Ever After (Forbidden Love #1)

by Christina Lee

  Cassius suddenly felt what should have been his clue that he needed to step down from this position right that moment. He rubbed his fingers together, wishing he had Prince Merrick’s drawing between them.

  Without a word, Cassius followed the Wellingtons to the door, where they again said their goodbyes. The door was hardly closed before the queen clapped her hands together. “She is a dream, Merrick. You seemed to enjoy her much better than anyone else you’ve met.”

  The prince paused, looked down before he cleared his throat. “She was very kind, Mother. Thank you, but I am not feeling very well. Can we speak of it in the morning?”

  Before the queen could answer, the king said, “Yes, you may retire, Merrick.”

  Without another word, the prince walked away from them. Princess Marjorie watched him go. When he reached Cassius, Cassius bowed his head. “After you, Your Highness.”

  The tightness within his chest increased with each step up the grand staircase. When they reached Prince Merrick’s chamber, it was the prince who opened the door and then closed it behind them.

  “Would you like me to draw you a bath, Your Highness?” Cassius asked, his throat unfamiliarly rough.

  “No, Cassius. I…”

  Instinctively, Cassius lowered his head. The prince was not going to let this go, was he? Cassius knew he would not, so he would have to approach it head on. “I apologize, Your Highness…for the ride. I do not know why it happened, and it won’t happen again. I can’t…” Cassius shook his head. “I know it was inappropriate. It is wrong. That I am wrong. But please…I need to care for my family.”

  He closed his eyes, wishing he could have swallowed the words he’d just spoken before they’d gotten the chance to escape his mouth. He hadn’t meant to admit he fancied men. Not to the prince. But maybe he would be rewarded for his honesty. The prince was kind. Maybe he would take pity on Cassius—even though Cassius despised pity—since he knew Cassius had family to care for.

  It felt like an eternity that he stood there, looking down at the floor, yet the prince did not reply. He heard a noise and realized Prince Merrick was moving, stepping slowly toward him, one foot after another. When his shoes were in sight, so much different than Cassius’s, they stopped.

  And then…then his finger hooked beneath Cassius’s chin, and Cassius gasped when he wanted to sigh. It was warm and strong and so very male.

  The prince nudged his chin up—and Cassius allowed him to—until their eyes met. The prince’s eyes had the same sadness in their dark brown depths that he’d carried earlier.

  “If you are wrong, then I am wrong too.”

  Cassius’s eyes widened. He found he could not breathe. Did he mean…?

  “Your Highness?” he whispered as he was drawn into his searing gaze filled with so much longing, Cassius’s chest ached.

  “I am a simple man with simple desires. Same as you.”

  Before Cassius could decipher what was transpiring, Prince Merrick’s mouth came down on his. It began as such a gentle press of lips that Cassius wasn’t sure it was really happening. Then Prince Merrick’s tongue lashed against Cassius’s in what felt like a plea. Cassius could not deny Merrick or himself, so he opened up, and the prince’s tongue slipped inside.

  They moaned together, and Cassius’s body burst into flames. He trembled, hungered for more. Cas deepened the kiss, attempting to learn the prince’s mouth. His tongue was in Prince Merrick’s mouth, and the prince groaned a soft sound that Cassius ate down. He’d swallowed Prince Merrick’s noises.

  He didn’t know what it was about that truth that snapped him out of it. Cassius jerked back with such strength that he stumbled, tripping over his own feet before landing on the floor.

  “Cassius…” The prince reached for him, and Cassius scrambled backward. Hurt set into the curves of Prince Merrick’s soft face.

  He didn’t want to hurt the prince, but he could not do this, could not kiss the prince of Evergreen. He was the one who would lose in this. No one else.

  “Please, excuse me, Your Highness,” Cassius said. “I do not feel well.” And then, without another word, he left the prince alone, failing again at his responsibility.

