Scrambling (Out in the NFL Book 1)

by Lex Valentine

  During all the hours he’d spent with her, working out how to present their come-out to the press, Evan realized that the PR director was a lot shrewder than he’d given her credit for. She knew exactly what was going on between him and Bryce, and she knew how he felt about Reed too. When he called her on it, she shrugged and admitted she’d figured it all out pretty quickly. She didn’t have a degree in psychology for nothing.

  Evan found her to be a staunch ally and a good friend who didn’t feel the need to tell Bryce every secret she wormed out of him. For the first time in his life, he had a friend he could talk to about Reed, someone who understood and didn’t judge and had nothing to gain one way or the other in the outcome of it all. When he flopped down in the chair across from her big desk, she gave him a raised-brow look that told him she wasn’t in the mood to pull punches.

  “What’s this about? Or shall I guess?” Her red-lacquered lips quirked in a smile.

  “Oh, guess by all means.” Evan waved a hand in the air as he smiled back at her. “I love it when you’re right.”

  “I’ve saved your tight little gay ass because I’m right most of the time.” She leaned forward, elbows on her desk. “This is about Reed, isn’t it?”

  Evan shook his head, his smile turning wry. “You’re a witch, I swear.”

  “Most people use a different term,” she said with a chuckle. “So what’s the specific Reed topic today?”

  The smile on Evan’s face faded. “Bryce thinks I should tell Reed how I feel about him. He thinks I should tell him everything going all the way back to when I first knew I was gay. He thinks I shouldn’t hide any of it from Reed.”

  Darcy pursed her lips thoughtfully for a minute, then nodded. “The idea has merit, but I understand why you haven’t told Reed anything. It’s a tough call, and to be honest, right now my sense is that you’re doing the right thing by not saying anything.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why are you taking the opposite stance as Bryce?”

  “Because I’m thinking of the team. Remember, I told you the first day you sat in that chair that everything I do is for the good of the team. Reed’s got a partner he’s been with for a long time. What if he’s offended that you would speak your heart when you know he’s in a committed relationship? What if you do lose his friendship? That not only fucks with both your heads and your relationship, it fucks with the team. The Stars need you and Reed to be a cohesive unit on the field. Your confession could ruin all that.”

  “So you think I shouldn’t tell him because it could fuck with the team dynamics?” Evan frowned at her. He hadn’t expected her to take the party line at all.

  “I think you shouldn’t tell him because he’s with someone. You spilling your guts is disrespectful to his relationship. You really don’t want him to think of you that way, do you?” Darcy asked, her expression sympathetic.

  As usual, with anything to do with Reed, Evan’s emotions were in a whirl. “No,” he admitted. “I don’t want him to think that I’m sitting here waiting for his relationship with Len to end.”

  Darcy nodded. “Good. If he’s ever single again, you should tell him. And absolutely you should tell him if he ever asks. Always give him honesty about your emotions, Evan.”

  “Thanks, Darcy. I will.”

  He started to get up, but she waved him back down. “So how are things with Bryce?”

  Evan could see the calculating gleam in her eyes and could barely stop his eye roll. “The same. Good. Nonexclusive good. Why do you ask?”

  “Because I like it when the two of you are in public. The team gets a shit-ton of great press from it. The media loves the two of you,” she announced.

  He pulled a face. “Okay. More red carpets, just for you, Darce. But you know, at some point I need to sleep. I do have to play ball every weekend.”

  “Oh, I know, baby. I know.” She got up from her chair and came around the desk to squeeze his shoulders. “Why don’t you go see the masseuse while you’re here? He’ll get rid of all these knots and make you feel good.”

  Evan slipped out from under her grasp and laughed. He rose from the chair and looked down at her. “I’ll go home and see Bryce. He’ll make me feel good.”

  “Whatever floats your boat, darlin’.” She winked at him. “Give Bryce my best and remind him the two of you are coming down to San Diego next week for Jake’s birthday.”

  Evan bent down and brushed a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll remind him. Thanks for the advice, Darcy.”

