Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  “Evelyn!” Aiden said and I looked at him instantly. “What were you dreaming about?”

  There was no way I could tell him all of it—they’d all start fussing over me again and treating me like a wounded bird. I took the shirt away from my nose and ran a hand down my face. “I’m sorry Aiden,” I said softly. “It was the two wolves from the forest that day, the ones who wanted my help!”

  “You sounded like you were choking,” he panicked.

  “I don’t want to talk about it!” I muttered.

  “Evelyn—”

  “Aiden, I don’t want to talk about it!” I snapped as irritation surged through me at an alarming rate followed by a flood of tears at the look of surprise on Aiden’s face. I’d never used that tone with him before—had I ever used that tone before? “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” my voice cracked and I pressed my face into my knees.

  “Hey,” his voice softened and I gratefully accepted being scooped up into his arms. “It’s’ alright,” he soothed and I took a shaky breath. “Try getting some sleep, okay? I’ll stay awake for a while.”

  Sleep felt like the last thing I wanted to do at that moment and I was petrified I would slip into that awful nightmare again. I never wanted to see Jonah again but if he was making an appearance in my dreams now then there was a high chance this wasn’t the last nightmare I’d have with him. The very thought sent a stab of panic through me and I lay in Aiden’s arms with wide eyes, too scared to close them and face my past again.

  Chapter Four

  Standing in front of the full-length mirror in our room, I gazed at my naked flesh and examined the old scars of my past. They used to hold so much power over me, they would suffocate me. My finger traced the outline of the savage ‘H’ that had been carved into my skin and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as Jonah’s face took front and center in my mind. Why was he coming back to me now? After so long? Why was I having these dreams?

  Tears of irritation flooded my eyes and I grumbled angrily as I harshly wiped them away and went about getting dressed for school. I had to stop crying like this, it wasn’t helpful to anyone and it wouldn’t do anything to change what was happening. All it would do is create more questions that I couldn’t answer and more lies that I had to live with.

  My thoughts switched to my father and sister’s departure last night and another wave of melancholy washed over me. My father was full of wise things to say, that I’m sure my mind would have accepted it, had I not been so preoccupied with wondering if Aiden had told my father about the other night. We hadn’t even acknowledged it and to be honest, I thought it was because Aiden was dreading what my answer would be.

  Something else he had to clean up.

  Aliyah had been full of demands of me coming for a visit and I promised I would before sending all my love to the rest of the family. I would see them all for graduation without a doubt and it still surprised me that I was in my final few months of high school. My time and thoughts were so swollen with my own problems, that the rest of the world could blow up and I probably wouldn’t even notice if it did!

  Picking up my bag from the floor, I made my way downstairs following the voices into the kitchen where everyone sat as The Luna served them breakfast. I smiled weakly at Grace who gave my back a sympathetic rub.

  “Don’t worry Evie,” she said warmly, “you’ll see them in no time.”

  “Yeah,” I murmured as I took a seat beside Aiden.

  The Luna smiled as she pushed a plate of eggs on toast over to me and I was surprised at my sudden burst of hunger as I looked down at the small portion of food. Smiling in thanks, I began eating, noting how quickly it seemed to disappear off the plate.

  “Hungry there Evelyn?” The Luna smiled at me.

  “Starving actually!” I said as Aiden looked at me with a small smile.

  “Normally you don’t even make it through one egg,” The Luna stated. “Do you want some more?”

  After making it through another round of eggs and two extra pieces of toast, I was finally full and everyone was commenting on my appetite. I blamed it on hormones and naturally assumed I was having PMS or maybe I was just hungry, it was normal to have bursts of hunger. Aiden had sat beside me quietly the whole time and the silence between the two of us was so loud it was making me itch.

  “I’m getting a lift with Trey,” Grace announced as she scooped up her bag. “See you lovebirds at school.”

  “Speaking of lovebirds,” The Luna smiled at Aiden and me. “Let me see that beautiful ring again Evelyn.”

