Arm Candy

by T. C. Littles

  As we walked through the nursery, I felt crappy noticing the incubators and cribs decorated specially for the babies. It made me feel sad and worthless that I hadn’t taken the time to do something so simple but had made time to fight his stepmother and destroy his dad’s home. The more I thought about my decisions in life, the more disgusted I was with myself. K.J. wasn’t a week old and was already lacking as a result of my bitterness. There wasn’t a choice for me to do better. I had to do better. I just didn’t necessarily know how.

  “Have a seat, Mom. I’ll get him out for you to hold.” The nurse slid over the rocking chair.

  I got overly emotional after she placed him in my arms. Although he was still extremely small, he was getting a tad bit darker from the light, bright complexion he was when they pulled him from my belly. It looked like he was getting better. I rubbed his fingers and kissed his nose. He smelled so good, felt so soft, and smiled at the angels in his dreams.

  “You’re perfect, absolutely perfect, baby,” I whispered to him sweetly.

  “He sure is, Mom. You should be proud of your little slugger. He’s drinking more milk and responding very well to the medicine the doctor has him on. He’ll be ready to go home very soon.”

  What she thought was good news actually threw me into a panic. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted K.J. healthy and home with me, but I was scared of failing his needs. Tiana and I were at each other’s throats, so I knew the tension would be thick between us at home. Not to mention the countless issues with King, who wasn’t even welcomed on the projects premises anymore, at least without there being friction from a few folks. There wasn’t one good thing I could think of that I had to offer my little one besides me, and even my mentality needed some work.

  “Okay, Mom, tell me what you’re thinking and what’s wrong. I’ve been raising kids so long that my senses are picking up on your discomfort. I’m a great-grandmother. When you get to be my age, you’ll be able to read minds too.”

  Part of me wanted to keep my feelings bottled up to spare me any embarrassment. I wanted to tell her I had everything for him prepared to come home and was ready to take on being a mother full-time. Yet the wiser side of me fought through to tell her the truth. I needed help, and a quiet mouth ain’t never got fed. That motto is what got me fucking King in the first place.

  “Come on, girl, and talk. I’m too old to hurt you, and I can only help if you let me.”

  For the first time in a long time, it felt like someone genuinely cared about me. She was a complete stranger but seemed completely invested in finding out my inner thoughts. The feeling felt too good to pass up the opportunity to get the “Big Ma” I needed and wanted.

  “I’m scared. I love this baby more than life itself. I just hope and wish I can give him everything he needs.” My lips trembled with each word.

  “Okay, sweetheart, you’re gonna have to do more than hope and wish to give him his necessities. Giving him a lot of love is vital, showing up for him is important, but providing for him is going to require a firm foundation along with hard work to maintain it.”

  A complete stranger was reading me like a book. Biting my lip, I looked down at K.J. and let fall the tears I’d been holding in. The more truth she spoke, the more tears of admittance I answered with. Finally, I broke down, telling her the truth from start to finish. I even told her about the fight between my baby daddy and his wife. If I thought there was empathy or sympathy felt from the nurse who seemed so compassionate toward her job and even more concerned toward me, I was completely thrown for a loop by her next statement.

  “You’re in no position to provide that baby with all that he needs. I think you should speak with the hospital’s social worker for some assistance.”

  Tiana

  “What’s up with ya girl? Is she going through postpartum depression or something?”

  “To be honest with you, Cam, I don’t know what her problem is. As much as I’ve been there for her, you’d think she be more thankful. I’m done, though. She’s on her own for all the games King is certain to play.”

  Getting drunk with Cameron and her cousins, I wasn’t thinking about Rayna throwing a tantrum or trying to jump dumb on me. If she wanted to act like I was shady when all I’d done was have her back, to hell with putting my neck out there for her again.

  “All I know is that both of y’all friend better not pin no bullshit on us for having her back. I don’t know her like that, so I have no problem popping a bitch.” Cameron’s cousin put her two cents in.