  “Anytime,” she told him as she walked him to the door.

  On his way down to his car, Evan thought about her words. She’d hit on something a lot of men wouldn’t have thought of, but he was glad he’d asked her. If he’d been in Reed’s shoes, in a long-standing relationship, he would have wondered at the motivation for someone to tell him they’d been in love with him forever. He couldn’t afford to have Reed think anything negative about him. He needed to keep their friendship free from problems and speculation. He would have to keep his secrets to himself no matter the emotional cost.

  Age 23

  Mandatory team meetings could be anything from a rah-rah cheerfest to a state of the union address to a complete and total dressing-down by management. Reed Matthews had no experience with an end-of-the-season team meeting since he’d just completed his rookie year.

  Reed thought the team had done really well for a brand-new expansion team, making the play-offs as a wild card. It took most new teams a few seasons to get in sync, so making the play-offs in their first year had been a feather in the Stars’ cap. Reed thought that part of the reason they’d done so well was because he, Evan McAdam, wide receiver Sean LeMay, and running back Johnson Sims had all played together at UCLA. They were, as the sports columnists liked to say, a well-oiled offensive machine.

  For his part, Reed thought the whole team worked well together. Everyone seemed vested in making the Stars the hot ticket in the sports world. After so many years without a home team, Angelenos needed a football team to make them proud. And Reed and Evan coming out publically backed by the franchise had gone a long way toward making the Stars the rising stars of the NFL. Being the first and only team to have openly gay players put them on the cutting edge of the media. Despite the animosity he’d found in players from other teams, the Stars players had always been respectful with him, something Reed prized.

  Reed had expected to do well with Evan, Sean, and Johnson on the team. Backed by a very talented set of players that the owners, scouts, and coach had handpicked for the Stars, the team had exceeded Reed’s—and the whole world’s—expectations by a country mile. Now, on his way to the final team meeting of the year, he wondered if the head office felt the same way he did: that the Stars were a force to be reckoned with in the coming years.

  He sped down the freeway in his Escalade, happy to be going to work. And if he was honest with himself, happy to be away from the increasingly tense atmosphere at home. Len bitched about how football consumed Reed’s life. In the beginning, they’d joked about Len’s dislike of the game and Reed’s total immersion in it. Lately, the whining and complaints had become tedious and annoying.

  Reed loved Len, had been infatuated with the flirtatious twink from the moment they’d met at UCLA, but he wouldn’t give up football for anyone. Len had learned to live with it in order to have Reed. Still, Len had been unforgiving about the amount of time playing in the NFL took out of Reed’s life. He’d begged Reed to quit and run the hotel chain Len’s father had left him. But Reed couldn’t walk away from the one great love of his life, not even for a man he cared for.

  The dissension between them had escalated to the point where Reed had begun to look forward to away games, practice, and time spent working out with Evan. Being with Evan always made him feel better which was in stark counterpoint to the tension between him and Len. Even worse, the publicity Reed got as an openly gay player fueled the press he and Len got as a couple. Reed had always thought Len wanted him t
o be out, but the media storm seemed more than Len could handle, and he pressed Reed even harder to quit.

  But quitting football was out of the question. Not only did he love football, it was his job, and Reed wasn’t about to live off Len’s largesse. The only time he let Len have his way with money was when it came to the house they lived in and their health care. Len insisted they both have the best doctor money could buy and have their durable power of attorneys for health care on file with him in case anything happened. Reed had signed all the forms and waivers giving Len’s doctor permission to discuss his health and health care with Len, and Len had done the same for Reed when they began living together. Dr. Kovacs was a great guy who’d known Len most of his life, and Reed liked him a lot.

  Reed had to admit the perks couldn’t be beat. One of those perks included personal phone calls with test results and other information that normally would have been mailed to them or that they would have had to go into the office for. The team provided great benefits and health care, but Reed loved Len’s doctor. Nothing beat the personal touch.

  So when Reed’s phone rang with a call from their doctor, he let his Bluetooth take the call automatically.

