder,” Sammy said.

  “How did she take the news?” Josie said.

  “She had her phone turned off last night. We left her a ton of messages, but we’re still not sure if she’s heard the news yet.”

  “Did you say dogs, as in plural?” I said, studying the screen.

  “Yeah, she has three,” Sammy said. “She didn’t say what kind. All she told Jill over the phone was that she has three little dogs that needed to be boarded for a couple of days. I reserved one of the big condos. It’s under McNamara.”

  “Got it,” I said, studying the screen. “It says to expect her to get here around ten. Where is she coming in from?”

  “She lives somewhere in New Hampshire,” Sammy said. “It’s a long drive, and I imagine she broke it up into two days. I’m not sure where she spent the night. But she refused to put the dogs on a plane and couldn’t bear to leave them behind.”

  “Good for her,” I said, nodding. “She sounds like our kind of people.”

  “Jill loves her and says she great,” Sammy said. “But Faith can’t stand her. And from what I hear, the feeling is mutual.”

  “Then I know I’m going to like her,” Josie said. “Okay, get out of here and go enjoy your last day of freedom.”

  “That’s right,” I said with a grin. “How are you spending the day?”

  “I’m going to take the boat out. Tripod and I are going to relax and cruise the River.”

  Tripod was Sammy’s three-legged cocker spaniel that had lost a leg to frostbite. Josie had performed the surgery, and we had nursed him back to health at the Inn before Sammy decided to adopt him. Now, Tripod was a regular visitor, and Sammy often brought him to work.

  Sammy glanced out the window, then turned back to us.

  “Okay, there they are. And I’m out of here,” he said, heading for the front door. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the church.”

  He held the door open for both women, gave Jill a hug and a kiss then departed with a wave. Soon, we heard the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. Jill entered with a sad smile and a small wave. Josie and I both gave her a long hug. Faith casually strolled to the center of the reception area and stood there twirling her sunglasses.

  “And this is where I work,” Jill said.

  “So I surmised,” Faith said, glancing around the room with a grimace. “What’s that smell?”

  “Eau de Dog,” Josie said.

  “You really should do something about that,” she said, sniffing. “It’s rather unpleasant.”

  I placed a hand on Josie’s shoulder to calm her down. Jill also noticed the tension in the room.

  “Why don’t we get started?” Jill said. “The sooner we do, the quicker we’ll finish.”

  “Are you sure you’re up for this?” I said.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Jill said.

  “Roger’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do about it,” Faith said, still glancing around her surroundings and obviously not liking what she was seeing.

  “How’s your mom doing?” I said, ignoring the Princess of Darkness.

  “Apparently, the police grilled her pretty hard, but they turned her loose just after midnight,” Jill said.

  “I imagine they had a lot of questions for her since she was sitting next to him.”

  “Not to mention the fact that she was the one who handed him the glass of champagne,” Jill said, shaking her head. “And when she finally got home, she felt it was necessary to tell us the whole story of what she’s calling her unwarranted incarceration. By the time we finished, it was almost four. She’s still sleeping.”

  “Are you really sure you want to go ahead with the wedding?” I said.

  “Of course, we’re going ahead with the wedding,” Faith said, her voice rising a notch. “I think we’ve had just about enough of the let’s just cancel the wedding conversations.”

  “Wow,” Josie whispered.

  “Do you have something to say?” Faith said, wheeling around to face Josie.

  “Oh, I’ve got a lot to say,” Josie said, giving her a death stare.

  “Let’s not, shall we?” I said, gesturing for everyone to sit down. We got settled into our seats, and I focused on Faith. “So, how was your date with Freddie last night?”

  “The undertaker? I guess it was okay,” she said with a shrug. “I should have brought a sweater. I froze my butt off.”

  “Medical examiner,” Josie said.

  “What?”

  “Freddie’s a medical examiner, not an undertaker,” Josie said.

  “What’s the difference?” Faith said.

  “About six feet of dirt. I’d be happy to demonstrate.”

  “Isn’t this nice?” I said, shaking my head at Jill. “So, what do we need to talk about? I thought we had everything pretty much ready to go.”

  Jill nodded at her sister. Faith replaced the glare she was giving Josie with a canned smile and glanced down at the folder she had in her hand. She opened it and scanned the first page.

  “First, we need to talk about your shoes,” Faith said.

  “What about our shoes?” I said, frowning at her.

  “They’re the wrong size heel,” she said. “We’re going to be uneven in the photos. The maid of honor and the bridesmaids should all be the same height.”

  “Says who?” Josie said.

  “Says me. The maid of honor.”

  “What size heel were you thinking?” I said, placing a hand on Josie’s forearm.

