Just Friends

by Tina T. Kove

  ‘Mhm.’ I grabbed the condom from my right side and ripped it open. He removed his hand so I could roll it down my spit-slick length.

  He stared at the condom, glanced up at me, then he unzipped his jeans and pushed them down. He had to stand to step out of them and my gaze zeroed in on his hard dick trapped in tight boxers. He tugged his boxers down next, freeing his cock so it slapped against his lower stomach.

  ‘I can’t move much,’ I explained, not able to keep my gaze off his dick. It was perfection. ‘My ribs hurt. So you have to do all the work.’

  ‘I don’t mind.’ He straddled me. ‘As long as you get me ready.’

  Uncapping the lube took me seconds. My index finger pressed against his hole, seeking entrance. He pushed down on it and my finger was in. Tarjei breathed out, all tense for a moment before he relaxed.

  ‘Been a while, huh?’ Last time we’d fucked it’d been my arse in the action.

  ‘Yeah.’

  I pushed a second finger into him. He tensed again, breathing out deeply through the burn, and then he slowly relaxed. He braced his palms against the back of the sofa and bent his head to watch our dicks press gently together.

  Then he leaned in for a kiss. My lip wasn’t that swollen anymore, but the cuts had crusts on them, so it wasn’t the best kiss we’d ever had.

  As a third finger pressed into his arse, he seemed more relaxed. He moved with me as I finger-fucked him.

  ‘Okay, enough,’ he grunted as a fourth finger joined the other three. ‘Let’s get to the main course.’

  ‘Impatient much?’ I wasn’t about to argue with him. I couldn’t wait to push my dick into him. I pulled all my fingers out, slapped his arse once, then spread his cheeks.

  He held my dick steady as he slowly impaled himself on it. His breathing stuttered initially, but he soon got over it and sank all the way down until his arse rested in my groin.

  He stared into my eyes. Our gazes locked and held for what felt like an eternity. Then our lips pressed together again and we moved in sync. Okay, he moved more than me, but it was good for both of us.

  He moaned against my lips. I drowned it out with another kiss, pushing my tongue against his.

  I ran my hands up his sides, over his back, then down again to grip his arse.

  He groaned as he came, shooting thick spurts of semen onto my T-shirt. He continued to ride me though.

  ‘Come for me, Ben.’ He pressed his lips against my temple as he increased his speed.

  Fuck. Damn.

  I threw my head back as I reached my own orgasm, weird sounds leaving me as I filled the condom. My hips bucked at the same time as he moved his hips, and it just messed the perfect rhythm we’d had up. He toppled over on his side.

  ‘Jesus.’ He laughed as he pulled his knees up closer, probably trying not to jostle me too much.

  What the fuck had happened?

  Laughter bubbled out of me too as I looked at him. It hurt my ribs though, and as I splayed a hand over them, the sounds leaving me sounded like something between laughter and sobbing. I couldn’t bloody stop laughing though.

  ‘Hey, don’t hurt yourself.’ He sat up and leaned in close, pressing his soft lips to my bruised and healing cheek. My other cheek was cradled in his palm. He was still laughing himself, but trying to stifle it.

  A minute or so later, we were both calm. I dropped my head back to the back of the sofa, while he leaned against me. We were both naked from our hips down and sticky with lube. Lube was also smeared over the cushions because he’d sat his arse down on them.

  He took the condom off me, tied it, and dropped it to the floor.

  ‘That was great.’ He leaned back against me.

  ‘Yeah.’ It had been. I’d even been able to laugh because we’d messed up at the end there.

  I closed my eyes as I relaxed. His body was warm against me. We had to take a shower, had to get all that lube off both ourselves and the cushions somehow, but that could wait a little bit.

  Right now, it was too relaxing just sitting together like this.

  Nik had been texting me for days, and I finally felt up to facing that. His most recent text asked ‘could we please talk?’ and ‘come on Skype, please’.

  So I got my laptop, settled on my sofa, and logged onto Skype.

  Nik was obviously back in Oslo, considering school was starting up again in the morning. Since I’d ignored him when he was in town, Skype was the next best thing.

  I hoped we’d make up. I missed my best friend.

  ‘Hi.’ Nik’s freckled face popped up on my screen.

