Fear of Fire and Shadow

by S. Young

  I just stood there, gazing on uselessly. This was all my fault. I should never have taken L with me. Sarah caught the guilt and concern on my face and smiled reassuringly.

  “Now, don’t ye be lookin’ like that, Rogan. Things happen up in these here mountains. L’s goin’ to be all right.”

  Jr. struggled with the pot of hot water so I hurried to take it from him before he splashed and burned himself. Sarah took it from me and set about cleaning L’s wound. She stirred a little at her mother’s touch. And then, as she had done with me, Sarah put her fingertips on the wound and released her energy into L. I watched in amazement as the wound began to close, the color returning to L’s face with surprising swiftness. L’s eyelashes fluttered and she groaned, looking at Sarah’s happy but now weary expression.

  “Ma.” Her head rolled and she saw me standing over Sarah’s shoulder. She smiled. “Knew ye wasn’t completely useless.” She turned to Sarah now. “Here, Ma, Rogan saved my life.”

  “Well, don’t that be somethin’.” We all turned at the sound of Jonas’s voice. He stood in the doorway to the house, his eyes bright on his daughter, a dead rabbit slung over his shoulder. He winked at me and then stepped farther into the house. A shadow moved behind him, and my heart faltered. There was a man with him, taller, broader. As he stepped inside beside Jonas, his familiar eyes bored were inscrutable and probing.

  “Wolfe!” Jr. shouted happily and flew past me to hop at Wolfe’s feet. “This be my sister, L, Wolfe.” He pointed at L lying on the table. I glanced at L as she pulled herself into a sitting position. Her eyes flicked between Wolfe and me before she bestowed me a knowing smirk.

  I exhaled and turned to Wolfe.

  I couldn’t believe the fool had come after me. Where was the damn Guard?

  When our gazes locked, despite the inscrutability of those pale eyes, a delicious relief—like coming home after months of miserable absence—swept over me.

  It was strange sitting around the Mosses’ kitchen table with Wolfe.

  I knew I’d only known the family a few short days, but I had a bond with L that made me feel closer to all of them, and it was strange to share them with Wolfe. We hadn’t spoken yet about my running off on him, but he wasn’t unpleasant to me.

  However, I knew that was more for the Mosses’ sake than mine.

  We’d been eating for five minutes and having already exhausted the story of mine and L’s rescue of one another from the mountain dogs, Jonas and Wolfe discussed hunting techniques while Jr. desperately tried to get in on the conversation. The young boy was obviously enamored with Wolfe.

  As he did with everyone, Wolfe had enchanted the Moss family.

  He took up a lot of room at their table. I forgot how large he was. The warm military jacket he’d been wearing when he appeared with Jonas was hanging up on the Mosses’ coat pegs, the fur around the cuffs and collar proclaiming Wolfe’s wealth. His shirt and waistcoat were finely made, as were his boots and trousers. The white-gold hilt of his sword gleamed propped against the wall.

  He was from an entirely different world than the Mosses.

  He was from my world.

  And as much as I was grateful to the Mosses, their home had not felt like home until Wolfe sat within its walls.

  Just being near him made me feel safe.

  I thought of L’s words of wisdom in the woods and longed to reach out and brush his hair off his face, stroke his arm, anything to feel the heat and life of him under my fingertips. But he refused to look at me. I watched him talk animatedly with Jonas. From what I’d gathered, Wolfe was very familiar with the Mosses.

  The question was, how?

  L stared at me. Her eyes demanded me to question Wolfe about it, but I was frightened any conversation might spark an argument between us.

  She kicked me under the table and I muffled a cry of pain. I glared at her and exhaled, turning to Wolfe.

  “So, Captain, when did you arrive?”

  The sound of my voice made Wolfe tense, and he glanced sharply at me. “Apparently a few hours after you and Miss Moss left for the Pool. Sarah and Jonas convinced me you were in safe hands and that it would better if I stayed with them to await your return.” That last word he emphasized with an edge, his eyes suddenly dark with pure, undiluted fury.

  My heart lurched.

  I had expected him to be mad, but this … he looked ready to explode. “Jonas told me how he and L found you. Where they found you. With whom. In what state.”