  “Well, both of you are pretty short. And in my heels, I’m going to be just over five-foot-ten.”

  “Then wear smaller heels,” Josie said, shrugging.

  “Oh, that’s too funny,” Faith said, giving her a crocodile smile. “No, I’m afraid tha
t just won’t work. My dress has already been calibrated to match the size of my heels.”

  “Calibrated?” Josie said, glancing over at me.

  “Let it go.”

  “You’ll just need to find some bigger heels,” Faith said. “If you don’t, I’m going to end up looking like someone on stilts standing next to both of you.”

  “If you think I’m going to traipse around in six-inch heels all day, you’re out of your mind,” Josie said.

  “Are you going to fight me on this?” Faith said, giving Josie a cold stare.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” Josie said, getting to her feet. “What’s it gonna be, pistols or a good old-fashioned fistfight?”

  “Jill, I’m going to need your help on this one,” Faith said, frowning at her sister.

  “Sorry, Faith. But it’s their call,” Jill said, then she brightened when a thought came to mind. “And since you’ll be the tallest one in the bridesmaid photos, everyone’s eyes will be drawn to you.”

  “I guess,” Faith said, giving it some thought.

  “That makes sense,” Josie said, nodding. “But you might want to do some landscaping on those eyebrows.”

  “What’s wrong with my eyebrows?” Faith said, gently touching them.

  “Nothing that a good pair of hedge clippers wouldn’t fix.”

  Faith glared at Josie and stood up. She took a step forward and gestured with both hands for Josie to bring it on.

  “She’s joking,” I said, stepping between the two women. “You look fantastic. Doesn’t she look great, Jill?”

  “Absolutely,” Jill said.

  Jill and I beamed at Faith who pursed her lips, then drew a line through what I assumed was the first item on her list. We’d dodged a bullet on the shoes. I was already having enough trouble walking in my bridesmaid dress in bare feet around the house.

  “Okay, next item,” she said. “Pictures.”

  “What about them?” Jill said.

  “I walked the church grounds yesterday, and I think we should move the photo session right after the ceremony to the garden in back of the church.”

  “I don’t think you want to do that,” I said.

  “Oh, I most certainly do,” Faith said. “The lilac is blooming, and it’s going to look great as a backdrop for my…our dresses.”

  “It’s really not a good idea, Faith,” Jill said. “You should listen to Suzy on this one.”

  “But that lilac is spectacular.”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, nodding. “But it’s also incredibly popular with the bees. They love the stuff.”

  “The frontier woman is afraid of a few bees?” Faith said, laughing.

  “Frontier woman?” I whispered to Josie.

  “She’s probably seen some of your outfits,” Josie said.

  “Funny,” I said, then refocused on Faith. “I really need to warn you, Faith. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Faith waved me off and glanced down at her list.

  “Next item. I’ll need to see a copy of your toasts sometime before the ceremony,” she said, glancing up.

  “What?” Josie said.

  “A copy of the toast you’re going to give the happy couple. Obviously, as the maid of honor, my toast will follow yours as the bridesmaids. And I don’t want to run the risk that your speeches will pre-empt any remarks I might be making.”

  “I don’t think that’s really necessary, Faith,” Jill said.

  “You let me worry about that, Jill,” Faith said, holding up her hand. “Relax and leave everything to me. I’m just doing everything I can to make sure your day is perfect.”

  “That’s a very generous offer. What time are you leaving town?” Josie deadpanned.

  “What?” Faith said, staring hard at Josie.

  “You got anything prepared?” I said to Josie, tugging at her sleeve to get her attention.

  “You’re joking, right? I was just planning on winging it.”

  “Winging it is not an option,” Faith said. “So, if you could get me something in the morning, that would be great.” She glanced down at her list again. “Okay, now this one may be a bit contentious.”

  “This oughta be good,” Josie whispered, shaking her head.

  “Shhh.”

  “I took another look at our dresses,” Faith said, removing a color photo from the folder. “And while I’m perfectly happy with mine, I thought that you, as the two bridesmaids, should be wearing a different dress from me.”

  “You want us to change our dresses? The day before the wedding?” Josie said.

  “Sure. Why not?” Faith said.

  “Well, for starters, because we shelled out eight hundred bucks for the ones we already have,” Josie said. “And they fit perfectly.”

  “That won’t be a problem,” Faith said. “I took the liberty of dropping by the local tailor’s shop yesterday. And the woman who runs the place said she would be happy to make any necessary alterations to your new dresses this afternoon. So, we should move this meeting along. We don’t want to leave it to the last minute.”

