Ever After (Forbidden Love #1)

by Christina Lee

  They did not speak while Cassius led him to the car. As they walked, Cassius saw the sun spark off something that fell to the snow, and realized the prince lost a cuff link again.

  “Your Highness?” he said before he stopped, bent, and picked it up. “You lost your cuff link.”

  He allowed himself to reach for the prince’s hand, fingers gently around his wrist. He was warm and supple and alive. Funny that he should think of another that way. Of course he was alive, but the touch…it made Cassius feel the same, made him realize how foreign the sensation was. How could he not feel alive? How could this touch be different from other men’s he had lain with?

  The prince inhaled a sharp breath when Cassius’s fingers brushed against his hand. “This is how we met,” he whispered. “I can’t seem to keep myself together in your presence.”

  Cassius didn’t want him to. “You do fine, Your Highness.” Before either could continue, he dropped the prince’s wrist and opened the door.

  Their eyes snagged for one perfect moment before he disappeared into the motorcar.

  Cassius closed the door behind him and took a couple of deep, painful breaths before he set upon accomplishing what he was there to do.

  Cassius kept his eyes firmly on the road after they collected Penelope. In a pale-pink dress and matching coat, she was as elegant and beautiful as she had been two nights before, and her laugh was infectious.

  She was kind, and Cas thought maybe this would be easier had she not been. He wondered if Prince Merrick felt the same. If his destiny was eating through him like a rapid-moving bacteria, or if her kindness eased his burden. If he saw her as a good match, despite his leanings, because they were both compassionate.

  Could Prince Merrick feel attraction to both men and women? He’d heard of such a thing, though that was not him…and he did not believe it was the prince either.

  His body felt a pull to the prince that he didn’t understand. He longed to meet his eyes in the mirror but feared what he would see and how the prince made him crave.

  The snow did not fall as they drove to the opera. Theater staff awaited their arrival as they always did when royalty was involved. Cassius slowed the vehicle to a stop and twisted the turn-key ignition before he said, “Allow me to get your door, Your Highness.” He realized the absurdity of his statement the moment it left his lips. Of course he would open the door. That was his responsibility.

  “Thank you, Cassius,” the prince replied, his voice somewhat rougher than it typically was.

  Cassius cleared his throat as he mentally chastised himself. He could not afford to allow himself thoughts of the prince. He could not risk his livelihood by continually obsessing about the royal artist with the gentle smile.

  He hoped the brisk air would somehow cleanse him of those thoughts as he walked around the polished, black motorcar and opened Prince Merrick’s door. He held his arm out and the prince took it, and he wondered if it made his heart accelerate as it did Cassius’s.

  “Thank you.” Prince Merrick’s voice cracked.

  “You’re welcome, Your Highness,” Cassius replied before he offered Lady Penelope his arm as well. She took it and presented him a smile, which he returned.

  “Thank you, Cassius,” she told him.

  “You’re welcome, Lady Penelope.”

  Theater staff cleared a walkway specifically for the prince. Men in uniforms stood shoulder to shoulder, saluting the prince as he walked into the gray brick building. He tugged at his collar, Cassius noticed, and again he found his mind wandering to what Prince Merrick was feeling. Did it make him uncomfortable? Being here? The attention?

  They were led through a restricted entrance, upstairs, and to a private box. With each step they took, Cassius’s stomach flipped quickly and with more intensity. He longed for another moment like the one they’d shared in the prince’s quarters two nights previous. As he saw the prince with Penelope, watched him help seat her, he wished the prince’s hands were upon him.

  When he sat beside Prince Merrick, the warmth of his flesh so near yet out of reach, he was angry at himself. He wanted their moment back because it would likely be the only one they ever had… As the prince’s leg brushed briefly against his before pulling away, Cassius thought that one night in Prince Merrick’s bed—skin to skin, teasing and tasting and learning his body—would be worth the consequences he’d face.

  What would his skin taste like? What would he smell like when they were nothing except two male bodies together?

