The Pacifist

by Elin Peer

  “But what if she’s not wrong? What if all the people who are too sensitive to handle her are the ones who are wrong? When I read some of the romance books in the restricted archive, I feel my heartbeat increase and a tingling up and down my spine. I’m aware of every word on the page, and sometimes I get goosebumps. Why would we want to shield people from feeling more alive?”

  I shrugged. “You tell me! Why did the Council ban the books?”

  Jonah turned his body toward me. “Like I told you, I’ve studied some of the transcripts from the Council meetings that took place at the time of the ban. Several experts claimed that books and movies with violence and romantic scenes caused depression in people. Reports were given that the forbidden book had caused women to lose their minds, and in some cases commit suicide.

  “The ban was made with the best intentions but I still resent the Council members back then for limiting our choices. Sometimes I feel like we live in an artificial world with a rosy filter that hides all the contrasting colors that would have made our world glorious.”

  “You find the Northlands glorious?”

  Jonah rubbed the ridge of his nose. “I find the nature spectacular and the free speech wonderful, but the Northlands have major issues that need to be dealt with.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “That being said, I’ll be the first to admit that we could learn a lot from the Northlands and vice versa.”

  My smile was warm when I reached for his hand. “It’s one of my favorite things about you, Jonah. Everyone is always so busy insisting that their way is the right way. But you’re open to seeing the beauty in things that are different from what you know.”

  He squeezed my hand. “Thank you. I like to think of myself as a change maker. My job is to keep us moving in a better direction. To be honest, I think we Motlanders might have lost our way. Many of the decisions that were made decades and centuries ago need to be reconsidered.”

  “All right.” With a cheeky smile, I handed him a celery stick. “Here’s a magic wand; what will you change?”

  Holding the celery stick up in front of him, Jonah declared, “First, I’m taking away the censoring of books and giving back free speech to the people. Next, I’m lifting the ban on alcohol.”

  “Wow.” I laughed. “That sounds ambitious and a bit of a far stretch, but you know you can count on my full support.”

  Taking a bite of the celery stick, Jonah looked deep into my eyes. “Thank you, my friend, that means a lot.”

  The word friend stung a little. Why hadn’t he used one of his usual nicknames for me like Miss Sunshine, Milove, or North Star?

  A sadness spread in my body as I concluded that Jonah had used that word to remind me that he and I would never be anything more than just friends.

  CHAPTER 7

  The Theme Park

  Jonah

  I regretted taking Mila to Nostalgia Park the moment I saw Cole’s eyes light up when he saw her.

  Mila was sweet by nature and I couldn’t blame my brother for being charmed by her beauty and those incredible dimples that came out whenever she smiled.

  “How long have you been in the Motherlands?” Cole asked while he and I were giving her a tour of the park.

  “Two days,” Mila replied from the back of my hoverbike.

  “You have to come back when it’s summer and everything is open. This place is pure magic when it’s up and running.”

  “I heard.” Mila’s easy laughter was melodic. “Hunter told me all about it. His favorite part was the antique dirt bikes.”

  Cole laughed. “That’s surprising since he took a pretty bad fall and got covered in mud.”

  “He left out that part and just said that he had a great time here.”

  Cole smiled. “Did he tell you about the sex club?”

  I tensed up. “Look ahead, Mila, that’s the Renaissance Castle I was talking about.”

  “Wow, that’s gorgeous.”

  But Cole wasn’t as easy to distract as Mila, and he repeated, “Did Hunter tell you about the time I took him to our sex club?”

  “Yes, he did. He said there was an overwhelming number of women compared to men.”

  “That’s true.” Cole gave her another cheeky smile. “But if you want to go, I’m happy to take you there and I will devote my entire evening to you.” Throwing a nod toward the castle, he laughed. “My specialty is role-playing. Maybe you want to be with a knight in shining armor for a night?”

  “Mila is more into large-muscled Nmen.” My tone was dry.

  “Oh, not a problem. I can be dominant for a night.”

  “She’s not having sex with you.” I sped up to get away from him, but my brother wasn’t that easy to shake off.

  “Since when did you become her spokesperson?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Listen, Mila, just because Jonah has chosen celibacy doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. I’m serious, I would totally have sex with you if you want to.”

  With Mila sitting behind me on the bike, I couldn’t see her face when she answered him, “Thank you. That’s very generous of you, but I’m good.”

  “All right, but if you change your mind, let me know.” Cole grinned and looked up, shielding his eyes to see a drone coming in at high speed. “Look who decided to join our party early.”

  By the time we made it back to the main house of our family unit, my sister, Emanuela, and her husband, Hunter, were already inside chatting with our mother.

  “That was a quick tour.” My mom gave Cole a questioning look.

  “We saw the two superstars coming in.” His tone was teasing as he lifted Emanuela in a hug while I received one of Hunter’s manly hugs with a big smack on my shoulder.

  “How are you doing, Councilman? Are you holding up against all the women?”

  “I’m more than holding up, I’m very close to getting my proposal on speed limits through. You know, the one I told you about?”

