Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  So, you can’t control your magic? The Shadow asked. A young witch, learning the ropes… yet when they were young wolves, I bet they weren’t put under this much pressure.

  My back straightened at the thought and I squared my shoulders. “I don’t need to hear any of this. I’m going home.”

  “Evelyn!” Lucy grabbed my arm and I shook her off roughly and she screeched, taking her hand back to her chest. “Evelyn, what the hell?”

  The electricity that seemed to be running up and down my body made me tremble and my heart raced loudly in my chest.

  “I need to go,” I said quickly.

  I shoved my way through them, disregarding their calls after me as I raced out of the shop, ignoring the annoyed eyes of the assistant. Bursting out into the loud street I sucked in a mouthful of air as I doubled over, trying to catch my breath. I felt like I had been holding it that whole time and a wave of dizziness hit me like a ton of bricks.

  Stop losing yourself, the soft voice growled. You’re going to hurt the people you love.

  Look at what you just did, The Shadow whispered. When you get home, they’re going to have daddy on the phone to tell you off, just like always.

  You asked for my help and I will try my best Evelyn, but if you can’t work with me here then we’re going to lose each other.

  “We need to get her home,” Grace’s voice broke through my scrambled thoughts from inside the shop and I stood up instantly. I wasn’t going home.

  Blend with the crowd, I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes.

  Moments later the shop door crashed open and Lucy, Hannah and Grace came out, looking frantically up and down the street.

  “Where did she go?” Lucy huffed and I stood right in front of her with wide eyes.

  “She can’t have gone far,” Grace snapped. “She’s not that fast.”

  I felt my lip curl and that annoyed pang in my mind hit me again.

  “I can feel her,” Hannah mumbled as she closed her eyes. “She’s not far.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. I hadn’t counted on Hannah being able to still feel my aura. I may be invisible to the human eye but not the inner eye of a witch. I don’t think she’d be able to peg that I was able to turn myself invisible—heck that was news to me—but she knew I was using my magic.

  So easy to vanish, The Shadow whispered. Away from prying eyes.

  So easy.

  So dangerous.

  I bit my lip so hard I drew blood and I watched as the girls pulled out their phones. I let out a frustrated cry and stormed off down the sidewalk, finding an alleyway and ducking into it. I leant up against the dirty bricks and I gasped loudly as dry sobs wracked my body.

  What was I doing? Why did I shout at them like that?

  Take it easy, the kind voice soothed. That wasn’t you and you know it.

  What if it was? I whimpered.

  It’s not you! It snapped firmly. I won’t let it be. I told you I was going to help you.

  How? I cried to myself.

  She can’t help you, The Shadow laughed mockingly. She’s only you after all and you can’t help yourself.

  What? I cried dazedly.

  “There you are!” Grace said from beside me.

  “Evelyn?” Hannah grabbed me just as I fell away from the wall and Lucy quickly helped support Hannah. “Evelyn, what’s wrong?”

  “Look at her gums!” Grace gasped in shock. “They’re bleeding!”

  “Her teeth are coming through,” Lucy said in wonder. “She can’t be—she’s not….”

  “She is,” Hannah gulped. “She’s getting her wolf.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “… Then she got all snappy in the shop, out of nowhere, just flew off the handle and disappeared into the street. That’s when we found her in the alleyway.” Grace’s voice echoed within my mind and I slowly blinked my eyes open, finding that they ached to a point where it felt like lead weights were attached to them and were trying to drag them shut again.

  I allowed them to flicker closed.

  “She’s definitely got the symptoms of a young wolf,” Alpha James said loudly. “The mood swings, the agitation and her increased hunger. Not to mention the reports Blair has been giving me from her training. Her wolf is in there somewhere and she’s trying to get out.”

  “Do you think she can hear her?” Luna Claudia asked softly.

  “We’ll find out when she wakes up,” Alpha James said firmly. “These symptoms don’t just appear. Evelyn would have been noticing a change and hasn’t said anything and I want to know why.”

  “You think there’s more to it?” Grace asked.

  “Possibly,” Alpha James huffed. “Aiden, you’ve been quiet. Surely you have an opinion?”

  Silence met the room and I focused my hearing to pinpoint where Aiden was, deciding he was to my far left. He sighed so loudly that I nearly flinched.

  “My opinion is; that you have loaded me down with so much work that I have hardly had a spare minute to be with my mate,” Aiden grumbled. “I knew something was wrong with her and I didn’t push it, because I was too tired from doing so many late nights—and then wasting my spare time on that rogue wolf. If I had more time with her I could have realized it.”

  “Aiden,” The Luna whispered.

  What was I supposed to say when they started questioning me? How long should I say I had been hearing this voice? It was almost as long as I had been hearing The Shadow. If they were mad at me for this tiny thing, how would they react if I told them about the other one? No, I was going to stick with my plan and work on removing it myself.

  “We’re going to have to help her control it,” Alpha James said. “This is a totally different scenario. Evelyn is a late bloomer and a very powerful witch. With all those factors combined, she could present a danger to herself and the pack. It’s important we keep a close eye on her and how she handles this transitioning.”

