Constructing the Soul

by Annabella Michaels

  I turned to Akio, but he was gone. I raced down the porch steps and saw his retreating form as he rounded the corner of the house and stepped into the backyard. I followed and slid into the empty chair next to him. Everyone else was already seated and waiting for the grooms, their soft murmuring and the gentle sound of music could be heard throughout the yard which had been decorated with flowers at the end of each row of chairs and a beautiful archway that was draped in delicate white tulle with tiny fire and ice roses interwoven in it.

  I glanced at Akio out of the corner of my eye, but he was looking straight ahead, his face unreadable. Caleb and Carter drew my attention as they began walking slowly down the center aisle, escorting their mother to her seat and looking like two perfectly matched bookends. They each kissed her cheek and then made their way to the back again where they retraced their steps, but this time Caleb walked next to his husband, Giovanni, who would be standing up with Micah as his best man and Carter walked beside Lachlan who was Micah’s other best man.

  When they reached the end, they took their places on either side of the archway then the music swelled and everyone stood as Landon and Micah made their way down the aisle, hand in hand. We sat back down as they stood under the archway and turned to face each other. They made a very handsome couple with Landon in a black suit and Micah in his Navy SEALs white dress uniform.

  Landon blinked rapidly and I could tell that he was trying to fight back tears, but Micah reached forward and brushed away the one that managed to escape with his thumb and whispered something to him, making Landon laugh. They exchanged vows that they had written themselves and I could hear sniffling as Micah promised to protect not only Landon’s body, but his heart, mind, and soul. Landon then told Micah that he was the most important person in his life and that he promised to always treat Micah and their marriage with all the love and respect that they deserved.

  I felt Akio stiffen next to me and I turned to look at him, wondering what about Landon’s words had upset him, but the mask he’d been wearing before was firmly back in place, giving me no clue as to what he was thinking. I hated the tension that was currently between us, but I wasn’t sure what I could do to fix it without having to explain everything that had happened between David and myself.

  I looked back towards the front as I heard the minister announce Landon and Micah as Mr. and Mr. Greene, Micah having chosen to take Landon’s name rather than keep a last name he said meant nothing to him anymore. I stood along with everyone else and clapped my hands, pasting on a smile that I hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt.

  The wedding party along with Landon’s parents and sisters began taking pictures with the photographer while the rest of us moved to the tables that had been set up under a tent for the reception. I sat down next to Akio, but he quickly turned and began talking with the other members of Carter’s band. I listened with half an ear as they discussed the upcoming tour, but my mind kept wandering back to my run-in with David and Bryan, which led to thoughts of the past. I stopped a server as he walked by and grabbed a drink from his tray, hoping it would help take the edge off so I could relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

  Once the photographer was finished, the grooms joined the party and we all cheered them as they entered the tent. Dinner was served and while I’m sure it was delicious to everyone else, it tasted like chalk to me so I settled for a second drink. By my third or maybe my fourth glass of wine, I was feeling much more relaxed and I found myself laughing at everything the people at my table said. I caught a few concerned looks being thrown my way from Akio, but I ignored them because I was finally feeling good again and I didn’t want anything to upset that delicate balance.

  Landon and Micah shared their first dance as a married couple and I laughed hysterically when they shoved cake in each other’s faces. No one else seemed to think it was as funny as I did. I watched as Akio stood and walked over to Landon and Micah. He spoke to them for a minute and I stiffened when all three of them glanced my way, but then they smiled and hugged him and he turned and began walking back towards me.

  I asked Akio if he wanted to dance, even though I’d never been a very good dancer, but he told me that he was tired and just wanted to leave. I stood and dug my keys out of my pocket, but he moved quickly, snatching them out of my hand. I started to protest, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me outside of the tent. As we walked around the house to my truck, I felt the first genuine smile I’d had on my face that night because I was holding Akio’s hand and it felt good and it felt perfect and it felt right.

  I woke the next morning in my bed at my parents’ house. The sunlight streaming through the windows hurt my eyes and I groaned at the pounding in my head. Flashes of the day before began filtering through and I groaned again. I’d had too much to drink at the wedding, but it had helped me to forget about the past. Of course, in the light of day those memories all came rushing back, refusing to be silenced.

  I parked my truck outside our house, but instead of getting out, I let my head drop back and closed my eyes. It had been an exhausting day at work, but somehow, I’d managed to leave early which almost never happened, especially considering we’d been shorthanded. Three of my crew members had been out sick, including my foreman and best friend. He’d been sick a lot lately and I was starting to get concerned. I knew he hated going to the doctor, but I might just have to make him.

  My thoughts drifted to David and I opened my eyes, seeing his car in the driveway. As tired as I was, I knew I needed to spend some time with him. We’d grown up in the same small town and had been friends for years, but it wasn’t until a party we’d both been at two years before that we had decided to go out on a date. It had made sense at the time. We enjoyed the same activities, we already knew we got along, and I thought he was cute.