  The opera began, and Cassius found that he struggled to breathe. It was as if he had gone into shock or had an allergic reaction, his throat closing the way Elizabeth’s did with her allergies.

  Lady Penelope sat close to Prince Merrick. She smiled at him, her grin brightening the dark, before her eyes were upon the stage again.

  The music was muffled in Cassius’s ears. He had never been to an opera before, and he knew he wouldn’t remember this one because all he could think was that he had ruined his chance. There was nothing Cassius had in his life that was for himself. He did not allow himself to daydream of the quiet longings that filled him—for his family to be okay, to lose himself in the beauty of the written word, to ride a horse until he could ride no more, to capture in a story what he saw…

  He yearned for the prince, hungered for him, wanted to know what it was like to feel the prince’s touch upon his body. Prince Merrick would be the only true indulgence he allowed himself, yet he’d denied himself. Shoved away from the prince. Lost his moment to experience freedom.

  “Cassius?” Prince Merrick whispered, looking at him as though he could feel Cassius’s tension. “Are you well? You’re shaking.”

  “I’m…I’m sorry, Your Highness. I am well.” He managed to get the words past his dry lips.

  Though it was too dark to see the prince’s eyes, he could feel them upon him, his stare intense. He felt it like a caress, like soft yet urgent fingers against his skin.

  Why could he not have this one thing for himself? A moment that went beyond satisfying his prick with a man he did not know, but with one he did. Someone he enjoyed, someone he desired beyond simple fucking.

  Because he is a prince and you are his servant…

  This was not a story, a fairy tale selling the lie of a happily-ever-after that couldn’t be a reality for someone like Cassius. That was not a reality for Merrick either.

  He turned away, did not let himself gaze at the prince for the rest of the performance. He ignored Lady Penelope’s whispers to Prince Merrick, the jealousy that burned through his gut.

  This was his reality, and he had better get used to it.

  17

  Merrick

  Cassius appeared glum the entire ride back to Pinewood Castle, and Merrick wondered how closely his sullenness matched his own. He felt Cassius’s eyes on him as he walked Lady Penelope to her door. She offered him her hand in farewell, and he politely bent to kiss her fingers. She was beautiful and kind, and he could tell she was interested in him, but for the life of him he did not understand why, unless it was merely for his status, which was wholly plausible.

  He’d tried to be present, attentive, become more familiar with Lady Penelope this evening, but he could barely focus with Cassius only inches away all night. To feel his thigh resting so closely to his in the theater, to absorb the tremors that had wracked him during the performance for Lord only knew what reason.

  To know that he could reach out and place his hand on Cassius’s knee or intertwine their fingers if only they’d been alone, nearly killed him. But he’d do well to remember the words that passed between them only the day before. How Merrick assured him his job was not in jeopardy because of his actions and how Cassius seemed relieved but still held his jaw as if in anger or distress.

  As Cassius trudged up the grand staircase behind Merrick, the house was quiet, as most had retired to bed, and his valet’s steps sounded like dull thuds in his ears. They had gotten through another day together
, and he hoped the tightness in his chest would eventually ease.

  When they entered his chamber, Merrick almost dismissed his valet, but he was too drained, too bombarded with emotions to think clearly. He slouched against the chest of drawers as Cassius helped remove his bow tie, and he was grateful for his effort.

  “Would you like me to draw you a bath?” Cassius asked, concern in his gaze.

  He nearly shook his head, except the idea of soaking his weary muscles felt too inviting. “Yes, I’d like that.”

  They went through the motions of stripping him of his shirt and trousers, leaving him in his undergarments. Cassius entered his bathroom to turn the nozzle and line up the soap and sponge on the ledge near the claw-foot tub. He also poured Merrick a brandy from his private-collection drawer, which he placed within reach as if he knew Merrick would need it.

  “That’s perfect, Cassius,” Merrick said as his valet bowed his head and left the room to sort his clothing for either the laundry or the closet.

  Once Merrick discarded his undershirt and drawers, he stepped into the hot bath and breathed a sigh of relief. It felt warm and relaxing. He reached for his glass of spirits and sipped it gratefully.

