Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  I growled through gargled water and watched as it sprayed over the basin. This was this things doing then. Why should I be surprised? The pain from my mouth stretched into my head and I screamed loudly as I grabbed at it, feeling as if someone were repeatedly stabbing me in the skull. I could feel my blood pulsating in my veins as my body tried to comprehend the pain I was feeling and the fear that swamped my senses.

  “Evelyn!” Grace shouted outside the door. “Come on, we’re going to be late and Blair will kick our ass!”

  “Go away!” I screeched angrily before I realized she wouldn’t be able to hear me.

  Does it hurt Evelyn? The Shadow taunted. Does it hurt to not have that control over yourself you desperately need?

  When I find out what you are I will kill you, I promised.

  The Shadow laughed a haunting whispery laugh while Grace pounded on the door, still urging me to hurry up.

  Oh Evelyn…to kill me would be to kill yourself.

  ∞

  “Jeez, take forever much?” Grace groaned as I pulled open the bathroom door.

  “Would it kill you to give me just five minutes to myself?” I snapped angrily as I stormed past her, drying my hands on my pants. Cleaning that mess up had been difficult and doing it while that awful voice taunted and assaulted me with pain had been torture. It could start off so quickly and shut off so randomly that it could almost have been as if I had imagined it.

  I’d examined myself in the mirror and my gums showed no signs of the profuse bleeding and my head was still attached with no pain whatsoever. If I couldn’t work out what this thing was I didn’t know how much longer, mentally and emotionally, that I could handle it.

  “Goddess,” Grace snorted. “Take a chill pill Evelyn, is it that time of the month?”

  I kept my eyes firmly ahead as I swung up my gym bag and took calming breaths, scared of whatever might come out of my mouth next. She didn’t know what was going on and it was unfair of me to take it out on her. Had she known that for the last thirty minutes I’d been in excruciating pain maybe she’d take it a little easier on me.

  Maybe she wouldn’t, The Shadow hissed. Maybe she’d want to hurt you more.

  Get lost, I snarled as I stormed outside.

  Hearing Grace’s frantic typing behind me on her phone made me paranoid as to who she was texting. Was she telling everyone what a bitch I was being right now? “Hey all, just a heads up, Evelyn is being weird again.” That sounded about right, because my behavior was weird and completely out of the blue and it made me want to scream in frustration that I couldn’t give them a reason.

  Yes, The Shadow said with glee. You don’t want them to think you’re crazy do you, Evelyn?

  I pinched my lips together and did my best to ignore the voice, feeling angry tears gathering in my eyes. How much longer could I keep this to myself? How long could I hide the agony I was feeling before it consumed me?

  Don’t ignore me! The Shadow snapped and a spasm of pain ricocheted through my body, near sending me to my knees as I gasped in shock.

  “Evie?” Grace called out behind me in surprise and her heavy footfalls echoed through my ears as she came closer. “Are you alright?”

  I wrapped my hands around my stomach as I tried to smile through the searing agony in my body. “You were right, it is that… time of the month. Bad cramps.”

  “Oh Evie,” Grace cooed appropriately and the pain soon dulled. “How come your scent hasn’t changed though?”

  “Magic,” I lied blandly. Truth be told, I hadn’t quite worked out a way to stop people from knowing when I had my period. That was the worst thing about living with creatures who had super extra senses.

  “Have to teach all us girls that one then,” Grace giggled as she slipped her phone into her gym bag.

  I laughed non-committedly and continued walking and we soon joined the crowds of wolves heading toward the training building. I needed to work out today, I was so angry and full of frustration that the thought of being able to release it excited me. It also helped that today we were doing combat fighting and I wondered which poor individual was going to get paired up with me.

  We met Lucy and Hannah outside and they were both gushing over an image in Hannah’s phone.

  “I ordered my prom dress!” Hannah giggled with delight as she thrust the image under our noses. It was a delicate looking ivory colored gown. It had a lace bodice that flowed into a lined sequined belt before the material fell in chiffon the rest of the length. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

  “It’s very you,” Lucy grinned. “I’d wear something a little bustier.”

