A Lifetime to Share

by Kathleen Ball

  “You’re sweet, but I can handle it. I can’t believe how big Independence Rock is.”

  Eli laughed. “If you look at it for a bit it looks like a turtle.”

  She tilted her head first one way then the other. “My goodness you’re right. It’s just amazing, isn’t it?”

  “Yes it is. I’ll see you at the river.”

  He waited for her nod before he rode away. Dang, he wanted to kiss her rosy lips! He shook his head. He’d do best to keep to mind on the crossing.

  Eli and Jed rode to the riverbank and waited for the first wagon. It was a bit strange that the lead wagon didn’t have Smitty but one of their men named Rex driving it.

  “Don’t forget to get a fire and coffee ready just in case. Have the wagons that come over circle up,” Eli told him.

  “Sure thing, Captain,” Rex said before he drove easily down one bank and then up the one on the other side.

  One by one, all the wagons crossed safely and found their place in the circle. Animals were immediately unhitched and led to water. People filled buckets and there was a general sense of excitement in the air. There was still plenty of daylight left and it was tradition to celebrate Independence Day upon reaching the rock no matter what the calendar said, to them it was the Fourth of July.

  Eli rode Roman over to quickly check on Amy, then he rode to Lynn Downey’s wagon. Smitty looked better than he had that morning, but Lynn still had a vacant stare.

  “Glad the crossing was uneventful,” Eli said.

  Smitty hopped down off the wagon and went to the other side to lift Lynn down. She stared into Smitty’s eyes as he set her down. Perhaps she’d be fine after all.

  “It’ll be nice to rest for a few days,” Smitty replied.

  “There’ll be the Independence Day celebration this evening. You’re all welcome to celebrate with Amy and me. That is, if you want to. Or you could just send the boys over. Whatever you decide is fine.”

  Smitty nodded as he put his arm around Lynn’s shoulder. “We’ll see. Have Jed keep an eye on the whiskey in the wagon. Only one jug for all to share. Tell him people usually try to sneak into the wagon to grab another. I have a few rat traps I place in front of the jugs. That’s been known to stop the stealing.”

  Eli smiled. “Will do. Perhaps we’ll see you later. If not, have a nice evening.” He turned Roman and rode away.

  Dang it! Have a nice evening? That’s not something you say to a mother whose boy just died. He groaned and headed back toward Amy.

  She was unhitching the oxen when he rode up. A lot of women would have just waited for their husbands to do it. Not his Amy.

  “I got that. Your arms are probably a bit sore from driving.”

  She turned and smiled. “My arms are fine it’s my… well the bench seemed exceedingly hard today.” Crimson blossomed across her cheeks.

  He bit back a laugh. “That happens. You have your choice, swimming lessons before or after we eat. There’s a dance tonight, so I thought maybe while the others danced we could swim but it’s up to you.”

  She stared at him for a moment and then seemed to find the ground very interesting. “I’d rather swim than dance if it’s all right with you.”

  “It’s more than alright with me.” He gathered the animals and brought them all down to the river. It should prove to be an interesting evening.

  Amelia set aside enough food for the two of them and put the rest into a basket for Lynn and her brood. She would have thought others would have brought something over to Lynn but so far, Amelia hadn’t seen a single person stop by. Shaking her head she put a cloth over the food. Next, she grabbed the coffee pot and the basket and walked over to the other wagon.

  The boys were quietly playing with a ball while Smitty and Lynn sat before the fire. Amelia’s heart broke at the expression of immense pain on Lynn’s face.

  “I brought over some food and coffee.”

  Smitty nodded and stood taking the basket from her. “I made coffee already but the rest is greatly appreciated.”

  Amelia stepped in front of Lynn intending to kneel down before her but Lynn rose and hugged her, sobbing. Smitty motioned to Amelia that he was going to go to her wagon with the boys.

  Amelia wrapped her arms tightly around the grieving woman’s waist. “I’m so sorry, Lynn. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain you feel.”