  He heard Cassius enter the room behind him. “I’ve laid your night clothes on the bed, Your Highness.”

  Without turning around, he nodded, then said in barely a whisper, “Thank you.”

  He expected Cassius to leave the room, to hear the door to his chamber shut behind him. Instead, he felt Cassius’s substantial presence as if he reflected about something. He didn’t dare turn to look, not when so much heaviness hung between them. He prayed Cassius would not offer his notice tonight and that his sour mood all evening was not his deliberation about taking such action.

  Though that might be for the best. Merrick obviously was having great difficulty disconnecting his emotions and fantasies from the man.

  He heard the valet pad gently across the tiled floor. He watched as Cassius’s trembling fingers reached for the sponge, then dipped it into the steaming water before creating a lather with the soap, which smelled faintly of eucalyptus. He listened to his soft pants just as he felt the sponge glide across his shoulders. He held completely still as Cassius made circular motions down his back.

  “What are you doing?” Merrick pushed the words past his parched throat. “If this is some sort of peace offering, it is not necessary. I cannot handle—”

  “How long have you known?” Cassius asked, interrupting Merrick’s train of thought. When he sputtered, unable to understand the direction this was headed, Cassius clarified. “How long have you known that you also fancy men?”

  Merrick’s breath hitched as he dropped his head, panting heavily as the sponge stroked across his nape. He attempted to get his jumbled thoughts in order. Was this Cassius’s attempt to understand him? To form an amicable connection with him?

  “Not also,” he replied. “Only. I only fancy men.”

  For of that he was certain, and saying it out loud made it ring even clearer in his head. “I’ve known for as long as I can remember. When Marjorie played with her dolls, I felt an uncomfortable tightness in my chest as she pretended the male was courting the female. I would change the script in my head and…and have the gentleman court another gentleman.”

  The silence was nearly deafening in the room, the only sounds their harsh breaths and the water dripping off the sponge.

  “And you?” Merrick asked, clearing his throat.

  “It’s taken me a bit longer to know…to understand. I thought something was wrong with me, or that perhaps I was a late bloomer. My life has always been about my family…not about friends, nor anyone I ever fancied. When I finally took time to look inside myself, to allow myself pleasure, women had never figured into the equation.”

  Merrick inhaled heavily through his nose. To speak openly about this with someone was like a great release of endorphins. He momentarily worried that his words would be twisted and that Cassius would use them against him. To tell his secret, or perhaps to blackmail him. But that thought quickly fled his brain when Cassius stepped to the side of the tub and dropped to his knees to fully face him.

  His gaze was soft, sympathetic, as he ran the sponge down his arm. “I understand now how hard this must be for you. How much is at stake.”

  As their gazes clashed, Merrick felt the stinging of tears behind his eyes. He wasn’t sure why he was so moved by Cassius’s acknowledgment, except that he felt like he finally had someone in his corner. Other than his sister, of course.

  Cassius took a deep breath, the cloth pausing on his collarbone. “And now you feel the pressure to court someone like Lady Penelope because…”

  “Because I cannot publicly court someone better suited for me. Perhaps someone like you,” Merrick replied, and he heard Cassius inhale sharply.

  “Me? Even if it were possible… I am nothing more than a simple—”

  “No, Cassius. You are not simple.” Merrick shut his eyes, his lips trembling, his chest loosening in blissful relief as he let the words flow out of him. “You are pure and real and complicated. To someone like me, you might simply be everything.”

  He felt Cassius move closer, but he kept his lids closed, held his breath.

  “I do not…” Cassius began but trailed off. “I long for this…for one moment that is only for me.”

  Cassius’s breath ghosted against his lips; his fingertip traced his jaw, his cheek, his eyebrow as his heart thundered in his ears. When Cassius’s lips brushed against his own, he opened his eyes and noticed how Cassius watched him, his gaze filled with wonder.