  “I doubt if she’ll throw shade at us like that, but when it comes to King’s ass, you’ll never know.” I shook my head, swishing the liquor around in my mouth. “If either of them does, though, Jesus better be a fence.”

  We all shared a few more laughs, a few more drinks, and a few more Kush blunts. The more of a buzz I got, the more in my feelings I got about my and Rayna’s argument. I’d had her back when King turned his on hers, so I was actually more salty than upset about her playing me to the left. Before she found him on the internet doing songs then stalked him to become his groupie, it had been me and her having fun. I swear I can’t stand a change-up chick. I’m about to text her and see what tip she’s on now.

  Me: What’s up? You still acting funny?

  Three minutes passed, and there still wasn’t a reply. I took a sip from my cup then texted her again.

  Me: Helllloooo, you don’t see me texting you?

  Me: All this over that nigga King?

  The more I sipped and waited on my phone to ring with her response, the more agitated I got. After about ten text messages of me being absolutely messy, I called Rayna’s phone but got sent straight to voicemail. That’s when I really lost my cool.

  Me: You brought all this shade on ya’self. See ya when you get back to the PJ’s.

  “Hey, y’all, I’ll be right back,” I announced to Cameron and her cousins.

  Rayna knew firsthand how vindictive and malicious I could be, so I didn’t know why she wanted my wrath turned on her. I walked out onto Cameron’s stoop and started going through my phone for the phone number I needed.

  Rayna moved into my subsidized town unit with me a few years back when she couldn’t afford nor get a place on her own because of her fucked-up credit. She didn’t have a job, wasn’t dating a “get money” type of nigga, and didn’t even know how to scam the system for food stamps. Me being her girl, I didn’t judge her, though. To be honest, I felt her struggle. Until the projects schooled me on how to get over, I was in her same predicament.

  I taught my roommate all the tricks of the trade that came along with being a PJ chick. Our rent was barely $200 a month, both of us were pulling in close to $200 in food stamps, plus a few different hustlers who kept the projects pumping with weed and dope connected with her on the strength of me. By the time I was done schooling Rayna, she knew how to survive by the skin of her teeth. She owed me more gratitude than what she was expressing, and fuck if it seems like I wanted her to kiss my ass. I did. I’d helped her come up, but she wasn’t giving a bitch credit for shit. The same way I’d made her life better, I could make her life hell.

  “Yes, I’d like to either speak with or leave a message for the hospital’s social worker, please.” I put on the best imitation of a proper voice I could. Being a true product of my environment, my first language wasn’t English but Ebonics.

  “One moment,” the operator responded then put me hold.

  I quickly went over what I was going to say in my head so I wouldn’t stutter. What I was about to say needed to sound believable and urgent.

  “Hello, this is Mrs. Janice Thompson,” the social worker answered my call.

  Taking a deep breath so I could sound as educated as possible, I began acting out my malicious plan of payback. “Hi, I’d like to give a report anonymously. There’s a baby who’s been born who doesn’t have a safe place to go home to. I know it’s your job to make sure homes are adequate, mothers are stable, and babies are saf
e. If you let King Wallace Jr. leave the hospital with Rayna Robinson, I can assure you he won’t be safe. Don’t have another case similar to that chick whose kids ended up in the freezer.”

  If she didn’t get goose bumps from my final sentence, she was immortal as fuck because I did. Disconnecting the call, I hoped the social worker got both names and heard my complaint loud and clear. Wrong or not, it was fuck friendship, because my loyalty to Rayna had played out.

  Rayna

  “Oh, hell naw!” I jumped toward the nurse, shouting. K.J. was still nestled in my arms, and I didn’t care about the babies I’d interrupted and made cry. The nurse needed to be checked because she must’ve been out of her rabbit-ass mind. “You must be plum-nigga nuts if you think I’m about to tell a social worker any of what I just told you. Naw, matter of fact, I must’ve been crazy for trusting your ass.” I was ready to physically explode on the nurse, and my hand was itching to slap her. I would’ve done it if K.J. weren’t in my arms fa’sho. I was tired of people backing me into a corner.