  “We have to get going mom,” Aiden told her as he stood up. “We’ll be late.”

  “Okay,” she huffed. “Work hard both of you and have a good day.”

  Following Aiden out to his truck, a lump settled in my throat and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through the day like this. I didn’t like the tension between the two of us. It made me feel physically sick and I couldn’t handle it.

  “Aiden,” I said quickly before he could get in the truck, grabbing his arm. “Are you—are you… mad at me?”

  He looked at me for a moment as a frown formed on his face and I let go of his arm as I crossed my own around my middle. I was surprised when his arm reached out and he cupped the back of my neck with his hand and drew me in closer to him.

  “I’m worried Evelyn,” he mumbled quietly. “I’m not mad.”

  I bit my lip as I peered up at him. “Why are you worried?”

  “Evelyn, you were screaming in your sleep… your nose was bleeding and it was like you were here, but you weren’t and then you told me to just forget about it.” He let go of my neck and took my hands in his. “Evelyn, you’re keeping something from me again. We promised each other no secrets… no lies!”

  “I’m not lying,” I whispered weakly. “Aiden, every now and then I have nightmares…who doesn’t?”

  Liar, The Shadow taunted. Tell him how you hear me, do it.

  Swallowing deeply, I felt my skin grow hot and I felt the tears ready to fall again. “Aiden, I’m sorry if I scared you the other night… I can’t control what I dream about.”

  “I know,” he sighed. “It just makes me angry that I can’t—I’ll never be able to fully protect you.”

  “Aiden,” I pressed my head against his chest. “You do protect me… but no one is ever safe from their own mind. I haven’t said anything about it because when I don’t think on it… they go away for a while. It’s a healing process.”

  You’re good, it slithered.

  Aiden was silent for a moment as we hugged in the driveway and I wondered just how late for school we’d be. “Okay,” he finally said as he leant back. “If it starts to get out of hand Evelyn…like it was before, I want you to tell me! Promise me you’ll tell me!”

  “I promise,” I said softly.

  He nodded mostly to himself before he pressed a soft kiss to my lips, pulling away as he toyed with a strand of my hair. “Come on, we need to get going or we’ll be late.”

  ∞

  Sitting in the art room during my free period I sighed loudly, leaning slightly backwards on my stool as my body relaxed for the first time in hours. My mind felt clear and I was ready to create something, I just wasn’t sure what it would be. Picking up my charcoal, I closed my eyes and took it to the paper, moving it in fluid strokes across the sheet. The sound of the charcoal scratching the paper sent chills down my spine.

  This was perfect, it was exactly what I needed and exactly where I needed to be. I felt truly calm and my mind was finally silent. These pieces needed to get done for the showcase at the fair and a small amount of pride bubbled up within me at the idea of my work being put on display. My mind drifted back to the days in Idaho where Michael, my stepfather, had never allowed me to enter any work in any show that came up.

  My stomach growled loudly and I sighed as I dug around in my bag and pulled out a fruit bar. I’d been starving all day, no matter what I ate I just couldn’t get full. I couldn’t wait for the lunch
bell because I was going to load up that tray. I had no idea where the sudden hunger was coming from, but my thoughts mainly centered on stopping it.

  The art room door squeaked open and I looked over my shoulder with a small frown at the interruption. Hannah waved at me as she came over, squinting at my sheet of paper.

  “I know I shouldn’t be interrupting you,” she said as she sat down. “Aiden talked to me.”

  “Ah…” I set down my charcoal and swallowed the last of my fruit bar. “Hannah I’m fine… he’s overreacting.”

  “I know,” she smiled. “You’ve gone through a lot and its natural to dream about those things, they’re still in your subconscious. Male wolves are just over protective and Aiden’s an Alpha, so it’s even worse for him. He’s going to keep worrying.”

  “I figured,” I mumbled. “He’s never going to be able to see the newer me, is he? I mean, he’s only ever going to see the Evelyn he first met.”