  Lynn nodded and loosened her hold and then stepped back. “I’m sorry. I’m just a mess. I can’t get a hold of myself.”

  “Let’s sit.” Amelia helped her friend get settled on a crate before she sat on one next to her. “You’ve had a hard time of it.”

  “Yes and on top of everything there are some that blame me for not being able to heal the sick. I lost my own son but they blame me for their loss. What about all the people I did help? Their blame has heaped so high on my shoulders, I feel as though I’m sinking. And my Danny he was such a sweet boy. He was found wandering the streets, and he couldn’t remember his own name. He’d been beaten so badly, it tore me in half when I saw him. Of course, my husband John and I adopted him. He called me Mama right away. With the others, it took a good long while before they felt safe and loved enough to call me that.” A ragged sigh escaped. “He’s with John now, and I do take some comfort in that.”

  “I wish there was something I could do for you.”

  Lynn gave her a sad smile. “You’re doing it. Being a friend and listening. It means the world to me. Smitty has been so wonderful to me. He’s become my strength. I know it sounds strange, but he was there for me after I lost each patient. He’s really a gentle, caring man. A few people have said unkind things about me and him. He kissed me one time, and that is all.”

  Amelia took Lynn’s trembling hand and held it. “Don’t worry about the others. You have enough to do helping Greg, Freddie, and Will through all this. I’m glad you have Smitty. He’s such a good man and I know Eli thinks highly of him.” She looked up. “Speaking of the handsome cowboy. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  “Amelia? Thank you.”

  “That’s what friends are for. I’ll check on you tomorrow.”

  She nodded at Smitty as she took her leave. No swimming tonight, not if they had the boys to watch. It would wait until tomorrow. The first strains of the violin music started, and she hurried back to her wagon. The only one there was Eli who stood with a towel and a dry chemise and nightgown for her.

  She swallowed hard. He was so handsome when clothed. It was going to be hard to not want to kiss him while they were in the water.

  “Is Lynn going to be fine?” he asked as he stared into her eyes.

  “I think so, it’ll take time. Where are the boys?” She didn’t break the hold of his gaze.

  “The Otters took them to the celebration. They need to keep their minds occupied. I do believe we’ll have the river to ourselves. I think we should go, don’t you?” His right eyebrow cocked.

  Biting her bottom lip, she nodded. “Wait, I need my soap.”

  “I have it.” He held out his hand to her and she grasped it feeling the energy between them. It excited her as much as it scared her.

  He led her a bit away from all people and got undressed while she turned her back. He did the same for her. She walked into the water in her chemise and shivered not because the water was cold but in anticipation of being close to Eli.

  The moonlight shuddered behind blowing clouds allowing enough light for them to see and enough privacy to shield them. The beautiful music added to her happiness.

  “Did you want to swim because I’m inept at dancing?” She glanced away not wanting to see the truth in his eyes. She glided her hand over the water causing ripples as she waited.

  Eli laughed. “I actually hate dancing. Me and my brothers always dreaded celebrations such as these. We were required to dance and make nice. There are plenty of women who don’t dance well. When I had you in my arms at our wedding, that was the best dance I ever danced. Amy, look at me.” She shyly looke
d at him. “You don’t know what a treasure you are. You’re not vain or a nag. You don’t expect others to do for you and you don’t have a mean bone in your body. You’re a hard worker and if you had to you could survive on your own. Most on the train wouldn’t be able to. They didn’t bother to learn what it takes. You’re intelligent and sweet and pretty and…” He pulled her into his arms, then dipped his head and kissed her.

  Warmth spread through her body, and happiness filled her heart. He didn’t find her lacking. She kissed him back, holding on to him with her arms wrapped around his neck. He kissed her deeper and her legs briefly wrapped around his waist. She broke off the kiss, took a deep breath, and pushed him away. Tears filled her eyes, and she quickly turned away to hide them.

