by Alison Mello
“I don’t plan to.” She took a sip and closed her eyes to savor the moment. “Mmmm, I missed you,” she whispered to the liquid.
“You’ve been upbeat and positive all morning. I thought you’d enjoy this.”
“Thank you.”
Courtney eyed the ravioli, picked up a fork, and Zachary frowned.
“Uh uh, young lady. Grace first.”
“Grace? Since when?”
“Grace!”
He sat across from her and took both of her delicate and tiny hands in his. “Father, we have gathered to share a meal in Your honor. Thank You for putting us together, and thank You for this meal. Bless it to our bodies, Lord. We thank You for the blessings, love, and compassion You have shown us over the last few months. Help us use these gifts to Your glory. Guide our precious moments together and steer our hearts to Your purpose for our lives. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“Amen,” Courtney said.
“Feeling okay?” he asked, placing a napkin over his lap.
“Yes. Just a bit tired.” She picked up her fork again. “That was beautiful.”
“Yeah.”
They ate, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Courtney scrutinized Zachary, paying close attention to every detail. She noticed the bags under his eyes, the corners of his eyelids darkening, and the lines that were now forming on his beautiful face. Guilt washed over her, knowing she was the cause for his tension and rapid aging. Appreciation flowed through her at the same time. He was her hero.
Of all the things she had achieved in life, and that wasn’t much, she felt a sense of fulfilment giving all her money away to help others. It brought her more elation than she envisioned it would. She was soaring in the highest form. Her heart now felt whole and content. Her life’s mission had been accomplished.
“You’re smiling,” Zachary said.
“I am happy.”
“Mavis seemed nice.”
“She is. They are naming the new center after me.”
His eyes expanded with pride. “Really?” She nodded. “Congratulations.”
She’d informed him weeks ago she had made a donation to the center, only he did not have a clue how hefty the contribution was. Courtney never disclosed the amount to anyone with the exception of her lawyer, personal banker, and Mavis.
“I’m proud of you,” Zachary said. “How is your food?”
“Marvelous.”
After dinner, Courtney felt more tired than usual. A pain shot through her body during lunch, and again when she climbed into bed, but she disregarded it, not wanting to ruin the euphoric sensation she had had since she woke up. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. She reddened from the pain, and her breathing turned shallow. The air had thinned.
As calmly as she could muster in an attempt not to frighten Zachary, who tended to overreact in such conditions, she asked, “Can you get the nurse?”
“Are you feeling okay?” He inched toward the bed, already upset.
She nodded.
“Okay.” He took long strides out to get the nurse. Moments later, they walked in together.
The nurse checked Courtney’s vitals, noticing her increased blood pressure and her pulse slightly higher than normal. She looped the stethoscope around her neck. “Your blood pressure is quite high. I’ll page Dr. Kalmati.”
“Is something wrong?” Zachary hovered over the nurse.
“I’ll get the doctor. He should be able to answer all your questions.” She escaped the room.
“It’s nothing, baby. I’m just feeling a bit lightheaded,” Courtney said. “Have a seat. Dr. Kalmati will be here soon.”
Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Kalmati walked in, appearing flushed, clearly from whatever the nurse had told him. Courtney noticed yet remained calm in an effort not to distress the ticking bomb standing beside her.
“Hi, Dr. Kalmati.”
“Hi, Courtney.”
“Her blood pressure is up,” Zachary declared nervously.
“The nurse told me.” Dr. Kalmati pulled her chart from the foot of her bed and swiftly read through the notes. “The nurse will give you some morphine to relieve the pain and Benazepril to lower your blood pressure to reduce the stress on your heart.”
“Heart? Is she getting another episode?”
“It looks like it,” the doctor said calmly. “We caught it before it occurred, so we can control it.”
“Is it the lunch she just had? She had some ravioli. We thought it was okay. She’s been eating nothing except for salad and—”
The doctor smiled. “No, it’s fine. It’s not the lunch. This is a number of things, the main source being the cancer treatment she previously underwent.”