  ‘Hey.’ I didn’t sound entirely too enthusiastic, and tried to pull myself together. It was hard, because everything was still shit.

  ‘Ben, I’m sorry.’ Nik peered intensely at me through the screen. ‘About what I said that night.’

  ‘It was the truth, wasn’t it?’ I didn’t mean to sound bitter, but I did. Drunk people were often more truthful than sober ones.

  ‘It was.’ He bowed his head a little. ‘But I could’ve phrased it differently. Been kinder. I was so drunk. I know it’s not an excuse, but—’ He shrugged, lips pursing because he didn’t know what to say next.

  I knew Nik like the palm of my hand. I could read him clearly. He was sorry and embarrassed, but at the same time he was glad the truth was out there.

  ‘Your face looks a little better,’ he said when I didn’t reply.

  ‘It’s not swollen anymore.’ I touched it gingerly. ‘Just bruised.’ And it had some healing cuts on my lips, cheek and forehead. I was pretty sure Marcus had worn a ring to cut my skin up like that, though I hadn’t taken notice of it at the moment. Been too busy goading him, and getting the shit beat out of me.

  ‘Look, Ben…’ Nik chewed anxiously on his lower lip. ‘I really am sorry. I hope I haven’t ruined our friendship. You’re my best friend, you know. You always will be.’

  As if he hadn’t made lots of new friends down in Oslo.

  I wanted to ask him about it, but it was too bitter, too childish. Of course Nik had made new friends. He was outgoing, he was nice. People loved him, as soon as they got over how out there he was with his sexuality. He was allowed to have more friends than me.

  I was the only pathetic loser who couldn’t seem to have more than one. Perhaps two, with Alex. I was pretty sure we were friends now.

  ‘You haven’t ruined anything,’ I said. ‘You’re my best friend too.’

  ‘Good.’ But he still didn’t stop chewing on his lower lip, which meant he had more to say. Probably something I wouldn’t like.

  If I could’ve found the energy, I would’ve signed off on this note. But having Nik there on the other end of the screen was nice, even after what he’d said. I still couldn’t help but have feelings for him, but they had diminished a little. Or maybe that was just because I was so fucking depressed I couldn’t feel anything but miserable.

  Maybe. Or maybe I really was getting over him. That would be best, considering he’d flat out told me he’d never love me the way I wanted him to. The way I loved him.

  ‘When I said you had someone right in front of you, Ben—I meant that.’ Nik still chewed his lip. ‘You do. You have had someone right in front of you for years. I don’t know why you keep insisting you like me, when you’ve been with my brother for so long.’

  ‘What?’ Panic settled deep in my gut, pushing the depression to the side as it swirled upwards to consume me.

  He wasn’t supposed to know about Tarjei!

  ‘Ben, please calm down.’ Nik’s voice was calm, but his damn lip-biting told me he wasn’t really. ‘Tarjei talks to me, you know. He can’t lie to me. So I know, yeah. Have known, for years. And I think it’s time you stop hurting him.’

  ‘I don’t—’ How the hell was I hurting Tarjei?

  ‘You do. What you feel for me, he feels for you, Ben.’

  That gave me a start. What I felt for Nik sucked. I wish I could stop.

  I swallowed hard, thoughts
racing through my head.

  ‘You see?’ Nik asked, a bit sharply. ‘I never once led you on, and you still think you’re in love with me. But you’ve been leading him on for years.’

  ‘I don’t—I haven’t—’

  ‘You have.’

  Maybe he was right. Maybe I had.

  If Tarjei felt even a little bit of how I felt, it sucked.

  ‘I love you, Ben. But I love my brother too. And you need to figure some shit out, knowing the truth. Figure out what to do. Don’t lead him on anymore.’ Nik seemed vaguely embarrassed. ‘He’d hate me for telling you, but it’s been so many years, and he hasn’t been able to, so… I’m doing it. For the both of you. Figure this shit out.’

  Figure this shit out, indeed.

  I couldn’t figure out my moods most of the time. How was I supposed to figure this out?

  I solved my problems by going out drinking.

  Since tomorrow was a school day, I probably shouldn’t be out this late, but I couldn’t be arsed to care. School was going to hell anyway, so what did it matter if I was there or not?