  The breath whooshed out of my body. I hadn’t ever wanted Wolfe to know about the mountain man. I looked away and scraped at my plate. “I see.”

  “Rogan …”

  “Later, Wol—Captain.”

  Just as I had not wanted to, Wolfe and I created a chilled atmosphere. I shifted uncomfortably.

  “So, Captain Wolfe,” L piped up, “how be ye findin’ Rogan?”

  Yes, I thought, glancing over at him. How had he found me at the Mosses’?

  Wolfe shrugged. “I’m a Glava as well, Miss Moss. I have a heightened sense of intuition.”

  L threw me a look. I had told her about Wolfe being Glava but had not mentioned this ability. I shrugged back at her. I hadn’t known about that ability. I sighed and refused to look at him. Wolfe was powerful. Extremely powerful. He could move things with his mind, call upon the elements, and he had some psychic talent as well. I had never heard of the like. Perhaps that’s why he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me.

  I chanced a glower at him but Wolfe caught it. His expression was so clear, it was almost as if I could read his mind: “Don’t be mad at me for not trusting you. You who didn’t trust me and got yourself almost raped in the Alvernian Mountains.”

  I grimaced and turned from him.

  L threw me a sympathetic smirk.

  Chapter 28

  The sun bit into the morning chill, and I breathed in the crispness of a summer morning in the Alvernian Mountains, feeling far more exuberant than I had in weeks.

  I had the plant, I was no longer alone, and I was heading back to Silvera to save Haydyn.

  Sarah, Jonas, and Jr. stood on the porch of their home while L helped me with my pack. I could feel Wolfe waiting impatiently behind me at the end of the garden path, having already thanked the Mosses for their hospitality and made his goodbyes. Jr. was not amused by Wolfe’s sudden departure and blamed me for it. He refused to say goodbye to me.

  “Right,” L said briskly, handing over the hunting knife.

  I shook my head. “I can’t take anything more from you.” I was already wearing her clothes and carrying their food. They had so little and yet they gave so generously.

  L gave me one of her characteristic scowls. “Ye be refusin’ to let me escort ye down the mountain, so ye be takin’ the damn knife.”

  I hid my smile. Last night, L had made quite a stink when I told her she was staying with her family, that I would be all right now that I had Wolfe with me. She’d given Wolfe, in his fine clothing, with his nice hair and skin, a dubious look. Wolfe had good naturedly let her pick at his “obvious uselessness” as she called it. I experienced an ache in my chest as L had gone on and on, pretending to be put out. She was worried about me.

  I took the knife and held her gaze. “You and your family must come to Silvera to see me, L. I’ll arrange it.” I looked past her to Sarah and Jonas. They smiled at the idea, so I took that to mean yes.

  “Ye isn’t meaning that.” L sniffed, kicking dirt on the path, uncharacteristically self-conscious. “Ye’ll go back to yer fancy world and forget all about me and mine.”

  “L.” I grinned, grabbing her arms. “L, you’re just about the most unforgettable person I’ve ever met. And if you don’t come to see me in Silvera, then I’m going to crawl all the way back up this mountain to you.”

  She reddened a little but looked pleased. “Well, no need to be gettin’ all melodramatic on me,” she drawled, waving me off.

  I laughed, feeling that pang again. I fe
lt as if I’d known her forever, and I was sorry to leave her and her family up here in these forsaken hills. I’d be back for them, though. I was going to make sure they never had to worry about anything again.

  Ignoring L’s gruffness, I tugged her into a hug and was surprised by how tight she held me. After a moment, she patted me on the back and pulled away, our eyes bright.

  “Ye be careful,” she warned, and then peered around me to Wolfe. She threw him her famous scowl. “Ye be watchin’ o’er this one, Captain Wolfe.”

  “I promise, Miss Moss.”

  “Miss Moss,” L muttered under her breath and then threw me a look. “Ye ever heard the likes.” Still muttering under her breath like an old woman, L turned on her heel to join her family on the porch. Wolfe and I waved one last time and then I walked away with him in a mixture of reluctance and anticipation.

  We’d been walking an hour and still Wolfe hadn’t said a word.

  The tension between us was thick and uncomfortable; even my gums ached with it. I concentrated on watching where I was going, thankful to Sarah who had healed my new blisters again. I’d probably have a few by the time we got off the mountain, but maybe not so many. My feet were already feeling harder and stronger.