  “No,” Hannah said gently as she rubbed my back. “He knows you’re stronger Evelyn and he knows how far you’ve come. He just loves you and doesn’t want you to be hurting or thinking about things from the past that hurt you.” We were both silent and I stared at the piece of charcoal in my hand. “Evie, are you alright? You’ve seemed a little, I don’t know, tense lately maybe even borderline irritated.”

  “I’m fine!” I promised. “I’m just stressing about getting these pieces done and you know, graduating and college… it’s all happening really fast.” Plus, there was the fact that I was seeing visions of Jonah and that I was hearing voices… she didn’t need that bit of information though.

  “Yeah,” she mused. “I guess we’re all under some stress at the moment. Hm… alright well I’ll let you get back to it. I’ll uh, see you at training?”

  “Yeah,” I piped. “Training.”

  Hannah nodded and gave me a quick smile before she danced out of the art room, her long blonde hair flowing behind her. When the door shut, I groaned loudly and leaned my head against the easel. I was failing miserably at hiding my emotions, that much was obvious. I was only lucky that everyone had so much going on, I could make good use of those excuses. Once graduation and everything else blew over, I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to hide it then.

  The bell echoed through the room for lunch and I collected my belongings and left the room, getting caught up in the cluster of people, either racing to their lockers or to the cafeteria. Making my way through the crowd I caught up with Lucy who was stumbling out of her Math class with a huge grin on her face.

  “Evie!” she cheered and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “How’s the painting?”

  “Good,” I told her. “It’ll be good.”

  “You’ll be great,” she encouraged. “Guess what? Oh Goddess; Katherine’s arriving on Friday night. Uck, gag me.”

  I made a face as Katherine’s face appeared in my mind. “Is she bringing Prince Charming?”

  “Yep,” Lucy laughed loudly. “Can’t wait to meet the unlucky sucker and see how much he hates his life.”

  As we rounded the corner nearing the cafeteria, Lucy prattled on about who knows what. I started to zone out as I thought about what Katherine would be like when she returned. She’d have to have grown up a little bit surely and there was no way she could still be obsessing over Aiden, not if she had found her true mate… and he was coming here. I wondered if she told him about her pre-mate relationship? Generally, dating was unheard of among wolves. Most wanted to wait for their mate but sometimes, they had brief flings.

  “Evelyn!” a voice called and I glanced over my shoulder. Jonah was leaning up against a locker and my breath caught in my throat as I stumbled on my feet. I went sprawling to the floor and nearly dragged poor Lucy down with me.

  “Evie are you alright?” Lucy quickly helped me to my feet with worried eyes. I ignored her and quickly looked behind me, but Jonah was nowhere to be seen. Of course, he was he was dead for crying out loud! For some reason, my brain couldn’t quite register that fact. “Evelyn!”

  I blinked at Lucy quickly as I rubbed my elbow. “I’m sorry… I tripped.”

  Lucy looked at me for a moment, before looking in the direction I had been. “Well,” she faced me again with a grin. “You may be getting faster and stronger, but you still have two left feet.”

  “Yeah,” I laughed shakily.

  I made haste for the food line when we entered and I tried to shake off what I had just seen. Why was this happening to me? What was triggering all of this? I absentmindedly picked up food as I moved along the line, racking my brain for reasons as to why it was turning on me. Of all people to see it had to be Jonah… I would have preferred my mother to come back and haunt me.

  Making my way over to our usual table, I sat down opposite Trey, who was wolfing down something that probably once resembled a roll, before he got his mouth on it.

  “How ya doing Evie?” he mumbled through mouthfuls. “Ready to do the course again tonight?”

  “Not really,” I crinkled my nose as I peeled back the foil of my pasta bake. “I’m never going to finish it without one of you stopping me.”

  “Nah,” he waved his hand. “You’ll get there.”

  The table began to populate as Lucy sat down followed by Grace with Hannah and Josh. When Aiden’s weight rested next to me I turned to smile at him, watching him eye my plate with a smirk.

  “Hungry?” he grinned.

