The Case of the Lovable Labs

by B R Snow

  I followed her out the door and back to the table. We sat down, and I glanced across the table at Roger who was back in his seat and chatting with Jill’s mother. She was laughing at something he said, and I followed his eyes to see if he might reveal the identity of the person he was meeting later. But apart from a casual glance at his watch, he didn’t give anything away.

  The servers arrived with dessert trays displaying a variety of selections. We waited patiently for one of the trays to make it to our end of the table then helped ourselves. We sipped coffee and ate our dessert in relative silence. By the time I finished, I was officially full and ready to head home to play with the dogs. But before we could say our goodbyes, Roger tapped a wine glass with a spoon, and silence followed. He got to his feet, paused for effect, then looked around the table.

  “I’d like to make a toast,” he said. “But before I do, I suppose I should grab my glass of champagne. That might help, huh?” He chuckled as he continued to search for his glass. “What the heck did I do with it?”

  “Here, have this one,” Jill’s mother said, handing him a full glass that was sitting near her.

  “Perfect,” he said, giving her a slight bow. He picked the glass up, took a sip, then held it out toward Sammy and Jill who were sitting at the other end of the table. “I can’t tell you what an honor it is to be here with all of you tonight.”

  Jill’s father, still sitting next to her, snorted audibly, then his face turned red with embarrassment. He sat back in his chair and gestured for Roger to get on with it.

  “Thanks for your input, Bill,” Roger said, frowning at the interruption. “Eloquent as always.” He took another sip of champagne and focused on Sammy and Jill. “I want to wish the happy couple the absolute best for a lifetime of love and joy. To Sammy and Jill.”

  “To Sammy and Jill,” the rest of the table repeated as they raised their glasses.

  Roger raised the glass to his lips, was about to drink, then dropped his glass, blinked several times, and clutched his stomach. The glass shattered on the floor, and Roger fell face first into his chocolate mousse. Everyone around the table stared at him, then frowned at their own glasses and set them down.

  “Okay,” Josie said, gently setting her glass down. “I think we might have some bad champagne.”

  “Have you been drinking it?” I said, pushing my glass away.

  “Only all night,” Josie said.

  “Then you’ll be fine,” I said.

  “You really think so?”

  “You’re not dead yet.”

  “But I do have a bit of a tummy ache.”

  “You just inhaled four different desserts,” I said, glancing over at her.

  “Yeah, I guess that could be it,” Josie said, staring at Roger. “What do you think? Is he dead?”

  “Not sure. But I don’t think he’s gonna make his hookup.”

  Chapter 2

  Roger was, in fact, dead.

  Freddie, in his role as the medical examiner, confirmed it soon after he jumped out of his seat to check on Roger’s condition. And when he frowned and looked around the table with a sad shake of his head, most of the people at the table made a beeline for another section of the dining room or the bar. The next two hours were predictable, and a confused, hushed buzz filled the restaurant as we waited it out from the comfort of the lounge area in the bar. None of the other guests had the same reaction to the champagne, which led me to deduce that we were probably dealing with a single tainted glass of bubbly. But just to be sure, most of the guests switched to beer or wine, and the open champagne bottles were capped and set aside for lab testing.

  Chief Abrams, our chief of police, and two detectives from the state police interviewed all the guests, then sent them on their way with instructions not to leave town. Since everyone would be attending the wedding in two days, I doubted the Chief’s mandate was necessary. But he was a by-the-book kind of guy who didn’t like leaving any loose ends. He and Freddie entered the lounge, spotted us sitting on a couch and plopped down in nearby chairs. The Chief slid his notebook into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

  “I feel bad for those two,” he said, nodding at Sammy and Jill who were sitting by themselves in a back corner of the lounge, still in a state of shock. “Great way to start the pre-wedding events, huh?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t what they had planned,” I said, my neurons idling, but ready to get rolling. “What did you come up with?”

  “Well, we certainly have a long list of suspects,” he said, shaking his head. “Seven women either confirmed they’d dated the guy in the past or were currently thinking about it.”

  “Were any of them eating breath mints while you were talking to them?” I said.

  “You could have given me a million tries, and I wouldn’t have guessed that was the question she was going to ask,” Freddie said, shaking his head.

  Josie snorted.

  “No, I don’t think so,” Chief Abrams said, giving me a confused frown. “But I can’t say that I was really paying attention to that particular detail. Talk to me, Suzy.”

  I recounted my story about the earlier events in the men’s room. The Chief and Freddie both listened closely.

  “Can I ask you what you were doing in the men’s room?” the Chief said.

  “I went in there looking for paper towels and got trapped in the closet,” I said, shrugging.

  “And the woman made him eat a breath mint before she would kiss him?” the Chief said.

  “That’s what it sounded like based on what he was saying,” I said. “I never really heard her voice. She was whispering the whole time.”

  “Okay, that might be something worth checking out,” the Chief said.

  “You think somebody slipped some sort of poison into his glass of champagne, right?”

  “Nothing gets past you,” Josie said, laughing.

  “Don’t start,” I said.

  “That’s certainly our working theory at the moment,” Chief Abrams said. “But from where I was sitting, it looked like Jill’s mother handed the victim her glass.”

