Magic and Mayhem

by R K Dreaming

  A disconcerting number of couples had come dressed as the famous missing Juliet Jolie and her husband. The Brads were all tragic gore-covered heroes. The Juliets ranged from doe-eyed victims spattered in blood to glamorous vengeful vixens wielding fearsome blades.

  Most interesting of all were the tremendous variety of bogglewit costumes, which Percy and Nan were taking great amusement in remarking over.

  “I wish I had thought to come as a bogglewit,” said Nan regretfully.

  “How would you have even known what to dress like?” said Percy. “Nobody has ever even really seen a bogglewit, have they?”

  “I could have dreamed one up, like they have,” said Nan, looking enviously at a man who had great big bunny ears and a rabbit’s face, the midsection of what might have been a flamingo, and the hindquarters of a goat and the fluffy tail of a rabbit.

  “What is a bogglewit?” asked Shara.

  “Nobody knows,” said Percy. “Creatures that are so magically infused that apparently they are completely batty. I think someone must’ve made them up as a joke about the worst kind of crazy things that live in the Magicwild.”

  “Live in the ether,” corrected Nan. “Mum says even people in the Magicwild think bogglewits can’t be real.”

  “But how can anything live in the ether?” said Shara, looking astonished.

  “Exactly,” said Nan. “The one thing that everyone agrees on, despite the fact that no one can actually prove that they have ever seen a bogglewit, is that bogglewits always have rabbit-like heads.”

  “I don’t think they’re real,” said Percy.

  “I do,” said Nan firmly.

  “I want to,” said Shara, eyeing up a bogglewit robot costume with fascination.

  Percy thought it could safely be said that no bogglewit had the body of a robot. Magic and technology did not mix.

  “My goodness,” said Nan suddenly, looking at a man whose bogglewit costume had the trunk of an elephant and the legs of a stork. “Is that the High Minister of the Conclave of Magic?”

  She looked around desperately, trying to spot someone, and seemed disappointed not to find them. “Mum and dad aren’t here yet. They’ll never believe it!”

  She took out her phone quickly, intending to photograph him.

  Percy shook her head. “You’d better put that away. Mum will kill you.”

  Nan was looking glumly at her phone, and shaking it. “It’s not working anyway. Too much magic in this room.”

  She soon forgot her regret at not being able to capture the moment and began looking interestedly around the room for more celebrities. Whenever she saw one, she pointed them out to Shara and Felix, who had less expertise in recognizing witching celebrities in all their disguises.

  Nan suddenly gave a little shriek. She pointed discreetly. “Look, it’s Lucilla Blaze!”

  Felix and Shara’s heads both whipped around to stare at an icy blond beauty in a blood red gown, who may have come dressed as a succubus, or may just have simply come dressed as her ravishing self. Their mouths dropped open. Neither of them needed an explanation as to who Lucilla Blaze was. She was as famous a Hollywood actress as Juliet Jolie, and was well known to the witching and eldritch communities since she herself was a witch.

  With a meaningful look, Felix leaned in towards Percy and Nan. Shara crowded in to listen too.

  Felix whispered, “Weren’t the Blazes the ones who owned that hoard of Wildmagic that was stolen by Fred and George Sheedy?”

  “Yes,” said Nan, nodding excitedly. “Lucilla’s husband, Antioch Blaze, was so angry about the loss of all that precious magic. Did you read that interview he gave to The Daily Oracle after the Sheedy cousins escaped, ranting about the jailbreak? It caused quite the buzz because he very nearly accused the draekins of being in on the heist all those years ago.”

  “I wonder if that’s why Antioch Blaze didn’t come tonight?” said Percy. “Mum always invites her draekin friends.”

  “It’s probably for the best if he’s in a dueling mood,” said Nan. “I wouldn’t want to see the draekins in a fight.”

  “I would,” said Percy with a grin, eyeing the draekins over in a far corner admiringly. “That would be amazing!”

  “”You wouldn’t be saying that if they completely decimated your house,” said Nan darkly.

