Outside Looking In: A Browerton University Book

by Truman, A. J.

  Mark had gone upstairs, leaving the first floor dark and quiet. Nathan had zero farming skills for his new job, but there was one life skill he had acquired over the past few years that had served him well.

  Swiping travel-sized liquor bottles from the airplane drink cart.

  Nathan reached into his carry-on messenger bag and took out three dollhouse-sized tequilas. He had never needed anything so badly in his life.

  Chapter 6

  Liam

  Liam woke up at four and began his rounds checking on the sheep, refilling their food and water troughs. The sheep had calmed down after their encounter with his new “farmhand” last night. He used air quotes because he was far from sold on Nathan’s ability to do any type of manual labor, no matter how many tomatoes he grew and how many people he shoved out of the way to get a drink.

  By four-forty-five, the sheep all had food and water and there was still no sign of Nathan. Liam wasn’t surprised. He had little faith in his new employ, but he still found it insulting. This wasn’t a fun experience for a movie role. This was Liam’s business.

  Liam walked into Mark’s kitchen softly so that he didn’t wake his family upstairs. He opened the bedroom door and was greeted by Nathan’s ass.

  Nathan was sprawled across the bed, completely passed out. His trousers were half off, exposing Calvin Klein oxblood red underwear. One shoe remained dangling from his foot. For a second, he thought the guy was dead, until he heard the sounds of peaceful snoring.

  “Time to get up,” Liam said.

  More snores. They sounded like he was slurping soup through his nose.

  “All right now. Get up.” Liam couldn’t believe the state of the room. His suitcase vomited out clothes across the floor, right next to a tiny bottle of tequila that they hand out on airplanes.

  “Nathan.”

  Nathan reached into his underwear and scratched his bum.

  “You were supposed to be at the farm by four-fifteen. It’s almost five.”

  He emitted a long, droning snore and got more comfortable in bed. Or on bed in his case since he hadn’t gotten under the covers.

  “I know you can hear me.” Liam didn’t care if he sounded like a hard-ass. This was unacceptable. He couldn’t believe Mark had sided with this guy and allowed him a chance. “I’m not going to wait around for you. I have work to do.”

  Crickets. And soup-slurping snores. Nathan put his arm over one of his ears to block out the noise.

  “You have left me no choice then.”

  Liam walked into the bathroom. He grabbed the empty trash can and placed it in the shower. He turned on the water. Like his own shower, it took a few minutes to get warm and the first gust was pure ice cold. During the darkest winter months, Liam would force himself to take cold showers to wake himself up. He felt the water with his finger and lurched it back.

  He didn’t warn Nathan when he doused him with a bucket of cold water. The liquid launched into the air and landed smack on his bum. Nathan jumped up and screamed at the top of his lungs. He tripped inside his tangled up pants and fell to the floor.

  “Bloody hell!” Nathan yelled.

  “My thoughts exactly. You’re late. You were supposed to be at the farm thirty minutes ago.”

  “I think I have hypothermia.”

  “That will be the least of your problems if you don’t get to the farm immediately.”

  “You could’ve tapped me on the bloody shoulder!” Nathan pulled up his pants. He rubbed his temples. “Jesus.”

  “Keep your voice down. You’re going to wake Mark and the kids.”

  “I think I should. I have to warn them that their uncle is a fucking psychopath.” Nathan stumbled to the bed and plopped down. His soggy underwear squished on the sheets, making him leap up again. “Shit!”

  “Get dressed and get to the farm. We have heaps of work to do. I will see you out there in twenty minutes.” Liam stopped before the left the room. He found a picture of Mariel on a hiking trip on the nightstand. “What are you doing with this?”

  “I, uh, the frame was dusty. I was going to clean it.”

  Maybe Nathan was the fucking psychopath here. Liam got in his face, where he was met with a gust of alcohol-soaked breath. “Have you been drinking?”

  “No. That’s my antibacterial mouthwash. It’s very strong.”

  “I don’t know what you’re doing here. All I know is that you came out of nowhere and snuck onto our property yesterday. You have to earn my trust, because right now, you don’t have it. Any questions?”