  15

  Merrick

  Merrick had refused breakfast that morning, unable to eat. Instead, he paced the length of his room for what seemed like the hundredth time. He had placed Cassius in a horrible position, and he was furious with himself. Cassius did the right thing to pull away, to leave—he could not consort with a prince, not in his position when their titles were that of royal and servant.

  Yet he could not stop his lips from tingling, his cock from stirring. Cassius had returned his affections. He had kissed him back. He had fed him his tongue.

  It was the first time in his adult life such tender regard had manifested organically, without a prearranged meeting at a bathhouse or under the pretense that both men needed to release pent-up sexual frustration.

  Though maybe that had been what this was all along. For sure, his blood turned to rapid boil from sheer want and need every time he was around the man. Every time he learned one more piece of the intricate puzzle that made up the valet.

  Most likely, Cassius had felt the same physical sensations. The same desperate frustration and need for release.

  “I know it was inappropriate. It is wrong. That I am wrong. But please…I need to care for my family.”

  Merrick trembled as he stared through the window at the snow-covered grounds. The way Cassius’s hard cock felt against him on the ride… The way his gaze tracked him across the room when Merrick half-heartedly courted Penelope…

  It was an impossible situation, but one he desperately wanted to experience again, if only once more before he had no choice but to uphold his duty.

  Last night he’d been unable to sleep. Unable to do much else except relive Cassius’s lips against his, his shallow breaths, his moans…until Merrick had jerked his own cock and spent his seed all over his stomach.

  He was to attend a charitable event with his mother in a couple of hours’ time but could not seem to get his rapidly circling emotions under control. He feared Cassius would hand in his notice and leave the castle before Merrick could make things right between them again, and that he’d never lay eyes on Cassius again.

  Merrick stood straighter, clenching his jaw in determination. He was being a selfish bastard. He needed to reassure Cassius that his job was not in jeopardy; it would never be in jeopardy, not where he was concerned. He was weak and could not control his urges. He needed to do better. For Cassius.

  A brief knock sounded at his door, and he heard his mother’s voice.

  “Yes, Mother, please enter.”

  She glanced warily at him as she entered his chamber. “I was concerned. You said you were feeling ill last night and did not come down for breakfast. Will you be well enough to attend today’s event?”

  Merrick longed to say no so he could avoid the responsibilities that seemed to pile up on him like a house of cards, and instead stay buried beneath his covers all day. But it was the annual ice-carving event in Hadleigh that would involve talented artists as well as different programs from surrounding towns, including the orphanage. He always looked forward to visiting with the children at these types of events.

  Besides, he also needed Cassius to know he would keep his distance. He would make himself very clear the moment he laid eyes on him.

  “I’ll be fine. Just tired.” He offered a weak smile. “Thank you for checking on me.”

  Even when Merrick was in boarding school for his secondary education, she was always more in tune with him than his father, though there were other ways he and his father connected. Their shared love of horse racing and polo events came to mind.

  His mother placed her hand against Merrick’s temple. “Is there something else bothering you?”

  Merrick looked away. “Such as what?”

  “Perhaps you’re feeling pressure?” she asked, and Merrick h
eld his breath. “Because Marjorie might have met her match first?”

  “Is it a competition?” Merrick asked with a bit too much sass, but he couldn’t seem to control his foul mood. If only he could confess it all to her. But that would only burden them more.

  “Of course not,” she chastised, nudging his chin so he would meet her gaze. “There’s still time. Use it wisely.”

  He shook his head and swung his gaze to the window in misery. “Father might not agree.”

  “Then Father needs to remember his youth,” she replied with a chuckle as if recalling some memory of their courtship. “Regardless of what he thinks, it’s important to find the right woman for you.” Merrick bit his tongue so hard, he tasted blood. “You seemed smitten with Penelope.”

  “Did I?” he asked. How could his own mother not notice how his eyes could barely stay trained on her once Cassius walked into the room? “She was lovely. But I still do not know—”

  “It has only been one meeting.” His mother motioned with her hand and rounded toward the door. “We can speak more about it on the ride to town.”