  That morning, as I’d pulled on L’s trousers and shirt, I realized how much weight I’d lost since I’d left Silvera. My calves and thighs had slimmed with muscle; my stomach was flatter from eating sparingly and walking the hills. Still, despite our similar heights, L was wiry and I was curvy; she wore her trousers tight, and on me, they were indecent. I’d forgotten all about propriety up in the mountains without anyone from home to see me. But now that Wolfe was around, I was painfully aware of how revealing these clothes were. I’d put my borrowed coat on over the top of the trousers and shirt before Wolfe had seen them. I wouldn’t be removing it.

  The silence continued between us, Wolfe keeping a careful distance, enough for me to know he wasn’t speaking to me, but not enough so he couldn’t keep an eye on me. I kept waiting for his explosion of indignation and anger, and when it didn’t come, I was strangely peeved.

  The tension only grew thicker as the afternoon wore on and we found ourselves at the outskirts of Shadow Hill. Before I could warn Wolfe, he turned to me with a finger to his lips, hushing me. He knew about Shadow Hill. Either the Mosses had warned him, or he may have already met Brint in Hill o’ Hope and Brint had warned him.

  We moved around the outskirts of the town with stealth, the voices in the distance making my heart pound. I grew unbearably warm under my coat. It was with a sigh of relief when we made it past the Hill without incident and carried on at a quicker pace down the mountain. Again, we were making good time.

  An hour or so later, I heard the trickle of the stream in the distance and something about the wood seemed familiar. I shivered. We were close to where I’d been taken by the mountain man. Without explaining, I picked up my feet, almost running to get away from the spot, my skin crawling, my neck prickling. I felt as if his shadow were watching me, taunting me. I trembled in revulsion and began to run. The sounds of Wolfe’s running footsteps grew louder and closer, but I couldn’t stop.

  Abruptly, I was forced to a halt, Wolfe’s hand catching my arm and dragging me around to face him. His features were fierce with anger, the golden striations in his blue eyes prominent with passion. “What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled, not caring if his voice carried now that we were miles from Shadow Hill.

  I struggled to get out of his grip. “I just felt like running.”

  “Not that, Rogan.” His jaw clenched. He looked close to violence. I struggled harder to get away from him, but he only pulled me closer. “I’m talking about you running off from Arrana, alone, without an escort—about lying to me and making a fool of me—of nearly getting yourself raped and killed!”

  Like always, his overbearing attitude caused my knee-jerk reaction—to dispute him. “Nearly. Nearly, all right. I managed well enough without you, Wolfe.”

  “Well enough? Jonas told me how he found you, Rogan, and he spared me no details!”

  “Will you stop yelling? Are you trying to get us into bother?” I hissed, glancing around to make sure we were still alone.

  “Stop trying to wriggle your way out of discussing it.”

  Using all my strength, I tugged out of Wolfe’s grasp, my cheeks hot with frustration and anger. “Did you ever stop to consider I might not be ready to discuss it?”

  Wolfe’s expression changed instantly. Concern softened his features. “Rogan …”

  I shook my head.

  “Fine. But what about my first question? You ran away, Rogan. From me. You knew I would come after you and as far as you knew, I had no way of knowing which way you went. I could have gotten lost up here.”

  Guilt gnawed at me and I shook my head in denial. “No. I didn’t … I thought if you did chance into the mountains, you would bring an escort. Chaeron. Or a few of the men. I didn’t think you would be foolish enough to come all the way into the mountains after me alone.”

  “You’re lying,” he hissed. “You knew I’d come after you, Rogan, you had to have known that.”

  I clenched my jaw trying to stop the tears that choked me. Hanging my head, I didn’t say anything in return. Was he right? Had I known Wolfe loved me enough to do that? I knew what kind of man he was. Because of my fear of being alone with him, a fear of my own damn feelings, had I selfishly put him in danger? I didn’t know. I had no response. There was nothing I could say.

  All this time I’d fretted that his parentage meant perhaps he didn’t deserve me. But really … I didn’t deserve him.

  “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew I had to get this plant. For Haydyn.”