  “Reed, this is Dr. Kovacs. Do you have a minute?”

  Flipping on his right-turn signal, Reed turned the SUV down the private road to the team’s complex. “Sure, Doc. What’s up?”

  Dr. Kovacs sighed heavily. “Reed, I need to speak with you about something. Do you think you could come by at the end of my office hours today?”

  Reed frowned. It wasn’t like Dr. Kovacs to be so mysterious. Usually, he got to the point in a brisk, professional manner that Reed appreciated.

  “I’m afraid I can’t, Doc. I have a team meeting I can’t afford to miss,” he said carefully. “What’s going on?”

  The doctor sighed again, upping Reed’s alarm. “I didn’t want to do this over the phone, but since I spoke with Lennox a week ago and I hadn’t heard from you…”

  Heart pounding suddenly, Reed pulled the SUV into the parking lot behind the team’s offices and shut off the engine. “What’s wrong? Is something wrong with Len?”

  A short pause followed Reed’s question. Then the doctor asked in a suspiciously neutral tone of voice, “Have you and Lennox had unprotected sex?”

  The alarm Reed felt began to border on panic. “I never have unprotected sex,” he stated roughly. “What’s this about?”

  “Reed, Len’s test results came back last week positive for HIV.”

  The bottom dropped out of Reed’s world. His first thought was that Len was dying. Then he tried to calm himself. People didn’t die of HIV like they had in the ’80s. Things were different now. Drugs and treatments were readily available. People lived long lives with HIV these days.

  Reed’s thoughts hit him like a punch in the gut then. Len had cheated on him. The doctor’s next words, spoken in an apologetic tone, confirmed Reed’s thoughts.

  “Lennox admitted to having risky unprotected sexual encounters with men over the last two years. Mostly he has no idea who these men are. Pickups in clubs and bars. Fleeting encounters while you were on the road or busy with games. No one he ever saw more than once, which makes it impossible for us to determine where he picked up the virus and who to notify to be tested.”

  The regret and sadness in Dr. Kovacs voice made Reed begin to shake.

  “I want you to test again even though you’ve tested recently and been using protection with Lennox. I just want to make sure you’re negative and stay that way, Reed.” The doctor paused, then said softly, “I’m so sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news. I told Lennox to tell you immediately and have you come in for testing. When I didn’t hear from either of you over the last week, I had to call. Given the waivers you and Len signed, it’s my duty as your doctor to inform you that your partner has tested positive. Since you are a longtime patient of mine, I want to ensure you stay negative. I’m very glad you’ve not had unprotected sex with Lennox. I would hate to see your career ended before it’s really begun.”

  Reed stared blindly out the windshield, the doctor’s words numbing him with each syllable spoken. Somehow, he managed to tell Dr. Kovacs he’d be in to test in the next few days, and the doctor made him promise to discuss the situation with Len. After disconnecting the call, he sat looking at his hands on the steering wheel, his mind whirling with the facts.

  Len had cheated on him. Had been cheating for two years. Had been having unprotected sex with strange men. All this time, Reed had been sure of Len’s love, and Len had been out letting strangers—strangers with diseases—fuck him while Reed was gone.

  The enormity of the doctor’s call hit him in that moment. The man he thought Len was didn’t exist. Len had lied and put him at risk. And hadn’t even bothered to tell him after he found out he was positive. Reed recalled easing his cock into Len’s ass just two nights before. Len’s HIV-positive ass…

  He pushed open the door to the SUV and stumbled out, going to one knee as his stomach heaved and he threw up onto the pavement of the parking lot. Head hanging, ears buzzing, he retched until nothing but bile came up.

  “Hey, hey! Reed! Buddy, what’s wrong?”

  A cool hand touched the back of his neck as Evan’s soothing voice reached his ears. Reed struggled against the urge to throw himself into his best friend’s arms and sob out his pain and shock. Evan would make it better. Evan always made everything better.