  Hunter gave me another hard slap on my back. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think they would listen to you.”

  “The one point two million signatures from citizens will help persuade them.”

  “I like it.” Hunter swung his head and took in Mila. “What are you doing here?”

  “Jonah brought me as a guest. He wanted me to see the Motherlands, and with everything happening up north it was a good time.”

  Emanuela, who had just been hugging Mila, crossed her arms. “Speaking of that, what is going on? The News has been warning about a potential civil war in the Northlands.”

  Mila paled a little. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

  “But is it true that Khan is changing things from an authoritarian dictatorship to a democracy?”

  Mila squared her shoulders and stood a little straighter. “I’m not sure what the right term is, but he’s letting the people elect their leader and I’m very proud of him for taking such a bold step.”

  “Oh, for sure. I think we should all be celebrating.” My mother’s smile was warm, while Hunter narrowed his eyes and poked at my chest. “Did you have something to do with it?”

  “No, he didn’t.” Mila’s tone was sharp as she took a step forward. “You do not get to blame Jonah for it.”

  “Hunter can blame me all he wants to.” I pushed away a lock of hair from Mila’s face. “I’m not vain enough to think that I had anything to do with Khan’s decision, but I’m happy to let people believe it.”

  “Huh.” Hunter lifted his chin and looked down at me. “A piece of advice, Councilman. You might not want to take the blame when you are up north. A lot of people are royally pissed and scared of what this will mean for us.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want democracy?” my mother asked Hunter.

  “That depends. I’ll have to see it to understand what it means for me and my friends. We’re not exactly impressed with your system. You have too many limitations – the most annoying one being that alcohol isn’t allow
ed in this country. Whoever came up with that law will surely be toasting in hell right now.”

  “We don’t believe in hell,” my mother reminded Hunter, who picked a chair from the dining table, turned it around, and sat astride it.

  “That’s funny, because to most of us Nmen, the Motherlands resembles hell. We can’t drink here, we have to fly in slow drones, and we’re surrounded by women who in most cases aren’t interested in us.”

  “Stop whining. You don’t need other women when you have me, and you can come here if you want to drink alcohol.”

  We all stared at Emanuela, who had just revealed a dark secret of ours.

  “Oh, come on. Mila isn’t a regular Motlander. We can trust her. Right, Mila?”

  Mila blinked her eyes at Emanuela. “You have alcohol here?”

  “Yes, but you can’t tell anyone. It’s illegal.”

  “I won’t tell.”

  “Great!” With a satisfied nod, Emanuela clapped her hands. “With that out of the way, is it possible to have a cold beer?”

  The atmosphere relaxed and Cole brought out beers for everyone as we sat down to chat and catch up. When one of our family dogs let out a silent but deadly stink bomb, I opened a window, letting in some fresh air. With snow outside, it was cold so I offered to fetch Mila a sweater from her bag.

  “That’s nice of you, it’s in the bedroom.”

  Grabbing the first sweater I could find in her bag, my eyes fell on an envelope with four words on it. “To Mila from Python.”

  It was the letter she had received from the large huntsman after Khan had declared that the Northlands would have their first election.

  Picking up the letter, I stood for a second just looking at it. My fingers were burning to open it and read what he was trying to fill her head with. But no matter how curious I was, I couldn’t do it. Mila had a right to privacy. If I read her letter without permission, I would be violating the trust between us.

  I returned to Mila with her sweater and for the rest of the evening, I kept thinking about the letter in her bag. Why had she brought it? Had she liked it enough to want to read it again? Did she intend to answer him? Would she pick him in the tournament? And would she give the same sweet little moans when he kissed her as she had with me?

  That night when we went to bed, Mila asked me, “Why were you so quiet tonight?” She was on her side facing me, while I was on my back staring up at the ceiling.

  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Like what?”

  “Things.”

  “What things?”

  I turned my head. “Do you really want to know?”

  “Yes.”

  Letting out a sigh, I looked at her. “I saw Python’s letter in your bag.”

  Mila propped herself up on her elbow. “And?”

  “And nothing… I just wonder why you would bring it. Was it that special?”

  Mila rolled over and picked the letter out of her bag. “You didn’t read it!”

  “No, of course not. It’s yours. Wait... how did you know I didn’t read it?”

  “Because you would never do that. You’re a Motlander.”

  “What is that supposed to mean? Motlanders do stupid things all the time, Mila.”

  “Yes, but we are raised to make good choices.”

  Taking pride in being a rebel, I didn’t like how she made us sound like a monolith of conformity. “There are more than one point six billion Motlanders in this world. Some of us break rules and challenge the system. We are not a homogenous group by any means.”

  “You mean the alcohol?”

  “Among other things.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll never tell on you.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. It just annoys me that you think I’m some kind of saint when I’m not.”

  Holding the letter up, she tapped it against her other hand. “Are you upset that I trust you?”

  “No, but I’m tired of being put into a box that I don’t belong in.”

  “What box would that be?”