  “Will she end up like Hannah then?” Grace asked. “Being able to shift and still use her magic?”

  “That’s unknown,” Alpha James said. “Evelyn is related directly to Morgana through her father’s side of the family. She is no ordinary witch like Hannah. We’ve never dealt with anything like this before.”

  “Would it explain why she’s been having those random nose bleeds?” Grace asked. “What about that panic attack at dinner the other week?”

  “These events could very well be linked to her wolf trying to come through,” The Alpha said.

  I sighed internally with relief. I could very easily blame all of this on my wolf and still deal with The Shadow myself. This would all be fine.

  I don’t think you should lie to them… look at how much trouble you’re already in.

  You said you would help me, I reminded it. I will do this myself.

  “Remember what it was like when you got your wolf?” The Luna asked. “The mood swings and the way you’d lose it so easily. Evelyn’s managed to hold it together and keep this pretty quiet and today was the first time she’s snapped. Regardless of the fact she’s been lying… she has handled it surprisingly well. I think the transition will be easy—now that we can help her.”

  Guilt hit me hard as The Luna spoke.

  See?

  Are you going to help me or try guilt me into telling? I asked.

  Remember what I said would happen if you told, The Shadow haunted. I do find it amusing that you think you have the power you need to end me, I truly do.

  You aren’t here, I told it. You don’t exist.

  “…Asking questions about the afterlife and can people here communicate with the dead.” I zoned back in on Aiden’s voice and tried to follow the conversation I had missed.

  “All those times she randomly said, ‘shut up’,” Grace started. “Do you think that she was confused and talking to her wolf? You don’t think she’s spent the last few months not knowing her wolf was in her mind?”

  “These are the questions I want answered,” Alpha
James said. “How much longer until she wakes up?”

  “Any minute now,” an unfamiliar voice replied.

  “We shouldn’t all bombard her,” The Luna decided. “Let Aiden be with her for a while and then we can all talk to her.”

  Praise Morgana for that woman.

  The sounds of shuffling feet could be heard within the room and the squeak of the door opening before it clicked shut gently. I heard Aiden get up from his chair and slowly walk across the room, and I felt him suddenly hovering above me, his warm breath on my face before his palm cupped my cheek and he sighed tiredly.

  “You can open your eyes now,” he said sternly. “You are the worst faker ever.”

  Hesitantly I peeked an eye open each and tried my best to smile, but from the grumpy look on Aiden’s face, I knew I wouldn’t get one from him any time soon. I bit my lower lip hard and stared right back into Aiden’s deep brown eyes, trying not to let my heart race too loudly.

  “Please don’t be mad with me,” I started but he shook his head and gently placed his hand over my mouth.

  “We said no more lies,” he started and I felt my eyes fill with tears as guilt chewed away at my insides. “That’s what we promised Evelyn. Here you are, having wolf symptoms and saying nothing about them—”

  “I didn’t know what they were,” I defended—though my words were muffled by his palm.

  Had I been having wolf symptoms or had The Shadow been torturing me? All of it was starting to blur together these days and I knew I had to get this thing out of my head before it warped my perception even further. If I couldn’t get this sorted I’d be fast finding myself in a strait jacket. I was already starting to lose it.

  “You were still not feeling right and, you said nothing,” he groaned loudly. “Evelyn, why is it so hard for you to speak up?”

  I bit my lip as he removed his hand and I looked down at the white blanket draped over me, tracing the patterns nervously. If I spoke up and unleashed all the Hell going on in my mind right now… the pressure everyone would be under to once again fix my problems. I couldn’t do that anymore and people were obviously still under the impression that I couldn’t look after myself.

  I needed to prove everyone wrong.

  “Getting your wolf is tough,” Aiden said. “It’s not a fun experience and the fact it’s happening so late for you is only going to make it more difficult.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything,” I told him. “I was trying to figure it out for myself.”

  Someone tapped on the door before it lightly squeaked open and the Alpha walked in, shadowed by The Luna and Grace who all wore somber expressions on their faces and I braced myself for the onslaught of telling offs I was about to get. Irritation simmered beneath the surface and I felt my jaw tighten.

  I was so over being told off.

  You don’t have to listen to them, The Shadow told me. They’re always on your back because they’re afraid of what you can do. Who you are. The more they suppress you the weaker your magic becomes. You won’t be a witch and you won’t be a wolf. What will you be?

  Don’t listen to it Evelyn, my wolf broke through.

  Go. Away! The Shadow hissed and a stab of pain hit me between the temples, causing me to gasp aloud.

  “Evelyn?” Aiden asked with worry. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I quickly assured him. “I have a headache.”

  “That’s going to become a lot more common for you now,” The Luna said. “Your body is going to hurt a lot more; your teeth are going to ache while your canines come through. Your mind will be shared.”

  “Can you hear your wolf?” Grace asked me.

  “Sometimes,” I mumbled. “Nothing too intense. Just telling me she’s here.”

  Go on tell them about me as well, The Shadow chortled.

  “When can I leave?” I asked. “I feel fine. I want to go home.”

  “We can leave now,” The Luna said with a smile. “Doctor Flyne just needed to take some of your bloods for testing. He needs to see just what’s going on with your wolf genes and how its mixing with your witch genetics.”