  “And still she lies,” he whispered bitterly.

  We didn’t speak after that.

  The journey downhill cut the time in half.

  By late night, Wolfe and I broke out of the trees and into Hill o’ Hope.

  I chanced a glance at Wolfe. “You came through here too?”

  He nodded, not looking my way. “I stayed with a man called Brint Lokam. He told me he’d sheltered a young woman who was looking for the Pool of Phaedra.”

  My mouth fell open. “He knew I was a girl?”

  Wolfe flicked me a patronizing look. I harrumphed. I’d so thought my disguise had worked. Had all of Hill o’ Hope known I was a girl? My cheeks flamed with embarrassment.

  We crossed through the quiet hill, noise, cheer, and light spilling out of Hope Tavern. Wolfe didn’t stop. He headed toward the Lokams’ shack. I shook my head in wonder at the thought of Brint. He’d been such a gentleman. No wonder he’d seemed so concerned about letting me go into the mountains alone. He knew I was a girl!

  The door to the shack opened before we even reached it and the tall figure of Brint appeared. He squinted in the dark, holding up a lantern, and then grinned when he recognized us. “Well, hullo there.”

  I waved and followed Wolfe up to the door.

  “Brint.” Wolfe held out his hand to shake. “Could we perhaps trespass upon your hospitality one more evening, Mr. Lokam?”

  Brint took Wolfe’s hand, shaking it heartily as he grinned. “No needin’ to be askin’.” He shook us off gruffly and grinned wider as I passed. Brint must have seen the look on my face because he said, “Ye wasn’t thinkin’ ol’ Brint was bein’ fooled by the boy’s outfit o’ yers? Not even wee Tera. She likes a bonny maid does our Tera.”

  Wolfe raised an eyebrow as I blushed, but I refused to tell him about the night at Hope Tavern. Not that I was sure he’d appreciate me speaking to him anyway.

  Anna was happy to offer us food and ale, and they put down blankets by the fire for us to sleep on. Wolfe was so mad at me, he slept at the kitchen table.

  I didn’t think I had ever been happier to be on flat ground in my life.

  I celebrated my last step off the Alvernian Mountains by rushing into the arms of Lieutenant Chaeron, who, u
nlike Wolfe, was happy to see me. I ignored Wolfe’s grunt as he strode past us. Chaeron squeezed me hard and I pulled back. Half the Guard filled the narrow trade road leading away from the mountains. They all pretended to be indifferent to my clothing and the fact that I was informally hugging Chaeron, treating him as a friend. But he was a friend. And I was thankful to see him again.

  “Another hour and be damned Wolfe’s orders, I was coming up to get you both. I am delighted to see you are well, Miss Rogan.” Chaeron smiled wearily at me. I wondered if he’d slept much since my running away.

  “You too, Chaeron. I got the plant!” I whispered excitedly.

  He smiled in relief and then lifted his gaze to Wolfe, who was taking off the winter coat and replacing it with his emerald jacket. We both watched as he mounted his horse.

  “He’s not speaking to me,” I said forlornly.

  “You frightened him, Miss Rogan. Give him time.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t think even time would fix the situation between me and Wolfe. Chaeron had no idea what I’d gone through up on that mountain. For that to have happened to me surely made Wolfe sick. He was a man who felt it his calling in life to protect others. And I hadn’t let him protect me. I hadn’t trusted him.

  With another woeful look at the man who had so surprisingly complicated my life, I turned and mounted the horse Chaeron had waiting for me.

  “Don’t you wish to remove that coat, Miss Rogan?” Chaeron inquired as he pulled up beside me.

  “Don’t you dare.” Wolfe was suddenly in front of us, his eyes blazing. “It’s indecent what you’re wearing, Rogan. You will not take that off in front of my men.”

  “Indecent?” Chaeron’s brow furrowed.

  “You saw?” I blushed, half-aghast, half-annoyed at his overbearing command.

  “At the Mosses’.” He nodded. “Before you put the jacket on.” A strange look entered his eyes, and I could have sworn a flush rose on the crest of his cheeks. He shifted on his horse and then glared at me. “Keep it on.” And then he headed off, leading the way for me and Chaeron to move through the men (who all nodded their relieved greetings at me) so we were in front of the entourage.