Extant

by Mary M Wallace

  “Okay,” she said, surprising him.

  He managed to hide his enthusiasm and only held out his arm for her to enter first. He heard her light footsteps and felt the moment she passed by him. She didn’t touch him, but there was a subtle shift in the air that signified her passing. The scent of her perfume grew stronger for just a moment and then she was past him, through the doorway and in his quarters. He tried not to think about the last time she’d been there and all that had changed since that night. He went inside and closed the door.

  Stella was still using her ability. He knew some people were bothered by the idea that someone could be in a room with them without their knowledge. He understood how it could be a little unnerving. Over the years, Rowan had spent so much time in Stella’s company that he could almost always tell when she was nearby, even when she tried to be stealthy. He knew she was here, even if she didn’t let him see her. God, he wished he could see her. His last image of her—standing in the tiny cell, eyes full of tears—was still burned into his memory. He tried to shake off that memory as he walked into the kitchen.

  “Do you want anything to drink?” he asked, taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

  “What happened?” she asked, her voice curious. Rowan walked closer to the sound of her voice and saw the broken photo frame still sitting on the small table. Sawyer had cleaned up the glass but left the picture and the frame lying there. He’d known it was there, but he hadn’t made any effort to replace the frame in the weeks since he’d thrown it against the wall. He’d been trying to avoid the memory of those smiling people.

  He took a drink from the bottle in his hand and nodded toward the picture. “It was a bad day,” he said. “I need a new frame, I guess.” He wished he could see her face, gage her reaction. He hated the distance between them, but he didn’t think he should push the subject. It was enough that she was here, talking to him.

  “I feel like so much has changed,” she said. “I don’t know where I fit anymore. I’m not that girl.” He knew she was referring to the girl in the photo.

  “I’m not that guy anymore,” he said, eyes on the photo. “None of us are who we used to be.”

  He heard her take a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “I don’t want to hide anymore,” she said, her voice soft.

  “You don’t have to,” he said. “Not with me. Not ever.”

  He didn’t know if what he said had made a difference or if it was because they were alone, but he watched as Stella slowly appeared before him. It was a gradual thing, starting at her feet and working its way up her body. Rowan felt his heartbeat speed up and he had to force himself not to run to her and take her in his arms. Whatever was between them now, it wasn’t what it once was, and he had to be okay with that. He was just happy to know that she still trusted him, at least enough to show herself to him. When she was fully visible, Rowan found that he didn’t know what to say to her. He studied her for a moment. Her hair was still a dark, radiant red that he didn’t think anyone else possessed. Her eyes, ever-changing—from green to gray to brown to some unnamed color that he’d spent hours staring at. He smiled.

  “There you are,” he said, a touch of wonder in his voice.

  She met his gaze for a long moment and they both stood there in silence, each aware of all the ways they’d changed since the last time they’d been together in this room. Stella wasn’t sure what to say or do. She knew that if anyone else had studied her the way Rowan was currently doing, she would have used her ability to vanish—to hide. She didn’t understand it. She’d never been shy or bothered by the scrutiny of others. But she’d never had reason to feel ashamed before, either. She’d never been responsible for the deaths of innocent people before. Standing here with Rowan now, she pushed those thoughts from her mind and just looked at him.

  She thought of a dozen different things she could say in that moment, but in the end, she took the easy way out.

  “What were you saying before? About Bree and Declan?” she asked, seeming to surprise him with the change of subject.

  He blinked. “Oh,” he said, smiling. “Right. I think we managed to make Bree mad.” He chuckled again. “You know Declan’s a mimic, right?” When she nodded, he went on. “For months now, he’s been trying to get me to teach him how to use my ability.” When Stella’s brows went up, he nodded. “Exactly. I tried to talk him out of it. I tried to explain how hard it is to control, but he wouldn’t listen. Now that he’s benched from active duty, he’s got even more time on his hands to pester me. So, he showed up this morning and talked me into trying.”

  “Rowan,” she said, her voice scolding.

  “I know,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

  “What happened?” she asked, concern in her voice.

  “He got a little overwhelmed,” Rowan said sheepishly.

  Stella’s eyes narrowed. “How overwhelmed?”

  Rowan rolled his eyes and wouldn’t meet her gaze. “He screamed like a baby and passed out after about 10 seconds.”

  “Rowan!” Now the accusation was strong in her voice.

  “I know!” he said again, throwing his hands up. “I tried to warn him. He wouldn’t listen. And besides, if I hadn’t agreed, he would have just tried it without me. I was trying to help.”

  “Hmm,” Stella said, her tone implying that she didn’t believe him. “Are you sure you weren’t just curious about what would happen?”

  Rowan looked at her for a moment before his lips curved into a smile. “Maybe a little.”

  Stella shook her head and he saw a hint of amusement in her eyes. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was something and he wanted it to last forever. He had to keep reminding himself not to stare at her. He didn’t want to freak her out. It wasn’t easy though. He hadn’t seen her in so long and now she was standing three feet away. He forced himself to look away.

  “How will you make it work?” Stella asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Declan using your ability,” she said. “Have you thought of a way to make it work?”

