The State Series Box Set

by M. J. Kaestli

  Colin stopped and looked her right in the eyes. “Oh, I think we can get more than enough physical activity here.”

  Freya laughed and resumed kissing him.

  They spent the better part of the morning in the bedroom, until hunger overtook them. They hurried into their comfortable sleepwear and headed into the kitchen, only to discover that it was well past afternoon mealtime. Freya pulled the two plates from the slot on the wall, and by the time she turned around, Colin had crammed an entire breakfast bar in his mouth. She normally would have judged him on such crass behavior, but her own hunger overruled those thoughts.

  They ate their meals as though they had not eaten in weeks, barely stopping to take a breath. To her own surprise, Freya even found room for a breakfast bar herself after she ate the meal. Colin grabbed two glasses of water, and with her half-eaten bar in hand, Freya got up and walked back into the bedroom.

  “I am pleased you were in such a hurry to get back here,” Colin said with an arrogant smirk.

  “I just don’t feel like staying out there with the cameras. I’m sure they are watching us today,” she said and took a drink of water.

  He lay back on the bed and looked at her, patting his shoulder.

  She took his invitation and nestled in beside him. “Do you think we will get in trouble? You know, if they find out why we really didn’t go to our civil duties today?”

  “Are you kidding? This is the most compliant you have been since you got here.”

  She grabbed a pillow from behind her head and hit Colin in the face with it. He moved the pillow and repositioned it, so his embrace was a little less intimate and a little more restraining. Freya giggled and tried to break free of him, but his grip was too strong.

  “I told you already that physical violence is not the answer when dealing with a Security officer,” he said, squeezing her a little more tightly.

  “So you don’t think they are watching? You don’t think we’ll get in trouble?”

  “Well, the guys at work are definitely watching, probably hoping to see or hear a good fight. As for the State, they’ll probably ask for a report, but I doubt they’re watching too closely. They want happy couples, so even if they know full well why we stayed in… Well, I’m sure we’re not the first ones to make up an excuse to spend a day together,” he said, then loosened his grip on her a little.

  “Why does the State care so much if we get along? And is that what you do, watch couples to see how they are getting along?”

  “Only if we’re asked to, and even then, it’s mostly just reviewing video footage, looking for patterns. I think the State wants us to get along for the same reason they couple us. It keeps people in line. If things are good at home, most people behave better, and they are less likely to go looking for trouble.”

  “Exactly what kind of trouble could people go looking for?”

  “A lot actually. I think they want to avoid people stepping out on their coupling.”

  Freya looked at him, confused. “Stepping out?”

  Colin gave a sigh, then paused, making it clear he wanted to change the subject.

  As usual, Freya’s curiosity had the best of her, and she just stared at him, silently demanding a reply.

  “Sometimes people go out looking for someone other than their partner. The State tries to avoid that, as it can cause all sorts of problems.”

  “Did you do that after we were coupled?”

  “Are you kidding? No!”

  Freya could tell the question had upset him, because he let go of her and rolled over to grab his glass of water.

  “I just wondered. I know you were disappointed that I made you wait so long. I would kind of understand if you did, since it was…what you were used to.”

  Colin finished his glass of water and lay back beside her, still not looking at her. “I wanted things to work out with us, and… Well, I also knew the stakes would be higher. Having an affair once you are coupled would land me in a lot more trouble than cleaning skylights,” he said, looking up at the ceiling.

  Freya knew better than to try to tuck back in with him, but she needed to do something, so she reached out and grabbed his hand.

  Colin held her hand for a moment, then turned onto his side and put his arm around her. “I really could use some sleep.”

  Freya rolled onto her side but kept his arm around her.

  Colin took the invitation and inched in close behind her. “Freya, I know I joke a lot, and you don’t always believe me when I am serious,” he said softly, curling in tightly behind her, “but I really did choose to stay here with you. I knew we’d be good together. We just needed time. I knew you were worth the wait, and I was right.”

  Freya rolled over to face him, and he readjusted to hold her in the new position.

  “I knew I could wear you down,” he said softly with a little smirk.

  “You’re not going to let that one go, are you?”

  “Oh, come on, Freya. I was coupled with the most difficult woman on the planet. I have to rub it in at least a little.” Colin traced his fingers over her hip.

  “I’m difficult? What about you, mister? Even your supervisor feels sorry for me for being stuck with you,” she said playfully. She expected him to shoot something back at her, but instead, he just smiled at her.

  “Well, maybe that’s precisely why we’re such a good fit,” he said, then kissed her gently.

  She pulled away from the kiss after a moment. “So, your theory is that we belong together because no one else can stand to be with either one of us?” She ran her fingers up and down his face.