  He wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his hoodie and held out one shaking hand. Evan’s warm palm met his and pulled him to his feet as it had on the football field countless times over the years. He leaned against Evan’s big body, his own body shaking uncontrollably. Evan wrapped an arm around him and let him lean.

  Reed knew he could count on Evan. If he held out his hand, Evan would be there to take it. Whatever Reed needed, Evan always provided. Reed understood in his heart that he’d always been the taker, the user in their relationship, but he was helpless to change the pattern and honestly didn’t want to. Evan’s strength appealed to Reed. He couldn’t resist the sense of coming home Evan’s presence gave him. Especially when it was so markedly different from how he’d begun to feel around Len.

  “Reed?”

  “I-I can’t talk now, Ev. After the meeting. Afterward, I’ll tell you everything, and I think we need Darcy. Just help me right now. I don’t know if I can stand on my own, I’m shaking too much.”

  Evan frowned and ran his free hand through his sandy hair, causing it to stick up in unruly spikes that made him look like a ten-year-old. He carefully propped Reed against the side of the Escalade, then strode over to his Suburban and reached inside. Moments later he was back with an energy drink in one hand. He handed it to Reed.

  “Drink. It will help take the shakes away,” Evan ordered, leaning against the side of Reed’s SUV. He stood close to Reed, one steadying hand on this shoulder.

  Half a can of caffeine-laced drink later, Reed was able to lock up his truck and walk across the parking lot with Evan to the team meeting. They sat at the side of the room, not far from the door. Evan’s solid thigh pressed hard against Reed’s, the warmth of the contact helping him calm down. Later Reed realized the feel of Evan’s thigh against his was the only thing he remembered about the meeting. Afterward they headed to Darcy’s office, were ushered in, and told to wait because Darcy was in a meeting due to let out any minute.

  Reed sat nervously fingering the can of energy drink. Evan sat calmly beside him, his rock when things got bad.

  “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong before Darcy comes?” Evan asked in a low voice.

  Reed looked into the worried blue eyes of his best friend, and resentment toward Len filled him. He wished he had a partner like Evan, someone steadfast and honest, without mental and emotional issues, someone who wouldn’t cheat on him or want him to be something he wasn’t. But he couldn’t think about Evan as his partner. He’d told himself years before he couldn’t ever think of Evan t
hat way because Evan didn’t feel like that about him. And no way would Reed ever jeopardize his friendship with Evan even to tell him he loved him.

  He put the energy drink on Darcy’s desk and reached for Evan’s hand. The big palm closed over his, the long fingers wrapping around his. He clung to Evan’s hand like a limpet, his heart thumping in part because of what he had to say and in part because he was touching Evan.

  “Len’s positive,” he whispered.

  Evan went very still. Reed gazed up at him and found his usually mobile mouth pressed into a hard line. His blue eyes had gone dark and held a stony expression, but deep inside, he saw the alarm flickering.

  “I’m okay,” he hastened to tell Evan. “I’ve never gone bare. I do need to test again to make sure I’m okay, but I’m pretty sure I am.” He felt Evan relax a little. “Len’s been cheating on me. For at least two years, the doc said.”

  “How could the doctor have told you all this? Isn’t it confidential?” Evan asked in an angry voice.

  Reed shrugged. “Maybe. But Len and I signed waivers and powers of attorney for health care a couple of years back. It seemed like the right thing to do since Len has no parents and mine could give a shit about me. Dr. Kovacs can tell me anything about Len’s health and can tell Len anything about mine.”

  “I think you need to change that,” Evan said. “Obviously, Len’s not taking his bipolar meds again. You’ve been through this with him before, and you know he can’t be trusted to take care of himself. You don’t need a loose cannon having access to your health information and control over you if you’re injured.”

  So much to think about and so much to do now that this bomb had been dropped on him, Reed thought bitterly. “You’re right. I’ll change Len’s name to yours. I’ve known you forever. I trust you like I trust no one else.” He gazed into Evan’s eyes. “I’m breaking up with Len. I can’t be with someone who cheated on me and then didn’t bother to tell me he had HIV. He put me at risk, and he didn’t care.”