  “Not yet,” Rowan said. “Apparently my coaching is pretty useless. You remember how long it took me to control it. I don’t know how long it’ll take to teach Declan. Assuming Bree lets him try again.” The last was said with a teasing chuckle.

  Stella’s brow was furrowed as she seemed to be thinking. Rowan forgot what he’d been about to say as he watched her. She was unbelievably adorable, and he felt himself being drawn to her as he’d always been. She brought her thumb to her mouth and tapped her teeth with her nail as she seemed to be considering something. Rowan was thoroughly distracted by the gesture, and it took him a moment to understand what she was saying when she finally spoke.

  “What about Rylee?” Stella said turning to face him. At Rowan’s look of confusion, she said, “She can control emotions, right? Maybe she can help. Keep things calm?”

  Rowan thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t considered Rylee’s ability before now. Probably because he hadn’t seriously believed Declan would go through with it after all he’d learned. He wondered if Rylee could manage to be a calming influence even while someone was being inundated with so much information at once. It was possible.

  “That’s a good idea,” he said. “It could work.”

  He nodded, his brow furrowed before he turned back to Stella. His face cleared, and he gave her a smile that made something inside her spark to life. She looked away before she blushed, fighting against the urge to use her ability and vanish. She knew she needed to stop hiding. Hadn’t she told him she was trying? Coming here this afternoon was supposed to be a step towards that. She took a deep breath and tamped down the urge to flee.

  Forcing herself to turn and face Rowan, she gave him a timid smile in return. It felt foreign and unfamiliar, but she found that she liked the feeling. It had been so long since she’d smiled.

  “You think so?” she asked him.

  “It’s
worth a shot,” he said with a shrug. “I bet Bree would be less inclined to kick my ass if her mom was on board.”

  Stella’s smile came easily this time, without her having to remember how to make her lips curve upward. The longer they talked, the more natural her smile felt. Being with Rowan here like this felt right, normal, like coming home. The two of them sat together on the couch and he caught her up on everything she’d missed while she was gone. They talked about Corbin and Sawyer, speculating about that relationship. Neither knew what to make of those two. They were both so stubborn that it was likely to remain a mystery for a while longer. Rowan kept talking, filling her in on all the things she’d missed in her absence. Some of it she’d heard from Gwynn or Sawyer, but she let him go on talking anyway. She’d forgotten how animated he got when he told a story. He told her how Declan, Bree, Jon and Rylee had come to live at the compound. They reminisced over Tess and Liam and they laughed over Pax’s attempts to flirt with every girl in the compound. Not to mention his utter failure to keep a steady girlfriend.

  Eventually, their stomachs reminded them that they’d skipped dinner. Rowan volunteered to forage through his kitchen for a meal.

  “I’ll cook us something really quick,” he said, as he walked toward the kitchen.

  Stella’s shock showed on her face. “You? Cook?” she said with wide eyes.

  Rowan pretended to be offended. “I can cook!” he said indignantly. “A little.” He smiled. “Okay, I can cook pasta from a box. Also, I don’t want to brag, but I’ve been told my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are amazing.”

  Stella smiled and gave a dramatic sigh. “How can I resist?” she said. “Please tell me you have strawberry jelly?”

  Rowan looked at her as if she’d grown a second head. “Obviously. Only the best for you.”

  Stella laughed. She didn’t know where it came from and the sound was unfamiliar, but she laughed. For the first time in months, she forgot to be afraid. She forgot to keep her guard up and she forgot the ever-present guilt that shrouded her. As she did, she felt something inside her begin to shift and loosen. She looked at Rowan who was looking back at her and she remembered how it felt to be normal. She remembered how it felt to be happy. The two of them had spent so many nights like this before—talking, laughing in the kitchen as they made dinner. She used to joke that they were like an old married couple even though they were only in their 20s. As Rowan moved around the kitchen, gathering the items he needed, Stella was struck by a wave of longing. She missed those people. She missed who she’d been with him and what they’d been to one another. She longed to go back to those days. Tonight was the first time since her return that she thought maybe it wasn’t such an impossibility.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Rowan knocked on Declan’s door the next morning and waited. He’d purposely come when he knew Bree would be training. He wasn’t sure he wanted to anger her again so soon. He’d given Stella’s idea a lot of thought after she’d left the night before, and he believed it could work. He wanted to run the idea by Declan and get his thoughts. And then he wanted to okay it with Bree before they tried it. He didn’t want to be on her bad side again.

  When Declan opened the door, he gave Rowan a wry look which made him laugh.

  “You should have known better,” Rowan said in a sing-song voice.

  Declan conceded the point with a nod. “I know,” he said. “But she overreacted.” He held the door open for Rowan to come inside.

  “Maybe, but she wasn’t wrong,” Rowan said, turning back to look at Declan who still stood near the door. When Declan opened his mouth to argue, Rowan held up a hand. “Just hear me out,” he said.

  Declan sighed, but said, “Go ahead.”

  Rowan said, “I think we went about things all wrong yesterday. We weren’t really prepared.” When Declan just looked at him, he went on. “We need Rylee. It’s so simple and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.” Declan’s brow furrowed in confusion.