  “Well, they said we’re an exceptionally high match, and they didn’t explain why. Maybe we’re a default match after all.” He laughed a little.

  “And you’re happy with that?” she asked, again expecting a sarcastic answer.

  “I’m happy with you.”

  “Yes, well, now that I’m fulfilling my duties to the State properly, I suppose.”

  “Well, I can’t deny that I prefer the current situation to how things were before yesterday, but...” he said, trailing off.

  “But what?”

  “You really don’t get it, do you, Freya?” he asked, looking a little vulnerable.

  She was very intrigued by the change in his demeanor, and she wondered what she was missing. “Get what?”

  “I always wanted to be coupled, so it’s different for me than it is for you, I guess.” he said, then looked away from her slightly.

  Freya pulled his face a little more toward hers, wanting his gaze to capture hers again. She didn’t understand what he was trying to say, but she really wanted to.

  “It’s okay. I get it. It’ll just take you a bit longer to get there…or at least I hope you’ll get there,” he said, with a hint of pain in his voice.

  “What? I don’t understand what you are saying.”

  Colin let out a deep sigh. “I know. That’s the problem. I love you, and I loved you before last night. I knew I loved you before the psychologist asked us to come in, before she asked if I wanted to be recoupled. I think you like me at times, but you don’t feel what I do.”

  Wait. Love? Now, it was Freya’s turn to look away from him. Her mind struggled to make sense of this new information. He was right about her being fond of him at times, but she certainly couldn’t declare that she loved him. She had no idea he felt that way, and it didn’t make sense to her, especially not after she was difficult with him for so long.

  “Look, please say something, Freya. Your silence kills me.”

  “Is that why you got upset when I asked if you tried stepping out?” she asked, putting two and two together. She knew it was not the right thing to say at the time, but she could not remain silent either. Her mind was still processing, still trying to make the pieces fit.

  “Yeah, that upset me…but not as much as you explaining that you wouldn’t care if I had,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “I realize we’re in different places, b
ut I guess that just drove home how far apart those places are. You don’t even understand why I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Colin, I am so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to—” she started.

  “I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” Colin said, cutting her off. “You weren’t trying to be hurtful, just being honest. Sometimes the truth sucks though.”

  In the beginning, she didn’t want to be there, but now she did, and she could not stand to know that Colin was in any kind of pain, particularly pain that she caused.

  Colin tightened his grip on her, pulling her closer. “It’s okay. You’re stuck with me, even if you think I’m a babbling idiot.”

  “Yep, you’re my babbling idiot, till we die,” she said, feigning a smile.

  “Yes, I am. I am yours, and you are mine. And now that we’ve established how stuck we are, can I ask just one thing of you?”

  Freya looked at him and nodded, knowing somehow that he was going to turn serious again.

  “Can you just accept and believe how I feel, Freya? I mean, I can live with this, and I have hope you will feel the same way someday. Until that happens, can you stop questioning if I would rather be with someone else?”

  Freya, at a loss for words again, just nodded.

  “Good. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m really serious about that nap.” He relaxed his body a little and closed his eyes.

  Freya’s mind was still running in circles, but she wanted to lie with him while he slept, so she stayed right where she was until sleep finally took her also.

  ***

  The following day, Freya had to push Colin to get everything done on their usual free day. There were so many chores, including laundry and cleaning the apartment, but getting him to put clothes on turned out to be the most difficult chore of all.

  The time had finally come for them to leave the apartment and go to their civil duties again, but nothing could have been further from Freya’s mind. She loved working in the State House, and of course she adored the grounds, but Colin had taken up a good portion of her thoughts lately, and she found it difficult to focus on anything else.

  Colin grabbed her hand as they stepped out the door, and for the first time, she really wanted him to—not for the cameras or for watching eyes but because she actually wanted him to touch her. When the elevator doors closed, he grabbed her and kissed her. She laughed, figuring they could still be seen but enjoying the stolen moment together. When they arrived at their usual parting place, there was no hesitation before Freya leaned up to kiss him.

  “You think you could skip a night of exercise after you’re done?” Colin asked after they pulled away slightly. He then leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Remember, physical activity at home is much more fun.” Then, to her surprise, he smacked her on the butt and walked away.

  Freya stood there and watched him for a moment, grinning like an idiot. She then remembered where she was, quickly palmed the scanner, and walked briskly down the hall.

  Her focus was still a little off. That normally would have bothered her, but while she walked about the grounds, performing her tasks, she felt lighthearted. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face, no matter how hard she tried. Part of her felt she should feel some sort of turmoil or inner conflict, but it never came. What had happened just felt right, a natural progression in their relationship, and she was completely at peace with it.

  When she was called for the afternoon meal, she held back once again, wanting to avoid the group as long as she could. She was the last one to be seated, which caused her some embarrassment; Victor was usually last, and it didn’t seem proper he had waited for her.