  “With a little less material,” Grace winked.

  “Have you found anything yet Evelyn?” Hannah asked me.

  “Not yet,” I shrugged. “I thought we were all going shopping.”

  “Oh, we will be,” Grace beamed. “It’s going to be brilliant.”

  “Are you hens done clucking?” Blair’s voice boomed from inside. “Because maybe we could actually get the lesson started!” We all squeaked and darted inside, noting everyone was ready to get started except the four of us. We lined up alongside everyone else and Blair looked down at his clipboard. “Today is hand to hand and if I see anyone hitting like a wimp you’ll be going against me. We all heal quickly so I want it treated as the real thing. No rogue is going to be worrying about the pain you’re in, giving you five seconds to breathe.”

  Grace snorted beside me and Blair zeroed his gaze on her. “Sorry,” she chuckled. “I just pictured that and it was hilarious.”

  Oh Grace.

  “You’ll be sparring me for the first ten minutes,” Blair said in a clipped voice and Grace cursed under her breath.

  I ended up being paired with a tan, black haired girl who looked to be about sixteen. She smiled nervously at me and I did my best to smile back at her. A lot of the wolves were afraid to hit me because I didn’t heal properly and as the pattern usually went, I’d be paired up with Hannah in the next five minutes.

  Everyone sat down on the floor and Blair and Grace being the first pair, went into the circle. Grace had a look of solid determination on her face as she stretched her muscles but, we all knew she wouldn’t be able to take him down. No one in here had managed to do that yet. Blair was an excellent fighter. Grace couldn’t show weakness here, she wanted to be a fighter. The harder she worked in the class would prove it was a position she deserved when the time came. If Blair was able to sing her praises, then she wouldn’t have a hard time getting in either.

  The two moved so quickly it was nearly impossible to see anything. Punches were thrown and defended or every now and then contact would be made and someone would grunt—mostly Grace. Whenever she did manage to get a hit in on Blair everyone gasped in excitement before she copped one in return. It ended with Blair putting her into a headlock and she had to tap out, much to her disgust.

  “Next,” Blair called as Grace sat down with a forlorn expression on her face. “We’ll have Evelyn and Lilian.”

  We both walked into the circle and I could see Lilian’s friends shooting her a thumbs up of encouragement. Lilian looked petrified and I guess I would be as well. The stories that circulated about my… abilities after the battle almost had people too terrified to come near me after a while. It hadn’t mattered that I’d been doing it to save them… I still did it.

  “Go,” Blair ordered.

  Lilian squeaked the moment I raised my hand and she ran away. “Please, don’t make me go against her! She’ll melt my face off!”

  My face flushed and Grace slapped her hand over her mouth to hide her laugh. Lucy didn’t bother, she snorted out loud while Hannah bit her lip looking nervous. I wasn’t really that terrifying to my own pack members, was I? How the heck could I ever be Luna if they were scared I was going to burn their flesh from their face?

  “She is not going to melt your face off!” Blair growled.

  “I’m not going against her,” Lilian said firmly. “Put me wi
th someone else or I’m going home. I’ll face the consequences. My mate invited me to his Prom and I want to look perfect.”

  “That’s reasonable,” Grace murmured under her breath.

  “Fifty laps Grace!” Blair snapped without looking at her. Grace groaned as loudly as she possibly could before she set off on her task. “Will anyone here spar against Evelyn?”

  The room ached in silence and even Lucy looked down at her nails as if they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. Hannah tried to smile at me encouragingly, but I was beyond mortified by this point. Everyone in this room was petrified of me.

  Because you’re evil, The Shadow chuckled. They all know it except you.

  You’re evil, I retorted. I am not you.

  “Fine,” Blair huffed. “If none of you will do it then I will and if she doesn’t melt my face off, then I don’t want to hear this from any of you again.”

