Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  The footsteps of The Luna faded away after the bedroom door clicked shut and I rested even further into the bed, running my hand down my face. Were they going to be mad I used my magic to turn everything off, or relieved that even during all that chaos, I had a moment of clarity where I could manage to help myself?

  I turned to face Aiden and ran my hand down his face, watching as his eyes slowly blinked open, staring at the ceiling for a second before focusing on me.

  “Hey beautiful,” he croaked with a small smile.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry Aiden.”

  “Why are you apologizing?” he murmured as he stoked my cheek. “Don’t start saying sorry Evelyn, none of that was your fault. Come here.” He pulled me into his arms and held onto me tightly as if I would disappear if he loosened his grip. I felt safe in his arms and the calm that flowed through me was relieving.

  I was sorry though. I was sorry that I couldn’t be the strong mate that he needed by his side and I was sorry for all the emotional ups and downs he went through because of me. I was sorry that ever since I had come into his life, there had been one load of drama after the other. I wouldn’t be surprised one day if he sent me on my way.

  “I love you so much Evelyn,” he murmured into my hair. “I’ll make sure that never happens to you again. I promise!”

  I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him. He shouldn’t have to make that promise to me and once again I was reminded of just how much effort I must be. Holding back my tears of frustration, I curled further into his embrace, hoping to just hide away here in the silence and pretend that this afternoon hadn’t happened.

  Chapter Three

  “So, you have your magic back?” Lucy rolled over to face me. “How does it feel?”

  “Better,” I sighed softly as I watched the patterns that came from the trees danced across Lucy’s face. We were laying in the front yard on a scratchy picnic blanket, soaking up the warmth of the afternoon sun. “I feel like I’m more… myself.”

  “I knew you would,” she smiled at me before she frowned. “I think it was wrong of them to tell you to stop using your magic. I’ve been watching you Evelyn and you—you haven’t looked good. You just seemed so withdrawn and out of it. Are you okay? I mean after everything that happened and not just out in the woods, I’m talking about everything. The battle, the hearing… you’d tell us if you were struggling right?”

  “I would,” I lied perfectly. “I’m fine… not having my magic was hard, I’ll admit that. There’s still so much I need learn about it. It’s powerful and not normal like Hannah’s abilities and even some of my family members. I have a direct relation to Morgana and somehow, I was the one to end up with the stronger abilities… despite only being half.”

  Lucy’s eyes stared hard into mine, a thoughtful frown creasing in between her eyes. Most of what I said was true enough and I felt those things. However, there was more and I was scared she could see it. There was the envy I felt when they could all go running together in wolf form and I couldn’t, or train as wolves together and I had to watch. I still often found myself feeling like an outsider even though I knew I wasn’t.

  The two voices playing tug of war inside my head weren’t helping either.

  “Life’s a mixed bag,” Lucy sighed as she suddenly turned onto her back. “I walked in on Geoff the other night.”

  “Huh?” I frowned at the sudden turn in our conversation. That was Lucy for you, one minute it was like she knew the secrets of your soul and the next minute, her mind would be somewhere else completely. “Walked in on him where, the bathroom?”

  “I wish,” she grumbled. “He was online, looking at stuff.”

  My cheeks flooded as I sat up and looked down at her. “Looking at what? Porn?”

  “No!” she burst out laughing as she pulled me back down to the ground, her expression sobering quickly. “No, he was looking at… baby names.”

  I blinked up at the sky dumbly and wondered what kind of answer I was supposed to be giving her here. “Baby names?” I echoed stupidly. “Are you—Lucy, are you trying to tell me something?”

  “Yes,” she said softly.

  “What—oh my Go—seriously Lucy?” I stared wide eyed at her, my eyes flicking to her stomach as my mind raced.

  “Gotcha!” she laughed loudly. “No Evie, I’m not pregnant!”

  “But he’s looking at—”

  “He wishes I was,” she murmured sadly. “He wouldn’t try rushing it, he hasn’t. I know he’s so ready for that though and I’ve just sent off my college applications. I’ve even stopped mating with him as often as we normally do, because I’m just scared something might accidently happen.”

  I felt like an awful friend in that moment, I had been so caught up with my own issues that I had hardly asked anyone else how they were doing. Lucy and Geoff were always up and down—they’d been that way growing up together from what I’d heard and being mated didn’t really make their issues any easier.

  “Have you talked to him about it?” I asked her.

  “No… I mean he shut the browser quickly, but I saw what he was looking at, but I don’t think he knows that I know. I made a joke about him watching porn, so I think he thinks that’s what I thought he was doing and it is easier that way…” Lucy trailed off with a heavy sigh. “I love Geoff so much, I could burst and it hurts me that I can’t really give him the one thing he wants right now.”

  “You have to do what’s right for you as well,” I said gently. “Geoff knows you still have things to experience. Maybe looking at baby names and stuff like that keeps him going until the real thing.”

  “Maybe…” she huffed.

  “Hey!” Grace’s voice traveled across the yard as she, Hannah and Aliyah approached us. “What are you two slackers doing? We just went for a five-mile run and you two are getting a tan?”