  Shara’s eyes were still on Lucilla. “Gosh, can you imagine what she would say if she knew that… er, Cousin Opal was in the ballroom right now?” she said.

  But Percy had stopped paying attention. She had spotted a bunch of teenagers entering the ballroom and her mood had soured. One of them was a swaggering finfolk boy who she recognized right away.

  She watched them glance around the room and deem no one fit to command their interest. They cut their way through the crowd towards the refreshments table to snatch up goblets of a smoking punch they were too young to drink. They group stayed there, all clustered around the swaggering princeling that was Levi Poseidon, and eyed the crowd with disdain. Levi occasionally muttered something about passing people that made the others snigger and sneer.

  Percy glared at them. Every year, Gwendolyn invited a few kids around Percy’s age in the hopes that Percy might make new friends. But given that they were always witches and wizards and Percy was a Meek, this had never turned out in Percy’s favor.

  It seemed Gwendolyn never gave up. Did she really think Shara and Felix weren’t good enough for her daughter just because they didn’t have wand-magic?

  This year, at least Percy was here with her friends, not alone. She glared at Levi Poseidon standing amid his gang of snobby pals. The Poseidon family was one of the few rare finfolk bloodlines who had wand-magic. As a wizard, Levi was a student at Magicwild Academy, which meant he should have been in school in the Magicwild. But Levi was the sort who managed to get special dispensations to come home for Halloween.

  At Percy’s side, Shara suddenly gasped. “That’s Levi Poseidon,” she said in a stunned voice.

  “He really isn’t that great,” said Percy. “Let’s get out of here.”

  Despite Shara’s disappointment, Percy tried to lead her friends out of the ballroom. But as they headed towards the door, Levi Poseidon and his little posse of followers intercepted Percy.

  Levi blocked the doorway. Percy was glad to notice that she had grown as tall as him and he no longer loomed over her. He also noticed this, and it made him sneer harder.

  “Running away, Prince?” he mocked, in a contrived voice that made him sound like he was in an echoey underwater hall.

  Percy had always thought he must practice that voice in front of a mirror, probably at the same time as he charmed his abundant blue-black hair to fall in tumbling waves over his forehead. His eyes were natural, she had to give him that. They were as blue as the deep ocean. Percy heard Shara give a dreamy little sigh.

  “Running from you?” said Percy scathingly. “Don’t flatter yourself!”

  Levi Poseidon was now looking over Percy’s friends with his usual snotty, unimpressed expression. It made her want to punch him.

  “I’ve heard you’re going to Humble High these days,” he said, smirking. “You’ve surrounded yourself by Humbles, I see.”

  His friends guffawed.

  Percy didn’t bother to tell him that Nan was actually a witch. She didn’t want to suffer hearing him say that Nan must not be a very good which if she hadn’t gone to Magicwild Academy, a school that Nan had desperately wanted to go to. Nan had even been offered a place there, but had decided not to go in the end for the sake of her Humble dad.

  “I’m surrounding myself with friends,” said Percy. “Unlike you, surrounding yourself with giggling sycophants.”

  His friend’s glared.

  Levi had a silver crown intertwined with seaweed sitting atop his head. It was the only thing he had bothered to wear that might be called part of a costume. She gave it a withering glance.

  “What are you dressed as? King of the finfolk? Is the malconte
nt little princeling dreaming of stealing his grandfather’s crown already?”

  An ugly look came onto Levi’s face. “You’ll soon find out who my friends are, Prince. You’ll be meeting some of them soon.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” snapped Percy.

  He gave her a smug smile. “You haven’t heard yet? About the exchange scheme? If you stupid Humbles don’t have a clue, then I won’t bother to tell you. Let’s just say that we witching folk will soon be teaching you Humbles a lesson or two.”

  He and his friends all laughed. They swaggered off back to their corner to sip their drinks and glower at everyone.

  “See,” said Percy quietly to Shara. “Not so princely after all.”

  Shara looked a little crestfallen.

  “Gosh,” said Nan. “If that’s what students at Magicwild Academy are like, I’m glad I didn’t go.”