“So it was killing the cancer cells and at the same time weakening her heart? How do you beat this?” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, mumbling to himself.
“It also deteriorated her immune system, which makes her susceptible to common illnesses.” Dr. Kalmati offered Courtney a sympathetic glance. Zachary now stood by her on her left side, his hands folded in front of his chest.
“You should feel much better soon.”
The nurse came in with the medication dosage the doctor seemed to have ordered before he came in to see her. She handed Courtney the Benazepril pills and a cup of water then administered a shot of morphine.
Zachary stood in place by her side.
“Hey.” She touched his hand, and his knotted body eased. With her feeble strength, she gave him a squeeze to reassure him she was doing well. Her body started to feel numb from the morphine she’d received. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
Zachary checked his wristwatch. It was four-thirty in the afternoon. He pulled the couch close to the bed and rested his head on it, soon shutting his heavy eyelids. His body had taken a beating over the last couple of days. Rest wasn’t scheduled on his daily routine now. As nature would have it, his body ultimately succumbed. For three uninterrupted hours, they were both knocked out.
Courtney’s eyes opened, and she glanced around the room, mumbling incoherently to herself, then she smiled.
A beautiful familiar face appeared before her. “Mummy,” she whispered, “you look the same.” She scanned around her, hoping to see another familiar face. Her mother was alone. Courtney tried to lift her hand to touch her but couldn’t. It was too heavy to bear. She was cheerful when her mother spoke, and she got a delightful flashback from her short-lived childhood.
It was that time of year again when the geese had migrated to a warmer atmosphere. There was a tiny lake at the back of their house. It sat in the middle and was surrounded by neighboring houses. The humans weren’t the only ones enjoying the lake. The geese loved to lounge around during the day. That was her favorite time of the year. The moment they all gathered around the lake, she would run out of the house carrying a bowl filled with corn, duck pellets, and oats. She loved to feed them. Her mom would run after her as she eagerly raced toward the pond.
“Slow down, honey,” she’d warn.
“Come on, Mummy, you are too slow.”
“Funny, when you get to my age, you’ll know how it feels.”
“Come on!” she shouted to her mom again. She knelt and dipped her hand into the bowl, sprinkling food around her. Her mom stayed alert, observing for any signs of aggression from the geese, terrified of an attack. As if expecting Courtney, the geese waddled toward her. They were only four this time, all quacking cheerfully. Courtney’s mom lowered her body to the ground and sat beside her, relieved that they seemed harmless.
“Can we keep them, Mummy?”
“No, baby, they belong outside. Like the little birds, they like to spread their wings and fly. They see all the beauty the world has to give.”
“I want to fly too, Mummy. Why can’t we fly?” Her big hazel eyes widened even more at the thought.
“Because God made you for other important purposes.”
“Like what?”
“Like feeding the
geese so they can be strong.”
Courtney deliberated her words for a moment before accepting the answer.
“One day when you grow up, you’ll soar in other ways and make a huge difference in the world, just like them.”
Overjoyed by the vivid memory, Courtney whispered, “I miss you, Mummy.”
A celestial voice in her head promised, “You’ll be home soon.”
Zachary was sleeping, his head resting by her hand. She ran it through his hair and used the opportunity to say her goodbyes.
“Thank you!” she whispered, and he moaned in his sleep. He turned his head toward her, groaning wearily before opening his eyes.
“Hi,” he whispered.
“Hi,” she said, her fingers playing through in his hair. “I’m glad you finally slept.”
“I needed that.” He sat up, stretching his arms over his head and yawning. “Feeling any better?”
Courtney gave him a weak smile, feeling her body rapidly losing energy. She took in long, spaced-out breaths to keep it under control. Her body temperature had greatly reduced. In her heart, she accepted it was time. She knew that morning when she woke up. She mustered all the energy she could to spend her final hours with the man she loved. She couldn’t pretend any longer; it was time.
She placed her hand on his and gazed into his eyes. “Do you know what I’m craving right now?”
“Tell me.”
“Chocolate.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. And can you get me flowers from the gift shop on the first floor? Just like the rose you had at lunch. I loved the smell.”