  After Merrick bathed, he heard Cassius enter his room to prepare his clothing. His stomach soured while his heart soared, creating a nauseating mix of emotions. When he emerged in his robe, the valet’s shoulders tensed as though Merrick’s gaze was a physical sensation.

  Cassius bowed his head but did not make eye contact. Merrick greedily drank in his features—his strong jawline, dark eyelashes—as though he would never have the chance again.

  But he longed to have Cassius’s honey-colored eyes turned in his direction. When Merrick noticed how Cassius’s fingers trembled, he stepped closer, eager to soothe his jangled nerves.

  “Cassius, can you not face me after I…”

  The valet’s gaze rose to meet his. They stood feet apart, chests rising and falling rapidly but in unison. Merrick studied his eyes before moving down to his plump mouth. The same mouth that fit so perfectly against his. He licked his lips to chase the flavor of him that was now long gone.

  Merrick cleared his throat roughly, pushing the words past his lips. “What happened was my fault. We never have to speak of it again. It was inappropriate to…to kiss you.” Merrick heard the rapid intake of air from Cassius’s mouth, and he longed to swallow the sound down. He stood straighter. “I apologize. Please don’t… Your position is not in jeopardy.”

  Cassius studied him so intently, it was as if his fingertips were marking him instead of his gaze. But Merrick gulped down all his longing, even though it tasted like acid in his throat. He did not want Cassius to be uncomfortable in his presence.

  Finally, Cassius responded in a voice that sounded as wrecked as Merrick felt. “Very well, Your Highness.”

  Merrick thought he might wither away into nothing if he were never to hear Cassius utter his birth name again. Thank you, Merrick.

  As Cassius dressed him, his fingers fumbled on the buttons, and small wisps of his exhalations mixed with Merrick’s in the sliver of space between them. Merrick wondered how he’d ever get past wanting this man. Wanting to feel his bare flesh beneath his fingers, the pressure of his tongue inside his mouth.

  He found it helpful to stare somewhere past the valet’s shoulder or to close his eyes. He had to get over this fascination. This raw desire. For certainly that was all this was. And desire was shallow at best…fleeting. Surely it would pass.

  As Cassius chauffeured him and the queen to the winter festival, Merrick tried to make polite conversation and focus on the events of the day. He noticed how Cassius did not glance back at him even once, and the loss of his warm gaze nearly flayed him open.

  “I have sent word to the Wellington family that you’d like to accompany Lady Penelope to the opera tomorrow evening,” his mother announced with a smug smile. Merrick was to attend opening night at the theater with his mother and sit in the balcony with a bird’s-eye view of the performance.

  Troubled, Merrick rubbed a hand over his face. “Mother, should that not be my job? To call upon a lady I am interested in courting?”

  “Sometimes you need a nudge in the right direction,” she replied with a smirk. “Besides, she already seems taken by you. You’re quite charming when you want to be.”

  “Yes, of course, Mother. Thank you,” Merrick grumbled, when in reality, he wanted to shout and break something. He was so jumbled up inside, he could barely keep his mind from spinning like wheels on ice. He wanted to jump atop Ursula and ride off into the quiet of the forest—that would surely help settle his mind as well as his heart.

  For the first time, the valet’s eyes lifted to the rearview mirror, and his gaze clashed with Merrick’s as the queen discussed her favorite opera performances. Cassius’s eyes were filled with sadness…and regret…as if in that moment Cassius could read him, understand him, see inside his very soul.

  At the ice-sculpture event, Cassius sat beside the royal family to observe the festivities, which included a song-and-dance routine performed by a children’s choir. He also seemed to enjoy the amazingly intricate frozen artwork on display.

  When Merrick left his mother’s place beside the Duke of Harrington to visit with the children from the orphanage, Cassius joined him. They sat feet apart at the long table where the children were served a meager yet sensible lunch, and the youngsters barraged them with questions and stories. When a boy named James excitedly recounted their snowball fight, Cassius’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed with the children, and it made Merrick’s heart leap.