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  She closed her eyes at the hurt in his voice. “Things may be getting out of hand is all. It’s dark and I’m under water but if you could see me, you’d run and never stop. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not a fit wife for you. I know what happened at the fort. My mother—I mean Cheryl told me about a man’s need and the women in the saloons. I hadn’t thought of that. So you see, I really am inept. I couldn’t bear for you to look at me with revulsion in your eyes. If you could just hand me the soap, I’d like to wash before I get out.” She still didn’t turn around. She just couldn’t. Her heart had splintered, and it was her own fault. Dang her hopes and dreams, they just led to heartache. Only this time she’d hurt Eli too. Maybe she should just show him and get it over with. Her next breath stalled painfully in her chest. No, he’d leave her on the side of the trail for sure. Her stomach dropped. No, that wasn’t right either. He had too much character to leave her. It would be worse having him look at her as if she was broken and ugly.

  She heard the swish of water and sensed his presence behind her. “Will you hand me the soap?” she asked softly, stretching her hand out behind her but she felt him take her hand instead. He turned her until they faced each other and were so close without their bodies touching.

  “First of all, since I met you there haven’t been and there won’t be any other women. I would never shame you that way. The only woman I want is you. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I had hoped that tonight would be the night, but I also told you I’d wait until you are ready. I curse the people who pretended to be your parents for making you believe that no man would ever want you. But until you finally know it in your heart and in your head, I’ll wait. But I plan to kiss you and hold you. I plan to sleep next to you and smile at you often. We will share our lives together. I hope that it’s agreeable to you.”

  She tilted her head back until her gaze met his. “I…yes it’s agreeable but it’s not fair to you. I’ll never be ready or able. I’ll lose you in the end.”

  “Let’s enjoy each other while we can, then. I do enjoy swimming with you, Amy.” He pulled her close and held her in his brawny arms. “It’s all right, let the tears out. You’ll feel better.”

  Her body being pressed against his did funny things to her stomach, and intense longing for her husband filled her. She held on to him long after her tears were spent. He was her haven, and she wanted to be the same for him. There was no use trying to guard her heart; she loved him heart and soul. He was right, they needed to be happy in the moment because whether he admitted it or not, he’d leave in the end.

  He cupped her face in his large hands and gave her a long, lingering kiss filled with emotion. Then he dropped his hands and smiled at her. “We need to get back.”

  She nodded and allowed him to take her hand and lead her out of the water. The wind gusted and the moonlight illuminated the sky. She gulped when she saw her husband naked. He was too beautiful for words. Even the part of him she’d never seen. He looked to have been sculpted by God. She couldn’t help but stare, but when she finally met his eyes; she realized he looked at her too. She quickly turned her back on him, almost falling. Her chemise was see-through in the moonlight. Oh no, he must have seen her hip and leg. Her heart pounded painfully against her chest. This couldn’t be happening.

  Yet it was.

  She felt him come closer to her, but she was too ashamed to turn to him.

  “Here’s your towel, Amy. Keep your back turned. I’m going to get dressed. Then I’ll hold up the towel so you have complete privacy when you change.”

  There was nothing in his voice that could lead her to believe that he had, in fact, seen her. There was no disgust, no disappointment, no anger. She’d gotten lucky this time but there could be no other time where this might happen. She needed to be more vigilant than ever.

  When they were both dressed, Eli told her to go to bed if she wished. He was going to check on the camp and talk to Smitty for a bit. Amelia sat by the fire and marveled at the array of emotions she’d experienced that night, everything from joy to despair. With Benjamin and Cheryl she knew what to expect, so this was so foreign to her. But she had never felt more alive. It would be so much easier if she didn’t love Eli. Maybe she could keep her distance? She sighed and then stood. She might as well go to bed.

  The music and revelry was going in full force, but she didn’t feel left out for a change. She put out the lamp before she climbed into the wagon and lay down. Then she heard it, the distinct sound of a rattler. She immediately froze in place, trying to figure out where it was.

  The rattling warning came again.

  Oh dear, it’s in my bed! Her body shook, and she knew her only hope was to get out of there. She started to rise when it struck, burying its fangs in her thigh. She screamed. From a distance, she heard Eli swear. He reached into the wagon, grabbed the snake and then she heard a gunshot. This was it. She was going to die.

