Outside Looking In: A Browerton University Book

by Truman, A. J.

  “As I asked before, what the hell are you doing?” Liam asked. “You scared the sheep.”

  His livestock continued to scurry in all directions, and now his sheepdog was out and barking at them. It was as if Liam had fired off his shotgun. In moments, Mark would probably be out here.

  “The cab dropped me off at the address, where there should be a front door.”

  “The cab dropped you at the edge of my field.”

  “You need to talk to Google Maps. The GPS in this area is all fucked up.” The man took a drag of his cigarette.

  “Could you not smoke on the premises?”

  “I just went through a life-threatening, traumatic experience. I deserve some nicotine.” He took another defiant puff.

  “That was your fault. What were you doing sneaking through my field?”

  “I do not appreciate the tone.” The man eyed Liam up and down, blatantly checking him out and reminding Liam that he was only in boxers. “I see farmers’ uniforms have changed since the days of Old McDonald.”

  Liam crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Is this eleven Puriri Street?” the man asked.

  “It’s nine.” Many people made that mistake. Liam had only established a residence on the land when he decided to move back, and online maps hadn’t caught up yet. Mark lived at eleven Puriri Street, and a spark of worry ignited in his kid brother.

  “Is it that house?” The man pointed with his cigarette at Mark’s house across the field. The light of the living room glowed in the darkness.

  “You’re a bit sus. Who are you looking for?”

  “Mark Foster.”

  “What for?”

  The man stared at Liam for an extra second. Whatever his reason, he wasn’t saying.

  “Right. I take it that’s his house over there. Thank you for your help.” The man wheeled his suitcase across the field. Liam didn’t trust him for a second and followed right behind him, not caring how little clothing he was wearing.

  Nathan

  Ah, New Zealand, the land where half-naked farmers followed you through dark fields at night.

  At least this farmer was easy on the eyes, with his thick chest and ropey arms.

  Not like Nathan was looking. He was focused on the house in front of him. It beckoned to him like a lighthouse in this sea of farm darkness. Nathan’s head was still reeling from the combination of jet lag, Ambien, and mimosas he had on the plane. He didn’t know what day it was, not because he was drunk but that whole international dateline business.

  “What is your business with Mark Foster?” the farmer asked. Still following him. Still half-naked.

  “It’s personal,” Nathan said.

  “What do you mean personal?”

  “I mean none of your bloody business.” Nathan whipped his head around. “Either you’re stalking me or blatantly checking out my bum. Whichever it is, please stop.”

  That left the farmer gasping for words. The tips of his ears turned red, something that brought the twist of a smile to Nathan’s lips.

  “What—I—no, I am not checking out anything, just this potential maniac going to see my brother for some mysterious reason.”

  “Brother?” Nathan’s suitcase got caught on a rock. He packed way too much, but he didn’t know how long he would be here, and he wanted to make sure he had appropriate outfits depending on how this all played out. He tugged on the handle, but the wheel was wedged and would not budge.

  The farmer came around and lifted the full suitcase as if it were no heavier than a paperback novel. Nathan might’ve glimpsed his biceps at work.

  “Thank you.” Nathan took back the luggage handle. He looked into the milky grey-blue eyes of this farmer, which reminded him of the cloudy London sky he’d left behind this morning, or yesterday, or whatever time it was. “I come in peace. I promise.”

  He arrived in front of a modest, two-story house with warmly lit windows that hummed with life on the other side.

  You can do this. You traveled halfway around the world to do this.

  Mark looked Nathan up and down when he opened the door, not in a sexy way. Nathan wondered if he could tell. Did the hair or eyes give it away that Nathan was his late wife’s bastard child?

  “Hiya,” Nathan said to the widower. He tried to read all the microexpressions creasing his face, but there was zero flash of recognition.

  “I found him wandering across the field with my livestock,” the farmer said. “He was looking for your house.”

  Nathan bit his lip. He felt even more embarrassed now. Thanks a lot, sexy farmer.