  “Freya, you look well rested. I see the time off served you well,” said Victor as she sat down.

  Her face reddened slightly. “Yes, thank you. I do feel much better. I will be sure to make up for the time that was lost on my leave.”

  Everyone at the table looked at her, then looked at each other, almost as if they had been sharing a secret about her. Some of them were repressing grins.

  “Well, I hope you used the time off well, hopefully not too much rest, dear,” Amaia chimed in, and the group began to snicker lightly.

  Freya froze, her body tensing and all the color flushing from her face.

  “I’ve seen that fellow of yours. He’s a handsome devil, that one. If I had two days alone with him, rest would be the furthest thing from my mind. I’ll tell you that much.”

  “Amaia!” Freya nearly shouted, utterly shocked that she would make such a statement.

  Just like that, the group went from repressed snickering to full-bellied laughter.

  “What? If I weren’t happily coupled and he showed up on my doorstep, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed,” Amaia stated, without a shred of shame or remorse.

  That was more than Freya could handle, and her hands flew up to cover her face. She was partly embarrassed that everyone seemed to know what she’d been up to over the weekend, but she was even more horrified by the picture Amaia had just painted in her mind.

  “Okay, everyone, that’s enough! Give Freya a break. And you, Amaia, simmer down about Colin,” said Victor still laughing a little himself.

  “Oh, pish-posh, Victor. I want details,” exclaimed Amaia. “If ya ask me, that man fills out his uniform in all the right places.”

  “Amaia, I’m trying to eat, and you’re beginning to ruin my meal,” Victor said. “I think Freya needs to eat as well, and you’re keeping her from it.”

  “Oh, I bet she does need a little nourishment after the couple days she just had!” Amaia replied, then turned to Freya. “Best be keepin’ up your strength for that one, if you know what I mean.”

  “We all know what you mean, Amaia. Now please let the poor girl eat,” Victor said in a stern voice but not hiding the levity.

  Freya looked down at her plate, not knowing how she could possibly eat now.

  “Chastity, when you were coupled, did you guys get to it right away, or did it take you a while like Freya?”

  Freya now pushed her plate away and put her head down on the table where the plate had been.

  Without waiting for a response, Amaia continued, “It took me and my fellow a while, which just made it that much hotter when it did happen, if you ask me.”

  “Nobody asked you, so please just stop!” Chastity said through a fit of laughter.

  Victor suddenly stood from the table. “Amaia, please go finish your meal in the kitchen,” he said. “Everyone else, finish up and let Freya eat. She has work to do, as do we all.” Then, after one more glance and a nod at Freya, he left the room.

  Freya looked up at him as he left, and she could see he was still laughing a little to himself.

  Amaia picked up her half-eaten plate and headed into the kitchen, in a bit of a huff.

  Everyone else finished their remaining few bites and cleared out of the room quickly. Freya waited for them to leave, not wanting to look at anyone, and she didn’t bother with a morsel of her food till they were gone. Once there was no audience, she realized she was quite hungry, so she ate quickly, then headed back to the grounds.

  After all that, she found it a little easier to focus on her work. Her embarrassment had somehow outshined the afterglow she was feeling. She was behind on her work and didn’t want anyone to have another excuse to tease her. Catching up was her goal, and she worked at it like a machine, losing track of time in the process. Before she knew it, the tablet was telling her it was time for her to leave for the day. She waited for a few minutes, hoping that leaving a bit late might allow her to avoid her co-workers. She then returned her tablet to its place and turned around, trying to leave quietly.

  “I figured you’d be in more of a rush to get home, Freya,” Amaia said with a smile, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

  “Had to get caught up.”

  “Nothing wrong with keeping a man waiting. If ya ask me, it only makes him want you more.”

  “I
didn’t ask…so goodnight,” Freya said, then impatiently pushed the button for the door to open, hating every second she had to wait, with Amaia standing there watching her.

  “Oh, I will have a good night. I suppose it won’t be as adventurous as yours, but it will be lovely nonetheless,” Amaia said, just finishing her sentence as the door closed behind Freya.

  Freya had to control herself in order to walk at an even pace going home. The humiliation of the day made her want to get out of public view and hide in the only space of her home where she could have some privacy. When she got home, she went right into the bedroom and changed into free time wear. Since she could find nothing else to do, she grabbed her tablet and curled up on the bed. It had been a while since she had felt the need to do a puzzle on her tablet, but a foreign emotion was coming over her, some sort of emptiness inside of her. She thought it could be boredom, but she hadn’t felt bored since she was a child, and it was odd to be possessed by such a feeling now. There was a nervous energy about her, and she needed something to do other than puzzles.