  We went mountain biking on our first date and when we kissed at the end of the night it was good; not earth-shattering, but good, comforting. We continued dating and had a lot of fun together, it was like having your best friend around, but getting to enjoy sexy times too. I assumed I loved him, I wasn’t sure because I’d never been in love before, but I had fun with him and liked spending time with him and I cared about him a lot. Wasn’t that what love was?

  After a while though, I began noticing that David didn’t seem as happy anymore. He assured me that he was just busy at work and that once the project he was working on was finished then he’d be able to relax. Once his project ended though, things seemed to get worse. I would catch him staring off into space when we were watching movies together and there seemed to be long stretches of silence where neither of us seemed to be able to think of anything to say. It was uncomfortable and made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin, so I began taking on more jobs so I could avoid the awkwardness I felt whenever we were together. I hated it though and I missed my friend and the easy way we used to banter back and forth and the fun we used to have.

  Looking for anything that might help, I asked David if he wanted to move in with me. The smile he’d given me was glorious and I knew I’d done the right thing. I’d convinced myself that moving in together would help us get back on track. Things were much better for the first three months, we each made an effort to get home early from work so we could have dinner together and then we’d usually curl up on the couch together and watch TV. Our sex life picked back up, we spent our weekends doing the things we’d always loved doing together like hiking, fishing, and mountain climbing and it felt like we were finally back to normal; things were good.

  Then I signed a contract to build a huge chain store and David started a new project at his design firm and the next thing I knew we were back to spending no time together. We began to fight over the tiniest things, like him leaving his socks on the floor or me forgetting to take out the trash and it felt like things were even worse than they’d been before. I hated it and I missed my friend, but I wasn’t sure what to do to fix it. I asked David, but he seemed even more distant when he told me h
e wasn’t sure things could be fixed. I didn’t believe that though and so I’d left work early that day with the intention of taking him to our favorite restaurant and then coming home and making love. Maybe spending a little time together was all we needed to reconnect.

  I let out a tired sigh and climbed out of my truck. I walked up the sidewalk to the front porch, making a mental note that I needed to mow the grass. We’d been neglecting the yard since we’d both been working so much, but maybe that weekend David and I could spend some time fixing it up and making it look nice again. The thought of everything that needed fixing right then was almost overwhelming so I decided to focus on one thing at a time. My priority at that moment: David.

  I walked in the front door and called out his name, but there was no answer so I headed down the hall to our bedroom. I heard water running as I passed the bathroom and then a long, loud moan and I smiled; it sounded like David was enjoying himself in the shower.

  I quickly stripped my shirt off and opened the door, planning on joining him, but my blood turned to ice in my veins when I saw two figures behind the shower curtain. I still had the biggest surprise in store though when I yanked the curtain aside and found David with Bryan, my foreman and best friend.

  I felt hurt and angry and betrayed and all I could think about was getting away from them so I stormed out, ignoring their calls and went to my parents’ house. Luckily, Mom and Dad seemed to sense that I needed space so they hugged me and then left me to wallow in my misery. I went back to work after a few days and felt nauseous when I immediately came face to face with Bryan. Even the regret I saw in his eyes didn’t make me feel any better, it was just a glaring reminder of what he’d done to me and to our friendship. I told him that he was fired and I watched in stony silence as he nodded his head sadly and went to his office to gather his things.

  When I went home that night, David was sitting on the couch waiting for me. He shot to his feet and started to approach me, but I stuck out a hand to stop him. I couldn’t handle the thought of him touching me. We sat down and I listened silently as he told me that he’d been feeling adrift for a long time, that he knew that something wasn’t right between us and then he’d started talking to Bryan.

  He explained that at first, they talked about me. David had been trying to understand what he could do to bridge the gap that had formed between us and he thought since Bryan was my best friend and we worked together that he might be able to help. He was more than happy to help, I’d thought snidely.

  David told me that the more they talked, the more they began to care about each other and eventually, one thing led to another. I cut him off at that point because I couldn’t stand to hear it and told him that apparently, there was nothing else to say and that I wanted him to leave. He looked sad as he stood up and walked out the door. The sound of it shutting behind him echoed throughout the room and I curled up onto the couch and fell asleep, my tears leaving salty tracks down my cheeks.

  Running into them in our tiny town was inevitable, but every time it happened it felt like the wound had been ripped back open. Sure, David and I had been having problems, but I hadn’t thought that they were so bad that they couldn’t be fixed. The fact that we had been friends for years had made the possibility of him cheating on me seem impossible. Add in the fact that not only had David cheated, but it had been with another person who I had trusted completely and I was devastated.

  Eventually, I started to realize that having David gone from my home didn’t feel that different than when he’d been living there. It slowly began to sink in that I wasn’t as upset about breaking up with David as I was hurt that my two “friends” had betrayed me and broken my trust. I was finally able to understand what David had been telling me; that our relationship had been over for a long time. That knowledge made me sad, but it also allowed me to start to heal and move on.