  “Whoa, sweetheart, stop creating a scene, because I promise I’m not trying to upset you.” She frantically looked around. “Everything is fine, everyone. Please just get the babies back resting. There was just a small misunderstanding, but it’s all under control.” Waving away the nurses who were coming toward us, she then turned toward me with the same warmth and glow that made me trust her in the first place. “Listen, sweetheart, I heard every single word you told me, so I understand you’re questioning everyone’s loyalty to you. Especially when a li’l ol’ lady drops the words every young black girl hates to hear. However, the social worker is a friend of mine, another dear old lady.” She sounded convincing.

  When she placed her hand on my shoulder, my tension melted. I looked down at K.J., who was looking wide-eyed at me, and knew I didn’t have a choice but to trust someone. My responsibility was to give him the world, but all I owned were the belongings in my shabby bedroom. King was in the wind, Tiana kept putting me in my feelings by constantly throwing shade, and at the end of the day, I didn’t have parents to fall back on.

  “Listen, all I have is the little guy. I’d kill myself if we were separated from one another. If you fuck me, old lady, I’ll fuck you right back. Respectfully speaking, you better take those words to heart.”

  Although my attitude was fierce and I was directly breaking the code of respecting my elders, I needed the nurse to be trustworthy and a woman who stood up to her promises.

  “There’ll be no need for that,” she chuckled. “Finish your visit up with your handsome son, then come get me from the nurse’s station. From there, we’ll go down to meet my friend, Mrs. Janice.”

  The nurse was gone, so I was busy bonding with my son. He was absolutely precious. I fed him, burped him, rocked him, and of course took a million pictures of my li’l creation. I wanted to post a few on my social sites and even send King some, but there still hadn’t been any communication from either of us since that text. I knew all signs of him and Samira’s house going up in flames pointed toward me, so my plan was to play it low-key until the truth hit the fan. What else could I do?

  My phone was blowing up, and it was Tiana. In spite of me wanting to see how she was feeling and how our friendship was lying after the blowup in Cam’s car, this wasn’t the right time. I had to finish up visiting with K.J. so I could see what the Mrs. Janice chick was all about. I’d call her back once I left the hospital, but for now, I sent her straight to my voicemail.

  Tiana

  “Remind me to never get on your bad side,” Cameron half-ass joked with a judgmental look on her face. “I knew you were a raw bitch but not that raw.”

  “Whatever!” I threw my hand up. “Ain’t nobody tell you to be eavesdropping on my conversation. When you heard me on the phone, you should’ve stepped back from the door and given me my privacy.”

  “And you should’ve taken your ass on across the parking lot to your own spot. You know I’m not the type of chick to keep my opinion to myself. That was foul. Rayna Ray didn’t deserve for you to throw shade on her like that. Trust me, it ain’t no joke to have child protective services running through your business. I’ve been there plenty of times.” Cameron puffed on a blunt and looked at me, shaking her head like I’d turned her in.

  “I ain’t trying to hear no speech on shit, Cameron. What’s done is done, and sometimes you’ve gotta teach lessons the hard way. I’ll get at y’all later. I’m not in the mood to get chastised by no project chick.”

  “Well, get the fuck on then. You ain’t stopping no party, and I ain’t in the mood to be around no fake chicks today. See ya later,” Cameron popped off.

  I stood up with an attitude. The rage in me wanted to fly across the room and beat Cameron’s ass, but I knew I couldn’t beat both her cousins, too. It was cool, though. I’d get at Cam once she didn’t have them here. I was smart enough not to get jumped.

  After stomping across the parking lot to my unit, I hit the stoop and called my dude to come keep me company. I was tired of being around pussy and needed some dick to balance my hormonal ass out.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  King

  The hotel room was quiet besides Samira’s snores. Sitting in the chair across from the bed, I had my legs crossed and my eyes locked in on the woman I’d made my wife. It was hard accepting what she’d done to spite me. She’d been in my corner for so long that it didn’t feel right knowing she’d played me just as grimy as I’d played her and still was. I guessed I should’ve never taken what I had for granted and underestimated what levels of revenge she’d go to once shit became too much for her to endure.