  “The sweet guy that isn’t a threat.”

  Her eyebrows rose up. “Excuse me?”

  I sat up and rubbed my face. “I’m sorry that came out wrong. It’s just that I hate that you’re attracted to all those big brooding well-muscled guys, when they don’t deserve you.”

  “That’s a weird thing to say, Jonah. Not every Nman is a brooding giant. Some of them have a lot of humor and they can be sweet and kind. I resent that you talk about them in such a negative way. You’re better than that.”

  I groaned with frustration. “I’m not, though! That’s my whole point, Mila. I’m a flawed man with a ton of emotions and I refuse to suppress them just because they’re ugly.”

  “Ugly how?” Mila moved into a meditation position with her ankles crossed and her knees pressed outward.

  “There’s anger for one. Just thinking about them taking you away from me.”

  She blinked at me. “You’re jealous.”

  Even though something inside me recognized her words as the truth, my pride was hurt. Jealousy was associated with people who lacked emotional maturity. She might as well have called me primitive and out of control. I pushed the thought away and grasped for another explanation.

  “No. I’m angry. The thought of someone coming between us makes me…” My voice dropped and I couldn’t finish my sentence when I knew she was right. It made me feel jealous.

  “I won’t allow anyone to come between us,” she assured me.

  “You keep saying that, but we both know you won’t have a choice. Python isn’t going to want me around and he sure as hell won’t allow you to come visit me.” My index finger wiggled between us. “This right here, with you in my bed, it stops the second you’re married.”

  “Something weird is going on with you, Jonah. I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “Because I’ve never been in a situation like this. I would have sworn I couldn’t get jealous, but maybe you’re right. Maybe I am.”

  “Jealous of Python?”

  “Yeah. Just seeing his letter threw my head for a loop.”

  To my surprise, Mila smiled a little. “That’s sweet.”

  “Sweet? There’s nothing sweet about it. It’s ugly and I hate it.” I kept my eyes on the foot-end of the bed.

  “It’s because you have no experience with it.” Mila stroked my arm. “My dad gets super jealous and protective with my mom; did you know that?”

  “Please don’t compare me to Magni. He wouldn’t like that and we’re nothing alike.”

  “Except that you’re both scared of losing what’s good in your life.” Mila’s arm kept stroking me. “I have close friends at home. Raven, Willow, and others, but still, you’re the one I call to say good night. What we have is beyond anything I’ve experienced with others.”

  I met her eyes. “So why do you have to destroy it by marrying Python?”

  The right side of her mouth lifted and made a dimple pop out. “No one said I would pick him.”

  Pulling my legs up in front of me, I rested my right elbow on my knees and let my forehead drop into the palm of my hand.

  “Jonah, the reason I knew you hadn’t read his letter isn’t that I see you as some saint, but that it’s still sealed.”

  “It’s sealed?”

  “Yes. The truth is that I’d forgotten about it until I was packing and then I figured I’d bring it and read it when I had time.”

  “Why haven’t you read it?”

  Mila lifted her shoulders and let them fall again. “I don’t know. There’s been so much else going on.”

  My eyes fell to the letter in her hand. “Are you going to read it now?”

  “Maybe.” She opened it. “Do you want to read it with me?”

  “Mila’s it’s your letter. I don’t think he’d want me to hear it.”

  “We’re friends, Jonah. Friends share things.”

  I was quiet as she unfolded the l
etter.

  “How about you read it, with your masculine voice. It’ll be more authentic then.” She handed the letter to me and with a sigh, I began reading,

  Dear Mila,

  I have thought about you night and day since our first meeting at Raven and Leo’s wedding. To me, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Your blue eyes, fair skin, and incredible smile makes me think of you as an angel.

  We are many men counting the days until we can finally fight for you. Every man I defeat in your tournament will be for you, as a proof of my love.

  I promise that I’ll go all the way and be one of the five champions for you to pick from.

  If you pick me, dear Mila, I’ll make it my life’s mission to satisfy your every need, just as I hope you’ll make it your mission to satisfy my needs.

  There are so many questions I want to ask you, like how many children would you want us to have? What’s your favorite thing to do, and are you as excited as me to get married?

  I’ve read that women like men who make them laugh, so here’s a joke for you. What did the shower hose say?

  Every naked person I see turns me on.

  I’d be honored, if you took time to write me back.

  Sincerely, Python.

  Giving the letter back to Mila, I lay back down.

  “So what do you think?” she asked me.

  “At least we know he can spell.”

  “And that he has a sense of humor. I liked the joke.”

  “How do you know he didn’t have someone help him write that letter?”

  She sighed. “So you like it too?”

  “I never said that.”

  “No. But if you’re saying that he might’ve gotten help, it must mean that you think it’s a good letter.”

  I snorted a little. “Are you going to write him back?”

  “No. Because as I told him I don’t think that would be fair to the others.” Mila lay back down as well and mirrored me by placing herself on her side with her hands under her cheek.

  “And what about his questions? If you were to answer him, what would you say?”