  However, being lied to by people I’d trusted was a harder pill to swallow and not something I would ever be able to understand. Then came the day when the news of their engagement reached me and I lost it. Anger filled me and I got drunk and ended up punching a hole in a wall at the bar I was in. The bartender called my dad who came and picked me up and drove me home.

  Dad stayed there all night, watching over me as I slept off the alcohol on the couch. The next morning, we had a long talk where I finally told him everything that had happened. He wrapped an arm around me and held me as I cried, getting all the hurt out of my system and then I listened as he quietly yet firmly reminded me of who I was and where I came from and that the bitterness and resentment that had been consuming me was not what my life was supposed to be about. He told me that I had too much goodness inside me to waste it on people who couldn’t even comprehend what loyalty and friendship were all about.

  I made a decision that day, not an easy one and not one that my parents were thrilled about, but one that they understood was necessary for my healing. I decided to move from the only place I’d ever called home and go to Chicago where I’d be able to start over and not have David and Bryan’s relationship thrown in my face on a daily basis. It was hard on my parents to see their only child leaving, but it helped them to know that I would have the love and support of my cousins and aunt and uncle who lived close, not too far from my new home.

  Moving to Chicago ended up being the best decision I could have made because my business was growing more quickly than I had hoped but it also led me to meeting Akio. I felt myself smile as I thought about the man sleeping across the hall.

  Akio was gorgeous and I had been attracted to him from the very start, but what I had thought would be a harmless bit of fun and flirting, soon turned into something more. Being with him was always full of surprises because I never knew what he was going to say or do, but in the best possible ways. Akio was an intelligent man with a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue. He was thoughtful and compassionate and his relationships with his friends and family proved what an honest and loving man he was.

  Then there was the way he made me feel. I’d never experienced anything like the chemistry between the two of us, but instead of cooling down after our first time together, it seemed to get even more intense the closer we became. It was more than just my physical reaction to him though. When I was with Akio I felt happy and important and like I could take on the entire world.

  When I’d walked in and caught David and Bryan together, I’d felt pissed off and betrayed, but those feelings were nothing compared to the protectiveness I’d felt when Akio and David shook hands or the rage I’d felt as I watched Bryan extend his hand. Akio was everything pure and light and happy and they had no right to touch him and cast their shadows onto him. I’d barely tolerated him and David shaking hands, but there was no way I was going to let Bryan touch what was mine ever again. Mine. I let that thought settle into my mind.

  Akio was mine.

  My relationship with Akio was the complete opposite of my relationship with David, and maybe that was why things seemed to be working out so much better. At least I hoped they were, I know I owed him an apology for my behavior the night before, as well as answers about my past. I didn’t like thinking about that time, but Akio deserved to know, especially if I wanted him to be a part of my future. I realized in that moment exactly how much I really did want him in my future because I was completely head over heels in love with the man.

  I rolled over in my bed, eager to wake Akio and tell him everything, but I stopped when I saw the piece of paper that was lying on the table by my bed. My pulse quickened as I reached for it and then turned to sludge as I read his words.

  I knew I had been distant the day before, but I wasn’t sure what I had done that would cause him to leave. All I knew was that I wasn’t buying his excuse about a work emergency. Of course, I couldn’t verify any of it with Landon because he was on his honeymoon, but I had a gut instinct that something bigger was going on. Without another thought, I grabbed my bag and began packing. It was time to go home.


  My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, my heart squeezing in my chest when I saw who it was. Morgan had called and texted many times over the past week and I’d managed to ignore it, but it was getting harder and harder as time went on.

  On the ride from town to the wedding, I’d fought the urge to ask the hundreds of questions that were running through my head, particularly regarding Morgan’s ex, David.

  David.

  Even thinking his name made me want to throw up. I’d never been the jealous type or at least I hadn’t realized I was because I’d never had anyone to be jealous over, but just picturing Morgan and David together had me wanting to rip the man’s hair out.

  Then there was the way Morgan had reacted to seeing the two men. It was obvious that things between him and David hadn’t ended well, but what did Bryan have to do with it and why had Morgan acted like he didn’t want Bryan to shake hands with me? Was Morgan upset that David had moved on after they broke up? How long ago had they broken up and whose idea had it been? Was David the reason Morgan decided to leave Tennessee?

  Then there were the questions that hurt most of all, but that I needed the answers to. Questions such as, where did I fit into all of it? Was I just a rebound guy? Someone to help Morgan pass the time until the right man came along or until David decided to take him back? Those were the questions that had kept me up every night since I’d returned home, but unfortunately, the only man that could answer them was the one person I was trying desperately to avoid.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Morgan, in fact, I missed him, more than I’d ever thought possible, but I had to stay away from him to protect myself. I’d been burned too many times before by men who I thought cared about me, only to realize that I’d been nothing more than a place-holder for the men they really wanted to be with. The good-for-now guy, that’s who I’d always been and it didn’t look like things were going to be any different with Morgan. Just for once I’d like to be someone’s good-for-ever guy.