  “Thanks, Liam,” Mark said. He turned to Nathan. “Can I help you?”

  And here it was. This was the moment. This was what his journey was about.

  “Yes. You can. I am here because…wow, I just want to say what a beautiful house you have.”

  It had a lived-in feeling, like people actually liked being in this house. Unlike his dad’s high-rise London flat and paternal grandparents’ museum-esque abode. A hand-sewn quilt was draped over the couch and the coffee table had slight nicks in the wood, probably from children playing. It was the least posh place Nathan had been in, but it also was the one that felt the most like a home.

  “Thank you,” Mark said. “It’s not for sale.”

  “Right. Though in this market…” Nathan was stalling for time, but he couldn’t figure out why. The words were on his tongue! Your late wife is my mother!

  “Why are you here?” Liam glared icy lasers at Nathan. He was screwing up Nathan’s flow.

  “I’m here…”

  “Dad, what’s going on?” A boy stumbled halfway down the stairs. His red hair swished and slopped across his head. Red hair!

  That’s my brother!

  “Who’s there?” A teenage girl followed behind him in a t-shirt and sweatpants and stopped at the step above him.

  That’s my sister!

  “It’s nothing,” Mark said to them. “Why don’t you go back upstairs? It’s almost time for sleep.”

  “It’s way past Uncle Liam’s bedtime,” the girl said with a smile at the farmer, who was in no mood for inside jokes apparently. They returned back into their rooms. Nathan’s eyes landed on a family picture that was on the wall where they just stood. The four of them smiled at the beach. His mum had the prettiest smile, full of teeth, full of life.

  Nathan had to catch his breath.

  Mark turned back to him, waiting for an answer. His heavenly patience was showing cracks, whereas Liam’s patience was nonexistent from the get-go. He did that windmill hand motion to get Nathan to spit it out.

  Nathan froze with fear. What if they reacted poorly? Nathan had one shot with them, and Eamonn’s warnings rushed back into his head. He didn’t want to mess this up. The truth was on his lips, but in that moment, all Nathan wanted to do was lie. Lies were easy.

  He noticed a stack of flyers inside, on the table beside the door.

  “I’m here for the farmhand position.”

  “What?” Liam interjected.

  “I saw one of the flyers you posted.”

  “It’s actually Liam’s farm.” Mark eyed his designer outfit. “You’re a farmhand?”

  A spark of inspiration came to Nathan. That one improv class was about to pay off. “Of course not. I’m an actor. I’m researching a new role I’m shooting in a few weeks where I play a farmhand. It’s…a gritty reboot of Babe.”

  “The kids movie about the pig?” Liam asked.

  “I quite loved that movie,” Mark said. “Are there no original ideas left?”

  “Mark!”

  “The director wants to shoot it almost cinema-verite style, and he tasked me with getting work on a sheep farm to prepare for the role.”

  “Can we confirm this with anyone?” Liam asked.

  “I am a legitimate actor. You can look me up on IMDB.” The production that Nathan was fired from hadn’t taken down his credit yet. He knew that final credits wouldn’t be confirmed u
ntil the film was locked and screened for the press months from now.

  Mark scrolled to Nathan’s page on his phone, which still had his headshot and bio, and nodded approvingly. Liam looked over his shoulder.

  “The director for this film doesn’t want to announce it to the press. He is planning to bring it as a surprise screening to the Cannes Film Festival.”

  “Why couldn’t you come here in the morning?” Liam asked.

  “I’m all screwed up from the time change. It’s morning to me.” That part Nathan wasn’t lying about. He was wide awake, though that was also because of the adrenaline pumping through him.

  “Well, this is an interesting development.” Mark slipped his phone back into his pocket. “But my brother needs someone who can do the hard work. Lambing seasons gets very hectic. Do you have any experience working as a farmhand?”