He glanced at his watch. It was almost eight p.m. “I can’t promise they’ll be open.”
“Please try,” she pleaded.
“Anything for my angel.”
He touched her temple with his lips, and she closed her eyes for a second. She caught his wrist when he turned to leave. “Thank you.”
He nodded and took his wallet off the table.
Courtney took a deep breath once he was out of the room, relief washing over her. She needed a moment to be alone. She was numb and peculiarly at peace. She took in a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. Faintly, she could hear muffled voices. She was little by little disconnected from her surroundings.
CHAPTER 39
Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face—I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.
~Nicholas Sparks
After a few minutes of convincing, Zachary managed to persuade the store clerk in the hospital gift store to sell to him. He gave her a charming smile that worked on every woman, even Courtney, and it had never failed him. He purchased a box of Maltesers and a bouquet of red roses and made his way to the elevators. It was a wonder how much good the three short hours of sleep did to his body. He was revitalized and ready to spend the night monitoring Courtney. That was what he’d been doing for the last couple of nights. Just guarding as she slept, counting her labored breaths, ensuring nothing happened to her while she rested. As much as he needed sleep, he stayed up to protect her. Tonight was going to be like any other night. If she was up for it, she could finish the sketch she started a few days ago. He loved the joy it brought her. It confirmed to him that he was doing one thing right. It definitely made a difference in her life, even if it was only for a few hours.
He praised himself for his accomplishment as he rode the elevator up to her floor. The moment he stepped out of the elevator, a sharp pain stabbed through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach. He shivered, dread rushing through him like a violent gust of wind, consuming him, and he knew in his heart she was gone.
He walked solemnly toward her room. The nurse that usually sat behind the desk on the floor wasn’t there. She had smiled at Zachary on his way down. He remembered how genuine she was when he nodded at her. The floor was quiet. The closer he was to the room, the heavier his feet felt. He took in a profound breath before letting his fingers twist the doorknob open.
There were three nurses and a doctor he did not recognize who stood by Courtney’s head, blocking her from his view. The nurse who was usually behind the desk stood at the foot of the bed. She wore a grave expression. The other two nurses were positioned opposite the doctor, both wearing latex gloves. They were listening attentively to the doctor when Zachary walked in. With sympathy in their eyes, they braced for his outburst, his typical over the top reaction they frequently faced no matter how minor the issue was, but they got nothing.
The familiar nurse took a few steps closer to him, followed by the doctor. Courtney’s face was now visible to him. She was paler than he’d ever seen. Her wrinkled eyelids were closed, her lips, slightly opened, white as chalk. She looked serenely beautiful and asleep, but he knew better.
“Mr. Reid?” the nurse said, then gave the doctor a quick glance.
Zachary ignored them and walked past them toward the bed. He stopped where the doctor was standing earlier and looked down at Courtney. She was truly gone. She looked pretty and peaceful, almost as if she smiled at the end. He bent and kissed her forehead.
“I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr. Reid,” the doctor said behind him.
“She was so happy this morning. Her energy had returned…” He trailed off, his voice choking with emotion.
“It’s not unusual for patients to appear stronger before their departure. Her heart rate…”
“I know all that. She prepared me for this moment,” Zachary cut him off.
He stepped back, and the nurses stepped forward to prepare her for the hospital mortuary. He dropped the bouquet of roses and the chocolate on the table and moved to the window, his back to them. He stared out, noting the raindrops trickle down in a synchronized motion. It was a dusky evening with ruffling trees, gray skies, and fast-moving clouds.
Courtney was no longer in the room…at least her mortal part. He stood there several minutes. He heard urgent movements behind him, and their reflections flashed through the window.
He heard the gurney on which her body was placed rolling in and out. He noted it was the voice of her usual doctor, Dr. Kalmati, who officially declared her dead. Through all that chaos Zachary kept his back to them. Dr. Kalmati’s hand briefly rested on his shoulder, expressing his condolences before he walked out of the room.