  Nirvana was crowded with people. It was loud, it had a dance-floor and lots of tables. The place was filled with people of all ages, and two female bartenders worked the bar.

  Nirvana was the perfect place to get drunk. Flat out rat-arsed, was what I was planning. That way I didn’t have to think, or feel anxiety and darkness close in around me. I didn’t have to go around and around and around in my head like I’d done all day.

  ‘Two jägerbombs,’ I shouted to the younger bartender.

  As soon as I had the drinks in front of me, I downed them. I wanted to get drunk quickly.

  I ordered an additional three shots of jäger. It worked better straight up, without the Red Bull to take some of the edge of the alcohol. Energy drinks didn’t work on me, I never felt any different after drinking one.

  Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance boomed through the room, and I snorted at the irony of it. I was caught in a bad romance, all right.

  After consuming yet more drinks, and some shots, I had a difficult time remembering exactly what I’d been doing with myself. I’d been on the dance floor, I knew that much, but who I’d danced with—if anyone—I had no idea.

  The next thing I knew I stood in front of Tarjei’s door, holding his doorbell in. I could hear it ring on the other side of the door, which I leant my forehead against while I waited for him to wake up and come open.

  When he did open, I stumbled forwards, right up against him.

  ‘Hey, there.’ Now this I didn’t mind. His body was warm from sleep, his hair tousled.

  He peered at me. ‘The fuck, Ben? It’s the middle of the night. Is this going to become a habit?’ He turned and padded back to his bedroom, clad only in tight boxer briefs that showed off his package and arse to perfection.

  I closed the door after me and headed after him on unsteady legs.

  He fell onto the bed, rolling under the covers and closing his eyes.

  ‘Hey, come on,’ I whined, dropping on top of him. I braced my arms at his side, keeping my upper body off him so I wouldn’t hurt my ribs. ‘Lets shag.’

  ‘I’m tired, Ben,’ he only mumbled, pulling the covers further up to shield his face.

  ‘You can sleep after.’ I slipped my hand under the covers, found his crotch, and cupped his flaccid dick. I swore it twitched. ‘I know you want it. You always do.’ I massaged his cock gently, coaxing it up. It rose to my attention, albeit slowly.

  Tarjei groaned under me. ‘Fuck.’

  ‘We’re getting to that.’ The briefs had to come down. His dick slapped free, eager to get going. ‘Want to sixty-nine?’ I didn’t think I could fuck him, not without him riding me, and he didn’t seem to be awake enough for something as strenuous as that.

  He groaned again, but then threw the duvet away from his face to glare up at me. ‘All right.’

  I staggered out on the floor to undress. The buttons on my shirt was a bother, and when the last one didn’t want to open, I simply ripped it open. Screw that shirt anyway.

  I had to lay on the bed to slide my skinny jeans off, because bending down hurt. Once they were off, though, I was ready to go.

  Getting up on my knees was easy, but once I positioned myself so my dick nudged his chin, it hurt like hell to bend over to get to his.

  ‘Fuck.’ I clenched my teeth, braced my arms on his hips, and tried to push the pain away.

  ‘Lay down, Ben. I’ll be on top.’ He pushed me gently to the side.

  I gratefully did as he said, lying on my back.

  He crawled over me, taking my dick in one hand while his cock nudged my lips, begging to be let in.

  I opened my mouth, all kinds of eager to suck his cock. Sucking cock I was good at—except that hurt a little now too. It pulled on my scabbed lips and bruised skin, but that pain was nothing to my ribs, so I took him further in. I was dead set on getting him off.

  He had to get something in return for me frequently waking him in the middle of the night, after all. Sex was always a winner.

  Oh, bloody hell, was it. His mouth was hot around my dick, sucking me expertly. I hoped I did just as good, but the room spun a little and it felt a little slobbery.

  He did come though, so I couldn’t have been too bad.

  Whereas he was great at blowjobs, and yet I didn’t come.

  When he eventually pulled off and sat up, he cast a look over his shoulder at me. ‘You’re too drunk.’

  ‘That’s a damn lie.’ I wasn’t that drunk. I could remember everything that had happened since I arrived. I’d walked it off on my way over here.

  ‘You are.’ He moved back to his side of the bed. ‘Go to sleep.’