  Samira was knocked out in the same bed I’d slept with Jamila in a few hours ago. Sure it was a doggie-dog move and a trifling thing to do, but she’d fucked my boy in our house. She deserved some type of payback. Truth be told, Samira was lucky I didn’t choke her soul out of her body. The harder I tried not thinking about Johnie stroking her pussy cat, the more I thought about it.

  I might’ve been trying to let shit slide, because I knew I’d started the domino effect of pieces falling and I ultimately didn’t need Rayna turned in, but the foulness behind Samira’s actions was still beating me in the gut. It wasn’t a shocker, but each time I tried thinking of reasons to stay with Samira, I found myself listing reasons why I should make my family work with Rayna.

  It was just hard to up and bounce on Samira given our history, though. No matter what she was guilty of doing, I knew what skeletons were in my closet. I was just as grimy. Me fucking Jamila evened the score. The least I could do was give her the chance she’d given me several times. Today just wasn’t about to be that day.

  Not being able to lie up under Samira, I’d gotten up and showered and gotten dressed. I was ready to hit the streets. Johnie hadn’t hit me back yet, but that was all the more reason why I needed to start making some moves on my end. He wasn’t about to keep standing up in the music industry on my shoulders. All the beats I’d produced, hits I’d made, and connections I’d linked him to were about to be severed. It was time I started pulling strings like the fuckin’ boss I was.

  “Babe, I’ll be right back.” I shook Samira lightly to wake her. “I’ve gotta go to the studio to handle the mess you’ve helped create. I shouldn’t be long, but I’ll at least be a few hours.”

  “Nope, King, that won’t be happening,” she hissed, popping up like she hadn’t been asleep at all. “Now that we seem to be back on the right track, I’m not letting you out of my sight. I’m going to the studio if you are. Hell, you’re lucky I’m letting you pee without standing over you like a warden.”

  I snickered at Samira although I knew she was serious. “This is all work, Mira. There’s no reason for you to feel insecure or like you’ve gotta watch over me.”

  “Like hell I don’t. If I would’ve been on your shoulder like a parrot back when you met ol’ girl, we wouldn’t be down to scraps living in a hotel room now. I might’ve mad
e a major mistake with Johnie, but leaving you free to mingle with these bitches won’t happen again.”

  Before I could contest her claims, Samira was out of bed, putting on the only clothes she owned. I knew an argument would follow if I disputed her wants any further, so I sat down quietly and gave in for the first time to my wife. I definitely needed a joint and a double shot. It was about to be a long day.

  “Why don’t you take a hot shower while I ease my nerves for a bit, Samira? You’ve had a long day, and I need to get my mind right before going out to handle business.” Pulling out the bottle of Patrón Jamila brought with her earlier, I was popping the cork before she responded.

  “You better not pull a slick move and be gone by the time I come out.” She looked at me suspiciously.

  “We already have more than enough problems to sort out. If you’ve never believed a word from my mouth, trust that I’m not planning on leaving this hotel without you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not the only one in this room who requires a close watch.”

  “I guess I deserved that,” she huffed, rolling her eyes. “And I also guess it’s gonna be a long and gruesome time before your disgust for me dies down. I’ve been with you long enough to tell when you’re pissed and trying to swallow your pride.” She read me without hesitation.

  “I can’t lie and say it won’t be, Samira.” Taking a swig straight from the bottle, I needed liquid courage for the conversation staring me dead on. “I know I fucked up by bringing a bunch of bitches to your platter to deal with. I also know it was a helluva gut-wrenching blow for one of those chicks to end up pregnant. Hell, I’ll even be honest and say I knew it tore you to shreds to have me run out to be by Rayna’s side the day she gave birth. But none of that is comparable to what you did with Johnie. Of all the niggas you could’ve fucked and thrown in my face, why him? Not only did that taint my ego but it tainted my business.”