  “Yes. Does my twenty minutes start now or once you leave?”

  Liam turned and walked out. He wished he had another bucket of cold water.

  * * *

  Twenty-five minutes later, Nathan met him at the barn. Liam was going to say something, but it wasn’t worth it. He was honestly surprised he was only five minutes late. Nathan almost tripped over a patch of grass. He inhaled a puff from his cigarette and walked with a wobble that reminded Liam of Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, or Johnny Depp in real life. How much “antibacterial mouthwash” did he imbibe?

  “Are you sure you want to wear that?” Liam gestured to his jeans and long-sleeve T-shirt that had FCUK written across it. That stood for French Connection, a very posh brand of clothing Liam had seen on people in Wellington nightclubs.

  “If we’re critiquing outfits, can we start on yours next?” Nathan pointed at Liam’s mud-splattered jeans and wrinkled flannel shirt.

  “You’re going to get dirty. You’re going to be on your hands and knees today.”

  “You sound like my ex-boyfriend.”

  Liam felt his ears get red. He got a flash of what that entailed early this morning, and he might’ve just thought about Nathan with his pants down again.

  Nathan smirked with his cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He put his sunglasses on, covering his bloodshot eyes.

  “The sun isn’t up,” Liam said.

  “Yet.” Nathan pushed them up his nose. “I’m prepared.”

  “Are you hung over?”

  “Hangovers are for amateurs.”

  “Are you still munted? Drunk?”

  “You ask a lot of questions. We should probably get to work, Liam.”

  “I don’t appreciate your attitude. If you don’t want to work here, then leave.”

  “I’m happy to work here. I guess I’m just drying off from this morning, when I was drenched in a surprise ice bath. That was the only thing you could think of to wake me up?” Nathan quirked an eyebrow at him. “I don’t see why we have to get up so early. The sheep would still be here at noon.”

  “Noon? Is that when you get up?”

  “Again with these questions.” Nathan puffed out a cloud of smoke. “Do you have any coffee? I have a headache like a motherfucker.”

  Liam was too frustrated to roll his eyes. He had a feeling Nathan would be quitting by the end of the day, and then he could get back to his regular routine. “There’s no smoking on the premises.”

  “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. I’m almost done.”

  “Not almost. Now, please.”

  “Just two more puffs. Or three.”

  Liam nodded and strained to smile. “Those are nice sunglasses. Can I see them?”

  “Sure.” Nathan took them off and handed them over. Liam studied the sleek plastic frames.

  “These are sweet as.”

  “Sweet as what?” Nathan asked.

  “Huh? Just sweet as. We like saying that here. Sweet as, mean as.”

  “Do they not like finishing similes in New Zealand?” Nathan exhaled smoke from his cigarette and held out his hand. “Can I have those back?”

  “They’re designer, I’m assuming.” Liam ripped the cigarette out of Nathan’s mouth and stubbed the butt on one lens, then the other. The ash burned peepholes through the plastic.

  “Those are Dolce and Gabbana!” Nathan yelled.

  “I’m more of a Gucci man.” Liam tossed the
m back to him. “Let’s get on with it. Are you ready to shovel some hay?”

  Nathan

  The answer was no. Most definitely no.

  Nathan’s head felt like a buoy bobbing in a sea of whiskey. He didn’t remember how much he drank. Enough to get him to stop thinking about his mum and his family and feelings that he hadn’t thought about in a long time.

  Until he was nearly drowned a few hours later by this monster of a boss. Nathan had a lot to process over the past few days, and hours after encroaching on his mother’s family, he was being thrown headfirst into farming. It was a bit much.

  And now the sun was coming out and he had no sunglasses.

  Liam had him clean all the dirty, smelly hay off the barn floors where the sheep rest.

  “It’s all smells like shit. How will I know which one to remove?” Nathan asked.

  “You’ll know,” he said gravely.

  Nathan scraped off hay mashed into the floor, hay covered in things he did not want to think about. He worked and worked until his body could take no more and his muscles wanted to explode in agony.