  Nan’s hand had bunched into a fist in her wand pocket. Across the room Levi’s drink suddenly exploded out of its goblet and into his face. Levi goggled at it in a stupid manner.

  “Nanette Gooding!” said Percy with glee.

  Nan opened her eyes innocently wide. “Whatever do you mean? It must have been one of Jeeves’s tricks.”

  “Oh really?” said Percy dryly. “Good old Jeeves.”

  The teens returned to the family lounge to dance some more with Aunt Addy and friends. Percy was glad to find that Levi’s unpleasant words did not linger in her mind, causing that sinking and resentful feeling that had haunted her long afterwards in previous years.

  Things really were different now. She had friends. Real friends. And she was here having fun with them. And all Levi Poseidon had was a gang of desperate hanger-ons.

  Life suddenly felt pretty darn good.

  And so she danced with her friends until they were tired, and then wandered into the glass-ceilinged orangery to find a quiet corner and lie down in, staring up at the stars, large cushions beneath them that they had dragged off the orangery couches.

  Hammocks, thought Percy dreamily. She would ask her mum to put up some hammocks in here.

  The scent of all of the citrus fruits that Mr Bramble had lovingly tended filled the air with its intoxicatingly pleasant perfume. The distant tones of a sweeping waltz was coming from the first floor gallery above, and dozens of magically floating candles danced in pairs to the sound, twinkling in the darkness.

  Shara gave a wistful sigh, and then yawned widely, and said, “I don’t think I’ll ever forget tonight as long as I live.”

  “Best Halloween ever,” agreed Felix.

  And for the first time that she could ever remember, Percy Prince thought that maybe her mother’s wild parties were not so bad after all.

  6. The New Teacher

  They must’ve all fallen asleep, because several hours later they were being gently shaken awake by Nan’s parents.

  Mrs and Mr Gooding had both clearly been searching for Nan for quite some time. They were both bleary eyed but merry, and did not tell Nan off for disappearing without a word.

  “Percy, dear, you’d better get up to your bed,” said Mrs Gooding kindly. “Thank your mother for us again. What a night it’s been. We meant to leave hours ago. I can barely keep my eyes open!”

  She laughed at herself, blinking to wake herself up at the same time as giving a wide yawn. “Felix, Shara, have you got all your things? We’ll give you both lifts home.”

  This was a generous offer seeing as the Goodings lived very nearby and Felix and Shara did not.

  “They can both stay here,” said Percy with a yawn. “We’ve got plenty of space.”

  Shara was rubbing the sleep from her eyes and looked like she would very much like to stay, but Mrs Gooding said, “Better not. Their parents will be worried.”

  Shara looked at her watch and then gave a yelp of dismay. “I should have been home hours ago! Mum will be frantic!”

  She hurried off to find somewhere where the magic was less concentrated so that she could use her phone to call home.

  Nan gave Percy a particularly emotional hug and exclaimed, “Best night ever. I feel like I’m on a cloud.”

  She started humming the tune of a waltz that had been playing earlier, and danced away, twirling in circles. Felix shot Percy a look of amusement before following her.

  Percy hurried to show her guests safely out and wished them good night. As they passed the family lounge their ears were accosted with the boisterous sounds of barn-storming ceilidh music, and dancers whooping and shrieking in laughter. The party was still going strong in there, the werewolves flinging each other around with gusto.

  Jeeves hurried out to catch Shara in time to give her the box full of strawberry ghosts and other goodies. He had packed boxes for Felix and the Goodings too. Mrs Goodings cheeks went pink with delight and she thanked him profusely.

  “Thanks Jeeves!” said Felix, looking surprised and pleased.

  Jeeves winked at him. “You enjoy those, young man. I’ve included some of those burgers you liked.”

  “Jeeves likes a young man with a hearty appetite,” said Percy dryly.

  “That I do,” said Jeeves. “So you remember that when you pick which one to bring home.”

  “Eugh! Jeeves!” squealed Percy.