  An uneasy lump settled in my stomach as Blair entered the circle. Lucy’s eyes widened along with Hannah and Grace stopped running as she watched what was about to take place. He would get mad if I didn’t give it my all and he was damn well going to be giving it his all as well. Come on Evelyn, don’t be so afraid, you can do this.

  Not without your magic, The Shadow sounded panicked. I can help you.

  You want to hurt me, I hissed.

  Don’t listen to it Evelyn.

  Oh hell, the other one is here as well.

  Blair kicked out at me and I deflected the attack, but he moved so quickly his second kick hit me in the ribs. I heard the mean crack before I felt it and hisses echoed from the group. I had to use my magic to heal the injury and it frustrated me that it would take energy to do so. Blair came at me again but this time I managed to get in faster, balking one way before taking my leg high and kicking him in the upside of his head.

  As I regained my balance he caught me from behind, wrapping his arm around my neck and I grunted angrily as I gripped his arm hard, readying myself to hoist him over my body. That was what I had been taught to do… but this position reminded me of a similar time… the night of the battle when that disgusting wolf had caught me in this position and the way he had touched me… I had melted the skin of his flesh right off.

  Do that now! The Shadow urged. In what real-life scenario would you not use your magic, Evelyn?

  Do what you have been taught!

  It took all my strength to hoist Blair over my back and it took every part of me to not give into that voice and burn off his arm. It scared me because it made sense. In any real scenario, I would turn to my magic and use it, because it hadn’t yet failed me like my body had. I could kick ass with my magic but when I did it everyone else’s way I was stuck feeling stupid and weak.

  Blair was on his feet quick, coming at me hard and fast as his assaults became stronger. I deflected and hit back, dodging each attack and trusting my body to move where it told me to. Trey’s voice echoed within my mind, ‘How do we know you’re not using magic?’

  How would they know?

  Blair’s leg shot out and my body reacted before I did but the way it did… I stayed on my feet, bending at my knees as my torso, chest and head went horizontal. I stared up as Blair’s foot missed my face by inches and the moment it shot back, I straightened up and launched a kick square into his chest sending him stumbling back to the floor, landing on his back as he gasped loudly.

  “Go Evelyn!” Grace screamed as everyone began hooting.

  Blair tapped the ground twice and my eyes widened along with everyone else. The cheering stopped and the room went silent as Blair slowly got to his feet. He walked over to me and put one hand on my shoulder, nodding once before he turned and began to walk from the room, the other trainers staring after him with wide eyes.

  When the door clicked shut the room erupted into cheers as I was swarmed by all the girls. I had made Blair… Blair of all people tap out… but I was plagued by a confusing question.

  Had I done that or had it been my magic?

  Chapter Nine

  “It’s so nice today!” Hannah said happily as she sat on the log we had claimed near the fire that would get started when it got darker. “I can’t believe how many warm days we’ve had so far and we’re not really that close to Summer yet.”

  “We better make the most of the Summer,” Grace said lazily as she lifted her red cup to her lips.

  “Before we know it we’ll be in College studying as if our lives depend on it,” Lucy said seriously before she snorted and everyone around me dissolved into fits of laughter. “In all seriousness, I intend on getting a little wild, before I have to come back here and chain my life to the pack like all the other people before us.”

  “I wonder what it will be like when we come back,” Hannah mused. “We’ll be adults.”

  “All grown up,” Grace said dryly.

  “Running a pack and being responsible for hundreds of lives,” I said quietly before I took a long swig of Wolfsbane.

  “You’ll be great Evie,” Grace promised. “At least you know what you’re going to do when you come back. Some of us are still being thwarted from our future dreams.”

  “You have every right to try out for the Fighters,” Lucy said severely. “They won’t be able to stop you.”

  “They can stop me from being accepted,” Grace muttered darkly.

  “I won’t let them do that,” I told her. “If that’s what you want then that is what you’ll have. I’ll get an opinion on that also, not just Aiden.”