  “Is there a break room where I can get a cup of coffee? I really need some coffee.”

  “It’s not time for a break.”

  “Aren’t there labor laws that mandate I get a break?”

  “You’ve been at this for ten minutes.” Liam checked his watch. “Technically nine minutes. We need to get this hay picked up so we can spread new hay.”

  Liam left to get new hay. Nathan stuck out his tongue at his back as he walked away. “Technically nine minutes,” Nathan mockingly repeated to himself. He was teased for being too posh yet these sheep got fresh hay like they were staying in a suite at the Ritz Carlton.

  Nathan rarely faced the day without coffee. His head was in a ten-point-oh earthquake that wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t do this without coffee. Fuck, he was hung over. Rehab had turned him into an amateur. He would have to rebuild his tolerance, which would be really annoying. His buoy of a head was being slammed by wave after wave of residual liquor. He was so hung over he couldn’t even describe it in metaphors anymore.

  Fuck.

  “You’re missing some hay.”

  “It’s good enough. These animals don’t even use the toilet. They can live with some dirty hay in their barn.”

  “Not if it causes infection and disease. I can’t be a sheep farmer if all my sheep are dead.”

  “Well, that’s a morbid thought.”

  “Nathan, I know you like to think I’m being a prick to mess with you, but this isn’t about you. This is my livelihood.”

  “Sorry.” Nathan wished there were easier ways to get to know his new family. But telling the truth still would’ve been more painful than what he was going through this morning.

  He could barely see. The headache, the alcohol, it all sloshed together. Ten-point-oh earthquake and tsunamis. It was basically that movie The Day After Tomorrow inside his skull and stomach. “Are you sure there’s no coffee?”

  “No. We can break in a few hours.”

  “A few hours?”

  “If you need water, there’s a faucet and refillable bottles in the barn.”

  “Water?”

  Nathan sighed and continued cleaning off the rancid hay. Rancid was an understatement. Everything here reeked. It was like living in the bottom of a public toilet.

  After another eternity (or an hour, according to his phone), he was done with the hard part. He brought Liam into the barn and showed him the cleaned floors.

  “I did it. Break?”

  “You did it? I still see moldy hay on the floor. What do you call that?” Liam kicked at a patch of hay that was really stuck on there. Nathan tried but he wasn’t Hercules.

  “It’s good enough.”

  “No, it’s not. If you’re going to be a farmhand, you have to take it seriously.”

  “The sheep won’t know the difference.” Nathan squinted to ease some of the pain of vision from this epic hangover. Had he ever been this hung over in the past? Probably, but he was smart enough to keep drinking in those instances.

  “I’m going to redo it. Bloody…” Liam trailed off.

  “This is on you for giving me something so difficult,” Nathan said, although he did feel bad. This was the guy’s livelihood, after all. The only time in his life Nathan used a broom or a rake was to play Quidditch. “I did try.”

  “I’ll give you something easier then.” A smile quirked on Liam’s full lips.

  “Why are you smiling?”

  “Because I know what you’re going to do.”

  * * *

  Shit. Literally shit.

  Liam wanted Nathan to shovel all the manure around the farm into the manure pit.

  “There’s a manure pit?” It sounded like the most disgusting thing to Nathan.

  “We haven’t yet set up indoor plumbing for the sheep. They’re demanding bidets. It’s going to be costly.” Liam smirked. “This is real simple. Anywhere you see shit, shovel it up and put it into the manure pit.”

  The name was incredibly accurate. Nathan stared into a massive hole in the ground. Flies and bugs buzzed around it.

  “Why do you keep this?”

  “I use the manure to fertilize the dirt.”

  “How green of you.”

  Liam pointed to a piece of manure by their feet. Nathan yelped and jumped back. At least Liam found that humorous. He was more into torture than Christian Grey.

  “Let’s do a practice round.” Liam handed him a shovel. Nathan couldn’t even enjoy watching his biceps flex.