  Their lips met a second time, gentle, tentative at first before Cassius increased the pressure. Merrick’s fingers rose to connect with Cassius’s neck as he pressed their lips together, a whimper escaping his mouth.

  “You flatter me, my prince,” Cassius murmured, and Merrick nearly melted at the tender tenor of his voice. “I… I want… Please show me…”

  “Show you what?” Merrick asked, feathering his lips along his chin.

  “Show me everything.”

  Cassius groaned as Merrick took his lips again in a stinging kiss, his tongue sweeping inside Cassius’s mouth, his fingers gathering Cassius’s face in his hands as he kept their lips and tongues connected in a fierce and possessive way, sharing the same sliver of air for seconds or minutes or possibly days.

  Merrick’s lips glided to the strong column of Cassius’s throat, where he felt the urge to mar his soft and supple skin before sweeping to his ear and sucking the lobe, enjoying the noises Cassius couldn’t quite help contain.

  Cassius pulled back to catch his breath as his gaze roamed all over Merrick’s features, from his eyes down to his mouth and then finally lower to his chest and groin. Merrick’s nipples pebbled at once, and his length stiffened even further at the admiration in Cassius’s eyes.

  “Please,” Merrick rasped. “Let me look my fill as well.”

  Cassius’s gaze slid lazily to his, his mouth swollen like he’d been stung, and he nodded. Standing upright, he backed away several steps. He removed his waistcoat and hastily cast it to the floor before working on his tie and the buttons of his shirt. When his lean, smooth chest was exposed, Merrick gasped. His nipples were luscious brown discs he longed to lick and suck.

  Cassius trembled as he pushed his trousers down, along with his drawers. His prick sprang free, tall and stiff against his stomach. The foreskin was slightly pushed back as some of his seed leaked from his tip.

  “So lush and lovely, Cassius,” he remarked in a rough voice as his cock throbbed against his thigh.

  Cassius bowed his head, a tremor wracking his shoulders, his chest flushing as rosy as his neck and cheeks.

  “You have lain with men before, Cassius?”

  The valet’s cheeks darkened further. “I…yes.”

  Merrick swallowed roughly, his chest tightening like a screw. “I am jealous of those men.”

  “Your High—
” Cassius paused, his eyes wide.

  “Please, no titles, not when it is just us…” Merrick brushed his wrist over his eyes. “I am just a man who longs to touch your skin and breathe in your scent.”

  “Merrick,” Cassius whispered. “I long for that as well.”

  When Merrick held out his hand, Cassius reached for it to step inside the tub. Merrick motioned for Cassius to turn, the gorgeous line of his back and his smooth cheeks now on display before him. Heart pounding, Merrick trailed his fingers up the back of his thigh as Cassius quivered. He longed to part his cheeks using his tongue, fingers, or prick. “Exquisite.”

  His fingers clutched Cassius’s waist as he urged him down into the warm water to sit between his legs. As he sponged his back and arms, he leaned forward to pepper kisses along the curve of his neck to his rounded shoulder blades, savoring the smell and taste of him.

  Cassius leaned against Merrick and sighed. It felt too perfect, too right, and Merrick feared the tormenting aftermath of this spellbinding evening shared with a man he’d fantasized about almost nightly. “You feel like heaven, and I wish we could stay like this for days.”

  When Cassius glanced back at him, Merrick took his mouth again in a bruising kiss. His fingers glided over Cassius’s chest to toy with his nipples as Cassius shuddered against him.

  Merrick’s hand brushed over Cassius’s abdomen, and the valet moaned, burying his head against his shoulder. Merrick forked his fingers through the downy hair at his groin, his palm closing around the velvety skin of his cock, stroking the hardened shaft upward.

  Cassius whimpered as his back bowed in what Merrick hoped was utter bliss. “I…have dreamed of this moment.”

  Merrick groaned in his ear. “Tell me more of this dream.”

  “Our mouths and hands joining, our sweat-soaked skin sliding together.” He jerked his head, sucking the underside of Merrick’s jaw as his fingers played over the top of Merrick’s on his own prick. “Please let me touch you as well.”