  “I’ll get help. Stay in bed!” Eli yelled before he took off.

  She knew who put the snake in her bed. It was one of the Cruthers and her bet was it was Benjamin. Cheryl would never have touched a snake. Now that death was waiting for her, she realized how stupid her idea to stay away from Eli had been. Now she wouldn’t have a choice.

  The wagon rocked and a man she didn’t know came in. She was so tired and her eyes drooped. The pain was piercing and she found it hard to breathe. “Eli,” she rasped.

  “This is Dr. Winters. He’s traveling with one of the other trains here.”

  The doctor immediately put quilts under her upper body and applied a tourniquet to her upper thigh above the bite. “Do you have any whiskey?”

  She heard Eli yell to Jed and before she knew it, they were trying to cajole her to drink some. The pain of a knife slicing into her skin at the bite was excruciating. She closed her eyes.

  Eli held Amy’s hand all through the night. This was the exact reason he didn’t want to let anyone close to him. The pain of her possible passing was unbearable. What if he lost her? Confound it! He’d avoided all entanglements for this very reason.

  He brushed her hair off her forehead and took a deep breath. Too late now. She’d be in a bit of pain but thankfully she’d be just fine. He shook his head remembering what the doctor had told him. The hip on her lame leg hadn’t been set close to the proper way, and she was lucky to be able to walk at all. Her leg was actually twisted and he could only imagine the pain of each step she took.

  The doctor had shown Eli her scars. They were extensive but not repulsive. How she’d endured it all he couldn’t imagine.

  Eli cleared his voice. “Doc, we haven’t well, we haven’t consummated our marriage. Mostly because she thinks she’s too hideous for any man to want her. Would it cause her pain?”

  “There shouldn’t be any problems. Just be gentle and if you move her leg in an uncomfortable position I’m sure she’ll let you know. In fact I don’t see why you two shouldn’t end up with a whole bunch of children.”

  Eli tried to hide the moisture in his eyes while he bid the doctor good bye.

  His poor Amy, thinking she was ugly. He wanted to throttle the Cruthers for that and he also wanted to question them abou
t the snake. Jed had held him back the night before telling him to keep a cool head. And Jed had been right, but a solid punch to Benjamin Cruthers’ face would have felt satisfying.

  “Eli?” Amy’s voice was weak.

  He gave her hand a squeeze. “You’re going to be just fine.”

  “There was a snake.” Her eye grew wide. “You killed it didn’t you?”

  “Yes, my sweet, the snake is gone. It did bite you, but you’re going to be all right. I found a doctor from one of the other parties, and he came and took care of you.” He stoked her forehead. “It’s a good thing we were planning to stay here at Independence Rock for a few days. You’ll be able to get the rest you need.”

  She tried to sit up, but he gently pushed her shoulders back down.

  “I planned to do the wash and I was going to bake bread and see about getting a bit of milk to make more butter. The bedding needs airing and—”

  Eli cut her off with a gentle kiss. As he pulled away, he was elated at her sounds of protest. He smiled. “Like my kisses, do ya?” he teased.

  “Of course not. Why would you think that?” She smiled back and then winced. “This bite hurts like the devil. What did the doctor do to me?”

  “He had to make an incision.”

  Her loud gasp filled the small space. “You mean he sliced me open?”

  Eli nodded. “He sliced you just enough to get the poison out. Then he put some type of poultice on it and bandaged your leg up. He told me what signs of an infection would look like, and I’m to change your bandage out. And you are to drink Smitty’s tea for the pain.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. “Good thing you found a doctor.” Her eyes filled with worry. “The doctor saw my hip, didn’t he? I mean it’s the same leg, and I doubt he could have not seen. What did he say?”

  The panicked look on her face made his heart squeeze. “You have nothing to worry about, Amy. It’s all good.” He didn’t dare tell him he had seen her leg too. It just made him want to punch Benjamin Cruthers even more. “Are you hungry? How about some water?”