  “Yes. I gardened at university.” The lies spat out of Nathan like bullets in a machine gun of self-preservation. What the fuck am I doing? The only farmhand I’m familiar with is jerking off a random guy outside a barn! “You can talk to my former employer, Eamonn Charles. He ran a farm at Uppercross College.”

  Liam crossed his arms. “What did you grow?”

  Marijuana.

  “Tomatoes.”

  “This isn’t a tomato farm. Do you have any experience handling livestock?” Liam asked.

  “Even better!” Nathan raised a pointed finger in the air. “I’ve been to some of the hottest clubs in London. I’ve had to navigate through drunk, sweaty, aggressive crowds. If you think those sheep are a handful, try getting to front of the bar when the line is ten people deep. Try carrying your friends home when they’re too smashed to walk.” So technically, Nathan was that drunk friend, but he empathized with his friends’ struggle to lug him back to the hall.

  “This is unbelievable!” Liam ran his hands through his hair, which was as thick as his beard. “You are supremely under-qualified for this job.”

  “What I lack in experience, I make up for in grit.” Nathan had heard that in an inspirational movie before he passed out on his couch. It made the corner of Mark’s lip turn up into a smile.

  “So you’re from London? My wife spent some time there years ago.”

  “You don’t say?” Nathan’s voice cracked on the last word.

  “She studied at the Royal Academy for Dramatic Arts for a little bit. She was an actress, so I have a soft spot for them. Everyone gives them a hard time, but they are incredibly resilient, resourceful, and thick-skinned. At least, my wife was.” Mark seemed to retreat into a fog of memories.

  Liam softened just a bit. “I’m sorry, but you just don’t have the experience necessary to handle this undertaking.”

  “So I’ll learn!” Nathan felt so close, he didn’t want to give up yet. “I’ve learned new accents and pages of new dialogue in hours. I’m trained in stage combat, too. I can certainly feed some sheep.”

  “It’s a bit more strenuous than that.”

  “I’ve done boot camps at my gym. I know all about strenuous.”

  “There’s something about you…you almost feel familiar…” Mark stared at him, and Nathan wondered what he was finding. “I have an extra room you can use.”

  “Mark!” Liam yelled. “Are you serious? The man could be a serial killer.”

  “If I was a serial killer, I would’ve packed lighter.”

  Mark laughed at the joke. Liam most certainly did not.

  “Liam, have you gotten any other applicants?” Mark asked.

  “It’s only been a week.”

  “I can work for free,” Nathan said.

  “And the farm will get some free publicity once the film is released,” Mark said. Nathan pointed at him to underline his point.

  Nathan took a step toward Liam and was about to put a hand on his broad shoulder before pulling away. Liam was not ready to be friends.

  “Like I said before, I come in peace.” Nathan gave him an earnest look. He hoped he understood just how badly he wanted to be here without giving away as much.

  “Fine.” Liam must’ve realized this was a game Nathan wasn’t going to let him win. “I suggest you get some rest then. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  Chapter 5

  Nathan

  Mark had an extra bedroom where he allowed Nathan to stay. Nathan was exceedingly grateful, since he was a stranger who literally showed up on his doorstep. Liam did another Google check on Mark’s computer and reluctantly came to the conclusion that Nathan was normal. How could someone that sexy be so painfully rigid? So he strolled through his sheep field and caused a commotion. Was that really so terrible?

  “It has its own bathroom, so you’ll have privacy.” Mark turned on the lights. The room had the basics of a bed and dresser and not much more. “In the mornings, you can use the back door off the kitchen to go to the farm. It’ll be less noisy.”

  “Thank you for letting me stay here.” Nathan beamed at him. “And for advocating for me back there.”

  “No worries. Liam means well. He’s still getting the hang of farming. Above all, he values honesty. So as long as you’re straight up with him, there shouldn’t be any problem.”

  “Right. I’m all about honesty.” Except when it comes to why I’m here.