  “Yeah, nobody wants that,” I said, glancing at Jill who looked like she wanted to crawl away and hide.

  “Jill,” Josie said, staring at the bride to be. “You and I need to have a private chat.”

  “Hang on,” I said, grabbing Josie’s shoulder. “You bought new dresses for us?”

  “I did,” Faith said. “But don’t worry, you can pay me back later. I have them out in the car. Jill, why don’t you be a dear and run out and grab them?”

  Jill slowly got out of her seat and made her way to the front door.

  “While we’re waiting, here’s a picture of the dress,” Faith said, handing me a photo.

  “Oh, my,” I said, grimacing as I stared at it. “Geez, that’s a lot of orange.”

  “Where did you find it?” Josie said, squinting hard. “Prison Bride Quarterly?”

  “I think it’s lovely,” Faith said.

  “Then you wear it,” Josie said.

  “No, that’s impossible,” Faith said. “My outfit is locked in.”

  “So are ours,” Josie said, giving her a death stare.

  If the conversation kept going in the direction it was headed, I’d soon need a striped shirt and a whistle. I decided to try upbeat in an attempt to lighten the mood.

  “Well, let’s at least take a look at it first,” I said. “Maybe it won’t be that bad.” I glanced at the door when Jill returned carrying two garment bags. She unzipped one of them and removed the dress. I stared at it then shook my head. “No, I was wrong. That’s horrid.”

  “Good word.”

  “Thanks. But I’m not quite sure it tells the whole story,” I said, staring at Faith. “I’m sorry, but I am not wearing that dress.”

  “I see,” Faith said, not even trying to hide her contempt. “Then if it’s not too much trouble, I’d love to hear your reasons.”

  “How long have you got?” Josie said, running her hands over the material.

  “I think I’ve had about enough of this,” Faith said, glancing at Jill. “We need to swing by the florist. I’d like to take another look at the table arrangements for the reception.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot. Hang on for a sec,” Josie said, heading for the door that led into the back of the Inn. “We have something for you.”

  “That’s right,” I said, turning to Jill. “We got you a little going away present.”

  “You didn’t need to do that.”

  “Don’t worry. It’s just a little something for you to wear in Cayman on your honeymoon.”

  Faith checked her watch and impatiently glanced around while we waited. A few moments later, Josie entered carrying a wrapped gift box. She handed it to Jill and gave her another hug. Then Faith noticed the trail of dogs that had followed Josie into the reception area. She gasped, let loose with a loud shriek, then jumped up and stood on top of a chair.

  “You probably don’t want to do that,” Josi
e said, shaking her head.

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure I do,” Faith said, her eyes darting back and forth at the dogs.

  “They’re just going to think you want to play,” Josie said.

  Josie’s massive Newfie, Captain, led the way across the room, and he sat down in front of Faith’s chair then stood on his back legs. Despite the fact that she was standing on the chair, Captain’s front paws still reached her waist. Immobilized by fear, Faith stared down at the Newfie whose tail was wagging furiously. Chloe, my Australian Shepherd, hopped up on the chair next to her and dropped the tennis ball she was carrying between the woman’s feet. Then she nuzzled Faith’s ankles, encouraging her to reach down and pick it up. Al and Dente, Chef Claire’s Golden Retrievers, approached and sat on either side of Captain staring up at the panic-stricken woman. But it was Tiny, our Great Dane, that sent her over the edge. He nuzzled Faith’s knees, then began licking her shins. Faith screamed, waved her arms, then fell backward over the chair onto the floor. All of the dogs took this as an invitation to join her on the floor for some roughhousing, and they surrounded her. She waved her arms and kicked her legs, then scrambled to her feet, and raced out the front door. The dogs, apparently puzzled by the woman’s reaction, cocked their heads at us.

  “Yeah, I know. Goofy, huh?” Josie said, reaching down to rub Captain’s head. “What a good boy.”

  “She’s scared of dogs?” Jill said, laughing. “I did not know that.”

  “Who knows, maybe it’ll come in handy,” I said.

  “I thought it just did,” Josie said. “Go ahead and open your present.”

  Jill smiled and removed the wrapping paper. Then she opened the box and removed a very small two-piece bathing suit.

  “Really?” she said, turning it over in her hands.

  “It’s for those days when just the two of you are hanging out by the pool,” I said.

  “I have dinner napkins bigger than this,” Jill said. “Do you wear something like this when you’re down there?”

  “Sure, sure.”

  Josie snorted.

  “Shut it,” I said, glaring at her. “But be careful you don’t burn.”

  “Yeah,” Josie said, nodding. “Put on as much sunscreen you could ever imagine you’d need, then triple it.”