  Then Merrick’s gaze snagged on a stand serving cotton candy, and he rose from his seat to buy several of the confections that looked almost like spools of colorful wool. And as Cassius grinned and helped him pass out the delicacy to the eager and excited children, it almost felt comfortable again between them. Almost. If he could only banish the constant itch from beneath his skin. The itch to touch Cassius again.

  16

  Cassius

  As he stood in the foyer waiting, Cassius realized he did not know if he could do what was expected of him.

  The thought was ridiculous, of course. He had no choice in the matter. He would continue to hold his post as he waited to chaperone the prince and Lady Penelope this evening. His responsibilities ensured that. He could not threaten his ability to care for those he loved because of his attraction for the prince that suddenly felt all-consuming.

  He’d allowed himself to get lost in his fanciful thoughts despite telling himself he wouldn’t. Otherwise, seeing the prince with Lady Penelope later that night would not matter. The kiss they shared would have been a dangerous moment of pleasure and nothing more.

  But it hadn’t been.

  Over a day had passed and his lips still felt the press of Prince Merrick’s. Cassius recalled his taste—brandy and passion so fierce, Cassius’s soul caught on fire. For a moment, he had been willing to go up in flames, to burn to ash if he could have done so with Prince Merrick’s lips upon his.

  But he could not do that, could he? He had too much to lose…as did Prince Merrick. It was not something he would have considered before, even if he had known the prince favored men. He risked his title. His family. His kingdom.

  Even had he not tasted that reality upon the prince’s tongue, he would have felt it in the sadness that had rolled off Prince Merrick, thick and heavy as packed snow. Cassius would have seen the longing in his eyes when they caught one another in the mirror, or in their silence moments before as he’d dressed the prince for his outing; if longing for Cassius specifically or men in general, he did not know, but it was there—loneliness, duty, sorrow…hunger.

  They understood each other, Cassius realized as he waited to follow through in his duty, only the weight upon Merrick was heavier than even Cassius’s. Prince Merrick… It would do him no favors to begin to think of the prince as strictly Merrick.

  The prince desired men, and that would never be acceptable for him. He would be forced to court a woman, much like he w
as tonight, and soon his responsibility would call for marriage and an heir.

  His gut cramped as his chest tightened with Prince Merrick’s devastating truth.

  He tugged at the collar of his shirt, his tie suddenly feeling too tight. Cassius jerked down his waistcoat next. Because of the opera, he was required to wear more formal attire tonight.

  Cassius knew the prince was there before he ever saw or heard him. He fought to keep his eyes upon the wall but could not prevent them from veering to the top of the stairs, where Prince Merrick stood watching him.

  He was dashing as always. It hadn’t been long since Cassius’s eyes had been upon him, but somehow it was as if the first time he saw the prince’s cinnamon-colored hair, neatly tied at his nape. As if Cassius had never seen his pale skin, unblemished and soft. As if he did not know the rounded curves of the prince’s face and the lithe, firm build of his body. More than that, he knew what the prince’s mouth tasted like. How he swept his tongue when he kissed and the moans that slipped past his lips when he did so.

  The familiar spark Prince Merrick lit inside him flickered as his heart ached, not only for himself, but for the prince.

  “Oh, Merrick. Don’t you look lovely!” The queen’s proud voice snapped Cassius from his thoughts, making him jerk his eyes away. Christ, he had not even heard her approach.

  “Thank you, Mother,” the prince replied as he descended the grand staircase. “I was going for dashing,” he teased, but his smile did not reach his eyes.

  “Dashing it is.” She hugged Merrick when he met her.

  They spoke for a few moments about what was going to come to pass tonight, excitement evident in the queen’s voice. To block the painful words from his ears, Cassius told himself a story of two men riding a mare to the end of the world.

  It wasn’t until he heard, “Are you ready, Cassius?” in the prince’s velvety voice that he quieted his silent tale.

  “Yes, Your Highness.” Cassius bowed his head, then turned to the queen and did the same to her before opening the door for the prince.