  Mark pulled out two extra pillows from the closet. He showed Nathan how the shower worked and warned him that hot water could take a while. Nathan stopped listening after a moment. On top of the dresser was a picture from Mark and his mum’s wedding day. She wore a sleeveless gown, and her hair fanned out under her veil. She could’ve been a Greek goddess.

  “She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” Mark said.

  “How did you meet?”

  “We grew up together, started dating in secondary school. I attended this parochial school where her father was the pastor. He was terrifying. Still is.”

  “So you two got together when you were twelve or thirteen?”

  “Nah yeah, we got engaged our first year at university.” Mark looked at her picture in disbelief, like he couldn’t believe the amount of time that was. Nathan also looked in disbelief, because he just realized that his mother cheated on Mark with his father.

  How could he ever tell this family the truth about who he was? They would never want anything to do with the illegitimate bastard son that represented one childhood sweetheart blatantly cheating on the other. It would destroy their storybook relationship. That must’ve been why his mum wanted nothing to do with him. But even so, something stuck out to Nathan. He saw lots of pictures of her on the walls, being such a wonderful mother to the boy and girl he saw on the steps. How could she have been so wonderful to them and then leave her other child on a doorstep? It seemed extreme.

  Nathan realized he was holding the wedding picture with both hands, his fingers digging into the frame. He promptly put it back on the dresser. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “How do you know she’s gone?” Mark asked.

  “I assumed. By the way you talk about her.”

  “I suppose I’m still in mourning. We all are.” Mark watched Nathan to make sure he was being careful with the picture.

  “She seems great. From all the pictures I saw.”

  Mark laughed. “We have heaps of pictures. My wife was always taking on these projects. She’d read an article that said having out physical pictures of family members strengthens relationships and helps us remember them, especially when we get older.

  “She was only forty-two years old. Car accident. She got caught in one of our torrential rain storms. It was hosing down that night. She loved driving, too, even though she could never settle on a radio station. It used to drive me crazy.” Mark smiled at the memory, but Nathan saw the pain just beneath the surface. Nathan felt the same pain.

  “You’re crying,” Mark said.

  Nathan touched the tears on his cheeks. He wiped them away, but another round came. What the fuck.

  “Are you all
right?” Mark handed him a tissue from the bathroom.

  “No.” Sadly, that was the most truthful thing Nathan had said since he got there. “It, uh, just reminds me of my parents. They both died. Cancer.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Shit. That was a big lie. Nathan had panicked. He worried if he said that just his mum died, it might be suspicious. He thought about his dad and what he was doing at that moment. Before he took off, Nathan shot him off a quick email, letting him know he was doing some traveling to visit friends and clear his head. His dad wrote back Have fun. That was all he had to say. He didn’t care where Nathan was going or how he was doing.

  They stood in silence looking at the picture. Nathan worried that he made things too awkward with the parental death omission. Mark was going to ask him to leave. That usually happened when Nathan dared express any emotion.

  “Fuck cancer,” Mark said, cutting through the quiet.

  “Fuck cancer in the ass. Without any lube.” Nathan shot out. Mark let out a big, deep belly laugh and slapped Nathan on the back.

  “You’re a real dag, mate.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  Mark’s laugh let him know the answer was a resounding yes. “I’m knackered. I’m going to turn in. Make sure to set your alarm for four. You need to be at the farm by four-fifteen.”

  “A.M.?”

  “Correct.”

  “I knew that. I thought because we were in the Southern Hemisphere, a.m. meant p.m., like how the water flushes in the opposite direction and June is considered winter. Just want to check.”

  “Let me know if you need anything.” He left Nathan alone in his room. Nathan kept looking at the wedding picture. He took out the Polaroid of his mum and dad from his suitcase and compared them side-by-side. Yep, it was her. No doubt. She was gorgeous.

  Nathan crept out of his room, with the wedding picture in hand. He thought about all the wonderful memories that took place in this house, memories he wasn’t a part of. He thought of his mum’s relationship with Mark and her life here. So many thoughts. So many revelations. It was too much noise in his head. Everything was feeling real, too real.