  “What does Rylee have to do with this?” he asked.

  Rowan’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Rylee can keep you calm and focused while you tap into my ability. I’ve never experienced her ability, but you have. Do you think it’ll work? Is it strong enough?”

  Declan gave Rowan’s idea some thought. “Huh,” he said in surprise. “Why didn’t I think of that.”

  Rowan’s smile grew. “I know, man,” he said, his words coming fast as he let his excitement show. “When Stella said it, it just seemed so obvious. I don’t know why it didn’t hit me sooner.”

  Declan’s brows went up at the mention of Stella and he gave Rowan a look. “Stella, huh?” he said. “You guys are talking now?”

  Rowan shrugged. “I don’t know what we’re doing, to be honest,” he said. “We talked a few nights ago. Well I talked, and she stayed invisible, but she was listening. Then yesterday when I left here, she was outside my door.” Declan watched as Rowan began to pace the length of the living room while he talked. He could tell that this was important to him by the way he refused to make eye contact.

  “I knew she was there, so I said her name. She didn’t have to answer, right? But she did.” He pointed a finger in emphasis. “And then we started talking and the next thing I know, I’m inviting her inside. I mean, she didn’t have to come in. She could have said no. I expected her to say no, but she didn’t. She came in and we talked. I mean, she kept herself hidden at first. But then she let me see her. She smiled, and I made her laugh.” He stopped his manic pacing for a moment and smiled. “It was good, you know?”

  He turned to Declan as though needing confirmation. He nodded and Rowan went on. “We had dinner. We talked some more and then she said it was late and she needed to get home. I walked her to the door and she left.” He pushed his hair back off his face and gave Declan a confused look. “That’s okay, right? I mean, we’re not Rowan and Stella anymore. We’re friends. We had a nice night and then she went home. Nothing major. Just two friends hanging out and eating dinner.” He took a deep breath and Declan watched as he paced some more, muttering unintelligible things under his breath.

  “Rowan?” he said after a minute.

  “Hmm?”

  “Did you have an actual question you wanted me to answer?”

  Rowan stopped pacing and walked over to the couch where he sat down with a sigh. “Do you think it’s too late for us? Stella and me?”

  Declan looked at Rowan’s confused face for a moment and gave a shrug. “What do I know?” he said. “Bree’s the one who kept pushing me until I realized I was being an idiot.” He walked over to the chair and sat down. “Listen, man,” he said. “You’re the one who told me that you wished you had a second chance. This is it. This is your second chance. Maybe it’ll work out and maybe it won’t, but you owe it to yourself to try, right?”

  Rowan didn’t say anything at first. He just sat there, thinking over Declan’s words. After a moment, he nodded.

  “Maybe,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know. I just wish I knew what she wanted.”

  Declan gave a little laugh. “When you figure out how to know what a woman really wants, let me know.”

  Rowan chuckled, acknowledging Declan’s point with a nod. After a few seconds of silence, Rowan leaned back against the couch and blew out a breath.

  “Right,” he said. “Back to the real reason I came.” He looked at Declan. “I think we need to try again, but we need Rylee and Bree on board. Rylee for her ability and Bree because I don’t want to piss her off again.”

  Declan laughed. “She can be kinda scary, right?” He looked at Rowan with furrowed brows. “I think she kept that bossy side hidden until after she had me locked down.”

  “Ha!” Rowan barked a laugh. “Smart woman.”

  Declan thought about Rowan’s plan. It made sense. If anyone could help him stay calm, it was Rylee. He wasn’t looking forward to feeling like his head was going to explode again, but maybe that wouldn’t happen with Ryl
ee there. He didn’t know for certain if it would work, but it was the best chance he could think of.

  He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “When can we start?”

  Rowan and Declan were waiting for the others at their usual table in the dining hall when the team walked in with their lunches. They’d decided on complete transparency this time and that meant talking to the entire team about their plan. Plus, they hoped Bree would be less likely to make a scene in the crowded dining hall. Declan was still shocked at how upset she’d been the night before. After making sure he was okay and calling him an idiot, she’d gone to her own quarters to sleep. He told himself it was fine. They were fine. They didn’t need to spend every second together. Still, it was their first real disagreement since becoming a couple and he didn’t like the way it made him feel. He’d apologized to her before she’d left, but he knew she was still upset with him. He’d slept badly, tossing and turning all night.

  When Bree entered the dining hall with the others, she immediately noticed Declan and Rowan sitting at the table. Her steps faltered, but she forced herself to keep walking as though their presence had no effect on her. She followed the others to the table and sat, giving Declan and Rowan only the briefest of glances. Sawyer watched this byplay with a curious expression, glancing from Bree to the two men.

  “Hey guys,” she said, her tone suspicious. “What’s up?”

  Declan looked around at the faces of his teammates. “We came here to talk to all of you. We had an idea to run by you guys.”

  Bree’s brows rose as she used her fork to spear a piece of lettuce in her salad. “Hmm,” she said. “Now you want to include others?”

  Declan’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t respond. “We felt that we should include the team on this decision,” he said.