  Nathan bent over and shoveled it up. It was heavier than expected; the weight crushed his already-sore back and strained his arm muscles. What were these bloody sheep eating?

  Liam pointed to the manure pit. Nathan’s shovel wobbled as he struggled to carry over his load. He had a lean figure carved from hours of spin and pilates classes. He didn’t have the musculature for this.

  “Now, just toss it into the pit.”

  The smell of the pit was even worse than Nathan’s most treacherous nightmares. It was the nuclear cloud over this whole farm. It choked his lungs and punched at his stomach.

  “You don’t smell that?”

  “I’m used to it.” Liam waited for Nathan to do his job.

  Sweat poured down Nathan’s face. His arms could barely hold the shovel anymore. Every organ cried out for any type of hydration. Coffee, more alcohol. Good Lord, even water.

  “Just toss it in,” Liam said.

  Nathan couldn’t hear anything. It was all static. Static in the earthquakes and tsunamis. That rancid smell.

  But he did it. He tossed his shovel of manure into the pit.

  “There you go! See, that was easy.”

  And then Nathan barfed. Three times.

  His stomach wrung itself out. He heaved in air salted with the scent of crap. Liam handed him his water bottle.

  “Thank you.” Nathan took a sip, then he barfed again. Apparently he wasn’t done.

  “Feel better?” Liam asked.

  Once Nathan knew it was over, he took a sip of water, swirled it around in his mouth, and spat it out. Then he chugged the rest of the bottle. He couldn’t recall being so thirsty.

  “There’s a faucet of clean water in the barn. Make sure to stay hydrated. I mean it. I’ll go and fill up a bottle for you. Instead of a cigarette break, take a water break.”

  Nathan appreciated his concern, which he didn’t expect to find from Farmer Tight-ass.

  “Sweet as.” Liam slapped Nathan on the back. “Don’t worry, cuz. Everyone chunders their first time at the manure pit. You’ll get used to the smell in no time.”

  * * *

  Nathan actually continued shoveling manure that morning. Not pretending. Like, actually doing it. The grossness of the task outweighed the gross feeling of his hangover. The bottle after bottle of water he drank eased his headache and gave him renewed strength. And he hated to admit Liam was right about anyt
hing, but he did get used to the smell eventually—or rather, his disgust was subsiding into strong dislike. He puffed out his chest with pride when he looked out on a field free of shit.

  By the time he was finished, his arms and shoulders ached so badly he thought they were going to slide off. He discovered new muscles and new kinds of bodily pain. His back hunched with acute soreness. The only respite was that it was a cloudy day. He supposed he didn’t need his sunglasses.

  Nathan checked his phone. Three hours had passed. Time flew, but when would this day actually end?

  He sunk to the floor of the hoof house and rested his head against the opening to one of the sheep sleeping areas. There was an aisle in the center with resting areas on both sides, like a sheep apartment complex. One sheep rested in the fresh hay, hay that he had moved there.

  “You’re welcome, by the way,” Nathan said to her. He assumed it was a girl since Liam had said something about the ewes using this space. “Would it kill you and your brethren to learn to use the toilet?”

  She let out a baaaa. He found it kind of endearing.

  “This is the life, isn’t it? Eating, sleeping, shitting. If you add shagging and getting smashed, we could be twins.” He looked at the name scrawled on her collar. Matilda. Of course Liam gave his sheep such proper names. That tracked.

  “Is it all right if I call you Tilly? Tilly is probably what all your friends call you.” Nathan moved a patch of hay closer to her head, so she could have more of a pillow.

  Tilly closed her eyes contentedly and nuzzled into the hay. Another surge of pride hit Nathan, something he hadn’t felt since the day he aced his first audition at boarding school.

  “I see Liam allows you to get fat and lazy. Us farmhands don’t have it as easy.”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  Nathan jumped back when Liam approached. He couldn’t stand up, though. His body would not let him.

  “I needed to take a break. I’ll get back up soon.”

  “Here.” Liam handed him a mug.

  Nathan nearly somersaulted with joy when the aroma of caffeine and ground beans filled his nose. “This is real coffee.”