  “I don’t think it was her glass,” I said, frowning. “But it was definitely sitting right next to her.”

  “Maybe the poison was intended for her,” Josie said.

  “That thought definitely crossed my mind,” the Chief said. “I just wish the glass hadn’t shattered when he dropped it. It’s going to make it a lot harder to analyze.”

  “Who’d want to kill Jill’s mom?” Josie said.

  “Maybe her ex-husband,” the Chief said, shrugging. “Or maybe one of the other women felt neglected by Roger and decided to take her out.”

  “Nah, I don’t like it,” I said. “I think Roger was definitely the target.”

  “But how could the killer be sure he’d end up with that glass of champagne?” Chief Abrams said.

  “That’s a really good question,” I said.

  “Thanks. That’s why they pay me the big bucks,” he said, then turned to Freddie. “How long before you get the toxicology report back?”

  “If we put a rush on it, and are really nice to the folks in the lab, at best, maybe a couple of days,” Freddie said.

  “The results won’t be back before the wedding?” I said.

  “I doubt it,” Freddie said.

  “Why does it take so long? It can’t be that hard to figure it out.” I said.

  “It’s not,” Freddie said. “You just slice him open and start digging around.”

  “Okay, that’s enough, Freddie,” Josie said, frowning.

  “Hey, she asked. But the lab has a hard time keeping up with demand. I guess you could say it’s a growth industry,” he said, laughing at his own joke. “Are you sure they’re even going ahead with the wedding?”

  “Geez, I hadn’t even considered that,” I said. “But they have guests here from all over the place. They have to go through with it, right?”

  “Would you?” Josie said.


  I thought about it.

  “I’m not sure if I would,” I said, shrugging. “The guy was a close friend of the family, at least he was once, but he wasn’t related. And based on the looks Jill’s dad was giving him all night, I doubt if he’d let them cancel the wedding over him.”

  “Tough call,” Chief Abrams said. “That was a fast-acting poison. He took two sips before he finished the toast, then he hit the deck.” He looked at Freddie. “What does that tell you?”

  “That the guy couldn’t hold his booze?” Freddie deadpanned, then frowned when his joke was met with silence. “My initial guess would be cyanide. It doesn’t take long to do its thing once it’s ingested. But we’ll know soon enough.”

  “Is the body still in the dining room?” I said, glancing over my shoulder.

  “No, he was bagged and tagged then wheeled out the back of the restaurant a few minutes ago. They’ll start panning for gold soon.”

  “Really, Freddie,” I said, frowning. “Must you?”

  “Hey, you asked. Why do you want to know?”

  “Since he was in the bathroom with a woman just before he died, I’m just wondering if she might have left traces of something on the body. You know, like a lipstick smear, the smell of perfume. They were definitely snuggling.”

  “If there is, they’ll find it,” Freddie said, grabbing his phone from his pocket. “But that’s a good thought.” He placed a call, had a quick word with someone, then put his phone away. “Slight lipstick smudge on the inside of his right collar.”

  “Is that useful?” Josie said.

  “It could be,” Freddie said, nodding. “The science is amazing these days. Not only will they be able to do some work on the DNA, but there’s also a chance they’ll be able to identify the actual brand of lipstick.”

  “Really?” Josie said. “How is that possible?”

  “Like I said, the science is incredible. Basically, there are three techniques that involve the use of chromatography,” Freddie said, effortlessly slipping into a technical description. “High-performance chromatography, gas chromatography, thin-layer chromatographic.”

  “I’m sensing a theme,” Josie said, laughing.

  “Generally, a sample is injected into a machine to be analyzed, and the results are fed into a computer. I can go a lot deeper into the technical process if you like.”

  “Uh, no, thanks,” Josie said, flashing him a small smile.

  “Good call,” he said. “It even bores me. But unlike your favorite cop shows, that testing is going to take a lot longer than your basic toxicology report.”

  “How long?” I said.

  “My guess is at least a week,” he said. “Possibly longer. It’s complicated and very specialized work. And we’re usually at the mercy of the lab’s workload.”

  “I doubt if the killer was the woman who was snogging with Roger in the bathroom,” Josie said.

  “Yeah, I agree. That doesn’t make much sense,” I said. “From what I could tell, she was rather fond of him.”

  “My money is on Beelzebub,” Josie said. “I don’t like her.”

  “Who?” Freddie said, frowning.

  “Your new girlfriend,” I said. “We couldn’t help notice that you two were getting pretty cozy at dinner.”

  “Faith?” Freddie said. “What’s wrong with her? She’s cute as all get out. And very friendly.”

  “Knock yourself out,” Josie said.

  “Why on earth would you suspect her?” Freddie said.

  “Because she had something going on with the victim,” I said.

  “What?” Freddie stared at me in disbelief, then glanced at Chief Abrams. The Chief confirmed the news with a nod of his head. “But he’s gotta be at least twenty, maybe thirty, years older than she is.”

  “She put it right out there as soon as I asked her how well she knew the victim,” the Chief said. “It almost sounded like she was proud of it.”