  I rolled my head around on top of the covers. I was lying the other way, with my head facing the end of the bed.

  ‘I don’t want to sleep. I want to fuck.’

  ‘You’re too drunk. And I’m too tired.’ Tarjei lay down, rolling himself in his duvet again. ‘Sleep it off.’

  ‘God, you’re such a buzzkill.’ How was I going to find the pillows?

  I scooted over a little. There they were! I tried to scoot around, but only managed to almost fall off the bed.

  ‘Shit, fuck!’

  ‘Ben.’ Tarjei sighed.

  ‘I need a pillow.’ They were within reach now and I pushed myself all the way around so I could drop my head on a soft one. ‘It’s cold. Let’s share a duvet.’ I tugged at his.

  ‘You’ve got one.’ He held it fast.

  ‘I’m lying on it.’ Duh. ‘Come on, share. I’ll spoon you.’ Maybe I’d even stick my dick up his crack. It was still hard, after all.

  He relented and I scooted in close. His back was warm against my chest, his legs as hairy as mine, and my dick did fit right up against his crack.

  ‘Don’t molest me in my sleep,’ he muttered.

  ‘Can’t make any promises.’ I dropped an arm over his waist, pressing myself as close as I could get so the entire duvet covered me to. It wouldn’t do to have my arse sticking out in the chill room.

  He snorted. I was pretty sure it was supposed to have been a laugh.

  ‘You know you love it.’ I let my fingers brush his cock. It was limp, but still moist from my saliva and his semen.

  ‘I do,’ he mumbled sleepily. ‘I do love you.’

  I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his cologne.

  He loves me, huh? How sweet.

  My hips moved of their own accord, trying to get off on rubbing against him. My dick was a traitorous bastard, though, because nothing happened. I remained there, stiff as a rock, without being able to orgasm.

  ‘Damn alcohol. I better be able to fuck you in the morning.’

  He didn’t answer. His slow, calm breathing told my drunk brain he’d fallen asleep.

  So did I. Straight after I realised he had.

  Tuesday, April 23rd

  I woke up feeling like death rolled over.

  ‘Bloody
hell.’ I turned over, squeezed my eyes shut because light shone in the window, then squinted them open again to see where I was.

  Tarjei’s bed. Of course. I’d gone out to ignore my problems for a while, to not think about it, and now here I was. Right smack in the middle of them.

  ‘You awake?’ Tarjei came into the room, all dressed.

  I made a sound in the back of my throat.

  ‘I’ll take that as a yes.’ He came to stand next to the bed, looming over me. ‘I have to go to work soon, but I thought we’d have a little chat first.’

  I frowned. All I wanted was to roll over again, bury my face in the pillow, and go back to sleep. If he was going to work soon, it meant it was early.

  ‘I’m naked and hungover.’ But didn’t I want to chat with him too? Not now though.

  ‘And? You can’t talk because of that?’ His eyebrow inched up his forehead.

  ‘Okay,’ I groaned. ‘What do you want to talk about?’

  He sat on the edge of the bed, not looking at me anymore. ‘Us. I want to talk about us.’

  ‘What about us?’ Maybe he was pissed off I’d woken him up during the night. Again. I could totally understand that. I would’ve been too if the situation had been reversed.

  ‘You really don’t get it, do you?’ He chanced a glance at me, but quickly faced forwards again.

  Oh. He wanted to have that chat. Now. Shit.

  ‘Let’s just say I’m not the brightest person out there,’ I muttered, because it was true. My grades in school could detest that. Though my dyslexia didn’t exactly help either.

  ‘I’ll spell it out for you then. I want to be more than your friend. More than someone you have sex with occasionally.’ He watched the hands he had knotted in his lap.

  I didn’t want to get into this now. I felt terrible, and I might just be sick.

  ‘I only want to be friends.’

  He blinked, then his lips thinned as he bowed his head further. ‘I can’t be just your friend. If that’s what you want, it’s better we don’t see each other at all.’

  What? No! That wasn’t what I wanted!

  ‘Tarjei—’

  ‘I have to get to work.’ He stood, not looking at me. ‘The key’s in the hall. Lock up after yourself and leave the key under the mat. Or in the mailbox. Wherever.’ Then he walked out of the room without a backwards glance at me.