  I looked down at the half-eaten pasta, unopened bag of cookies and the gravy fries before shrugging. “I’m actually starving.”

  “Look at her eating like the rest of us,” Lucy said. “I don’t feel like such a fat ass anymore.”

  “So, announcement!” Grace started. “I would just like to say that, I’ve been elected head of the Prom Committee!”

  “Good job!” Hannah cheered.

  “What’s the theme?” Lucy demanded. “You better make it good because this is our last school dance ever.”

  “How are you juggling that and planning the school fair?” Trey asked her with a frown.

  “I can do both,” she said flippantly. “Anyway, we haven’t decided on a theme just yet, but I’ve got a meeting with the committee tomorrow. How exciting is this? It’s such a relief, like, now I know it won’t be a crap night because I organized it.”

  “It’s a relief to be in safe hands,” Hannah said dryly. “Our prom dreams coming true with Grace at the helm.”

  “How insane is it that we’re so close to getting out of here?” Josh interjected. “I remember our first day here.”

  “I got so much crap,” Grace reminisced. “Everyone in my classes picked on me for skipping a year.”

  I finished off my pasta and moved onto my fries as I thought back to my first day of high school. I had my head stuffed into a toilet and someone tore out all the pages from my textbooks in my locker. I had a mixture of trouble in the early days of high school. The humans liked to haze the new kids and the wolves hated me anyway.

  “We still doing the course this afternoon Aiden?” Trey asked.

  “Yeah,” Aiden nodded and my heart sunk. Another grand opportunity to fail and have everyone watch.

  “You’ve got this Evelyn!” Lucy encouraged. “Really, last time you were so close!”

  “You’re going to smash it!” Hannah told me.

  “If you don’t knock my balls into my stomach anymore you’ll be fine,” Josh said.

  That managed to bring a smile to my face. “I really am sorry, but for some reason, when I feel like I’ve got nothing I can do, going for the balls seems like a good idea.”

  Grace snorted into her sandwich. “Well now we know what those two are like in the bedroom.”

  My face flamed as the table erupted into laughter and Aiden sniggered beside me, squeezing my hand under the table as I ran my hand down my face. “That’s not what I meant!”

  “Sure Evie!” Trey winked at me from across the table and I wished a hole would open in the flo
or and swallow me up.

  Aiden pressed a kiss to the side of my head before leaning down to my ear. “Don’t feed the trolls,” he whispered.

  “Save it for the bedroom you two,” Lucy teased as the bell rung.

  I was more than relieved and ready for lunch to be over.

  ∞

  Making my way downstairs in my training gear, I followed voices towards the Alpha’s study finding Aiden and The Alpha talking in the doorway. They both looked irritated and I wondered if they were discussing the whole Karla and her mate situation, which frustrated me a little as well to be honest. No one had come to an agreement yet on what should be done and from what I had heard, a lot of the fighters were angry that one of their own was in the cell block.

  “Alright,” Aiden huffed. “Do what you have to do then but I don’t agree with it.”

  “He’ll go through the same process as any wolf entering the pack, Aiden!” The Alpha said with a frown. “He’ll go through the trials and if he succeeds you’re going to have to embrace him as another pack brother.”

  Aiden clenched his jaw and I gently pressed my hand on his back noticing him jump in surprise. Had he not heard me approach?

  “Go to training,” The Alpha instructed. “We’ll discuss the rest of this later.”

  The Alpha closed his office door and Aiden had a look of pure frustration on his face as he began walking down the hallway.

  “Hey,” I chased after him. “What’s going on?”

  “They’re releasing the rogue,” he growled. “He’ll be initiated into the pack, but he has to complete the trials first. Dad wants me to work with him.”

  I wanted to clap my hands, but I knew Aiden wouldn’t appreciate that. The Alpha was being smart, making Aiden work with the rogue. He needed to broaden his mind in that aspect before he could take over being Alpha and while he didn’t see any good reason behind it now, I knew in the future he would.

  “It’s not all bad,” I said timidly as I bit my lip. “That means Karla will be out of the cells too.”