  “Ah, to have an ally in power.” Hannah lifted her cup to me before taking a sip. “When I come back I’m going to petition a vote for Katherine to never be allowed back into the compound again.”

  “Uck,” Grace cringed. “I’ll sign it.”

  “Here, here!” Lucy laughed.

  “I’m just glad she’s gone,” I said. “She’s so cold and … plain foul.”

  “No one here would disagree with that,” Grace agreed.

  “She’s afraid of you,” Hannah told me. “When Josh was regaling the tales of the battle to her, I heard her pulse quicken. Oh, she masked it as quickly as possible, but that subtle change was very easy to pick up on. All through dinner she watched you.”

  “It seems as if I have that effect on everyone these days,” I murmured as I took another drink. “I can’t even train now without people afraid I’m going to melt their flesh off.”

  “Explode their brains inside their skulls,” Grace chortled.

  “I can’t believe how you took down Blair!” Hannah gushed. “That move you did—it was like watching some perfectly choreographed martial arts scene. It’s like you saw the move before it even happened. Aiden would have loved to have seen it.”

  “All the boys lost it when we told them,” Grace said. “Then of course Josh had to kill the mood with the fact that you still hadn’t gotten past the final hurdle.”

  “Josh is a mood killer,” I muttered before shooting Hannah a look of apology. His comment had beyond riled me in a way I had never experienced. Once again, I still hadn’t matched up. Someone had brought it to my attention that I was still sub-par. Josh’s comments hadn’t been the only reason behind my deflated mood. I was still battling trying to figure out if it had been me or my magic in that fight. I had moved so fluidly and efficiently, yet I had thought I had been behind it.

  “Do you ever look at the humans and envy them?” Lucy asked quietly. All eyes flickered to her and she set down her drink. “I mean all they have to worry about is getting good SAT’s and getting accepted into a decent college. For us, college is mostly for show. We have these roles we’re expected to live up to and if we don’t… what are we meant to do?”

  “Humans face that same dilemma,” Grace said. “Not in the same way we do, but for some of them, they’re also being forced to live under some preconceived notion of who they are or who they should be. Just the other day I overheard a girl crying in the girl’s bathroom because she didn’t want to go
to college and she didn’t know how to tell her mother. She wanted to be a hair dresser.”

  “What do you want to do Lucy?” Hannah asked. “Grace wants to join the fighters and Evelyn and I will both be in political roles… what about you?”

  “Well…” she chewed on her lip. “I want to own a small clothing boutique and sell my own designs.”

  “Free clothes!” Grace cheered.

  “Then become bankrupt because my only customers want freebies.” Lucy downed the rest of her drink before she raised her chin slightly in acknowledgement. We all turned to see the boys coming over, lugging the remainder of chairs and coolers with them. “Took you boys long enough.”

  “Sorry we took so long getting all your crap,” Trey said dryly.

  Aiden put down a cooler and sat down beside me on a log, kissing the side of my head for a moment before he opened a bottle of Wolfsbane and took a long drink. “Why do you girls need to bring so much stuff wherever we go?” Aiden complained.

  “It was a couple of bags and chairs,” Grace waved her hand dismissively. “Stop your whining.”

  “Can’t wait to get the fire going.” Trey rubbed his hands together. “Tonight is going to be great!”

  I leant my head against Aiden’s shoulder as I accepted another bottle of Wolfsbane from him, popping it open expertly and taking a long drink.

  “Ooh Evie!” Trey gleamed. “We are liking the taste of our signature beverage, are we?”

  “It’s not bad,” I sighed. The Wolfsbane sat nicely within me, making my mind feel slightly fuzzy and my body relaxed. It also seemed to be shutting up all the voices, which was perfectly fine by me. Aiden’s hand rested on my knee and he gave it a gentle squeeze as he continued to drink, his body seeming to lose the tenseness he seemed to constantly carry these days.

  “I want to go for a swim,” Hannah announced. “I’m so hot.”

  “Yeah!” Lucy agreed. “Come on Evie.”

  “Ha!” I scoffed. “No.”