  “Some of us need to start early,” Lucy defended as we both climbed up from the floor. “How was the run?”

  “Brilliant,” Grace’s eyes shone. “We got to hear all about Aliyah’s future husband.”

  “Did you guys actually run or just run your mouths?” Lucy asked as we all began to walk inside.

  “Same thing,” Hannah shrugged. “Gossip is like cardio.”

  “If you don’t let my mate go, I swear by the Moon Goddess, I’ll release him myself and I will go rogue!” An angry voice bounced down the hall, coming from the Alpha’s office. “Tear a strip off me Alpha, by all means! I’m done trying to respect you. You’re holding my mate hostage and won’t even let me see him!”

  “Karla that is enough!” Aiden growled. “Your mate is a rogue and refuses to tell us why he came to the Oregon pack. If it were any other rogue, you would have been helping us finish him off.”

  “He’s not just any rogue,” Karla spat. “He is my life and my future now. How would you feel if someone took your Evelyn and held her away from you?”

  “Bad,” Grace cringed beside me and Lucy squeezed her eyes shut.

  “I hope that as you said that you realized how stupid it was,” Aiden growled coldly. “The reason your mate has come here has not been verified and until it has, he will not be released from the cells. As for your threat of going rogue—you are now stood down from your duties as a fighter and are to be placed in the female holding cells until further notice.”

  Grace stared at me with wide eyes and Lucy clapped her hand over her mouth as we all quickly scurried into the kitchen while Karla was escorted out.

  “This is mega serious,” Grace hissed. “Karla is one of our best fighters.”

  “Since when is Aiden taking on such a strong Alpha role?” Lucy questioned.

  “That was intense,” Aliyah bobbed her head with wide eyes. “Nothing that dramatic ever happens back home!”

  I bit my lip with worry at what was occurring here. Aiden came down hard on rogues, I knew that… but separating two mates from each other—that was a cruelty like no other in the wolf
world. I knew I was going to have to talk to him, Karla had a point. How would he feel if I was being held away from him? Even if the two had cells next to each other… there needed to be a kindness amongst all the madness.

  He can’t do that to them, the gentle voice agreed. It will cause much pain.

  I squeezed my eyes shut in irritation at the intrusion in my mind. I had been fine all day; I’d had my mind to myself. Why did that voice have to make an appearance now? The hair on the back of my neck stood up as a cold chill ran through my body. That feeling of being watched ghosted over me and I looked around the kitchen. All the girls were engaged in conversation and there was no one else in the room…

  “Mom!” Grace announced with glee as The Luna entered the kitchen, followed by an exhausted looking version of my father. “Where have you been?”

  “I took Cornelius shopping for Stella’s birthday,” she smiled happily. “The poor man needed some help.”

  “I’m sure Stella will be thrilled,” my father said tiredly as he looked at me. “I on the other hand…need to rest for a while.”

  I had to bite back a smile as my father stumbled away. Shopping with the Luna was like going to a toy store with a child who had just won a million dollars. Everything needed to be bought then and there, according to the Luna, because you’d just end up back there a week later buying it anyway. I remembered my first shopping trip with her; I’d gotten blisters from the amount of walking.

  I was pleased to find that awful feeling leaving my body and the voice go away. The distraction of my family had worked and I sighed happily as I went over to the Luna, watching as she began going through all the bags of shopping, holding up pieces of clothing. Looking around the small group my eyes caught Lucy’s and she stared at me for a moment, before looking back at the Luna and I swallowed the dry lump in my throat.

  ∞

  “So, you’re okay?” my father asked me as we sat on the front porch nursing a cup of tea each. “I just need to know you’re happy and feeling happy Evelyn. What happened out in the forest the other day… I can’t imagine what that would have been like, to know you have the power but not be able to use it. Or at least to be confronted with it.”

  “I’m okay,” I repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. “This is going to happen now and I need to accept that. My power will become more known and there will be people that I want to help and I …I can’t.” The face of the woman floated through my mind, the way her eyes had pleaded so desperately with me and I’d done nothing. Clenching my jaw, I took a sip of tea to avoid the emotion that image would follow.

  “You’re different each time I see you,” he murmured. “You seem stronger and more assured these days. You’re growing into yourself… it’s soothing to know that you’re happy Evelyn.”

  “I’m lucky and blessed to have the people in my life that I do…to live the life that I do. I would be s-selfish and idiotic to be anything less than happy, right?” I asked quietly.

  “Not really,” my father said as he set down his cup. “You can have everything you think you need and still be unhappy. You can have dozens of people around you and still feel like the only person on Earth,” my father shrugged. “Feeling like that doesn’t make you selfish; it’s just what you feel.”

  “I miss you,” I murmured into my cup. “I hope Aiden and I get a college acceptance closer to you and the family.”

  “As do I, my sweet thing.” He sat down beside me and took my hand. “Evelyn, you have gone through a lot—a significant amount of emotional trials have been thrown in your way. You’ve gone through more than what most grown adults have been through. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel for those events…don’t close yourself off from feeling emotion, just because you think it’s wrong to do so. Feel everything, Evelyn. The good and the bad…it’s how we learn.”