  I swallowed my saliva. What the heck would show up in that bloodwork?

  “Your father called as well,” Alpha James informed me. “He would like to know why you never said anything about your symptoms. In fact, that’s something we’d all like an answer to.”

  My palms sweat nervously and I looked back down at the blanket. “I didn’t know what I was experiencing,” I started. “At first I thought it was just stress after the battle and the nightmares… and then when I thought it was my wolf I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It goes away and comes back so quickly…”

  The lies fell from my mouth so effortlessly and it was so easy to control the words. They would believe me, I told myself as warmth flowed through my body, the way it normally did when I was using my magic. I was the one with the power here and I wouldn’t be put under the microscope any longer. They would believe my story and that would be that.

  “Your problem Evelyn, is that you still live with the Omega mentality that you’re alone and have no support.” The Alpha folded his arms and stared me down. “You are a part of pack and a family that loves you and cares for you. You need to let us help you. Stop hiding things.”

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  The room was silent and I could feel the approval of The Shadow within my mind. That sick, twisted approval that I was finally using my magic. I was warping the minds of the people I loved and for what?

  Now Evelyn, The Shadow sneered. We know exactly for what, don’t we? Or did my little reminder on the plane vanish from your memory?

  The thought of my dead friends and the looks of horror assaulted me so quickly it took everything within me not to cry out loud into the room.

  “Well there’s not much else that can be said,” The Luna sighed. “We need to get home and Evelyn, you must speak with your father. After that you’ll need to start training that wolf in your mind. You’ll need to learn to expand those abilities…”

  “Or at least find out what abilities you have,” The Alpha growled. “You may be able to hear parts of your wolf but whether you can shift will be a totally different story.”

  Like I will let that happen, The Shadow laughed. You will not have your wolf, Evelyn.

  Why are you doing this? I demanded as sorrow hit me in the chest. Why would you keep that from me?

  I was met with cold silence and I wanted to bury my head into my hands. Unfortunately, I had an audience, watching me so closely, I felt like I had been brought in for show and tell. Probing within my mind I tried to search for that warmth and gentleness my wolf brought when she was around.

  All I found was a hollow void of sadness and bleak despair.

  ∞

  I sifted through my locker distractedly, trying to find my Math book. My gaze caught on the promise ring Aiden had given me and I traced the rose gold band delicately, my mind feeling heavy once more. Aiden was being quiet and brooding again. He watched me with keen eyes, waiting for me to lie and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle the suffocation.

  He was mad and he was frustrated and I understood it. I couldn’t get angry with him—I was still lying to him! As soon as I removed this thing from my head, I knew everything would be okay. It would all go back to normal and he would never have to know about it.

  I had come to the realization in bed the night before that there was no chance of me getting my wolf physically until we had ended the force inside my mind. It was going to try and stop me from getting rid of it. What I needed to do was try and catch it unaware. The only problem was—I didn’t know how to locate it.

  What even was it?

  What form did it take?

  Slamming my locker shut I turned around and fell backward into the metal, a strangled scream rising in my throat at the sight of Jonah, mere feet away from me.

  “You’re dead,” I rushed out breathily. “I’m alive
and you’re dead and the day I get this thing out my head, you’ll die again. All over again. I’ll be alive. Still here.”

  Jonah sneered at me and leaned forward, forcing me to flatten myself against the locker as his lifeless eyes bore into mine. “You don’t know what you’re up against half-blood. Your mind is so small. You’ll never be able to remove it. Its creator is too strong. When you fail—and you will… we’re all here waiting for you.”

  Suddenly I was shook roughly on my shoulder and I gasped for breath as the empty halls were suddenly full and Lucy stood in front of me, frowning as she let go of me. Grace stood beside her, holding her book bag.

  “You awake in there?” Lucy asked tightly.

  I nodded quickly and readjusted my books as I opened my mouth, ready to spill the apology I had been writing out in my mind for the last two days. Grace hadn’t even been speaking to me properly in the house. “Listen I’m sorry about—”

  “We know that wasn’t you Evelyn,” Grace interjected. “In that dress boutique. We know it wasn’t you.”

  “We’ve also been talking,” Lucy said quietly. “What you said—some of that stuff in the shop—it was true. We do get on your back. No wonder you exploded when you did.”

  “I could have been nicer about how it came out,” I mumbled sheepishly as my cheeks flushed.

  “No, you couldn’t,” Grace told me bluntly. “You’re a future Luna whose wolf is trying to come through. All of us ganging up on you like that—it was stupid and it made your wolf snap. While you’re our best friend… you’re also our future Luna. It was disrespectful what we did.”

  I’m still lying! I wanted to scream. It’s not my wolf it’s the other thing!

  My wolf seemed like a calm and docile creature. I knew it wasn’t her triggering all these emotions. The moment that awful, hateful voice whispered into my ear, it had a way of getting into my mind and holding me prisoner to its words. What scared me even more was how those words made me act.

  “Let’s forget about it,” I said quickly. “Where’s Hannah?”

  “She’s starting later today,” Lucy sighed. “It’s the anniversary of her dad.”