  “I meant a life partner!” protested Jeeves.

  “That’s worse!” shouted Percy.

  Nan and Shara burst into laughter.

  Jeeves departed with his nose up in the air.

  After shutting the front door after her friends, Percy went to find her mum. There were still a few dozen people going strong in the ballroom, where the poltergeists had relaxed their previously lively music into a more mellow number.

  Percy noted darkly that Lucifer and Juliet-as-Opal were still among them. She wondered how their feet had not dropped off from all of that dancing. She dove into the ballroom and determinedly dragged a protesting Lucifer out, saying that Cousin Opal must be tired, and that it was very rude of him to keep her up late.

  She pushed him out of the front door, telling him that he could find himself a cab, or even better yet, walk off his current stupor.

  He danced a little jig on the front step, and said, “It’s not a stupor. It is sheer dizzy delight. What a woman!”

  He did a little skippity-hop and clicked his heels in mid-air.

  Percy banged the door shut, and yelled through it, “And don’t come back!”

  She was going to have to have a word with her mother about not letting Lucifer in to see Opal again. She was sure that she could persuade her mother to agree.

  She woke up very late the next morning, and gave a yelp when she trod on the tip of Skrull’s tail, which was sticking out from beneath her bed. He hissed in annoyance.

  “Sorry,” she murmured. “Didn’t know you were there.”

  She went down to find Gwendolyn enjoying a hearty brunch in the dining room with a dozen guests who had stayed overnight. Opal was with them.

  Percy walked by the open door just in time to hear Gwendolyn say, “That’s right, replacement English teacher at Percy’s school.”

  Percy had been intending to go eat in the kitchen, being not in the mood to face her mother’s friends and their rowdy conversation yet, but she stopped dead at those words.

  Her heart started beating uncomfortably fast. Walking into the dining room, she asked a bit more sharply than she had intended, “What was that about an English teacher?”

  Aunt Addy rose to grab Percy and hug her enthusiastically. “Good morning, sweetie pie!” she exclaimed.

  “Yuck, Aunt Addy! I’m not a kid anymore.”

  Aunt Addy pinched her cheek fondly. “You’ll always be my little Percy Prince. You didn’t tell me that you were going to Humble High these days!”

  “Uh huh,” said Percy. She turned to her mother. “You said something about a teacher?”

  The reason why Percy was so interested was that this very English teacher had died last week at the school. It did not bo
de well that her mother knew about it. Percy hoped very much that Gwendolyn had not heard of the role that Percy herself had played in uncovering what had really happened to Mrs Delancey.

  Luckily it seemed that Gwendolyn had no idea about it, because she turned to Percy and said, “I had heard through the grapevine that Humble High needs a new English teacher, and wouldn’t you know it but dear Cousin Opal needed a job? She’s going to be starting at your school on Monday. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  Gwendolyn was beaming, but Percy stared back at her mother in horror. What was her mother thinking?

  “Er, mum, can I have a private word?” said Percy.

  “Ooh!” A private word,” said her mother’s friend Delilah. “You really are a teen these days.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Very funny,” muttered Percy. “Mum!”

  “Not know dear,” said Gwendolyn airily. “I’m with my guests.”

  Percy stomped off to the kitchen to have her breakfast, and kept an ear out for the happenings in the dining room This was a bit difficult because Jeeves was waxing lyrical about all of the events of the previous night, and who had said what about his food. Apparently Lucilla Blaze had been very complimentary about his flaming figs and seared scallops.

  “You never gave me any scallops,” Percy complained. She had a fondness for scallops.

  “That’s because you and your friends had disappeared off by the time I served the late night courses.”

  “Hmm…” said Percy grumpily, stabbing her fork into her poached eggs and avocado toast.

  With a little smile, Jeeves delicately placed a little plate of golden scallops in sizzling butter in front of her.

  Percy gave a squeal of delight. “Jeeves, I could hug you!”

  When the guest brunch was over and the guests had all gone up to their rooms to fetch their things, Percy was finally able to pull her mother into the private lounge.