Now he stood alone in a hollow room. Pure silence. No beeping machine. No heavy breathing. Nothing. Like she was never here. He could smell her; the sweet jasmine scent of her perfume was stronger now than usual. Perhaps because she was gone, his senses were working harder to feel her. He stared at the vacant bed, at the empty mattress. The sheets she had laid on had been taken away as well. She was gone! She was there, and now she wasn’t. His heart sank into his stomach, an intense feeling of foreboding slicing through him. He scanned the room, stopping when he spotted the canvas he’d brought to her. Her unfinished work. He approached it, took in a sharp breath, and picked it up.
Zachary turned it around, and his legs gave way under him. He slammed into the chair behind him, his mouth quivering. He placed his left hand over his mouth to control his imminent scream. Courtney’s last drawing was an angel with her back turned leaning over a Marine Corps combat boot. It was beautiful. She did complete it. A beautiful pencil-shaded sketch. His angel standing protectively over him. The image drew him back to the dream he had before they officially met, when she appeared through the dust storm to shield him from danger. It was chilling and unnerving. He dropped his hands to his sides, completely feeling the hollowness.
The door swung open, and William stepped in, looking pale and disoriented. He remained by the door, his eyes on the bare bed. He didn’t need words to comprehend what was before him. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. After a long moment, with a cracking voice, he said to Zachary, “She’s at peace now.”
***
A gust of chill wind combed through his hair as he ascended the staircase tow
ard the church where the love of his life lay. The whistling of the wind sent a chilling sensation through him. His heart broke when his eyes fell on the black hearse. It had been a rough couple of days preparing for her funeral. William was instrumental in the process. They not only worked together well to ensure they gave her a fitting burial, but they found solace in each other. Zachary eventually warmed up to him. In his heart he knew Courtney would be pleased. Despite being well put together in a black tailored suit, his gaunt features and stooped posture displayed a man deprived of rest. He wore his pain for all to see. His life was worthless. The night she passed, he became suicidal yet again. Miraculously, at the depths of his despair, he found comfort in his faith. He prayed earnestly and without ceasing. He found that without it, he would crumble and lose the battle he promised Courtney he wouldn’t.
A few heads in the back pew turned to him when he entered the building. With his head bowed, he humbly made his way to the first pew. He had seen her earlier, in her casket. She looked peaceful and pure. It gave him satisfaction that she was indeed in a better place. He’d micromanaged the entire process until this day. Even the mortician experienced his tenacity with his endless ideas concerning the preparation of the body. He was instructed to apply little to no makeup. This was who she was. Natural and beautiful. Her burial garment was a gorgeous ivory linen dress William insisted she wore since she idolized it. She had purchased it on their honeymoon in Valencia, Spain.
She laid in a lovely white casket with rose gold-plated handles. Inside, it was lined with pure white velvet interior. It rested on a high wooden pedestal fenced by a myriad of beautiful white tulips, mostly from her garden. Candleholders made of rose gold adorned the altar. She would have approved of this. It was all to her taste. She was loved more than she thought. Each pew was filled to the end. Zachary wondered who they were and how they knew her. She never mentioned knowing this many people. In fact, he knew she did not have this many people in her life.
Seated in the pew adjacent to him was William and his family. Anger shot through him as he reflected on how his family treated her like a pest, and now they pretended to mourn her. Hypocrites, all of them. He turned his attention back to the priest. He’d just concluded the short sermon and was reading a chapter from the Bible. When he finished, he nodded at Zachary, signaling him to approach the podium to read his tribute. The atmosphere was surreal. Emotions were high, and he worked extra hard to control them. When he reached the podium, he skimmed through the room with a swift glance. On his left side were his few friends that knew Courtney, his partners, and a fellow ex-Marine he was in counseling with. He spotted Mavis amid a group of women. Their eyes locked for a moment, and she urged him with a sympathetic nod. He cleared his throat and scarcely glanced at the piece of paper he had written a few words on. The silent crowd stared back at him as he tried to find his voice. With a voice saturated with tears, he began without clearing his throat.