  I wanted to tell my father that I had no issues with thinking on past events and feeling for them. The problem I was having was reliving that night, the sleep walking and the voices that tortured me for my actions. I couldn’t do that though—tell him the truth. He looked so happy to see me content. I just couldn’t take that away from him. I had to stop being selfish and making others put a hold on their own lives for my dramas.

  Squaring my shoulders and putting on my softest smile, I stared at my father and felt the lie slip easily between my lips. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

  We were silent for the moment and the sound of crickets chirping were relaxing as we both just enjoyed the other’s company.

  I stared into my cup dazedly as I tried to remember the last time I said I was fine and meant it. It had to be before the trip to the High Council, the trip where I had also helped Luna Charlotte from Alaska. She had been plagued by some sort of evil spell and I had been tasked with the job of removing it from her mind. The darkness that emitted from her chilled me to my core and even now I struggled to shake that feeling.

  She was doing better now and it was nice that I had been able to use my power for something that helped someone. I remembered first meeting her and meeting her mate, Alpha Hudson, more formally. He was terrifying to me and to see him paired with such a small woman—she hardly seemed fazed by him and his size. Goddess help her when she had his children.

  “Did you know that Luna Charlotte from Alaska is marrying Alpha Hudson?” I asked my father with a smile.

  “When are they getting married?” my father asked with interest.

  “Two months, I think?” I murmured. We had received our invitation two months ago, which had been exciting. I was little disappointed we couldn’t go to the wedding. “I’ve never been to a wedding before,” I mused. “They look so exciting.”

  “They are,” my father grinned at me. “One day, I’m sure you’ll have your own.”

  “Maybe,” I blushed.

  The idea of marrying Aiden had me giddy and I didn’t want my father to see that. However, the very thought of Aiden standing down a long aisle, dressed in a magnificent suit had my mind running away with itself. Wolves didn’t often have wedding ceremonies; being mated was enough. A piece of paper from some humans meant nothing. In this day though, the younger wolves had started picking up the human tradition and weddings were becoming more common.

  “How is she coping since you saw her?” my father asked.

  “Good,” I said. “Alpha Hudson updated us on everything. I removed the spell and left no trail of it behind, that was a relief. It was painful; Luna Charlotte would have felt a lot of burning. For me, it was as if I was holding fire. It was terrible, but I’m glad I could help her.”

  “Those Rosewood sisters are some of the most merciless witches,” my father said venomously. “It saddens me that we share their bloodline. They’re evil for the sake of being evil.”

  “They’re immortal though, aren’t they?” I asked him with a frown. “I’ve never quite understood their story.”

  “Danyeela and Tatiana,” my father murmured quietly. “Yes, they’re immortal, but it came at a cost for the pair. Those two delve into the darkest side of magic possible. They like to cause pain; I’ve never quite met women like them. They were powerful when they were earthly, amazingly so, but the idea of death wasn’t something either of them were interested in. The sacrifice it took for their immortality,” my father ran a hand down his face. “So much death…destruction. With their immortality came a cost though—their souls were linked together in a way that if the other dies they both die. Their magic linked as well, they feed off the other. If you can kill one Rosewood sister, the other would be at your mercy.”

  “So, if you killed one the other would become human?” I asked with a frown.

  “If you kill one, the other dies,” my father said with a flat smile. “How long that takes though, no one knows.”

  “Why would anyone want to be like that though?” I asked quietly. “Who would willingly want to hurt other people?”

  “Some people are just cruel Evelyn,” my father said. “
You know that from experience. Where their magic could be used for so much good, they choose to use it for evil. In the end, Morgana will judge them and they will suffer with Hades in the pits of Hell, where they belong. Immortality is a figment of imagination Evelyn; no one can truly live forever.”

  I dropped my gaze into my cup and thought on my father’s words for a moment. Life was fleeting and death would eventually chase down everyone. Even vampires, who supposedly lived forever, found their fate at some end. The oldest vampire alive was eight hundred years old—on record and I wondered when her end would come. No one could truly achieve immortality and it made me wonder, if the Rosewood Sisters would ever meet their death and how would they face Morgana in the end?

  “So, they were Morgana’s children?” I asked my father.

  “They were her twin daughters,” my father said. “Now that’s an indication of how old they really are. We share a direct line to Morgana which makes the twins family. This could be why you have such strong power Evelyn, but that’s also why it’s important to keep a close eye on it. Darkness runs in our family and we must make sure that we do not carry it on.”

  My father began talking about home and what everyone was up to and I nodded along with him, but my thoughts still circled around the obscurity that followed my ancestors. That spell I had pulled from Luna Charlotte’s mind had been all kinds of darkness and evil. It had pained me so much, I had never felt anything like it. How could those women live with that kind of evil inside of them and think nothing of it? It confused me to no end and to save myself the headache from thinking on it too hard; I focused back on my father and his tales of Sienna’s new boyfriend.

  ∞