  “Was she distraught?” I said to the Chief.

  “No, that’s not the word I’d use. She was definitely upset, but I think she was more concerned about the impact it might have on the wedding.”

  “That sounds about right,” Josie said.

  “Well, I like her. And not that it’s any of your business, but we’re going out later tonight,” Freddie said. “She said she’s always wanted to take a boat ride at night.”

  “You’re going out on the River tonight?” I said.

  “Yeah, we are,” Freddie said. “A nice ride in the moonlight.”

  “Bring some champagne. Maybe we’ll get lucky,” Josie deadpanned.

  “Harsh,” I said.

  “Yeah, maybe a little.”

  “Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you,” the Princess of Darkness aka Beelzebub said as she approached.

  “Hi, Faith,” Freddie said, sitting upright in his seat. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Almost,” she said, barely looking at him before focusing on Josie and me. “You’re Suzy and Josie, right?”

  “In the flesh,” Josie said.

  “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to chat during dinner. It’s so nice to finally meet you. But after all those phone calls, it’s like we’re old friends, right?”

  “Sure, sure.”

  “Don’t forget, we’re meeting tomorrow morning at your office. Nine o’clock sharp,” Faith said.

  “Oh, we’ll be there,” Josie said with a coy smile. “Before I forget, are you a dog lover?”

  “No, not at all,” she said, shaking her head. “I hate dogs.”

  “I knew it,” Josie whispered.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.

  “Actually, I’m scared to death of dogs. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s just that we run a dog business,” Josie said. “And I want to make sure we’re prepared for your visit.”

  I glanced down at the floor to hide my grin.

  “Yes, I’m well aware of what you do for a living,” Faith said, glancing around. “But they’re all in cages, right?”

  “Well, technically we like to consider them condos,” Josie said.

  “They all have their own condo?” Faith said, frowning.

  “Sure,” Josie deadpanned. “One bedroom, one bath, cable and wireless ready, view of the River.”

  “Got it,” Faith said, glaring at Josie. “I don’t need anybody else trying to make me feel stupid. I already have my family for that.”

  “She was just joking, Faith,” I said, laughing. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Nine o’clock sharp,” she said, reaching into her pocket. “We have a lot to cover.” She removed a plastic container and shook it. “Mint?” She popped a small handful into her mouth and offered them to everyone. Freddie was the only one who accepted.

  “Okay, you kids have fun,” Josie said.

  “I don’t like my chances, but maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised,” Faith said, nodding her head at Freddie to get to his feet. Then she pointed at the door, and Freddie managed a small wave as he headed for the exit. She cleared her throat as he was about to open the door, and he pulled the door open and took a step back to give her plenty of room to walk past him. “Nine o’clock sharp,” she said, without looking back.

  “Well, that was pleasant,” Josie said. “You know what I like best about her?”

  “Nothing?”

  “Exactly.”

  “She certainly didn’t seem very distraught.”

  “Yeah, I noticed,” Josie said.

  “What do you think, Chief?” I said.

  “Indifferent to the fact the guy she was sleeping with is dead and completely self-absorbed,” the Chief said, frowning. “Pretty consistent with how she seemed when I interviewed her earlier.”

  “Not to mention she was popping breath mints by the handful,” I said.

  “Yeah, I think we’ll put her on the list,” the Chief said.

  “We’ll see what we can come up with tomorrow morning,
” I said.

  “If she lives long enough to tell her side of the story,” Josie said.

  “Do you need any help?” I said to her.

  “Help with what?”

  “Deciding how to incorporate the dogs into the meeting,” I said, grinning at her.

  “No, thanks. I’ve got that one covered,” she said, beaming back at me.

  Chapter 3

  I tapped the keyboard, stared at the monitor, then glanced up at Josie who was peering over my shoulder. She shrugged, and we both refocused on the screen image that hadn’t changed since we’d sat down ten minutes ago.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve tried to use the registration system,” I said. “Think we should give Sammy and Jill a call?”

  “They’re officially on vacation,” Josie said. “And I’m sure they have other things on their mind today.”

  “You mean, like the dead guy in the restaurant?” I said, tapping the keyboard to no avail.

  “Nothing gets past you.”

  The front door opened and Sammy stepped inside. He saw us hovering around the computer and headed straight for us.

  “What are you doing here?” Josie said.

  “I forgot my phone yesterday,” he said, opening a drawer next to the computer and retrieving it. “Let me guess. You can’t get into the system.”

  “I think it’s broken,” I said, staring forlornly at the screen.

  “Did you read the notes we left you?” he said, pointing at the piece of paper that was taped to the bottom corner of the screen.

  “Uh, no,” I said, feeling my face redden.

  “Way to go, Suzy,” Josie said, gently punching my shoulder.

  “I noticed you didn’t see it either.”

  “I was too busy trying to supervise you,” she said, grinning at Sammy.

  I read from the paper.

  “Item one, enter password to end system timeout.” I frowned at Sammy. “System timeout? The computer takes timeouts?”

  “Yeah, it gets three per half,” Sammy said with a sad shake of his head.

  “Funny.”

  “How can you be so good searching the web but so bad with the basics?” he said.